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Filthy Gamer in Narutoverse: 166
🕑 Added 2022-12-14 15:52:05 +0000 UTCTitle: The Will of Puns
"Sensei... what are these?" Kurenai looks at the three sets of 'padded' ankle weights set on the table where they ate a large serving of filling ramen as Teuchi looks ahead and his wife, Asame, chuckles, "Don't worry, you three. I know Kai-kun since we started our stand and he is NOT calling three lovely girls fat in any manner."
"Have you seen them hog down those bowls of ramen? Only a matter of time," Kai mumbles under his breath loud enough for the rest to hear as Teuchi laughs, "That's how good we cook ramen!"
"Hmm, can't deny that," Asame, too, smiles. On the other hand, Kurenai pouts, "Sensei... why are you giving us these ankle weights."
Pointing at the seals on the padded layer of the weights, Kai remarks, "Those seals will increase the weight by consuming your chakra constantly. They can go upto 20 kilos for every ankle weight and it goes without saying that you three will keep the weights on the max. Remember, I'm a chakra sensor and would notice if you keep the weights low as it would consume less chakra."
"But why?" Kurenai asserts as little as she could as her current physique allowed most naturally.
"Because... I said so last night, remember?"
"I thought you were joking!"
"Look at your teammates and consider again."
Kurenai does that and glances at the other two only to realize... they were looking back at her as if she is in the wrong.
"When has Sensei joked about training? Ever?" Konan points out and Shizune nods, being a bit more vocal than usual, "Hmm, Konan-san is right."
"And Asame-san is right," Kai hums, "You guys aren't fat... yet. The ankle weights will make sure of that."
"Hey, I thought you outgrew yourself by calling others fat. That stopped Kushina-chan from visiting us for FOUR whole days! It wasted a lot of ramen, you know?" Asame clears her throat as Kai shrugs, "I really don't outgrow bad habits..."
"I can empathize," Teuchi chuckles.
"Like you have any bad habits," Asame huffs.
"Aren't you the biggest bad habit of mine?" Teuchi hums and smiles as Asame rolls her eyes, "Oh, stop it..." while sending her husband THE glances.
"We really shouldn't be doing this in front of..." Teuchi looks ahead but finds out that their 'valued' customers have already left with a few bundled bills of ryo placed on the counter.
"Well... they left... and it's a slow time of the day..." Asame muses loudly.
"That appears to be so..." Teuchi sighs and looks around while she blushes. After all. His left hand was at its bad habit again.
---
"Ugh..." Kurenai shudders and sticks her tongue out, "That was gross!"
"Relax," Kai shrugs, "It would be sad if they weren't so happy despite years of marriage. Besides, you three still haven't increased the weights."
The trio purses their lips and suddenly feel themselves almost falling face-first the moment their ankles have a burden of 40 kilos.
"Remember that feeling," Kai laughs without looking back, "You're going to remember it for the next... hmm... 5 years, or until you can beat me, at least!"
"Or until we can adapt to this weight!" Konan presents another option.
"Oh, after 40 kilos, you'll get 80, 160, and... you know what, why ruin the surprise for you? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the thrill of your first A-ranked mission because we have another week of D-ranked missions... with the weights on!"
The cheerfulness behind his tone was thoroughly unappreciated. But then again, well-rounded students only come to love their Senseis after they graduate... in a different way than Kai does.
After dropping off Kurenai and Shizune at their residences, a rare privilege after the mission they had completed, Kai and Konan eventually returned to the Senju Compound till the latter was almost out of breath due to the ankle weights."
"You know, Guy's ankle weights weigh twice the ones you're wearing and he's a year younger than Kurenai and Shizune, too, right?" Kai smiles as Konan frowns, "He can't even weave a single jutsu... I heard from Kurenai, who heard from others that... he got a special pass."
"Not only that, Guy didn't get into the academy easily and was selected as an alternate student," Kai supplants and Konan questions, "But... why did you bring him up so suddenly? If it's just about the ankle weights, we will eventually surpass him."
"I'm just a bit jealous that Tsume caught such a genin... you know?"
"I don't," Konan tilts her head a bit in confusion.
"Well, too bad," Kai snickers childishly, "Cause I'm not telling!"
"Konan-chan!" As they pass through a well-established dumpling stall, a warm old lady greets them. For an old lady, this one stood with her back straight and still had a bit broader shoulder.
"Ba-san!" Konan instantly grins and skips forward, or at least, tries to before falling and groans, eliciting the old woman to almost teleport in front of Konan and help her up. She also notices the problem instantly and shoots Kai a weary glance.
"Ankle weights, really? And after you make your team complete 2 D-ranked missions a day?!"
"It's nothing much but honest hard work," Kai smiles and agrees.
"Ugh, it's fine, Ba-san. Sensei's doing this for our growth."
While Konan did find it more enjoyable to 'oppose' her Sensei, the idea of others trying to confront him, especially her former Sensei didn't sit well with Konan and she is quick to try and diffuse the situation.
"I know..." The old woman smiles and pats Konan's head warmly. She is one of the old jonins that retired to help Tsunade and took on the role of teaching Konan early on. Even after the threat of Danzo was neutralized, these old shinobi simply connected to this peaceful lifestyle. And the few who couldn't decided to return to their shinobi business after Danzo escaped from the village.
"But I also know that your Sensei is well-hated by children around the village. Nobody despises him more than children."
"Just helping them grow quicker," Kai laughs again.
"Let's see Mikoto letting you steal candy from her kid," The old woman shot back and Kai shrugs. He'll see through that decision once he has a kid of his own... although, he has an instinct of a great shinobi that maybe... maybe ruining the childhood of his own kids would not bode well for his future.
"So... how did your mission go?" The woman looks at Konan. The worry from her eyes disappeared and is replaced by a sense of distance belonging to an experienced Shinobi that makes Konan take a deep breath.
"I... did it."
The woman nods without letting her emotion slip out, "Good. Anything to add?"
She asks Kai next and he merely shakes his head.
He does warn Konan, "This turned out to be an A-ranked mission. You can discuss individual experience but not the background, alright?"
Konan nods seriously and Kai waves her goodbye, "Sleep early, alright."
"Only if you and Kushina-san don't raid Tsunade-sama's kitchen constantly!" She shoots back.
"Hey, for your information, Tsunade loves it when I visit. She just has a hard time showing to others."
The old woman scoffs, "Just get lost, you perverted brat. I wonder why you and that punk Jiraiya are even allowed to live..."
"Cause they failed to stop us from returning," Kai snickers and takes his leave.
This time he heard nothing from the old woman because even she had to respect the youth's skills if nothing else. The 'boy' is a beast to his very core, and THAT, Kunoichi learns to respect from experience.
"Let's get you some special Senju dumplings. You'll love them," The woman smiles.
Already a little weary despite eating a large bowl of ramen, Konan nods hurriedly, "Sure thing!"
---
"Ah, Kakashi," Kai blinks in surprise when he sees Kakashi sitting out on his lawn with Mikoto and lies through his teeth, "Just the one I was looking for."
Kakashi blankly stares at Kai before shaking his head, "If that were true, you would not have sought me out in your 'Pad' but would have gone to my house, Kai-san."
Kai turns to look at Mikoto who shakes her head slightly and decides to flip off the switch on being a douche before sighing softly and sitting next to Kakashi. It was already getting late by now and Kai understood well that even if the news of Sakumo's disappearance is suppressed, it would eventually pass around, and while adults can be more... discreet about this matter, children are the worst in reality.
Look at Kushina.
Adults knew not to anger the Jinchuriki of the strongest tailed-beast and kept their fears in check but the children decided to fuck it all and outright try to bully Kushina. Thank the Rikudo that she had Kai's chaotic presence to already train her thick skin to some extent!
"Lord Third told me," Kai speaks up as the boy remains silent, "I don't suppose you were told the full story, right?"
"No," Kakashi mutters.
"Did Mikoto offer you words of consolation?"
"Yes."
"Tch, beat me to it," Kai huffs, and Mikoto stands up at this point saying, "I will leave you two to chat. Kakashi, remember to take the next three days off. I will check on you every morning and evening."
"... Understood," Kakashi replies quietly.
With that, Mikoto enters the house to let Kai actually speak with the youth.
"For what it's worth, I don't think your father is dead," Kai begins, "The man is too dangerous with his skills and puns."
Kakashi nods as Kai sighs and smiles while lying back on the grass, "And to be honest, he's much more afraid of not returning. I don't think he praises you enough but when he's around others, he cannot stop bringing you up."
"That's a lie," Kakashi interjects.
"It is," Kai hums, "He doesn't bring your name up too often, but he constantly tries to get better with jokes for you. I never thought anything else needed to be said."
"He never talked about his mission with me," Kakashi frowns for a moment.
"That's because you have only recently killed someone. No point in denying that. I meet Yahiko almost every day. He still can't get over the fact that he killed someone. And your medic, Anya, she's devastated. I'm not sure if she would stay on for long or just transfer to the Hospital."
Kakashi lowers his head further and clenches his fist, "What about me?"
"You thought it was easy... until today," Kai closes his eyes.
Kakashi nods once again.
"What do you do to stop the fear, Kai-san?"
"Nothing, it's fear. It's Primal. If you don't have fear, you're not supposed to be a Shinobi. Even Sakumo-san dreaded the day when he..."
"When he?" Kakashi prompts Kai to speak up after a minute.
"When he failed to return," Kai answers.
Kakashi's shoulders shiver slightly as he questions with a shaky voice, "Do you have fears, too?"
"Currently, I have seven causes of fear," Kai chuckles, "But you do what you can, right?"
Kakashi heaves a deep breath as Kai continues, "Almost everyone in the village knows you look up to me. You did not make it hard to confirm this idea either. You should know one thing about me... if I was your age, going through such a situation, and had a safe space, I would hate to bottle it all up and just... let it all out."
Kakashi's nose sours and his eyes prickle with tears of unknown origin as he replies softly, "No place is safe."
"It's safe here," Kai answers, "And I'm sorry. I don't know what Lord Third and Mikoto said to you—"
"They said everything is fine," Kakashi"s voice quakes as Kai grows silent.
He hates to be the one to say this. After all, he is into more hardcore stuff like turning the joy of children into ashes but... being the messenger of bad news of this nature is harder.
"Shinobi like Sakumo do not disappear without a reason. Your father is one of the strongest shinobi this village ever raised. I don't believe he will ever return."
Kakashi purses his lips and tears begin to silently flow down. Choking down his sobs, Kakashi tries to leave but Kai's hand firmly plants down on his shoulder as he adds, "With my house being the safest place the village has to offer, I decided to promptly make a rule that this place is only for bros and hoes. You are neither... but I will make an exception. I did offer you a safe place, right?"
Kakashi grows silent again as Kai adds, "You have three days. Try to make it worthwhile... I wouldn't have opened my doors for Sakumo either. I hear he's quite the lady killer... especially in Suna."
This makes Kakashi choke a sob and simultaneously muffle his laughter as he sniffs loudly, "That's a terrible pun..."
"Your father taught me the very best," Kai chuckles softly as he lays back down once again and Kakashi does so, too, while covering his eyes with his arm and biting down on his lips under his mask.
'Fuck... I'm really good at bad puns...'
Kai had his own reasons to grieve.
***
Alternate Title: Always Passes On!
Comments
Darkanlan
Even when Sakumo dies, his puns will live on forever. Bet he'll make more before he goes though.
