thomas lodge
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A Fall in the City - Chapter 13
🕑 Added 2024-06-25 10:00:01 +0000 UTCLittle heads-up before you start reading, this chapter is heavily focused on the plot and on the aftermath of Chapter 12's twist.
I hope you will like it despite the lack of eroticism. See you next week for more (steamy) adventures with Blake and Joe.
A FALL IN THE CITY
Chapter 13: What (really) happened last Summer
It was a miracle I did not crash my car since I was driving so hectically.
I tried to call both Blake and Liv but none of them picked up their phone.
Maybe it was for the best because I had no idea of whatever I could have told them.
I mean, I could have warned Blake that she already knew, I could have tried to stop the proposal from happening, but Liv… What was there to say to her?
“Sorry I fucked your future husband.” ; “I know you burnt down my farm and tried to kills us all but that’s all right.”
I parked in front of their building, still not knowing what exactly I was going for.
I needed to talk to Liv, make sure she was okay, that was the priority.
The fact that Olivia had been in the know this whole time was blowing my mind. Although her behaviour did seem odd at times, it was hard to believe she had been pretending for nearly two months.
Maybe I had built a story in my head which was not true?
But why else would she have swallowed those pills?
I knocked at their door and since nobody answered, I got in unannounced.
I was very much on edge and I must have looked like a maniac.
I had left the castle in such a rush that I was only wearing an old dirty tank-top, some shorts, and sneakers without socks on.
Fucking hell, the rose petals were there, scattered on the floor. I thought that the proposal had already happened. I was in too late.
Blake came out from the bedroom in an elegant black suit.
For once, his hair was combed. He looked stunned to see me barging in his living room.
“Blake! Where’s Liv?!” I barked at him.
“Joe! What are you doing here? She’s not in the apartment.”
“You cannot propose to her!”
“I know.”
I noticed the tears in his eyes, he had cried.
“Oh…”
“She’s gone, Joe.”
He had talked in barely a whisper.
“What happened?”
“I had set everything up. The ring, the flowers, the champagne. I… I swear, I really tried to convince myself it was the right thing to do. I followed your advice. I mean, I’m straight, she’s perfect, we were doing so well before… before last Summer. She was my best shot.”
“Oh God… What are you rumbling about? Where is she?”
“Joe, I could not go through with it in the end. When she came in, she saw me in the suit, and she started crying and… I… Fuck, I simply could not ask her to marry me. I… It would have been so wrong.”
He bit his lips.
“I guess it would have been.” I confirmed.
“Joe, I’m sorry but I told her about us, I had to. Although, I think that she…”
“She already knew.” I finished his sentence.
“How?”
“Look, Blake. I’ve come here because I’ve learned something. This is why I have to see her, I’m worried. I think she caught us the night of the fire, I believe that… I believe that she tried to kill herself.”
Saying it out loud was a shock, even for me.
If this was even possible, Blake’s face broke down even more.
“Kill herself?” He blurted out.
“All I know is that she swallowed dozens of sleeping pills that night. I read her medical records.”
“Fuck… That’s why she was so dizzy. It had been so hard to wake her up. Damn… How the hell did we miss that?”
“She must have seen us in the kitchen, you remember what we did that night?”
Blake nodded yes sombrely.
He looked so handsome in his suit; this was such a waste.
“That explains a lot of things.” He spoke. “I thought that I was the reason why it felt different between us but if she knew, all this time… And her reaction tonight, when I told her, she was so cold about it.”
“I think she’s the one who set fire to the farm.”
“No… Joe, she wouldn’t have done that. We almost died.”
“Think about it, Blake.”
He sat on a stool.
“She’s gone crazy then.”
“She hasn’t. We’ve done something terrible to her. Listen, I’m even more concerned now that you talked to Liv, it must have been another trauma. I have to find her, when did she leave?”
“About twenty minutes ago. We had a fight and… Maybe she’s gone to one of her best friends?”
“Do you have their phone numbers? We’ll call them right now.”
Blake agreed and we started listing the places where Olivia could have gone.
I was terrified that she may have made an awful mistake. What if she was doing something to hurt herself?
I was about to call one of her friends when Blake stopped me.
“Wait, Joe!”
“What?”
“She’s right there!”
He was pointing at the window.
I stood up and ran to have a look.
“Where?”
“In the park. She didn’t take the car, she just walked outside.”
Indeed, there she was, easily noticeable with a red jacket in the obscurity of the park. Phew!
“Thank God. Ok, I’ll just go.”
“Should I come with you?” Blake asked.
“No. Stay here. And clean that freaking apartment, no need to have any sort of reminder of this proposal.”
“Joe… I haven’t told her much, just that, something had happened with someone else. I told her it was a guy, and she was the one to ask if that person was you. I said yes, and then, she left.”
“I’m done with the damn lies anyway. You stay put and we’ll… We’ll figure a solution. I have to see her first.”
I was still fixed upon the fact that she had swallowed those drugs.
I could not imagine how she had felt, going down to take a snack or something, and finding us, banging against the kitchen counter.
I hurried downstairs, fearing she might disappear again.
When I found her, she was sitting on the exact same bench I had picked on my first day in Sacramento, about seven weeks before.
“Liv…” I muttered.
She jumped a little and turned her beautiful angelic face towards me.
“Dad?”
“Liv, I… I’m here. I need to talk to you.”
“Blake called you?”
She was not crying.
Blake had described her best, she looked cold and emotionless. That was scary.
“He didn’t call me… I came to the apartment because I needed to see you.”
She chuckled.
“You’re not going to pretend that you wanted to come clean now that Blake has admitted to it? That’s convenient!”
“No. The truth is, I never wanted to come clean because I never wanted to hurt you.”
She looked away.
I walked a bit closer to her and I tentatively sat on the bench, right next to her. She let me.
We were not allowed to be sitting in the park at this late hour in October. Aside from a few drunks we could hear from afar, we were alone.
“Liv, I… I’ve got access to your medical records… I took a look at them tonight and… God, Liv, what have you done?”
“You’re really asking me that question? Don’t you think I should be the one searching for answers.”
I could not say anything right.
“It’s not what I meant…” I tried to touch her hand but she pushed me away. “Liv, I’m talking about the pills that you took… That was so dangerous. You could have died.”
“I know.”
“Fuck… I’m so freaking sorry… I… I don’t even know where to begin… But Liv, please...”
She finally looked back at me.
“Dad, I was the one who set fire to your precious farm. I did not mean to harm you or anyone, I… I just lost it when I saw you… Christ, I don’t even remember exactly what I saw, it was just too much…”
“I don’t give fuck a about the damn farm! You can hurt me! You can hit me! Please, do! I deserve it, you should hate me. But you cannot hurt yourself, not because of me. Never.”
Some tears fell from her eyes.
“I didn’t want to hurt myself… I… I don’t know, my mind just switched.”
“Why didn’t you say anything afterwards? At the hospital? And then… Asking me to live with you guys? Why?!”
“What was I supposed to do? When they brought me to the hospital, they talked about the police, they asked me a ton questions, why I had this drug in my body. I… I didn’t know what I was supposed to say or to whom.”
“Liv, this must have been hell, I seriously don’t know what to tell you.”
“I didn’t know what to believe anymore. I think I was more shocked by what I have done myself, than anything else. I was mortified that Blake or you would get serious injuries. It was looking pretty bad at first; I was just praying for everyone to be okay. And then… I started to wonder if I had actually seen anything… Maybe it was just a nightmare…”
She seemed to lose her train of thoughts.
I wanted to hug her, to tell her that everything would be okay but I could not. It was all my fault.
I thought about Debbie, how she would be hating me for putting our daughter through that.
“What you saw was real, Liv, and I don’t blame you for your reaction. You hear me? Not for one second.”
She wiped her tears.
“I tried to reason myself, so hard. At some point, I managed to convince myself that what I had seen may have not been what it seemed like. You know? I was jet-lagged, I was exhausted, and then I took all of these pills which made the memories of the night even blurrier. I told myself that I was the one going mad. Maybe I had imagined the whole thing and I had almost killed us all. I felt terribly guilty.”
“Good Lord, sweety….”
“But sometimes, the memory was coming back so clearly and… Not only that, I was seeing stuff happening between you two. The sparks, the unspoken words, the incidental touches. I don’t know what I tried to do by asking you to live with us, but it’s like I wanted to understand, to keep an eye on the both of you. I needed to know if I was losing my mind or not.”
“My angel, I had no idea that you were suspecting anything… I had no idea it was driving you crazy… I left the apartment to live at Fran’s mansion precisely because I wanted for things to go back to normal.”
“Normal? What is even normal?”
“You and Blake. That’s what it should be!”
“Please… Don’t try to defend my relationship with Blake.”
“You two deserved better. I thought that by leaving you alone, you would be able to fix things. I… I thought you would never have to learn about what had happened and that you could be happy.”
We both remained silent for a while.
She seemed less detached from her emotions. She was softly crying.
“I should have broken up with Blake, right away.” She spoke after a little while.
“Liv…”
“I should have confronted the both of you. But what was I supposed to say? Hey, dad, have you really fucked my boyfriend or not? I buried my head in the sand. I did not want to see the reality, to remember it. I even tried to make things work with Blake. I think he was doing the same. We were all playing a sick game of pretending it was all fine when, no pun intended, the house was literally burning.”
“I wish you could just hate me, Liv, and feel better, be okay.”
“Why? What good would it bring me to hate my own father when I no longer have my mother? How would that be helpful?”
“Sweety, you have your dad. I’m right here. Always. Even if you do hate me, no matter what, anytime you’d call me, I would run to you.”
“What happened with Blake?” She finally asked.
“It’s complicated…”
“Don’t start with the complicated bullshit. Just tell me. Even when I was trying to remember what I had seen, in my mind, it was two guys trying something together, doing some weird sexual stuff… It could not mean anything. Right? But tonight, when Blake told me about someone else, he looked… It was like that meant something. I’m so confused. What happened last Summer?”
“I don’t know myself what really happened… We were by ourselves, working on the farm for three months, we were spending all of our time together, we started fooling around and, somehow, things got further than just fooling around.”
“Somehow? Come on, dad… I know you have this thing, this attraction for men but Blake, what the hell?! You could not keep it in your pants, even for my boyfriend.”
“Wait. How do you know?”
“Dad, even when mom was still alive you were fucking men on the side. You were not that discreet and you were not fooling anyone! That’s quite a constant with you actually, the lack of discretion when you think that you’re so clever…”
Well, this was rather unexpected.
“Liv, I loved your mother.”
This was the only thing I thought about mentioning in that moment. The only thing which mattered regarding Debbie, truly.
“I know… I was there when she was sick. I have never blamed you for anything, you’ve been on her side all along and I know you’ve protected me from the worst of it.”
“It was such a difficult time.”
“Years later, I saw how close you were to some of the guys working on the farm with you but I never judged you or asked any question.”
“Believe me, Liv, in any way possible, you’ve been the perfect daughter. I’ve always been so proud of you. I had no idea that you knew or were suspecting anything.”
“Why should I care that you date other men? It’s 2024 for God’s sake. But Blake! Why Blake?!”
“I know…”
“See, despite what I assumed about you fucking other men, not for a second, I thought that something could happen between you and Blake. The idea did not even cross my mind. I wanted him to spend the Summer at the farm, I pushed for it! I thought that this was the only way he would remain faithful to me for three whole months. Well, I guess karma’s a bitch because as it turns out, he could cheat on me anywhere, even with my own dad.”
“To be as honest as I can here, I think that what happened with Blake was a shock to the both of us. We didn’t expect it, and it’s true, I had been with other men but… Sweety, the thing you have to understand is that until then, I had never considered once in my life that things could be serious with another guy. In my mind, fooling around with another dude did not mean anything. That’s just something some men do, like locker-rooms’ banters and horsing around.”
“Until then? Until Blake, you mean?”
I thought it was better to lay all the cards on the table.
“That’s crazy because I’ve never even told him that, but yes, Blake changed the way I was seeing things. I hate myself for it but I did catch feelings for him. I repressed them, I ignored them, but they were there”
I was trying not to cry since I had joined Olivia in the park but I could not hold it anymore.
I tried to hide my tears to her, luckily, it was already dark outside.
“Oh God… My dad’s in love with my boyfriend… How is this even happening?”
“Believe me, I have no idea.”
“The worst part is, I think it’s reciprocal.”
“Blake is confused, but he does love you…”
“He’s not confused and stop talking on his behalf. Dad, Blake’s been totally different since the farm. I’m convinced he only stayed with me because you made him to. He cheated on me before, but that’s different.”
“He cheated?”
“When we started dating. I caught the DMs and everything, I forgave him because I was an idiot and I liked him so much. I thought he had changed in the past couple of years. In retrospect, I should not have been surprised. Cheat on me once, shame on you, cheat on me twice, shame on me. Be careful though, he’s not a very faithful boyfriend.”
She chuckled.
That was awkward.
“If he had popped the question, would you have said yes? Would you have agreed to marry him? Despite what you knew.”
“I did not know what I knew anymore. Seriously. I was so confused. Until tonight, I was living my life, set on automatic mode, trying to rebuild something which was deemed to collapse. I don’t know what I would have said. You would have let him marry me?”
“Only because I thought that it would have been the best outcome to make you happy.”
“I guess I should thank you, then?”
I sighed.
“It’s not what I meant, but it is the truth. He told me about the proposal and I told him that his job was to make you happy. I’m sincerely convinced that no man would be luckier than to be with you. And since you had chosen Blake, I wanted you to have him.”
“Well, I certainly didn’t want to fight with my dad over a guy.”
It was my turn to chuckle nervously.
“I don’t know if I feel more stupid or guilty about what I’ve done, but Liv, I… I didn’t mean it to happen, and I certainly didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“I didn’t mean to send us all to the hospital. Not really anyway.”
“We’re all okay. You’re not… You’re not having scary thoughts anymore?”
“Scary thoughts? Suicidal thoughts, you mean?”
“Oh please, don’t even say those words.”
“I don’t, dad. I never actually had. I… I reacted impulsively. I’m not proud of it. I mean, I might be going to prison soon for my behaviour that night.”
“No freaking way, I’ll tell them that I burn my own farm if I have to!”
“I had to talk with the police at first but they don’t seem that bright or interested in the matter. It seems to take a lot of time for them to investigate. For some reason, the fire department had concluded the fire to be an accident, well, at least, for now. They’re waiting you to press charges, you know, so they are forced to investigate further.”
“I cannot believe I wanted to kill Dave!”
I burst out laughing way too loudly.
Again, it was just the pressure coming off.
No matter how tough that talk was, it was lifting a huge weight off my shoulders.
“You know I was really scared about that? When you started accusing him. This is also why I insisted to have you coming here, like, I didn’t want you to kill an innocent man!”
“Eh, that guy would have deserved to be punched in the face anyway. He’s not that innocent.”
“I didn't think it would take on such proportions. I walked in the kitchen… I saw you two doing… Well, whatever you were doing. Immediately, I went back to bed and I pretended that I was asleep… Once Blake came back and fell asleep himself, I don’t even remember what I did first, swallowing the pills or lilting a match. I lit the match and threw it in the hay, inside the barn, I was thinking of that moment when you showed it to me, you were both so proud of that fucking barn.”
“I told you; I don’t care about the farm.”
“Doing that was a huge mistake anyway. I’ve been regretting it ever since then. I don’t recognize who I was in that moment.”
“Can I hug you?” I asked.
“It may be too soon for that.”
There was another long moment of silence.
I thought about Blake who was probably watching us through the window.
“I don’t want to lose you, Liv. Tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it. Anything.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, dad. I need you in my life. It would be punishing myself to cut ties with you. I mean, for God’s sake; I cannot lose my boyfriend and my dad at the same time! That would be too cruel.”
Hearing her say that was both a relief and a dagger through the heart.
“What do you want to do then?”
“I don’t know. I’ll start by asking Blake to take his things and move out from the apartment as soon as possible.”
“You two don’t have to break up.”
“Dad… Seriously?”
“I know…”
“Really, you can have him for yourself, I don’t care. I should have never trusted a guy who had cheated on me before. I have so many guys hitting me up, I have prospects, I know my worth. I don’t have to time to lose.”
“You sound like your mother.”
She smiled at me.
It was her first genuine smile.
“I don’t think I need a man to make me happy anyway. The internship went well in London, Blake didn’t want to leave the U.S., he didn’t even like the city. I’m free now, to do whatever I want. I want to travel more, discover the world.”
I hoped she was sincere. She looked like it.
I guessed that it would take time but she was right, she did not need to rely on anyone to be happy and there were so many guys who would give anything to be with her. Marrying Olivia would be hitting the jackpot for any reasonable guy.
“I’ll make sure that there’s no formal charges or complaint for the fire.” I told her. “And as for Blake…”
“Don’t tell me.”
“What?”
“I know there’s something between you two, this is way too fresh and way too crazy for me to process. But I’m done with him and I’d rather you not lie to me. Whatever happens with him is no longer my business.”
Wait… Did I have her blessing?
“Okay. I… I won’t talk to you about him.”
She stood up.
“I should go now. I have another long talk to go through.”
She looked at their apartment in the darkness. The lights were on in the living-room. Blake must have been freaking the hell out.
“We should get together at some point tomorrow or next week. I don’t want us to get apart.”
“Dad, before you came living here, we were seeing each other four times a year, top.”
“Maybe, but it’s different now.”
“I think I’m gonna need some time but… I heard what you said about you being there, no matter what. I won’t forget it.”
“Any time, any place, for any reason. You call me and I’ve got you, sweety.”
“Thanks.”
“You haven’t lost your dad; I promise you that.” I insisted.
“You haven’t lost your daughter.”
I almost tried to hug her again but I did not want to push too hard.
The conversation had already gone better than anything I could have imagined.
“Promise me that if you ever go through something and you feel like you’re losing it, you’ll call me, even if that means you’ll have to tell me difficult truths or to hate me.”
“Dad, if there is one thing I regret, it’s my reaction when I found out. I promise you; I won’t do anything crazy. It’s not about you, I simply have too much ahead of me to ruin everything for a guy.”
“That’s my girl.”
“Let’s go. I really need to talk to Blake.”
“Okay, call me if there is anything else.”
She walked ahead and left me behind.
Something was definitely broken between us, but my daughter was a warrior, she was proving it to me once again.
When I got inside my car, I could not help wondering.
Did that talk mean that I could try it out with Blake, one day, for real? Arf, I had to stop being delusional.
Comments
ƎE
I'm late to the party, but, wow... What a well written chapter! Emotions and psychology so well captured. I was expecting a serious fall out, and a storyline that makes Joe pay for his lack of self control and indiscretions, before making things better for everyone. But I've always been a vindictive bitch abt cheaters and homewreckers, and this outcome does seem more humane.
syrus80
Wow! This could very well be my favorite series. Blake, you better not cheat on Joe!!
