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August Newsletter: The Chase
🕑 Added 2023-08-01 14:00:10 +0000 UTCI woke up at 4 am this morning from a strange, vivid dream; the dream, plus the fevered interpretation my mind gave it in the following minutes, transformed alchemically into a Good Idea. How Good it was, I wasn’t sure - I didn’t want to follow all the paths it opened up, wanted to preserve the not-yet-activated chambers of my brain for a few more hours of sleep - but I did want to write it down. Where was my phone? It’s always by my bed, but this morning it wasn’t. I got up and walked around my apartment, searching for it without success. Is this a sign that this Good Idea wasn’t meant to be captured - that it was in reality only a lower-case-i idea, blown into greater significance by my less-critical dreaming brain? Should I abandon it and go back to bed? Instead, I grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled the basics down, then laid in bed for another hour and a half while the sun slowly dawned. I drifted a bit, but did not sleep.
After spending half a year largely on hiatus from day-to-day creative work, frankly, I had some reservations about jumping back into the album process. I had achieved a certain level of domestic balance in the absence of a “real-world” project, mainly focusing on body-healing practices and a homespun bible study group with a dozen furries of diverse spiritual holdings. I sensed that getting the next album from vague demos to a completely-manifested work would necessitate awakening some demons I wasn’t eager to see. For me, a Good Idea is like a drug. For a brief window of time, it knits me into the surrounding world and opens up all my senses to the divine flow of the universe; six hours later, I feel worn out, dried up, and at a loss on how to continue, either with my projects or with life in general. The Muse is a jealous god, who demands precedence over sleep, food, and all other relationships.
As per the law of Enneagram type 4, my greatest struggle is envy, which, in cases like this, I take to mean an envy of ideas, and which one occupies the throne. For there to be a Good Idea so enthralling, it requires the existence of many lesser ideas, a mediocre horde which seems to dominate and clutter my daily life. I listen to a song, and a voice whispers “wouldn’t it be better if it went like this” - i.e., “wouldn’t it be better if you wrote it?” I can’t deny that this is a primary motivation for me in the creation of art: dissatisfaction with the existing vehicles, a feeling that nothing here could hold truth so well as that partially-glimpsed snatch of song that only I have the power to chase after and render into a real, accessible thing. It’s what launches me out of the realm of vague, pleasant dreams, and into the sharp realities of arid music studios and windowless, noisy practice spaces. It’s also what makes me, at many points along the way, bitter, closed-off, and harshly disapproving of my bandmates and anyone else involved in the creative process with me. And seemingly every time, at the end of it all, I’m deeply dissatisfied with any reception an album I worked on gets. Envy gets the best of me - it promises some fundamental shift of reality if I chase after the idea, and when I chase it to exhaustion, what I get is the same old reality, that same old feeling of dissatisfaction.
This time feels different. We’re approaching it as a band, obliging me to drop my worst instincts, to remain open and accept an ongoing not-knowing of the whole. I reign in the Judge in my head and encourage him to use his instincts for good, to be less Beethoven knocking his colleagues off of piano benches, more Christmas-romcom protagonist who channels her creative energies into making wreaths for her loved ones. Because that’s all any creative work is in the end, no matter how ambitious - a temporary arrangement of materials in a way that opens hearts, causes joy for a short while, and, perhaps, leaves a lasting impression of love.
So far this summer, I’m having the time of my life. We’re passing work back and forth, getting excited about each other’s ideas and coming up with pieces I never would have dreamed up on my own, buds of the album that gloriously manifest that initial half-glimpsed state, which would have died unwatered if I’d been left to my own devices. Out of all the ideas flying around, certainly the best one I’ve followed this year is this: cherish the people, not the Ideas.
E: But I might actually be an Enneagram 8...still, envy is envy...
Comments
very.happy.ben
i got an extra of this months newsletter in the mail!!
Lily Goch
Opened my notes app and the most recent thing is a note that just says “Lyric” and I must’ve forgotten before I ever wrote it down 😭
Lily Goch
This is so real and beautifully written. I really relate to that sort of crazed creative state when the time comes that this sort of Idea pops up. It’s unexpected, all-consuming. You feel like you have to make it real before it disappears, and once you do that it’s not as good as in your head; everything’s wrong. At that point for me, I usually trash it. I should count up all those unfinished song bits I have laying dormant in my notes app. I love creating, but it can be so draining
peter gee chuck
It genuinely makes me feel so seen when you share these things with us, also (im also a virgo so idk how much u believe in that but i see ur virgoisms) but yeah genuinely, like i feel so grossed out by how bitter and competitive creation makes me, im always thinking things up and kicking them to the side when i realize they suck or im not fuckin ready to step out of my peaceful state to confront the demons that bring the gifts of creativity under external pressure, its genuinely so uncomfortable at time and i didnt want to admit that for so long because i thought making music or art in general would be like write this, add music or music then lyrics then record then boom but it’s actually so much more and that is something ive had to come to terms with lately as someone fairly new to my local scene as a performer ( a little over a year) and yeah its a lot but im grateful, im just trying to get it out there but seeing this just makes me feel normal or at least not alone and i really appreciate that, will, thank you
Earwax
The renewed will of Will
皓 罗
毕竟人家的词作是时代icon级别的
McCrimson
Im so delighted to hear the summer has been good for you
泉-Yiquan
i read it at least 4 times, ur writting is much more beautiful than the articles on my english text book
Quinn
happy august will! i’m glad this summer had been kind to you
diya !
amazingly worded. the struggle between your brain and your work and the motivation of wanting to write the perfect piece of music can get heavy, but i’m so happy you’re finding a balance between your own work and listening to ideas of others!! it’s such a hard hurdle to get over that i myself can’t quite get to yet. love you and the band so much!!!
Meggie
thank you so much for this! these monthly newsletters are such a gift; they always start my day off with something to think about. i hope this august is wonderful!
parker
beautifully written will
hallie hushion
love hearing about the collaborative process of the new album, and the inevitable difficulties that can bring. i'm so eager to see what comes out of the woodwork!
poppy
happy august will !
addison
you should write a book
Danne Scott
As a writer, I find so much solace in collaboration with other writers. My peers get what it’s like to struggle with motivation and concept, especially with passing the first hurdle…your own self-censor and doubt. Thank you for sharing this! It brings me peace.
Jake
i have never related to something more. this gives me hope for my own future creative endeavours and collaborations. it also makes me even more excited to hear what you guys are cooking knowing that you’re all playing a crucial part in it
sebastiaaaaaan
Anyways I'm really happy to hear you're doing well!!!!
thepogobro
that was really nice to read :) sweet.
sebastiaaaaaan
I need furry bible study in my life
James Dunne
Really excited to hear everyone’s voices on this project. Take your time guys.
Joseph Paterson
This is gorgeous, Will. Thanks for sharing it 💕
