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November Newsletter: Brotherhood of Common Life
🕑 Added 2023-11-01 16:38:05 +0000 UTC“The person who truly knows himself seems common in his own eyes, and the good things that others may say about him do not change the way he thinks about himself,” wrote Thomas Á Kempis in the 1400s. It’s easy to see the word “common” and read behind it “vulgar - distasteful - contemptuous - unworthy,” and maybe that’s the whole problem. This month I’ve been living a common life, days full of irritating little stops and starts, different cycles to be dealt with, emails and texts to be sent, home goods to be bought and washed to make my guest room guestable, no sign of any flow I can settle into. The temperature has dropped abruptly, and each day I’m scurrying around, energy dissipating in odd bursts into the surrounding cold. But lack of flow is a flow in itself: a flow of interior energies, daily forms I can recognize and counter, irritation, fatigue, and most of all envy, imagining that unimpeded way of living that escapes me.
Watching my own reactions as CSH forays back into the public eye for the first time in a while - first with a Death Cab for Cutie cover, then the announcement of our upcoming live album - has been interesting. I wish it wasn’t so hard to keep from falling back into bad habits, reading too many comments, looking for affirmation of a connection that takes place out of sight, in the heart. I know, at this point in my life, that when I read reactions online, I have to be prepared to engage with actual people - not disembodied praise and blame, but signposts from people with a whole history and psychology, struggles and unmet needs that they carry with them - all of which surfaces when they react to what’s going on in their life, none of which I can do anything to help. If I’m not prepared to meet those people where they’re at, I shouldn’t be seeking out criticism from them. My habit of checking in is strongest when I’m tired or vexed, which makes me all the more likely to feel defensive rather than empathetic. Kicking this habit will make me a lot happier when our stuff gets shared with the public. That said, the positive response to this month’s debuts has been surprising and wonderful, and I thank you all for it.
I said it was envy at the foremost of my daily life - for me right now, that means a feeling of being left out, alienated, unrepresented. For whatever reason, I’m feeling a particularly sharp sting when I dip my toe into whatever media others are into - TV shows, books, podcasts - and find nothing that hits me bone-deep, see more differences than similarities. This dissatisfaction is what has always driven me to create my own art, to add my voice to the conversation, but it sours the fruit to let it become a dominating force time after time. Maybe contentment with common life doesn’t mean being pleased with everything that enters into it; maybe it means accepting a middle ground, acknowledging the displeasures, accepting the pleasures with gratitude, and passing through it all on the wings of love and mystery.
Comments
SH
As a 48 year old, married mother of 4 I thought I was one of the weirdest CSH fans but now I realize there are more of us! Cheers to the middle-aged CSH mom fans!
Ai Miller
I read a biography of Ludwig Wittgenstein earlier this year (in a slow attempt to build up to reading his actual work) and what struck me the most about him was something that is of course deeply human but which makes us all feel isolated and alienated from one another--the desire to be wholly understood by another. He enacted it in often-hilarious ways, saying the things I feel or want to say to others but have too much self-awareness to say, demanding others fully understand him and then being driven to despair when it was clear they did not. And it's clear how many of us, Wittgenstein included, really are driven by that lack of understanding (which I've imposed onto your framework of representation, maybe wrongly,) for better or for worse--and I think it is often for worse unless we can really understand that we can offer or accept resonances, rather than our whole selves. Anyway, strongly recommend the biography! Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Duty of Genius by Ray Monk.
Kate
I’m 55, a CFO in corporate America happily married with 2 (awesome) kids on their mid 20s (and the biggest CSH fan ever 💕) - and no artistic bones in my body!.. different worlds right?… and yet every word you write hits my heart and articulates the struggles and the self doubt and the envy, the joy and pain of a ’ common’ life and searching felt daily. I couldn’t appreciate more every word, both lyrically in the 10++ hours of CSH I listen to weekly (on commutes, on walks, as I fall asleep) and these words you write here. Truly grateful.
rj
"But lack of flow is a flow in itself: a flow of interior energies, daily forms I can recognize and counter, irritation, fatigue, and most of all envy, imagining that unimpeded way of living that escapes me." This is so beautifully phrased! It's something I've always struggled with that I feel like your music captures in a really rare way: the distance I perceive between my life as it is in those "common" moments and the ideal life that, in periods of intense creative work, sometimes seems almost within reach. When the work is over, even if only temporarily, the ideal recedes in the face of endless walks to the grocery store and doctor appointments, and I find it easy to spend more time thinking about the imaginary life I want than seeing the life I have. Thanks for reminding us to stay rooted in the middle ground.
Richard Bradley
I remember being horrified to see you had read a thing I'd written about my reaction to MADLO, even though it was positive. I really enjoy writing about music, and distilling all my big, messy feelings about art into a critical narrative that can help me understand myself better. But I'd somehow never thought about whether it's right to put that out there if the artist might see and have a reaction to these things I'd never say to them in person.
Meggie
my patreon subscription got cancelled bc my card declined but i dipped into my savings account and i’m excited for another month of patreon! hope you’re doing well and that your november is great!
pheebs
happy birthday!
abc
The feelings you describe of alienation and a lack of relatability in media is a feeling i am so familiar with and i appreciate your description of it so much. Your art gives me the feeling of relatability that i seek, so thank you!
Cj
You are slaying Will❤️❤️
poppy
❤️❤️❤️
clara
on my birthday !! how nice :)
