eunzel
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🕑 Added 2022-02-24 04:01:09 +0000 UTC감정은 결국 진짜가 아니라던데.
기분 좋아지는 약을 먹으면 금방 울적했던 걸 잊고 행복해지는 것이라던데.
그래서 행복하면 웃는게 아니라 웃으면 행복해진다던데!
문제는 요즘 집에서 웃는 일이 많이 줄어들었어요.
집에 있는 시간이 대부분인데 집에서 웃을 일이 줄어드니 기분도 자연히 좋지 않고요.
말하기는 어려운 가족 문제로 요즘 집에 있는 시간의 대부분이 별로 즐겁지가 않아요.
제게는 집이 휴식 공간이자 일터인데 정말 큰 문제인거죠.
이 문제가 스트레스가 된지 작년 말부터 지금까지 몇달 째. 그래서 일 효율성도 떨어지고. 에휴.
사람은 결국 환경의 산물이기에 이런 환경을 빨리 개선하고 안정화 해야 하는데
거기에 앞으로 또 몇달이 소요될 것 같아요. 이 생각만으로도 급 울적.
작년 말에 극심하게 스트레스 받는 일을 겪은 후
눈가에 스트레스성 틱이 왔었는데 잘 관리해서 좋아졌었는데요.
최근에 또 똑같은 요소로 스트레스 받으니
나았던 증상이 재발... 하아...지금은 다행히 또 다시 괜찮아지긴 했답니다.
제발 날 그냥 가만히 내버려 둬 ㅠ.ㅠ 외치고 싶은 마음.
내 인생인데. 왜 내가 아닌 다른 사람이 내 인생을 대신 살려고 할까...?
이런 생각 하는 분들 정말 많으시죠?
저는 이겨내고 이겨내면서 살아가면서도 여전히 쉽지 않은 문제에요.
안그래도 스트레스가 몸으로 와서 힘든데
게다가 지금 마침 한달 호르몬 주기로 더 더 울적!
어제부터 급격히 피곤해진 몸, 미열 두통으로 하루종일 몽롱.
끄아앙 찡찡대기 또 시작.
올해 딱히 크고 구체적인 목표는 없었는데요.
지금의 이 환경을 제대로 정리하는 게 올해의 목표가 되었어요.
일에 집중하지 못하는 이런 이유 저런 이유 탓 탓 하는 것도 이제 지겨워서요.
올해의 목표 지금 정했습니다 땅땅땅 ㅠ_ㅠ
결론은, 난 너무 나약한 닝겐.
It is said that 'emotions' aren't real after all.
If you take a medicine that makes you feel good, you will soon forget the sadness and become happy.
That's why it's said that when you smile, you become happy! Instead of waiting for you to become happy, just laugh.
The problem is, I don't laugh a lot at home these days.
I spend most of my time at home, but I laugh less at home.
It's hard to tell you everything about the reason because it's private family related matter.
For me, home is a place to relax and work, which means a lot to me.
It has been several months since the end of last year since this problem became stressful.
That has also been a main reason making me depressed to focus on working.
Humans are, after all, a product of the environment, so I need to fix,improve and stabilize my environment asap.
But all I can do is to wait and it will take some more months for this problem to be solved.
Remember I told you about my muscle tense around my eyes?
Taking a rest and medicine, I thought it was fixed.
But recently, I've been stressed by the exactly same factor again and I could feel the same symptoms recurring. Stress really is the cause of every disease I believe.
I just want to shout out, please just leave me alone.
it's my life and I don't want anybody live my life for me.
I don't want any expectations about my life from others.
But I know most of people are experiencing similar family problems... so I should not say like I'm too sad and tired about this...
Well, even though I live through my life overcoming and overcoming this kind of problem, it is still a difficult problem.
And it's really hard to handle because mental stress affects my body directly.
From yesterday, my body was rapidly tired, and I was hazy all day with a mild fever and headache because of my hormone cycle.
I didn't have any big, specific goals for this year.
But now I have one!
This year's MAIN goal is to properly fix my environment.
I'm tired of blaming this and that for not being able to concentrate on my work !
Conclusion is, I'm one WEAK human lol..
Comments
Monica Cecilia
We all have our moments of weakness. I hope things for you get better soon ❤️🩹
조니
Maybe the stress is from the election 🗳
Luxion
Physical exercises helps to releave stress. Try for once or twice a week. It will help you to clear your mind. Health is more important
Ronny [Rendition]
I'm sorry to hear that you're stressed again. I can't agree that you are weak, tho. You are already so far ahead of most people: 1) You have realized (and admitted to yourself) that you are indeed stressed and that it's the stress that's causing your health issues like the twitching of the eye muscle. 2) You have already identified the cause of the stress and you even have a rough time frame of when the problem can be resolved. 3) You have the strong resolve and the main goal to fix the issue. These 3 things put you so much ahead of most people that I have no doubts at all that you'll be able to solve the problem. All it'll take is the directed effort you're willing to take and some time. Hang in there. 화이팅!
힘내요 은젤님! 항상 좋은 영상 만들어 주셔서 고마워요 :)
genki ian
It's really sad if anyone doesn't understand when they add too much stress to another's home life. If unable to notice any unhealthy effects from stress they add, hopefully they could at least read and respect written feelings like this diary. But in long hard cases when mutual understanding and shared respect of personal peace can't happen, then making your own private home space you can live, work, relax, whatever, uninterrupted peacefully happily is another way to try. Since there would always still be other times to meet family like on a holiday. Whichever way your home can be a happier one, we're with you Eunzel!
Eunzel, please never forget that you bring so much joy to us, and we are always here to support and understand you. Please take all the time you ever need to rest and regain the energy that was drained from you. We will be here for you in the end, always.
Cait Sunny Sunblade
You're not weak. You're the strongest human who always improves life everywhere. We love and support you in a happier home! #favoritehuman 😽😺
popo
은젤님이 웃는 모습을 보면 행복한데 이런 큰일이네요. 좋은 일만 가득하셔야 할텐뎅. 요즘 ASMR 일 특성상 우울한 분이 많나봐요. 자책하지 마시고 쉴 땐 쉬는 겁니다. 힘내세용!
Anthony (aka Joe Cool)
I don't know what you're going through but I hope it all works out for you. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions like cutting contact with the toxic people in your life to make yourself happy and that's okay. Wishing you the best, Eunzel.
Danny8675
Im glad you see what needs to change that’s usually the hardest and sometimes most uncomfortable thing to realize. Believe me I know 😓. Always try to keep moving forward even if you stumble in you’ll be at a better place then you were before. Good luck we’re all rooting for you.
