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June Newsletter: Big Dog Reveal
🕑 Added 2024-06-15 17:00:10 +0000 UTCIt’s Pride month again, and I’d like to tell you all about something which has been giving me some pleasure this year, an unexpected source of comfort: I got a new fursona. As fun as it has been suiting as Mortis, something about it has never quite clicked with me. He is a character I like, but a character that doesn’t feel exactly me. For years I had noodled quietly with the idea of a dog character, and with some help, a new fursona manifested itself on the screen. And this time, it clicked.
His name is Hamilton, and he’s a farm dog. He’s big, loveable, occasionally anxious, but willing to face his fears. He takes pleasure in getting the day’s work done, and his farm is big enough to welcome any visitors. At first, I’d intended this to be a bit of a secret identity, reserved for friends and furries only. The idea of showing him publically felt more vulnerable to me than showing Mortis, probably precisely because I was less attached to Mortis. Yet in the past week I’ve suddenly got the inkling that I should make him known.
I guess I’ll talk more about the experience of having a fursona, since it probably seems to a lot of you like I’m talking in a foreign language. Hamilton helps me feel like myself - that inexpressible, inner self that is like a sunny front stoop, a safe and stable resting place. A lot of people have that sense of self intuitively; for me, a lot of my life has passed in a chaotic stream of dissonant energies, without a home base to latch onto (except music, which has always been my great saving grace). When I see a picture of Hamilton or think about him, often it’s as if someone is standing close by me, a warm and familiar presence. I catch a scent of him somewhere inside myself, and I feel more grounded. I feel a consistent thread of self, a daily life that seems doable. I give him values I want to mirror, and then look in his direction to mirror them. Hamilton doesn’t mind a busy day full of hard work, so why should I? Hamilton can do something outside of his comfort zone, make a fool of himself for the sake of learning something new, so why can’t I?
Before bringing him into the sphere of my furry friends, I wondered if it might be too self-indulgent, that I might be encouraging myself to spend too much time inside my own head, on fictional characters. Instead, bringing him into the light has brought me out of my own head. Interacting with friends who knew Hamilton, I was suddenly dropped into a double-layered reality, where I lost nothing of my human self, but gained that vivifying thread of imagination, no longer trapped in fantasy, now a communally shared, life-giving vein. The art I’ve commissioned of him shares that communal quality. Each artist puts their own heart into him, and he becomes a bit of them as well.
Like everything else, a fursona is ultimately a temporary vessel. We make the best we can do out of our real bodies, and out of our social personas. There are days when I don’t connect with Hamilton, and I’m sure there always will be. But I find he’s easy to come back to. He’s helped me endure some hard seasons in my life, and I’m grateful for the help. Maybe I’m talking about him because I think it’s something he would do - risk a feeling of embarrassment for the sake of honoring something silly that has brought him great joy.
I think often about the words of a Rabbi whose name I wish I could remember: "A young man should not be ashamed, but neither should he expect heaven-knows-what." Perhaps in my heart, I expect my own image of love to lead the parade, for it to be universally understood, intuited, accepted as valid currency by all people. I know that’s not true, and I don’t think it should be, either. It would be an exceedingly small love which was only as big as what I could come up with in my own mind. We all have limited tools to depict it, and we display the results in this great gallery of life we pass through. Not all paintings in a gallery should look the same, use the same style, feature the same subjects. Our own odd, personal experiences of love ought to butt up against each other in contrasting and unexpected ways, leaving each other at odds, giving no clear answers, but only questions to be worked out together. Maybe someday, there will be a universal language of love; if so, it will not be the natural, inborn language of any one human, but rather a pidgin we consciously practice, a mess of everyone’s love-languages, unintuitive and challenging and, once learned, beautiful and perfect. Maybe this is the practice of pride - pushing past shame to speak and listen in turn, as we slowly cobble together a common tongue, one we can all speak well enough to get what we need.
Art by: https://x.com/RABBITPATCHES
Will
Comments
Brendan Grieshaber
what a beautiful soul you have will
coyote
adding hamilton to my dream blunt rotation (fr tho he rules. if you ever get a fursuit for him he needs to have those awesome big ass fursuit glasses)
jaspertism
“we love you hamilton!!!!” we all say in unison
Carlisle P
The way you view Hamilton really resonates with me and reminds me a lot of how I view my OCs, with the mirroring of what I’d like in myself. A lot of them are these ethereal, non-human glamazons on some story of reclamation for their lives. A bit of a foil to my irl self, whos like if a sickly, short adam sandler had a shag cut. I’m also tangoing with trying to find normalcy within a long-covid-induced chronic illness like yourself, and in playing with these characters journey to reclamation, sometimes I feel this burst of energy that pushes me another babystep towards reclamation of normalcy in the chaos of my body. In my mind I am that glamazon for a bit and it’s fueling. It’s really nice to create something like that for oneself, and I’m glad to hear about your experience with it.
Car Seat
I'm not much of a fan of Xwitter these days, but I'm sure you'll see him around there now and again.
alex
oh my gosh are u gonna make a twitter account for him, like you did mortis? i think that would be cool (even if u dont have a suit of him)!!:D
Luka Buchanan
OMG thanks for sharing 🫶 i don’t think fursonas need to have some kind of spiritual prerequisite, they can just be a fun thing but i do really love to think of them as something we endow with profound personal meaning, a mirror as you say - i guess literally a persona lol. when i was a kid i had three imaginary dragon friends that in hindsight all powerfully embodied values i either needed to be shown or wanted to have myself. that’s how i think of my fursona now and i also like calling on them like a guide in times of need. my top surgery is tomorrow and by god i’m calling on all the spiritual guides i have to help me thru my nerves :’) awesome newsletter, lots of love and thanks for helping me get over FURRY BAD mindset 🫶
Liam Gonzalez
WOOOOOO so awesome
MaeveDX
Thank you for sharing Hamilton with us, I love the art. "My fursona can do this, so can I" is a perspective I've never heard before, but I really like it - I've always seen my own fursonas as more of an aesthetic choice because character-building doesn't come easily to me, but being able to picture them as an aspirational self seems very worthwhile and helpful for motivation, with the way you worded it. Thanks for sharing your insight <3
avian
i always love getting to hear how people have developed their fursonas. it's an interesting challenge, to try to balance how you want to represent yourself to others, but also to yourself. i've been through 4 different sonas over the years, and all of them have taken on various qualities i felt i embodied or wanted to embody, but i've ended up circling back to the original one i created in high school, now just updated more to reflect where i'm at in life. despite everything, it's always just you i guess. that all said, i really love hamilton's design! i'm so tempted to try my hand at drawing him now... thank you for sharing this all with us! happy pride!
ThatDumbRabbit
I wanna do yard work on a nice sunny afternoon with him.
Brax
I love him omg.... I always really really like hearing about how other people perceive their identity in regards to being a furry, this is a wonderful read
Prometheus
Genuinely so happy to see this! I feel like your post has helped me realize how I view my own fursona. They’ve always been something I lean on when things in life get rough. Really awesome of you to share this and feel comfortable being open about it. Can’t wait to see more of Hamilton in the future! 💚 And happy pride!! 🏳️🌈
carrotdog
Oh my god! He's so cute!!! :-3
Ai Miller
Love this! And love thinking about our social selves and what we construct to try to align with our own values; I think this is not actually that different in a lot of ways from how I understand things like politics, albeit with something wider, or with more flexibility. I'm a PIC abolitionist, and I am one because it is a container that can hold my values. Furry isn't an identity that is politics (though of course there are politics within it,) but I think they are similar as containers. Anyway, happy Pride, glad to know even one facet of Hamilton!
wern
this is genuinely awesome I love him
Holiday
Awesome, I’ll make the fluffiest and most obnoxious tail you’d ever seen, doorways will fear you 🧟. If you have any more references of the tail I’d appreciate it :)
Carmen✨
Happy Pride!! 🌈 This is so so cute 🥺 💕 I love your description of him too !! He gives me the comforting idyllic cozy vibes of like Peter Rabbit, calico critters , Angelina ballerina, Shady Hollow (if anyone has read that series of novels? Theres a bear character who I pictured like Hamilton except … He’s a police bear lol) It’s also nice to hear about someone else who’s brain works like my brain since I’ve also always made up characters to express who I am, like a vessel to attribute the things I want to be/say/do and my real self cant always be/say/do. though not many animal characters- you’ve inspired me though! Hmm what can my fursona be … something ballet inspired for sure! The dancing hippos from fantasia ? Now those are characters that resonate with me!! (How does someone “pick” a fursona?)
CoilGang
I love the design so much! The message about how having a fursona as a way to express yourself and a source of motivation was honestly kinda motivating for myself. Maybe I should create a fursona ?
ScaryClaws
This is so awesome and I feel so similarly with my Fursona, it took me a lot of trial and error finding one that was “me” as well, but once it clicked it CLICKED. My Fursona has helped me gain so much self confidence and comfort in times of need, I’m so glad yours can do the same!!!! Having a variety of “ocs” has helped too, different guys for different things I guess, either way I LOVE big pubby :3
Car Seat
Don't wanna oblige ya to make anything, but I'd love that!
Kayden S.
I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! i resonated so hard with all the things you said here, this genuinely made me so happy to see, thank you so much for sharing this with us !!! happy pride !!!!
Holiday
If I hypothetically made you a tail for him would ya want it :3 I been getting into fursuit making :)
Enoch
He’s so cute. Once I seen him I had to draw him. It would be cool if you guys opened a discord channel for sharing fan art :3
azure
he has a huge tail i love it, happy pride month will!
flafiis
oh my goood he seems so cool i love him sm, happy pride!!!
Max T
Thank you for writing this Will. I appreciate the ability to learn about how other people can find ways to express a more true and whole version of themselves. I feel like that can teach us a lot about how we can better love and understand ourselves and others.
kia
happy pride month will!! love this guy
Denisa Astanei
Happy pride month! Thank you for dedicating your time to writing this. I found it rather comforting
atom
obsessed with him
m
he’s so cool!!
Jazz
Very sick! Happy June
Car Seat
About 7 feet if you measure to the ears...
Amari
how tall is he
disjecta membra
i relate to your sentiment alot. i made my sona when i was in a really good place in life and ive always fallen back on him as i feel detached
7
Thanks Will! Thank you for sharing as always, Hamilton is such a cute character and I'm glad to hear he's such a positive aspect of your life :)
Car Seat
Very possible
Car Seat
I think I would like that...
Car Seat
I've got a PO Box! Will Barnes P.O. Box 366 Medina, WA 98039 and Carseatheadrest@gmail.com for anything digital.
Sky
Thanks for sharing, Will. A beautiful explanation of what your fursona means to your sense of self and illuminating to be able to relate so much through my own contextual lense of transness. We do what we can with the tools we have to tether ourselves to the world in the most authentic way possible. Despite the imperfect, impermanent physical vessels we are tied to at birth. Happy Pride <3
Emy Head
What a great newsletter for June, Will! Hamilton is so cute, his design is AWESOME!!!
niko
HES SO CUTE
mel
WHO ARE YOU
Kamil Tomaszewski
is there gonna be a hamilton costume? Im sure he would quickly become a fan favorite like mortis!
rammars
lol f u🖕
Avi Hessel
this is so beautiful will, thanks for sharing!! 💚🌈🏳️⚧️
Vincent
he is absolutely adorable!!! thank you for sharing him :]
Izzy
HES SO COOL
Greylyn Morningstar
He is so cool!! Thank you for sharing him and being vulnerable with us. When I was younger, it was the courage of shared stories that helped me to know myself, and that's why a big part of Pride for me is allowing myself to be known. We love you Hamilton!!
Isaac
hi friend
cosm
Mine would also be an angel…. Fax
elliot
i love hamilton!!
kaci ミ★
This is so beautiful and he’s so cute and cuddly 🤗💗
cosm
It’s fire I can’t lie🤷🏻💯. Personally mine would have a giant fucking katana and be like a chill puppy who vapes. Maybe mine also likes orange cream soda. To each their own type of vibes tho. Glad you shared and I’m loving imagining my badass fucking puppy coming over to ur farm.
neilinhell
he is so cool thankyou for sharing him with us (:
alex
OH MYGOD I HOPE HE DOES THAT WOULD BE AWESOME
moyarg
he’s adorable!!!! you’re right, he’s big and lovable. I can’t wait to have time to draw him :)
7
So like theoretically if we drew him where would we send the art?
mel
Hi
Raíssa Leão
you’re so articulate! I love him! I do not have a fursona nor have I ever desired to create one for myself, but I have many characters and archetypes of my own self that help me connect to what I truly value. I had never occurred to me that’s the same reason why people have fursonas! I’ll be thinking about this for a while <3
mel
i love him so much he’s so silly
Meggie
love this! really resonating with the last paragraph. happy pride and i hope you have a lovely june!
haganmason
hes so cool omg :D
Gabi Emerson
Are you going to get a suit of Hamilton, Will?
moonscapes
SHUT THE FUCK UP THIS IS AWESOME
duke
want to draw,,,very cool
uchenna
he is so awesome. i feel like i’ve seen him in the fields of rural iowa before…
Car Seat
It sure is!
toast
this is so cool <3 love him
bluekrby
i love him!!
alex
HELL YEAH, is art of him allowed? he seems so fun to draw oh mygod but i dont wanna overstep any boundaries
FoxSteak
Awesum News letter
surfjerk
Hamilton is so cute...
annabelle
he’s so cute, this was such a lovely read!! happy pride ❤️❤️
Isaac
ohh i love him so silly
mads
love Hamilton!!! thankyou for introducing him to us
oddtrovert
i love him he seems chill
Jake
howdy, ham 👋🏻
Gabi Emerson
Hamilton my beloved
