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B2. 8 - Himself as a Wall

🕑 Added 2025-05-05 14:54:41 +0000 UTC

Comments

MilkTheShark

Please don’t do anything stupid out there,” Elian fervently prayed in his head. -> Please don’t do anything stupid out there, Elian fervently prayed in his head. (Thoughts, when italicized, don't need quotation marks)

Gerardo Jr. Diaz

Thanks for the help proofreading! I changed 'our' to 'we' in the prior line and forgot to change the next line. Thanks for the tip about starting with pronouns. I was thinking the italics should be on 'your' since Gideon always says 'my creation'. But simpler is we just put "your plant symbiote" to avoid confusion. Thanks again!

MilkTheShark

Tribulations would prepare discreetly -> Tribulations discreetly prepare “Our plan, you say -> “We plan, you say She touched Elian’s bandages -> The female twin touched Elian’s bandages (Or some variation of that, you can't start a paragraph with a pronoun even if the paragraph only ended because of dialogue, unless the pronoun is of the speaker ie: "blah blah," said Elian. He... Elian was able to leave -> Elian was about to leave Good that we have a cure for your Viney. (I think the italics should be on "Viney" not on "your," if I am reading the intention of the dialogue correctly)

Undead Writer

Thanks for the chapter!


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