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Mind & Machine C.14
🕑 Added 2024-05-25 22:06:54 +0000 UTCChapter — 14
The target of her glare seemed utterly unimpressed. He just stared blankly back at her, his eyes chilly.
The look in those eyes made Rei's own shift away, but she couldn't keep a tiny scowl from forming.
She looked at the grass that now had an imprint of her body. The deformed grass rose with a thought until no trace of her slacking spot could be found.
"Three weeks, four days, twenty-one hours, and thirteen seconds," WolfMosh said, his tone carefully neutral.
Yeah. And completing it didn't reveal a prize of any kind. Not some secretive information, no credits for me to pay off some of the debt, and no authority over the cube to study its inner workings. Without permission, the cube's ICE is still too much for me.
Hell, I would have been satisfied with a procedurally generated infinity mode or something like some games have when you beat all the curated levels. But NoOo...
She didn't voice her dissatisfaction and instead asked, "So, did I beat my previous record?" It was what ultimately mattered, after all.
WolfMosh was silent for a time. She saw him carefully studying her out of the corner of her eye.
"You did," He said eventually.
"And what was my previous record?"
"I won't tell you."
Rei's head whipped up as she stared at him, but WolfMosh had turned his head away from her, looking around.
"You've not done anything to this place yet, I see."
"Why won't you tell me?" Rei was beginning to feel some real rage building up toward WolfMosh once more. Her feelings had previously been cooling off with all the time spent studying the mesh under his "tutelage," even if her determination to escape his clutches hadn't waned in the slightest.
He won't even give me this?! This bastard fucking rusts-
Rei toggled [Merciless], her near-overboiling emotions fading.
Showing my dissatisfaction is acceptable. Showing my rage at his treatment, though, would be counterproductive. I need him to think I've accepted my place of servitude.
"I won't tell you because it doesn't matter," WolfMosh said, "And you've been in here long enough. Your physical health isn't the best yet, and we shouldn't push our luck and have you relapse.
"Oh, and don't tell any of your fellow apprentices of what you've been doing while in here. Most of us don't share the goings-on in our private realms, and you shouldn't either."
The reasoning for keeping it a secret seemed flimsy to her. Rei nodded all the same and initiated her disconnection from the mesh after he'd given her permission. Just before she vanished, he looked away from his inspection of her submesh to meet her eyes.
His otherwise placid expression shifted, and for the first time, she thought she caught a glimpse of an actual genuine emotion before she vanished:
Startlement.
Oh, yeah. Forgot about my eyes going all dead. Seems that is reflected in my avatar here as well. Whoops.
***
There was a click and hiss as the dive chamber's front panel unlocked and began to rise. Rei couldn't focus on that, however, as a flood of notifications had suddenly bombarded her as soon as she'd left the mesh.
「Notice:
Mind attribute has increased.
Mind: 8 → 9
Received: 500 Experience」
The first notification on the list immediately caught her attention, and knowing what would follow, she instantly clamped down on it with her willpower, making it flicker out as she held it at bay.
Fucking hell, will the System never learn? Can it not offer a prompt to delay it or something? I'll have to deal with it later. What's next?
She focused on the following notifications.
「Notice:
[Cybernetic Adaptation] skill level has increased.
Level 2 → 3」
「Notice:
New skill learned.
[Breach, Level 1]
Governing attribute: Mind
Description: In the mesh, the unknown wishes to maintain the status quo. To Breach is to see what lies hidden within. This skill helps determine what can be breached and the most efficient way to go about it.」
「Notice:
New skill learned.
[Splice, Level 1]
Governing attribute: Mind
Description: The mesh is a complex weave of data. To access it, you must splice its threads, establishing a connection. This connection goes both ways and hence complexity is needed. This skill helps with increasing the intricacy of the splice.」
「Notice:
New skill learned.
[Data Analytics, Level 1]
Governing attribute: Mind
Description: Data can be multifaceted and convoluted to the human mind. Analyzing the data without preconceptions can, therefore, be difficult. This skill helps with seeing the data as it is and drawing the correct conclusions about its patterns and meaning.」
「Notice:
New skill learned.
[Programming, Level 1]
Governing attribute: Mind
Description: Programming is creation, but without innovation, the code written will always be sub-par, fated to be deprecated. This skill helps with seeing potential problems and solutions during the creation process.」
「Notice:
[Breach] skill level has increased.
Level 1 → 7」
「Notice:
[Splice] skill level has increased.
Level 1 → 6」
「Notice:
[Data Analytics] skill level has increased.
Level 1 → 5」
「Notice:
[Programming] skill level has increased.
Level 1 → 4」
With the notifications also came a storm of information:
How to estimate the strength of targets to breach and ways to go about it, how to splice said target and weave threads of data together to hide one's actions more effectively, ways to look at data when analyzing it to not let bias or preconceptions cloud the interpretation, and how to write code as to both create something that works while not falling into the trap of not doing so in a unique way, opening oneself up for easily deployed countermeasures.
Rei would have felt like her brain was melting from the overload, but the curious thing was that each piece of information found undefined slots to insert themselves in her brain, completing a mental map previously shrouded in vagueness.
All this information feels familiar. Where could I have learnt it before?
Then it came to her.
My strange dreams! So that's what caused them. I must have been gaining and leveling these skills while in the mesh, but for whatever reason, my mind only became aware of some of it while I was asleep.
Does my consciousness perhaps distance itself from the mesh while asleep, hence giving me those snippets of insight?
Rei didn't know, but she felt like she was onto something. It still puzzled her that the System didn't work inside the mesh or — with this new piece of information — almost seemed reluctant to enter it.
Is there something about the mesh that the System doesn't like? That it doesn't want to expose itself to?
Rei shook off the baseless thoughts as she heard someone speak excitedly.
"Hey! Look! Rei's back." Wilma said.
"I can see that."
The voice answering sounded exasperated. It was a high-pitched male voice, yet not so high as to sound annoying. Rei had never heard this voice before.
Not wanting to expose the effects of her [Merciless] perk to yet another person, she turned it off while shunting the now simmering rage to the back of her mind with an application of willpower.
Disconnecting herself from the dive chamber — or coffin as she liked to think of it — and raising herself out of it, she took in the two other people sitting at the resting area in the corner of the dive room.
Wilma and Selvix? So that must have been him speaking.
Wilma ran over to Rei and hugged her — Rei finding herself surprisingly uncomfortable with the close physical contact.
Is it because I'm feeling so damn weak?
She did feel frail. Almost as if she hadn't moved for nearly a month.
"So, how was it?" Wilma asked, stepping away from Rei and giving her a radiant smile, "The mesh is the best, isn't it?"
Rei, still feeling a bit disoriented from waking up and having all those notifications shoved into her brain, could only nod. That seemed enough for Wilma.
"I know, right? Can't blame you for being in there for so long on your first dive since the coma. I almost died on my first go, as I didn't have a dive chamber, and time just flew away from me, you know?" She said enthusiastically.
She did what? Well, if she lost track of time, I suppose the dehydration could have gotten pretty dangerous.
"Give Rei a break. Can't you tell she's still disoriented?"
Wilma made an 'O' with her mouth as she took in Rei's slightly unsteady posture.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Rei. Come and sit down. I'll fetch you something to eat while you do. You must be starving after living on nutrient fluids for this long."
Rei felt her stomach rumble at the mention of food, and she nodded again, once to Wilma and once to Selvix — thankful for his intervention.
"Great!" Wilma said before scurrying away to the common room.
Rei made her slow and careful approach to the table where Selvix sat, seating herself on a chair at the opposite end.
Selvix was frowning at her like he'd done the last time they'd met but quickly stopped when she caught his expression. He looked away, his eyes turning silver.
A clear dismissal to not engage him in conversation if there ever was one.
Rei didn't fault him for his unfriendliness; she could chalk it up to her betrayal, which had probably broken any trust he'd had in her previously.
Why did I do it? I don't remember actually doing it, but that could be because it was so shortly before I merged with my memories as Agnes — overwriting my short-term memory before it could adequately settle.
But my thoughts and memories that led to that decision? There had to have been a good reason, as I flatly refuse to believe I'd do something so stupid for a reason like a sudden onset of greed or the like.
The silence between the corner's two occupants didn't have time to become too awkward before Wilma returned with a package of steaming noodles and chicken. It was soaked in a fragrantly spicy sauce that tickled Rei's nose hairs from several meters away.
Perhaps also feeling peckish or merely not wanting to be overly rude by leaving as soon as Rei sat down, Selvix took that moment to depart. Wilma cast him a reproachful glance but didn't say anything, setting the dish before Rei before taking a seat herself.
"This is one of my favorites that we still have stocked. I think I remember you liking it as well. Go on."
Following her advice, Rei dipped her chopsticks into the food before lifting it to her mouth with a slight tremble in her arm and biting down. It was good, and she told Wilma as much.
After finishing it, she looked around again. They were the only ones present as none of the dive chambers were in use.
"Where's Mikaela?"
"Dunno. She left a few hours ago. Probably went to a bathhouse or something."
"Bathhouse?"
"You don't remember? Well, what can I say? She loves baths. Tours a new spa or bathhouse every week; she must have gotten some real good waterproofing for that exposed cyberware of hers."
She suddenly smirked, "You used to join her sometimes, you know."
That meaningful expression and tone... Wait, does she mean...
"Hold on a moment. Are you saying we were dating?"
She giggled, the back of her hand covering her mouth, "You weren't an official item or anything. I mean, how many are these days? But if your sporadic spa trips together weren't enough to hint at something going on, let's just say that neither your nor Mikaela's sleeping quarters here at HQ have that good soundproofing. You especially have quite the pair of lungs."
Wilma's giggles broke into full-blown laughter at seeing Rei's suddenly flaming cheeks. Wilma tried stifling it, but her efforts were less than adequate.
"Oh shut up, will you," Rei said with a huff, turning her burning face away.
"Okay, okay. Yeah, sorry. It was just your expression that got to me. Meant nothing about it." She said, still stifling some intermittent giggling.
After having calmed down again, Rei returned her focus to the other young woman, a semi-scowl still present. She didn't like being ridiculed for her past or future love life, even if Wilma said she didn't mean it in that way.
"Even if you don't remember, did you not realize something was up?" Wilma asked, "I mean, that glare she sent you had ten times the poison in it compared to her usual look before, you know, the coma."
Rei sighed. "No? Not really. From what I've heard, I can understand my colleagues being less than pleased with me. Honestly, your disposition is what baffles me."
Wilma shifted her eyes away, her gaze moving to the table between them. "Yeah, well, I was angry at first," Rei saw a glint of absolute fury in her downcast eyes as she said it. "But!" Her eyes moved up to meet Rei's own, her expression back to her usual cheerfulness, "I'm over it now. It's honestly a relief that you're back. The length of the coma and not getting any information on your state of health kind of dampened most of our negative feelings. It can be hard to hold onto grudges when their targets remain suffering for so long, you know?
"The other's feelings toward you may have resurfaced somewhat again now that you're back, though, and that's what you're faced with. Mikaela's feelings... may be a bit more raw. I suspect the betrayal was felt on a deeper level for her, considering the two of you... And the fact you haven't talked to her once from what I know..."
"Yeah..."
Even if I didn't remember our supposed physical, if not emotional, entanglements, how am I supposed to apologize? 'I'm sorry, I betrayed you and everyone else'? I haven't apologized to any of them since it seems pointless and because I'm not exactly here of my own free will.
There was a brief lull in the conversation as Rei pondered and Wilma studied her. Eventually, though, Rei stood.
"Thanks for the conversation and food, Wilma. And for your partial forgiveness. I plan to try and make up for my past mistakes."
Wilma only smiled in response, standing to join Rei in walking to the room's exit.
"At any rate, I can't let this digesting energy be left on its own. My body feels terrible, and a training room is calling my name."
"You go, girl! Lift those weights!" Wilma said encouragingly.
"There isn't a training room for, you know, combat or something, is there?"
Rei had considered whether there were but hadn't found one on her previous exploration of the facility. She found this a bit odd. They were a gang, after all, and violence kind of came with the territory.
"Why? You planning to kill someone?" Wilma asked in a joking tone.
"Be serious. I'm not planning on adding further to my mistakes," Rei answered in a deadpan, somewhat sad tone, channeling [Deception] to bring intent forth she really wasn't feeling.
Wilma seemed to sag with relief, and Rei looked sideways at her, wondering if the other woman saw Rei's past betrayal more seriously than she let on. "No, there's no combat training room. There are in the levels above where the lesser members dwell, but all of us are Magi first and physical combatants second. Not that we can't fight, mind you, but honing our mesh magic is just a better way to spend our time.
"We all are proficient with physical combat, but I don't spend much time on it. Mikaela and Selvix have other places where they train, and it's not as if you can't hone your physical combat skills in the mesh against virtual opponents. Your muscle memory might lag behind that way, but getting the mental gymnastics correct before doing it with your real body is often better."
It was an eye-opener to Rei, even though she didn't think she'd have the time to train that way with her enslaver pushing her toward more Magi-oriented pursuits. It was also a bit disappointing, but she supposed she could correct that given enough time.
As Wilma had said, her mesh magic was more important for now.
They parted, one moving toward the facility's exit while the other moved toward her sleeping quarters to get a change of clothes for her upcoming date with some weights.
But before that: Recalibration.
Entering her room, she sat down on her bed, still in her skin-tight suit, and focused inward. She had no idea what would happen but knew that holding the process at bay indefinitely would be impossible.
Taking a deep breath, she steadied her nerves and let go.
In a repeat of previous recalibrations, she felt herself become a spectator of her body. The nanites didn't replicate this time, but something did happen. The tiny machines in her brain and nerves started a process she couldn't comprehend. They weren't tearing the tissues to regenerate afterward like with her [Body] recalibrations. Nor was it quite like her stint with [Ego].
It was more akin to them passing data back and forth, creating new neural connections where there were none previously, and destroying some that were. In a few cases, Rei even thought that the nanites replaced specific neurons with themselves.
Are the nanites binding themselves tighter to my mind? For what purpose? [Ego] seemed to give me better control over them. Will that diminish that control or merely speed up my thoughts and interactions with the System?
It was somewhat concerning, but she could do nothing about it. Even if she somehow could rid herself of the nanites before, now that some had actively replaced some of her neurons, she couldn't see a way to accomplish it without giving herself irreparable brain damage.
Trying to feel the process on a deeper level, she amended that statement.
No... I just didn't notice before since it's so hard to make out, but some of those nanites' positions suddenly make a lot more sense. They've always been this interlinked with my mind, if not in such a significant number.
It seems I didn't lose any chance of removing the System since it was impossible from the start. Not that I would, but yeah.
The process didn't take long; soon enough, she regained control of her body. Looking into the mirror, she couldn't see any difference, and the lack of someone coming to check up on her meant that her actions had most likely been missed.
Thank the mesh for that.
'Thank the mesh.' Such a curious expression of Wilma's. Maybe I should use it to overcome my inclination to swear so much. Oh, who am I kidding?
Now that the process was finished, she tried to think about stuff to see if she'd notice any difference in her intellect. It didn't seem to do much before she tried executing some mental math without her cyberdeck to lean on.
Since she created the problems for herself to solve, it wasn't that obvious, but she felt like it was a tiny bit easier.
Nanites replacing a few neurons has its upsides.
Deciding to exercise in her already unwashed suit, she grabbed a change of clothes and walked out.
Rei had barely entered the training room when a thought suddenly struck her, perhaps only then due to her recently enhanced intellect. Or not.
Wait a moment. If Mikaela and I were involved, does this mean I'm lesbian?
She stood rooted to the spot as she tried to envision herself entangled with the woman in question, and sure enough, an ember of heat grew in her core. She felt a bit embarrassed at how easy it had been but blamed it on not actually having indulged herself in any carnal acts yet. Not even on her lonesome.
She'd just never been in the mood, considering everything that had happened.
So Rei was gay, or at least Bi. Agnes was straight, though...
Does this mean I'm now Bi? Or was the old Rei lesbian, and her sexual orientation has become my current one?
She had a hard time conjuring images of herself and the opposite sex since she hadn't actually met a man she suspected could be a valid target. Ichiro was good-looking like his siblings, but he was her brother, so she didn't even try. WolfMosh had a ruggedly handsome look to him but that image just made her sick.
She could never see herself with Selvix either, and Franklin... just no. Images conjured of her escorts to the facility also felt icky.
Well, fuck me... I suppose I might take myself up on that later. But still... It's damn annoying not knowing. It seems only time will tell.
The embers in her core moved to her legs as she started doing squats.
***
After doing whatever calisthenics her weakened body could handle — the free-weights and training machines having proven an insurmountable obstacle — showering in the communal showers attached to the training room and stumbling back to her quarters, Rei fell into bed with a groan.
"I kind of want more food..." She said sleepily.
Yet she couldn't bring herself to rise, and when the notification came asking if she wanted to sleep, she accepted without further deliberation.
She dreamed of puzzles and code, the code sometimes taking on the general outline of Mikaela's face. It grew strange as she began to speak, her voice sounding flat and artificial like WolfMosh's as she instructed her with strict discipline.
Another face's outline then joined in, but it was Wilma's. Her voice started to speak up in Rei's defense, but suddenly, the dream began to crack, Rei's vision swimming as the code and the two faces split. Beneath the dream, blurry snippets of something else flitted past, and the dreaming woman felt herself drawn in.
***
Fragmented memory flashback
The world around her was strange. Nothing seemed quite right, but she couldn't pinpoint what was so terribly wrong. She was sitting in a coffin — that was normal, right? She liked her coffin — and a shadowy figure held something out to her.
Rei felt herself take it — whatever it was — and the figure said something she couldn't hear. Rei still somehow knew she was supposed to do something.
She felt herself sink into the coffin, its cold embrace speaking of imminent death cradling her like her now-dead mother once did.
She was searching for something inside a void until she suddenly found it. Something was protecting it, though, keeping her at bay, but she knew it was vital that she figured out what it was.
When she touched upon its protective barrier, the barrier let her in. It wanted her inside?
What she saw when she was permitted to do so was a vision of such complexity and beauty that it left her stunned.
The being — no, goddess — above moved closer and gave her a hug very different from the cold embrace of the coffin.
It was a closeness that elicited agony.
Rei tried to escape — tried to return to the cold yet comfortable coffin — but nothing she did worked. The goddess wanted her close, and she could not deny the goddess what she took fancy to.
The coffin had sealed her fate, as coffins do.
Rei thought she should have understood this when accepting its embrace.
***
Rei woke up with a scream, cold sweat soaking the clothes she'd fallen asleep in. She felt her body shivering, and her breaths came in ragged gasps.
What the everliving fuck was that?!
Rei's head was intermittently buzzing with static. Emotions — both foreign and of her own mind — raged for attention.
That flashback had been... intense. And what had her so worked up, other than how bizarre it had been, was what it represented.
It had been the final moments of the old Rei. Her last actions. It had felt wrong on so many levels that she didn't even know where to begin.
The worst of it was reliving the pain she'd inflicted on the old Rei, something she'd intellectually knew must have been present but had hoped to never remember.
The part that was Agnes was drowning in guilt, yet she couldn't bring herself to regret it, making the smidgen of remorse feel highly hypocritical.
The part that was the old Rei was burning with a confusing mix of fury and betrayal, not all of it directed at Agnes.
The young woman lying shivering on top of the bedcovers felt her mind slowly breaking, the tentative equilibrium she'd established crumbling. It was a torture impossible to convey in words alone.
In reflex to the pain, fear, and other overwhelming emotions, Rei activated her one and only perk. It helped keep her conflicting thoughts from remaining paralyzed, but the cold, calculative mindset overlapping itself upon them made her starkly aware of the danger she was currently in.
If I don't solve this soon, my mind might deteriorate to such an extent that mere memory loss isn't worth mentioning.
What she had to do wasn't complicated, but that didn't mean it would be easy.
Mobilizing all her considerable willpower — more than she'd ever used in her life before — she clamped down on her mind, forcing her psyche into a temporary period of calm.
「Notice:
[Strong Will] skill level has increased.
Level 4 → 5」
「Notice:
Skill level ceiling hit. Governing attribute: Ego insufficient for further progress.」
[Merciless], though, seemed to have hit its limit.
I can't hold this forever. It will tire me out and make me highly unstable — even with the perk active.
She began searching for an answer until finding one:
The obscured figure who handed her what had to be the data slate holding Agnes' consciousness. It was an entity to which both her currently splitting personas could feel a draw. The old Rei's feelings were of betrayal and fury, and Agnes' feelings reflected curiosity mixed with a tinge of gratitude.
The feelings themselves may have been different, but the solution to resolving them was the same:
Finding out who put the old Rei in Agnes' path.
Rei molded her psyche using her willpower, backed by the desire to find that entity. Her disparate memories and elicited feelings subsided before rallying behind that goal.
The previously crumbling unity repaired itself before her psyche blended further. The two sides of her mind intermixed to a never-before-achieved state, strengthening her ego and mentality.
She'd reforged herself once more, using the desire for answers as another catalyst for mental stability.
「Notice:
Ego attribute has increased.
Ego: 5 → 6
Received: 500 Experience」
Mental exhaustion hit Rei like a truck as she stopped forcing her now stable mind into order. Her [Merciless] perk also toggled off as she let go. No matter how tired she was, she still held the attribute reconfiguration at bay as she wasn't ready for it.
She groaned and turned to lie on her back, her eyes puffy from tears she hadn't even felt herself shedding. She wiped them away with her sleeve before staring at the ceiling, spent.
That was harrowing.
She let out a tiny snort of disdain at herself, disgusted by her near mental crippling from her weakness.
As sad as it is to realize that I'm not as perfect as I'd like, the experience was undoubtedly valuable. One level in [Strong Will] and another attribute increase in [Ego].
Not to mention that there's more to my supposed betrayal than anyone has deigned to share.
Rei checked the description for [Strong Will] again and saw that the governing attribute was [Ego], meaning the warning of hitting a skill ceiling should now be moot. It had increased after hitting that ceiling, after all.
I hope no one saw all that.
