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Monster? No, I'm a Cultivator! (Percy Jackson): Chapter 33
🕑 Added 2025-05-14 11:23:42 +0000 UTCOcean Song scaled the steps of his new sect.
He could have easily flown up, but he wanted to experience this at least once. And since Hecate had thrown him off the mountain, it was the perfect opportunity.
He anticipated the day when hopeful recruits did their best to scale the mountain, pushing their willpower as they walked the thousands of steps.
Obviously, it would take some effort for the Sect to become renowned enough.
Ocean Song was thinking about listing themself in the phone book.
He would need to finalize a name, though, truly a difficult matter.
One might think that the very eastern-style mountain in the middle of the American Smokies would look out of place. Ocean Song would agree but also say that it’s much cooler now.
He noted again that his uncle’s people did a phenomenal job.
He didn’t understand how they managed to change the actual structure of the mountain in the span of a day or so in addition to constructing the sect, but they were truly professionals.
The clouds also looked immaculate as they wrapped around the sect itself.
He reached the top, and everyone was still there, as if waiting for him.
Daedalus didn’t miss a beat.
“Oh good,” Medusa stated, still plopped on the ground. “The idiot’s back.”
Ocean blinked, then beamed. “Greetings, fellow Daoists, it’s a wonderful day today, isn’t it! I’m glad to see you’re all still here.”
“I’ve been trapped here.” Daedalus corrected
“And yet, you stayed.” Ocean put a hand over his heart. “Your loyalty is commendable, fellow Daoist.
“That’s kidnapping!” Daedalus! shouted Icarus. “You literally kidnapped me! You and your stupid fish!” He pointed at Nessie.
“Bawhoooo.” Nessie bobbed her head happily.
“I can see emotions are running high,” he said. “Let’s take a breath. And allow me to reintroduce myself properly.”
He stepped forward, drawing himself up to full height.
“I am Ocean Song. Son of Poseidon. Founder of the—pending name—cultivation sect. Master of Waves, Keeper of a certain Apple Tree that will not be named, and Jade Beauty Cyclops.”
Daedalus stared.
“No, you’re not.”
Ocean’s smile didn’t falter. “Beg pardon?”
“You’re not a Cyclops. Cyclopes have one eye. You clearly have three.”
Ocean gasped. “Wow.”
“What?”
“Fellow Daoist, the racism is unbecoming of you.”
“I—what? No! I’m not racist—Cyclopes literally have one eye!”
“This lowly Cyclops has three.”
Daedalus pointed at him, sputtering. “That’s not how it works! It’s literally in the name, a Cyclops – One, they have one eye!”
“Fellow Daoist Daedalus, perhaps you have spent too much time in the Labyrinth; it’s a different era. Racism such as this cannot be tolerated.”
“I’m not racist, it’s a fact!”
“Perhaps I should have you attend classes on how to manage your inherent racism….”
Daedalus let out a low shout mixed with a growl.
“This sect is a safe space, fellow Daoist. We embrace diversity. We reject ocular essentialism.”
“That’s not a thing; you just made it up!”
“And you just earned a spot in our mandatory anti-racism workshop. It’s every Thursday. Medusa teaches it. There’s a pop quiz.”
“I’M NOT A RACIST!”
A massive splash interrupted the yelling as Nessie erupted from her koi pond, rising dramatically between them.
She let out a tremendous “Bawhoooo!” noise that echoed off the mountaintop.
Both men froze mid-argument, blinking at her.
Nessie blinked back, eyes wide and guileless, clearly very proud of herself.
“…Thank you, Nessie,” Ocean said solemnly. “Your voice matters.”
“You stay away from me!” He growled, pointing at the Void Demon Heavenly Beast.
Daedalus pinched the bridge of his nose so hard it looked like he might snap it off. “You are a walking aneurysm.”
“I—”
“If I have to listen to one more debate about eyeballs and racism,” she muttered, “I’m going to turn someone into a lawn ornament.”
“Fellow Daoist Medusa,” Ocean said warmly. “You’ve been chosen to lead our sect’s inclusivity seminars. This is a great honor.”
“I didn’t agree to that.”
“And yet you radiate the energy of a compassionate, tolerant educator.” Ocean Song praised her.
“I quite literally turn people to stone for petty reasons.” Medusa deadpanned.
“Please don’t do so anymore.” Ocean Song asked. “Unless they deserve it, in which case, tell them they’re courting death, and you may proceed how you wish.”
“Can I go home now?” Daedalus asked.
“Nay, fellow Daoist, you’re now a member of the sect.” Ocean Song rejected.
is that? I don’t know what’s going on; I can’t tell if you’re a genius or a moron anymore.”
“A sect is a gathering of mutual cooperation and friendship in an attempt to pursue the Dao.” Ocean Song spoke from the heart.
Daedalus sighed. “Am I the idiot? Is that what’s wrong? Have I really spent too much time in the Labyrinth?”
“Medusa, where’s Tyson?” Ocean Song asked.
“He’s still a couple mountains over, playing around.” She shrugged.
Ocean Song nodded. “Hecate, may I ask a favor?”
Hecate, the goddess who had still been there, watching this entire train wreck, snapped her fingers, and Tyson fell onto his butt right in between them.
“See! That is a Cyclops!” Daedalus pointed at Tyson.
“Yes, we’re brothers.” Ocean Song agreed.
Daedalus looked like he was about to pull his hair out.
Ocean Song eased the tension by patting Daedalus on the shoulder. “You performed a meritorious deed, fellow Daoist. The Sect won’t forget your contribution.”
Daedalus looked at him with the driest expression. “Why didn’t you just have your pet dinosaur put the tree back where it found it?”
“......”
“.....”
“Tyson, come introduce yourself. Do it the way I taught you.” Ocean Song patted his large brother’s shoulder.
“Oh, I remember!” Tyson seemed to snap back to reality as he stared at everything with big eyes. “Greetings, Senior Sister!” He clasped his hands and bowed towards Medusa.
Medusa’s lips twitched, as if she stopped herself from smiling.
“Now greet your new senior brother.” He gestured to Daedalus.
“Greetings, Senior Brother.” He did the same towards Daedalus.
Daedalus’s eye twitched, as if he had no idea how to respond to this weird situation.
“And this is Nessie, our Sect Protecting Divine Beast, also known as the Great Void Demon Heavenly Beast.” Ocean Song introduced.
“Oh! So big!” Tyson seemed to lose focus and went to inspect Nessie. “Pretty fish!”
Nessie, however, didn’t care in the slightest for the broken decorum; she seemed to preen under the attention, letting out her whale sounds every time Tyson complimented her.
Ocean Song just shrugged and let Tyson keep playing.
As the wise and knowledgeable older brother, Ocean Song knew that it was proper to let his younger brother have flights of fancy.
“Now!” Ocean Song clapped his hands. “It’s time to set up the Sect’s Protective Array. Brother Daedalus, this requires your help.”
“I have no idea what you’re even talking about.” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What is this ‘array’ that you want from me?”
“It’s a magical formation.” Ocean Song answered.
Daedalus blinked. “Oh.”
Hecate also now got very interested. “Magical Formation?” She repeated. “You want to set up a magic barrieround your…home.”
“Correct!” Ocean Song beamed. “All proper sects have Sect Protecting Arrays.”
you think I would be capable of this?” Daedalus asked.
“Is the Labyrinth not just one large Magical Formation?” Ocean Song tilted his head.
Daedalus opened his mouth and closed it again, his eyes vibrating with a great many thoughts.
He realized that the stupid Cyclops wasn’t wrong at all. It wasn’t even being nitpicky with wording or technicalities; it could quite firmly fit into the definition.
It was a perspective he hadn’t considered before.
Once more, Daedalus’s opinion of Ocean Song swung in the opposite direction, fairly sure he was actually a genius.
How else could everything have worked out in his clear favor?
“Now, I have some designs—“ Ocean Song held up a few pieces of paper.
Hecate snatched them out of his hands and looked them over, furrowing her brow. Uncaring that Daedalus joined in with her. His uncaring attitude towards the random mortal taking a back seat to the topics of magic being discussed.
“...did you draw this in crayon?” Daedalus asked incredulously.
“Don’t dwell on the details, fellow Daoist.” Ocean Song looked away.
“You drew a cat, a snake, a…is that a turtle? And a bird?” He seemed to be trying to understand.
“The Azure Dragon of the East, the Vermillion Bird of the South, the White Tiger of the West, and the Black Tortoise of the North.” Ocean Song nodded happily. “It shall be called the Four Directions Divine Array.”
They both ignored him as they went over his drawings and notes.
“Wait, this…isn’t nonsense?” Hecate asked, sounding incredulous. “There is…logic here?” She was genuinely surprised.
“Using Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter to create four focal points…” Daedalus muttered.
“And he’s combining it with four distinct elements.” Hecate added.
“Not only that, but they also complement each other.”
“Would it not run counter to the four directions established by the Titans long ago? The East is associated with the Sun with the Titan Hyperion.” Daedalus tapped the papers.
“No, it’s perfect because it’s also used to hide everything inside. It’s not based on the cosmos or the sky; it utilizes the seasons in a complete cycle. Even a god wouldn’t be able to look inside this place without tremendous effort.” Hecate summarized.
“But it would require something significant to also act as an anchor point, something intertwined with the seasons. Something—” Daedalus stopped.
Hecate also seemed to come to a realization as both turned to look at him.
“...like a certain Golden Apple Tree.”
Daedalus now corrected himself. There was now no doubt in his mind that Ocean Song was a genius hiding under the facade of a fool.
Because how else could he have planned everything properly like this?
Ocean Song didn’t know why they were both staring at him. However, he clasped his arms behind his back, letting his robes billow heroically.
They must just be admiring his abilities as a True Cultivator.
Everything was going to plan.
And now, nothing could possibly go wrong!
@***@
Upon Mount Olympus, the gods gathered.
The mountain shook, and thunder and lightning rumbled above them.
Normally, none of the gods inside the throne room would hear such sounds like something breaking or crashing.
However, all of them noticed that a big amphitheater on the other side of the mountain had been quite literally kicked off the side of the mountain along with an angry shriek.
They all could guess who was responsible, at least those present.
“WHO STOLE MY TREE?!” The now familiar cry shook the mountain again. They had lost count of how many times they’ve heard this same thing repeated.
Hera was a spiteful goddess.
Many would say that she had a fury that could shake the world. However, even with Zeus’s many oath breaks regarding infidelity, they had never seen her this angry before. Normally, her anger burned cold; she seethed, and she schemed to enact revenge.
Even the oldest among the court rarely could recall when Hera threw a fit.
Zeus appeared in the throne room, joining everyone else. All were present except Hera, who had thrown off another chunk of Olympus onto the world below.
He didn’t look particularly well.
Zeus was the king of gods. Even when he angered his wife, even when he disrespected her so blatantly with another bastard, rubbing it in her face, it never…showed so vehemently.
She would scowl and pout, she would make snide comments, and insult him in roundabout ways, but still sit at his side as queen.
Zeus could maintain his status as king, and she would be forced to contain her rage as queen.
But that flew out the window when she became irrational.
The tree wasn’t a symbol of power, but it was a symbol of her literal divinity. The Divine Providence that made her the Queen of Gods by marrying Zeus. It was why she protected it with Ladon, why she became furious whenever someone stole an apple, despite them regrowing.
No one, not even Zeus, would have ever believed someone would actually steal the damn tree.
“Let us begin this council meeting.” Zeus intoned, ignoring his own weathered look.
The booming of thunder, the crackling of lightning—it wasn’t coming from him. His wife had grabbed hold of his domain and was expressing her anger. It was one of the few times he dared not throw around his normal arrogance.
He decided the best option was to let her throw her fit and wear herself out before trying to calm her down.
“...did someone really steal her tree?” Hermes asked.
Zeus nodded solemnly. “I believe it’s the same person who stole my own Symbol.”
“Brother, do you really think—” Poseidon was about to speak, but Zeus interrupted.
“You are many things, Poseidon, but I don’t think even you are brave or stupid enough to steal Hera’s Divine Tree.” Zeus spoke.
Poseidon was finding himself speechless. “.....I didn’t steal your stupid Lightningbolt either.”
“I…believe you.” Zeus finally said, forcing himself to admit he was wrong initially. “Clearly, someone has schemed against us. Both my Lightningbolt and Hera’s Tree were stolen? There is a hidden agenda we must uncover.”
It was the closest Poseidon would ever get to an apology from Zeus.
Ares, who had been silent, wanted to start cursing.
He found the brat who had actually taken the damn weapon and nicked it off him. One of Hermes’s brats with sticky fingers. He figured it would be a fun way to start a bit of a war between everyone.
Now, someone stole his mom’s damn tree!
He had nothing to do with that, but he was going to be the one holding the bag when shit hit the fan!
Was he framed? Did someone know he had the Lightningbolt and do this just to spite him?
This couldn’t be a coincidence.
He didn’t have time to ponder it because Hera stomped into the throne room, practically radiating anger.
“Which one of you bastards stole my tree!?” She looked around with an unhealthy amount of bloodlust.
Zeus sighed, getting up from his seat. “Now, dear, we can help you—”
Hera kneed him in the balls. Before Zeus had the chance to make a noise, she grabbed him and threw him off the mountain.
All the gods present watched as Zeus skipped a few states away before coming to a stop. They also watched as Zeus wisely decided not to return and pretended to be… incapacitated.
No one even dared to breathe loudly.
Her glare swept the entire room. And within the blink of an eye, she was grabbing Apollo by the collar. “Prophecy, now.”
“Uh…. I’ll get right on it.” He hesitantly said.
Hera didn’t respond, just dropping him onto the ground, her gaze turning to Artemis.
“My hunters are at your disposal.” She quickly said before Hera could even twitch her fingers. The Queen of Gods just nodded, and Artemis breathed a sigh of relief.
Almost all of them shrank back.
Then, her gaze landed on Dionysus.
“Oh, fuck no.” He threw his hands up and disappeared in a flash of light.
Hera sneered, reaching across the span of thousands of miles and pulling him back from where he had teleported to.
Dionysus dropped onto the tiled floor with a blank look on his face. He was jerked up, now staring eye to eye with Hera, their faces only a few inches apart.
“There will be a new quest administered.” She said rather sternly.
“...of course.” Dionysus replied, and a second later, he found himself thrown off the mountain, heading right down to the camp.
The god of wine hit the ground right in the middle of the camp, creating a brand new crater. Almost everyone nearby ran to check what was going on, including Chiron.
The Centaur, along with plenty of demigods, peeked over the edge to see a frayed and steaming Dionysus lying prone in the dirt.
Face still pressed firmly into the dirt, he raised his hand. “A new quest has been created, everyone. Huzzah.”
@***@
A/N
Ocean Song accidentally’s canon even more.
Comments
DarkWolf64x
Okay Hera her reaction is hilarious, but I'm almost disappointed that Dionysus isn't in yamcha position that have been too perfect. I'll just pretend It was Zeus. He was the yamcha position pretending to be passed out I'm really looking forward to Apollo's prophecy oh man! It's going to be hilarious! Especially if you literally tells everyone it was and not so many words. It was the ocean song
NovelLoversHeaven1
TFTC!!! you should have mc kill a god before he breaks through so he can claim the title of a mortal that killed a God!!!
TOS SOT
Am I the only one who kinda liked the technicallyty and Diskussionen about magic and such in storys? Bcs I like it in this one especially I wish there was more! And btw im suprised as Rivers Styx Champion he didn't ask her to bless or such Nessie or ask for a special pool or so for Nessie? And wouldn't be be hilarious if Styx decides to choose nessie as her Divine Animel or such idk xD
TOS SOT
Hey author a part of some sprach is cut up! “Nay, fellow Daoist, you’re now a member of the sect.” Ocean Song rejected. is that? I don’t know what’s going on; I can’t tell if you’re a genius or a moron anymore.” Was he supossed to say, What is that?
Dawson Wade
Meanwhile Hestia is just sitting by the fire hoping that no one notices the look on her face while there discussing if anyone knows who could have taken the tree
Bio_Bill
Down the road when Ocean Song recovers the lightning bolt, he also 'recovers' the tree from those who stole it and took the liberty of finding a new hiding place (the sect) for it for Hera. All the blame gets nicely pinned on Ares.
