SpiralingSilverandEyes
patreon
Mental Health Updates
🕑 Added 2025-06-06 20:02:58 +0000 UTCAlright! For those who don't know, I've got the dreaded big D, and I don't mean the vitamin (or the hog). It's usually pretty well under control, intermingled as it is with a lot of other funky brain stuff I got, but circumstances have changed.
I'm in between health insurances currently, and thus really struggling to renew my medication. The HRT is a few weeks from gone, and rationing it has had some... shall we say, effects. The main one being that I think I've been having a depressive episode for... a while, and mostly just muscling through. Then, I hit a fucking wall. A really bad week, coupled with a breakup that really hit on some old scars, knocked me down further than I've been in a good long fucking while, and I'm... still dealing with that. Health insurance issues means no therapy, no blood tests recently, unbalanced meds, prescriptions I haven't been able to fill, and yeah, you know what, the world fucking SUCKS right now, which hasn't helped. I think I could have every med I could possibly need or even vaguely use and still be pretty fucked up while watching the series of ongoing genocides and totalitarian regimes and so on and so forth.
So. We got a chapter today. I think that'll be the only one for today specifically, but the fact that I managed to output most of said chapter in like, a few hours today, means that maybe things are shifting. I have a support system of people who love me, habits I am trying to gain or reform, and frankly, a not insignificant amount of spite to help fuel the engines. But, still, Ilia at 4.09 was a... pretty honest self-reflection for how I've been feeling, so it's rough fucking going. I know we've bled a Lot of people from the patreon, which is completely fair considering my usual output to now, but we're still doing well on here, and the support of everyone here and everyone who spreads the word, cares enough to read, enjoys the work, or even just stops by still has a massive effect.
I'm eternally grateful to you all. I've been through worse, and I come back faster each time- the pit being deeper than usual doesn't change that. I thank you for your patience, apologize for the change, and in spite of all the mess, I'm going to keep going, here and in my life. See you guys again soon (probably tomorrow, but let's not jinx it!).
Comments
Dacorvyn Young
Damn I feel this so much. The world is so hard to live in right now. Doing whatever you can to survive it takes so much. Well wishes in your battles sister.
Danidreye
Please do your best to take care of yourself. I know having a job with strict deadlines isn't always the best for mental health, but your life and your situation is more important than us getting a chapter. I hope Ilia isn't too much of a self-report about your location, but i know a lot of states have good mutual aid networks that can do wonders for rebuilding. You make something special here, but please, don't fall into the trap of harming yourself for the demands of internet strangers. You deserve better :)
