duckydraws
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So, what was up with the past six months?
🕑 Added 2024-01-19 17:09:13 +0000 UTCBasically I went through a series of existential crises that I had to tackle.
One was closer to a standard mid-life crisis, pondering on life and death and eternity and similar things. I thought about things relating to where I was in life and where it was all headed.
I'm not sure if it was related, but I also had a stint against modern networked life. I figured I was spending too much time online, and I ended up setting some boundaries for myself. I hoped this would help me regain something I felt I had lost (see: midlife crisis)
I also looked at what I was doing here. I started sensing that I was getting too addicted to the scene, to detriment of other things and people. I was not sure if what I was doing was aligned with what I was hoping to become.
So there were three things that all pointed towards disconnecting, and I thought many times if I should just stay out for good.
One day I stumbled onto some video talking Nietzsche's take on shame as obstacles limiting what one is to become. Something there shifted my thinking a little bit. I worried less about what I wasn't because I may not have had any choice but to become this.
At the same time I looked up things relating to universe, time. I envisioned the eternity before I could make any semblance of it, and the eternity that was to follow. It kind of brought me back to the now, where this life was there for me to explore.
Then there was the fact that I found a reason to start saving some money.
So I thought let's give this one more spin, but with some restrictions. I would only do work here during one day in the week (Saturday morn, usually). I would have to mentally log out, because I might easily spend the other days thinking and planning, and this I know has driven people to just stop.
I'm hopeful that, after all this, I'm now prepared with a plan and direction. Fun things ahead!
Comments
sp
Glad you seem to have found a philosophy that you can live with. Setting boundaries is wise- whatever it takes to ensure the administrative and social aspect of the work doesn't dampen your enthusiasm for the creative side, or overtake the offline parts of your life that need nourishment. We're fortunate you decided to give it another shot, because nobody does it like you (whether or not this is what you imagined you'd be doing). As they say, life's what happens while you're busy making other plans.
Manifest
I was there, and managing to keep float while your whole body gets just heavier, it’s hard every day and when you realise it, it’s just your head noticing that even there all is sank in the deep. I am not you therapist, and I hope your on the way to get professional help. In the meanwhile, know that you are not alone and just manifesting yourself it’s a great step forward; don’t underestimate the influence of action just put to reach others, directly or via web, undirectly. You touch many people with your art, some kinkier some not caring and some others in love. You gave me many wonderful scenes since I see you posting years ago and many good vibes, so It wont be a problem if you need someone new to talk with, hit me up if you like too @Luz_Fiden on telegram. Also Nietzsche its a wild card, always carried beyond good and evil in my back pack. That man was fascinating and tempting 👀
