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Monster? No, I'm a Cultivator! (Percy Jackson): Chapter 38
🕑 Added 2025-06-18 01:07:15 +0000 UTCThe morale of the Sect was at an all-time high.
Daedalus was now wearing a fancy suit—albeit one that needed some touch-ups after an unfortunate vehicle accident. And a rather nice pair of shoes.
Medusa now had a new watch that probably cost more than some cars.
And Tyson…well….
Tyson learned that godly blood was apparently a crafting material, according to Ocean Song.
All in all, everyone was happy.
Except for the god that was probably going to wake up soon, legs broken, body in pain, and finding out he’s mortal with no identification or money to his name.
But then again, that made Styx happy, so everyone important is happy.
They arrived back at the Sect rather easily.
Nessie was happily flapping her flippers as they came back to welcome them.
“A triumphant return, my fellow Daoists!” Ocean Song jumped off the cloud, declaring loudly. “With this, our Sect now has a good reputation!”
Ocean Song was very pleased. He was sure this would help build up the mystical ‘Face’ that all true Cultivators care about.
“It’s not like it was particularly hard.” Medusa said dryly, hesitantly jumping down as well as the others joined her. “I do like my new watch, though.” She admired it again.
“The perks of being a member of a righteous sect!” Ocean Song declared. “Now, we must discuss the next parts of your cultivation, all of you.” He stated, gesturing for them to sit down.
At this point, all of them were more or less listening to Ocean Song properly, even if they had a great many questions and complaints.
“As you start on your path to immortality, it’s important that you pick up a lesser Dao to complement your cultivation.” He began with his hands behind his back.
“Are you telling us to get jobs?” Daedalus deadpanned.
“Yes.” Ocean Song nodded. “Do you think we’re rich? Our sect treasury is empty! All the money we have is what we stole—acquired from our righteous acquisition of the Oath Breaker. Until the Great Goddess sends payment over, that is.”
Medusa looked around. “Are you seriously telling us that we’re poor when we live in a place like this!?”
A rainbow hung overhead. Five colored clouds slowly drifted around the mountain tops. The faint whisper of wind let out a melodic hymn as it danced between the mountain peaks.
There was silence as they sat on the immaculately carved stone ground. A courtyard that was carved by the most prestigious and famous crafters in Greek history.
A koi fish jumped out of the nearby koi pond, gently splashing water onto the meticulously planted and designed garden. There were flowers and plants that would be impossible to find in the mortal world.
“Yes.” Ocean Song nodded without hesitation.
“...I can’t really verify my work history if I apply somewhere.” Medusa let out a sigh.
“You misunderstand, fellow Daoist!” Ocean Song clapped his hands. “Your supporting profession will help you cultivate! For instance, I dabble in the Dao of Talismans.” He took out the Talismans from his sleeve, showing them off.
“What are those?” Daedalus was the first to speak, perking up immediately as if he found a new interesting toy.
Ocean Song threw one high up into the air and made a hand sign, and it exploded. He threw out another one, and it turned into a torrent of water. The third he threw out turned into golden chains and wrapped around a passing bird.
Said bird could no longer fly, and everyone watched as it fell to the ground. The sound it made was particularly…deafening amidst the silence.
“...I meant to do that.” Ocean Song cleared his throat. “Nessie, I have captured dinner for tonight! Please prepare it for everyone!”
“Bawhooo!” Nessie climbed out of her kiddie pool and inched towards the dead bird, carefully picking it up with its mouth and disappearing into the back buildings.
“...what is your beast doing? ”Daedalus asked.
“She’s going to cook the bird. No point in wasting perfectly good meat.” Ocean Song replied.
“What?”
“What?” Ocean Song repeated, blinking.
“Why…how is that thing going to cook?”
“Fellow Daoist, do you not listen to anything the Great Void Heavenly Demon says? She selflessly offered to be our cook the other day.”
“.....” Daedalus wanted to say something, but every fiber of his being screamed to just keep his mouth shut and not even bother.
“Now, back on topic.” Ocean Song continued. “Complementary professions! Let’s talk about them, shall we? I practice the Dao of Talismans. My junior brother here has a talent for the Dao of Artifact Refinement; just look at the sword he already made.” He pointed to the sword that was still propped up in the corner that he had haphazardly made before. “Daedalus will pursue the Dao of Formations.”
“Why am I already decided?” Daedalus spoke up.
“Fellow Daoist, please don’t forget the thing we’re keeping secret in the labyrinth.” Ocean Song said quietly.
Daedalus remembered what they were in fact hiding in the Labyrinth, and his eyes dilated briefly. “Right.”
“Now, Sister Medusa, what complementary Dao would you like to pursue? You can pick more than one, but I hope that everyone here can master one lesser Dao on their pursuit of immortality!”
“...I have no idea what you’re even talking about still.” Medusa said outright. “Just give me a list of things to pick from if you want me to work.”
“There’s the Dao of Alchemy—Pill and Elixir making! The Dao of Poison can be used to both kill and save in equal measure. The Dao of Puppetry, the Dao of Beast Taming, the Dao of Painting….” Ocean Song trailed off because those were the only ones he could think of off the top of his head. “Of course there are as many Dao as there are stars in the sky. However, we’re poor and need to make money.”
Medusa actually perked up. “Poison, I choose poison.”
Ocean Song was…skeptical due to the enthusiasm with which she decided. However, he was also happy that she was excited, so he decided not to question it.
Tyson raised his hand. “Do we only have to pick one? I want to raise some fluffy pets.”
“Good question, Junior Brother. You can pick as many as you like as long as it doesn’t affect your cultivation!” Ocean Song smiled brightly. “For instance, Daedalus here will also pick up alchemy.”
“Why me again!?”
“Because we’re poor, fellow Daoist, and you made an oath.” Ocean Song replied immediately. “You just need to figure out how to craft magical pills and elixirs!”
Daedalus grumbled with a scowl. “What’s the point? Just eat some ambrosia or nectar if you’re hurt!”
“Fellow Daoist, your view is too narrow.” Ocean Song clasped his hands behind his back. “How many have access to such mysterious and precious resources? And how wasteful is it? Imagine if you could create pills that heal just as well with a fraction of the same materials used.
Daedalus was about to respond to argue, but he suddenly looked deep in thought. Truthfully, he never cared about alchemy; it was a known field of magical study. However, as soon as Ocean Song presented this hypothetical, it actually made him think.
“And who says that pills or elixirs are only for healing? Perhaps there are some that help with cultivation or other magical effects? Pills that temporarily make you physically stronger. Pills that temporarily increase your Cultivation level in an emergency! The possibilities are limitless, Fellow Daoist!”
“Fine, I’ll do it!” Daedalus tried to look annoyed, but part of him felt a spark of…intrigue and interest that he hadn’t felt in a long time.
Ocean Song just nodded, pleased that everything was settled. “Good, now that you all have a route to go, I’d like to introduce a new addition to our sect. A complimentary bonus given by the Great Goddess Styx as a reward for a job well done.” Ocean Song summoned the newest addition to their sect.
Out from the sky, it fell down in all its mundane glory.
It was a basic bulletin board that you would find anywhere, attached to two wooden posts and now impaled into the ground.
“Behold, the great sect commission board!” He gestured to it.
“...it’s empty.” Tyson was the one to speak up first.
“For now!” Ocean Song didn’t lose his enthusiasm. “But we will start receiving commissions! It’s connected to a sister board at Camp Half-Blood, and anyone there can pin a commission to their side, and it will appear here!”
Just as he said that, a paper appeared on the bulletin board.
Ocean Song beamed happily; truly, his timing was just another example of his being a proper cultivator.
Truly, the heavens favored him.
“Fellow Daoist Medusa, would you please do the honors of reading our first request?” He offered it graciously to her.
She got up unceremoniously and ripped the paper off the bulletin board. “Find the stolen Golden Apple Tree.” She read. “Reward –”
Ocean Song abruptly took it from her hand, threw it up in the air, and it disintegrated with a flash of fire.
“What a shame, still no commissions.” He said depressingly. “I’m sure some will come in soon.”
Another paper appeared on the bulletin board as they all stared at it silently.
Medusa casually pulled it off again and read it. “Find the—”
Once more, it flew up into the air and burst into flames on Ocean Song’s behalf.
A third one appeared, and Ocean Song narrowed his eyes at it.
Hesitantly, Medusa pulled it off, and her eyes brightened up slightly. “It’s different this time,” she said as Ocean Song relaxed. “Beat up Zeus, Reward –”
It joined its brothers, flying up into the air and turning into ash.
Finally, a fourth came in right after the last. Medusa tore it off the board again, and Ocean Song was just about to burst it into flame without even hearing what it said before Medusa opened her mouth. “Huh, this is something.”
“...No apple trees? No fighting a certain god?” Ocean Song hesitantly asked.
Medusa shook her head. “It’s asking us to find the missing god Pan. The reward is…pretty good actually.”
Ocean Song lit up and quickly took it to read, eyes running over the words. “We shall take this commission, our first commission!" He declared triumphantly, handing it back to Medusa. “Fellow Daoist Medusa, please send word back that we have accepted their request!”
“Do…. I call or send a letter, or do you actually want me to go over there…?”
“Just pin it back onto the board in the green square laid out here.” He pointed at the bulletin board. “That will automatically let them know that this specific commission was taken by us.” He explained before going back to posing heroically.
“Nessie!” Ocean Song called out.
Daedalus nearly jumped out of his pants as a muffled ‘Bawhooo’ was let out right next to his head as the great Void Heavenly Divine Beast appeared, holding a tray with a perfectly slow-cooked and braised duck on it.
“.....how?” Daedalus whispered, staring at it.
“Thank you, Nessie.” Ocean Song never forgets his manners, like a proper cultivator. “Everyone, eat up; Nessie worked hard to make us dinner.”
They all took a short break and just sat down right there, eating peacefully. It was a rather odd contrast to what they had gotten up to earlier that day and the excitement that had happened not minutes prior.
Daedalus picked at it, hesitantly eating before sitting there with a thousand-yard stare, speaking with barely a whisper. “Why…why is this the best duck I’ve ever tasted…?”
Ocean Song looked down at the tray, wondering where it came from, as he knew their kitchen wasn’t stocked yet, an oversight on his part. Nonetheless, he noticed a particular symbol on the bottom of it.
He was also fairly sure that the bird he accidentally – intentionally hit – wasn’t a duck. He was fairly sure ducks couldn’t even fly up this high.
He was fairly sure that the tray itself was made of celestial bronze, a rare and valuable material, usually made into weapons.
The symbol on the bottom of the tray happened to be Peacock.
Ocean Song slowly swallowed and decided not to say anything.
Like a true cultivator, if he pretended that nothing was wrong, then he didn’t have to worry.
“How exactly are we going to find this missing god?” Medusa was the one to break the silence. “If a god is missing, can we even find it at all?”
Ocean Song looked at Daedalus.
Daedalus scoffed and scowled. “How did you even know!?” You know what, I don’t care anymore!”
“Am I missing something?” Medusa asked.
Daedalus stood up, and he summoned the Labyrinth, seemingly much easier this time. After it had been forced up through the Sect before, it seemed that there was now a proper pathway, and as the creator, he could call upon it rather easily.
It erupted from the ground and spat out a satyr-looking being onto the ground that rolled a few feet before stopping.
It lay there, unmoving, comatose.
“Huzzah!” Ocean Song raised his hand, mouth half full of definitely-not-stolen duck. “Well done, fellow Daoist Daedalus.”
Medusa poked the prone and unconscious god a few times, shrugged, then went back to eating.
“Does that mean we did a good job?” Tyson asked.
“Yes, it certainly does, Junior Brother!” Ocean Song smiled. “Truly, we are a powerful Sect, able to even find a god!” He stood up, wiping his hands. “Now, I shall summon the godly postman!”
“The what—” Medusa was cut off.
“Oh great god of travels and carrying packages, please answer my call!” Ocean Song shouted, throwing down a makeshift shrine. “I wish to send a package!”
There was a barely noticeable wind that blew in as a new face touched down onto the immaculate stone.
Hermes stood there, looking around. “Oh hey, Uncle’s Cyclops kid that everyone’s been talking about. Haven't seen you since you had that little run-in with Pops.”
“Greetings, Great God Hermes!” Ocean Song politely greeted him. “May I request your services?”
“Sure thing, man. You know the usual terms?”
“Drachma and offering, yes?” Ocean Song asked.
“Bingo.” Hermes pointed with a finger snap. “Though…I don’t mind dropping the offering part for an upfront payment. Mind if I get one of those legs?” He pointed at the duck.
“By all means, please enjoy.” Ocean Song gestured.
In the blink of an eye, the duck leg disappeared and was already in his hand, and he was happily biting into it. “Dang, this is great. Whoever made this has my compliments.”
“Bawhooo!”
Hermes paused, looking around. He was confused because Nessie had disappeared the moment he arrived.
“Anyways, what do you need?”
“Can you take this to Camp Half-Blood?” Ocean Song stated, pulling the paper off the bulletin board and pointing to the comatose god. “One…Grover?” Ocean Song read off the page. “Commissioned us to find him.”
Hermes blinked, looking at the prone god, slowly taking a bite of the duck leg. “Huh, that’s Pan.”
“Yes.”
“He doesn’t look so good.” Hermes pointed out.
Ocean Song shrugged.
Hermes then shrugged in response before opening a satchel and sucking the comatose god into it and taking the paper from Ocean Song’s hand, reading it curiously. “Oh neat, you’re making them pay for delivery; that’s smart. I’m probably going to be seeing a lot of you then. Well, can’t complain about being busy with work!”
Ocean Song clasped his hands and bowed. “Your continued presence will be our honor, great god.”
Hermes chuckled. “Alright, alright. I’ll get out of your hair. See you later, man!” Hermes disappeared with another gust of wind.
Truly, the fastest god alive.
“...what just happened?” Medusa asked. “Did you just summon an Olympian for package delivery?”
“Yes?” Ocean Song blinked.
“Explain.”
“He has a side job of delivering packages, did you not know?” Ocean Song tilted his head.
“I’m a monster; why would I know about the dealings of gods and demigods!?” Medusa threw her hands up in exasperation before going back to eating. “This is far too delicious, and it just makes me even more annoyed."
Nessie reappeared and happily nudged Medusa.
Truly, he had the best sect.
@***@
Camp Half-Blood was still busy as ever, if not more so.
Everyone was still preparing; everyone was still training more than they ever had before.
“I’m telling you, Grover, it’s just weird.” Percy stated, hands behind his head, casually walking next to his best friend.
“It’s not our place to question the gods, Percy.” Grover said carefully.
“Whatever, G-man.” Percy sighed. “Anyways, what’s got everyone freaking out now? I heard something appeared and that my Pimp Bro is alive.”
Percy was actually ecstatic that he now could confirm that his older brother was alive. Granted, he had a sneaking suspicion that was the case already, but it was good to get confirmation.
“I swear, you just disappear for hours every day and keep missing every big thing that happens.” Grover sighed, his hoofed feet kicking a rock. “What are you even doing?”
“Just…training, you know. I need to practice with water; it’s easier at the lake, and I like the peace and quiet. It helps with…concentration.”
Grover shrugged. “You should practice other things too. You can’t always rely on your godly gifts; too many demigods had been arrogant about that and died, Percy. Make sure you train with your sword too, or whatever you want to use.”
“Don’t worry, I know.” Percy smiled, happy that his friend was genuinely caring towards him. “So what’s happened now?”
“Right.” Grove stopped as he began to explain. “So out of nowhere hours ago, a goddess appeared, and not just any goddess, but the Styx Herself.”
“Like the thing everyone swears oaths on, right?”
“Percy.” Grover hissed under his breath. “Be more respectful, but yes. That Goddess.”
“What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal is that she’s an Underworld Goddess, but she never just ‘pops’ up. I don’t think even Chiron ever heard of her coming to the surface or making an appearance.”
“Oh, so it’s a big deal.”
“Yes, it’s a big deal.” Grover sighed, knowing how his best friend was. “But she just showed up, slammed a big bulletin board into the ground, said nothing, and left.”
“Pft.”
“Percy, it’s not funny! A lot of people are freaked out.” Grover quickly said. “But… It’s like a job board or something. Apparently, people can post jobs on it, and your…brother will do them? I’m not really sure on the details; it wasn’t very well explained.”
“Do you think I could—”
“Hey, are you Grover? ” A voice interrupted them.
Grover’s eyes widened, and he immediately kneeled. “Hail, God –”
“Alright, yeah, stop.” Hermes cut him off. “I appreciate it, but I’m working right now. I just need to know if you’re Grover.” He paused, looking at Percy. “Oh hey, another one of Uncle’s kids. Just met your Cyclops brother over on his mountain.”
“Pimp, bro!? How’s he doing?”
“Looks like he’s doing pretty good. His home is cool; I kind of want to go check it out.” Hermes responded casually. “Anyways, I need a signature. Are you Grover?”
“I’m…yes, I’m Grover…sir.” Grover hesitantly lifted his head.
“Sweet, makes things easy. Sign this, please, indicating you received the delivery. And I’m going to need to see payment.”
“Um, delivery for what, sir?” Grover gulped.
“Oh, right.” Hermes grabbed his satchel, held it upside down, and smacked it once for Pan to fall out and hit the ground like a sack of potatoes. “One Pan, delivered as promised. Signature and payment, please.”
Grover stared, mouth open, as if unable to respond.
“Hey kid, let’s get a move on. I need—” The god paused because his eyes found a silhouette about two hundred feet away, sitting on the edge of the dock that overlooked the lake for the camp. “Hold that thought.” He disappeared away from the two of them, approaching the person in question.
With the most subtle gusts of wind, he reappeared at the edge of the dock, standing next to the man who wore a faded cap, a well-trimmed beard, and oddly casual clothing. It was odd because Hermes knew who he was, and this man almost never let himself look… unkempt.
“Pops?”
Zeus, King of Olympus, quickly hushed his son. “Quiet, don’t say my name!”
Hermes looked around. “Pops, what’s wrong? Why are you over here…fishing?” His father would usually have absolutely nothing to do with his brother’s domain.
“I’m…taking a break.” Zeus said casually.
“...is it, Mom?” Hermes asked.
He could visibly see Zeus deflate.
“I set it all up perfectly. I got her favorite wine; her favorite musician was on lease from Hades in the underworld. I had everything planned out to the smallest detail. Of course, her favorite meal was the most important thing. It would have been the perfect way to calm her down.”
“I’m sensing there’s a but there?” Hermes asked.
Zeus’s nostrils flared, and he was about to speak, but Olympus rumbled. As gods, even this far away, they could see that Hera threw something off the mountain again in her anger.
“Pops, what happened?” He asked hesitantly, now realizing that his father was hiding.
Zeus gritted his teeth and just blurted it out. “Someone stole her damn dinner!”
Hermes didn’t know what to say to that.
Silently, he sat down next to his dad and put a hand on his shoulder as they continued to sit in silence while Olympus continued to shake.
@***@
A/N
The Sect continues to thrive, and everyone now picks up their secondary professions.
Comments
Raven
It’s not Hera… I think she nothing more than a weapon to be aimed and fired at the real target… in this case I feel bad for her… but Nessie must avenge Mister “Lunchbox the Destroyer (of Lettuce)”!!!
George Wright
OMFGI hope you're right that would be EFFIN G brilliant:)
savitar
I don't know what to say. On the one hand, I'm impressed with Nessie's thievery skills. On the other hand, does anyone else think she might have it in for Hera? I mean, first the apple tree, then dinner. While it's not the third one yet, that makes me shudder. What's next? And Zeus, being a wise king, did the sensible thing and hid. Ah, Zeus, what an intelligent man to know not to upset his wife too much. It's a shame he does it so often that one would have expected him to learn that lesson millennia ago.
Raven
It’s a setup… Nessie is setting up Hermes by stealing all that stuff. Nessie’s best friend/ pet was turtle. In Hermes' origin story, the Homeric Hymn to Hermes, Hermes invented the Lyre by killing a turtle or a tortoises and using its shell. She want’s payback for Mister "Lunchbox the Destroyer (of Lettuce)". The name loose something int the translation. It took awhile but she’ll get vengeance for Mister Lunchbox the Destroyer (of Lettuce)”.
Tibol
Nessie, no. Stahp please.
The_Slave_Knight
Gods I love Nessie.... Best Girl(?) Also, I feel I should tell you, cause I don't know if you knew, but Pan is Hermes' Son....so I'm pretty sure he'd have had a *Very* different reaction.
