Dzat patreon

Update and rough viewport capture of the full animation

🕑 Added 2021-05-22 20:47:19 +0000 UTC

Comments

Dzät

Since it has no voice actors subtitles are the only way to convey the story so yes, it will have subs.

Samuel D'souza

Is it possible to create a version with subs if it is not too much effort. This will help with the story for some people like me. Thanks

Dzät

Thanks a ton for this, it really helps.

Dzät

Straight up porn is nice and all but story/plot can really add a ton to a animation and hopefully we will see more of that in future. Seeing your latest one was one of the reasons why I decided to go ahead and try his.

Dzät

So do I.

Dzät

No voice actors but it will have sounds. These likely won't be included with the initial release and I'll instead post a version with sounds at a later date. Depends on when they will be ready.

Samuel D'souza

Will there be sounds and voice actors in the final version

Christian Ne0L1nk

ohoooo~ oh yes, I still very look forward to it >3> hell, I'm watching the animation you have there, and that is already really great o3o

Xaldon Ajide

really looking forward to when it's finished.

DreamerTooth

Big excite for see!!!! Final, good other animate plot!

Dargon

My god, a 16 minute animation?! Definitely don't blame you for getting tired, what an immense project to take on. Thank you so much for persevering through it! I watched the viewport WiP and you did absolutely great with the blocking, body movements, and expressions. The body language is also amazing, I was able to follow along with the script pretty closely with clues from the cuts and lip flaps. The cuddling moments in particular are adorable! I only found one spelling error in the whole script, so great job there! There are places where the word usage is slightly off, but nothing crazy. There are also quite a few places that you may want to use contractions instead, but they work as they are. I do copy-editing for a friend and kind of automatically fell into that mode when looking for spelling errors. What I've listed below are all suggestions only! The script is very good as-is, I had to be nitpicky to find anything "wrong." The part where the lady is described what she wants him to do is both lovingly sweet and greatly exciting. Page 1: 1) "And did you find what you were searching [for] the last time?" 2) "As you said yourself, this place is quite isolated." - I might've gone with either "As you said[], this place..." or "[You] said[] this place is..." 3) "...take off this heavy cloak so how about we go down there?" - Might break this up into two sentences, e.g. "...heavy cloak[. How] about..." 4) "3 months ago[,] so last spring." - Optional for sentence flow Page 2: 1) "...help me move all this stuff and to commemorate that I painted..." - Might break this one up as well, e.g. "...all this stuff[. To] commemorate [his effort] I painted..." 2) "Mostly, sometimes though I do go back to my village..." - Could change for minor flow reasons, either "Mostly[. Sometimes] though I do go back..." or "Mostly, [though] sometimes []I do go back..." 3) "Were you on your way to some larger city or why is it that you wear those in the first place?" - I'd reverse these two questions since she directly answers the question about the city in the next line 4) "So, how is it like to stay here, isn't it..." -> "So, [what's] it like to stay here? [Isn't] it..." Page 3: 1) "What I would like to ask is that would you keep coming back here if I didn’t visit here from time to time" -> "What I would like to ask is[,] would you keep coming back here if I didn’t visit here from time to time[?]" 2) "Was it that obvious I made it up?" - 'that' isn't really necessary, but doesn't hurt Page 4: 1) "And speaking about that." - 'about' could also be 'of' 2) "...other than how happy I’m to have you in my life." - The "I'm" contraction here doesn't really fit its normal usage, I'd break it back out into "I am" 3) "...become mates by just changing words with each other." - You use 'just' a lot, I might change it to 'simply' here. Also, 'exchanging words' is the idiom, so with both those things, e.g. "...become mates by [simply exchanging] words with each other." 4) ”Imagined” - This can totally work as-is, but it could also use a period or question mark for different tones 5) "You would be correct in that, I don’t know how many times..." - I'd separate these two thoughts more strongly, either comma -> semicolon or splitting into two sentences Page 5: 1) "...will get to see many[,] many more times from now on." 2) "...end of your member trying to hook themself in place to keep our slits tightly together." - This is an incomplete thought, I would end it with either a semicolon or an ellipsis. Also, 'themself' -> 'themselves' Page 6: 1) "Today, I have for the most part been the one to take initiative and move things forward." - This could be made a little shorter/snappier overall, e.g. "Today, [I've mostly] been the one to take initiative and move things forward." 2) "...anything from me that I wouldn’t already wish to do." - Perhaps "wouldn't" -> "don't" since he currently has those wishes? 3) "And maybe if we will have some, for our hatchlings too." - This works just fine as-is, but might be a little smoother, e.g. "And maybe[,] if we []have some, for our hatchlings too." 4) "Next winter when [you] go into season..." Page 7: 1) "Seeing your belly and [plump] slit being completely covered in it..." 2) "Let alone all of it that is now in me." - Totally fine as-is, my brain just had an alternative: "Let alone [how much] is now in me." (I can also provide these in an easier format like a document with change-tracking or comments if that would be more convenient. I also again stress that the work is very good as it currently is!) Lastly, for a title, I feel like it should relate to their relationship, the plot, or the location. Some off the top of my head: Solace in Solitude Remote Romance Out of The Way Going Out of Their Ways Convenient Excuses Thank you for all of the work you've put into this, I can scarcely imagine the stress. You've got a great piece here, just need to get across that finish line!