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22. Dragon's Treachery

🕑 Added 2022-07-15 22:46:43 +0000 UTC

Comments

Connor

Copy edits! > He’d reacted quickly, but not as quick as Second. In a blur, he had brought his mace around to hit the thing. His strike was off-center and didn’t crush the skull, but it did knock the beast away. Answered in the next sentence, but immediate question is: what happened to the dagger? That's an important combat resource, and both Arthur and the reader will want to keep track of it. Consider something like "it did knock the beast away, tearing the dagger from Arthur's grasp as it went" or some phrase to that effect, possibly adjusting other mentions of the dagger to keep things properly balanced. > I think this’ll need stitches.” He didn't add that he thought Hivey might lose the arm Doubled space after "stitches" and before "He" > were set on by a group on -> upon > “Do you know a man steals cards from another?” Missing word? ("how a man"?) > expecting to see a dragon in mid-battle with a scourgling Consider either "a dragon in mid-air battle" or "a dragon mid-battle" or "a dragon in the midst of battle" or some variation thereof. > The pink screamed again and tried to dive for its riders. riders -> rider?

Brandon Baier

I’m not a fan of Second. I know this is probably a controversial opinion.


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