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Finding Your Truth (Chapter 4)
🕑 Added 2021-01-05 16:00:03 +0000 UTCChapter 4 = Mistakes and Opportunities: Over the next few days I went back to the LGBTQ club multiple times. At first I didn’t really know why I was doing it. I had never gone to a club like that before but it just felt so... right. I was going there to be accepted, to be called Lexi, and... I was lying to myself if I said one of the reasons I was going back there wasn’t to see Lauren.
The entire time I had been wearing pull-ups! I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know what it really was inside of me that had changed but it felt good. It felt good to be confident in myself and what I wanted to wear, whether or not anyone else knew it. I had only peed in one once so far, and in my bathtub, but it felt strangely calming and relaxing.
Lauren and I continued talking about several different topics, but I found myself growing shy and excited whenever the topics would move to things related to me dressing like a girl or acting like a girl, etc.
“Ya know...” Lauren said one day with a smirk. “There is something I can show you that you might be excited about.” Lauren got up from her chair and went over to the office door. She put a do-not disturb sign on it, shut the door, and locked it. She turned back around and smiled at me. Then she walked over to a closet that was blocked by some boxes. After moving them over she opened the closet and I was shocked to see a huge amount of clothes for all shapes, sizes, and genders. “Welcome to the Transformation Station.” Lauren said with a grin. “We are gonna try some stuff on you sweetie and see what you like. This is for anyone in the club to use freely as they please. Now... can you undress for me?”
I blushed deeply and found myself hesitating to do something like that in front of someone who was practically a stranger. Though I knew I could trust Lauren, we were in private and she just wanted to help. Without thinking, too distracted by the clothes and Lauren’s smile, I took my jacket off and then I dropped my pants.
Immediately, I knew something was wrong. Lauren’s face had grown to be one of shock and confusion. “W-what’s wrong?” I said, suddenly self-conscious, thinking that she was appalled at my skinny legs or something weird with my skin. Lauren mumbled for a moment before she could get the words out.
“What is that?” With one finger she was pointing down at my crotch and I looked down and let out a physical yell. I had completely forgotten about what I was wearing! After multiple days of wearing them it had begun to feel normal! I was still wearing pull-ups! I felt the blood draining from my face as I looked down at the multicolored flowers staring up at me.
I raced to grab my pants and pull them up. “Holy shit! Oh my god! I’m so sorry. I’m so stupid.” I wanted to bury my head. How could I have done something so stupid? How could I have forgotten about what I was wearing and revealed it? To Lauren of all people!
She wasn’t saying anything and I found myself wondering what I should do. She looked like she wanted to be as far away from me as possible right now.
A few moments passed before I worked up the courage enough to speak again,
“L-look Lauren I...”
“Please... I think you should go.” She said softly, her eyes averted to the floor.
As she said the words it felt like my heart had just been crushed by an anvil. It felt like I had just been punched in the gut by a pro-wrestler. I wanted to say something, I wanted to protest... and yet...
“Oh... o-okay...” I picked up my things as quick as I could and left the room. As I walked across campus I could feel myself tearing up. I had finally found someone, someone I really truly cared about... and who cared about me. And I’d fucked it up. As I reentered my dorm room, my stupid roommate was there so I couldn’t even take off the stupid girly garment that had caused all this unless I excused myself to the bathroom. I didn’t feel like doing that though.
I was glad that my roommate didn’t ask what the matter was as I flopped down onto my bed and forced myself not to bawl like a baby.
Why did I have to be so weird?! Why did I have to be so abnormal?! Why the fuck did I have to be interested in diapers? Or girly things? Why couldn’t I just be a normal guy? I found myself praying that I could become super buff, and hairy, and manly. I found myself denying my feminine side. I was denying the desires I had had for years. I was denying Lexi altogether.
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A couple days had gone by since the incident in the LGBTQ club. I had seen Lauren a few times since in the hallways or outside on campus but she avoided eye contact with me. That was it then, I had really ruined my chances with an amazing girl because of some weird lifestyle... or fetish... or I didn’t really know what to call it because I didn’t know what to make of it myself.
Since that day with Lauren I hadn’t worn any of my pull-ups. The package was still in my closet. I even attempted to throw them away a few times, but something was holding me back from going through with it. I wondered how long my resolve on that would hold out.
That Friday classes had been cancelled so I was sitting in the green room in the theatre department sulking when a surprisingly familiar face walked in.
“Hey there sweetie...” I looked up to find myself face to face with Alice, the girl from the cosmetology department. I found the blush returning to my cheeks as I remembered the way our previous conversation had ended.
“Oh... uh, h-hi Alice.” Alice plopped down next to me on the couch.
“You okay?” She asked softly. Her tone was surprising. Gentle and calm. Not dominant and so much like a hard-ass like our last confrontation had been.
“Not really.” I admitted to her.
Alice had a funny look on her face, she seemed like she wanted to tell me something but couldn’t get the words out. She looked around, making sure no one else was in the room, then she got up and shut the door. The next words out of her mouth made my heart do a somersault in my chest.
“Is this about the Pull-Ups?” Alice asked.
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This story was written by Zander Chesney
You can find more of his content here :
https://zanderchesneyoriginals.tumblr.com/
