Elliott Kay
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Spoilerific: Alternate scenes and updates!
🕑 Added 2025-05-15 18:32:35 +0000 UTCHi all,
I'm nearly halfway through with my first revision pass on Good Intentions 5... and staring at timelines for publishing. My hope is to burn through this pass fast enough to get it in front of my editor before she runs into some conflicts. I can handle the line edit without her, but I value her opinions and feedback enough that it's a real priority. The other trick in publishing this is that it may be good to go sometime in June.
Grand Theft Sorcery launches in audio on June 17 (preorder link! Grab yours now!), which I'm super excited about, but it also means I probably don't want a Good Intentions launch crashing into that within a couple weeks. Normally I'd only wait a month or so, but that puts GI 5 into summer, and previous mid & late summer publishing experiences have been disappointing. I also haven't gotten any conversations going with Audible yet because they'll want something closer to a finished product in-hand before we get started.
I want this book out YESTERDAY (and so does my bank account), or early summer, but right now I'm just working as fast as I can and watching the calendar. Please don't think I'm delaying for funsies or to be a tease. If I can work this out for an earlier launch, I'll do so. But full disclosure, that's where we're at.
In that realm of revisions: the book you get on final launch will be significantly different from what Patron-tier folks have gotten here on Patreon. Most chapters and scenes will remain as they are, but I'm threading in more plot and development, and also revising a few scenes. Sometimes that's about story, and sometimes that's just me realizing one character or another wouldn't be in a given scene.
This month's spoilerific post is exactly that sort of thing. I had to revise much of this scene to correct the timeline and conflicts, which means I had to lose some of the silly from it... so I figured I'd share it with you here in its original form.
Also, I fully reserve the right to move some of these lines into another scene, 'cause I kinda love some of them. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and it's back to work for me!
~~~~~~
“What the hell was I thinking when we came to Las Vegas in July?”
“Summer came late to Seattle,” said Lorelei.
“Summer’s usually late to Seattle,” Alex grumbled.
“You haven’t had time to adjust, yet you’re holding up better than I expected. Did you drink Molly’s concoction?”
“I did. That’s the crazy part. I think it is helping, but I can still feel the sun on the back of my neck.” Alex shook his head. “I like the desert, but we never came here in the summer.”
The Arts District lived up to its name with bright, colorful paint jobs and murals. Buildings ran the full span from shops and small businesses to apartments, with regularly-spaced mesquite trees for shade along the sidewalks. Other buildings were as straightforward as any, including the grey, three-door retail and office space across the street.
Castle Property Management occupied the space on the west corner. It hadn’t opened yet, leaving Alex and Lorelei to kill time with a walk around the block out of simple diligence—and a lack of better options. The absence of ambushers, secret doors, or magic rituals left them with only the scenery and the weather.
“Hey babes.” Rachel faded into view while walking up beside them, avoiding any jump scares or sudden turns that might draw attention. Pedestrians were even more sparse than the light street traffic. “No spookies for blocks. I talked to a couple guardians, but they haven’t seen any weird shit.” She shrugged. “Peace of mind there, at least?”
“Without resolution,” said Lorelei. “The office should be open by now. Coupled with the lack of response Lucy found on the phone, this is more than curious.”
“How long do we want to wait?” asked Alex.
Lorelei looked sideways to him. Her eyebrow rose. “I’m done if you are.”
“Well then do we—oh,” said Alex.
“Oh. Shit,” Rachel considered.
“Let’s do this properly.” Lorelei stepped around to Alex’s left side, putting Rachel on his right. She leaned in and spoke softly at his shoulder: “Your father is missing. Your newfound family is worried. It’s only an office.”
Rachel slapped a hand over her face. “We gotta be fuckin’ cliché about it?”
“I don’t know. Do we?” Lorelei taunted. “Would this truly be a sin?”
“It’s burglary,” Rachel grumbled. “Breaking and entering and invasion of privacy and whatever the fuck else we do in there.”
“We, love?” Lorelei asked, leaning close to Alex but watching Rachel.
“Fucking shitballs. Lorelei—no, Alex.” She stayed on his right, but turned his head to face her. “Listen. I can’t tell you how to live your life, remember? Can’t play red light, green light on every little thing. You get that.”
“I do,” said Alex.
“He does,” Lorelei murmured, dragging her lips up his neck and to his ear. “We both get it.”
“Middle school innuendos,” Rachel sighed. “I’m saying: I can’t stop you. I can’t condone it, either, but if I don’t do anything about it, then what the fuck good is my opinion, right? ‘Don’t condone’ is pretty fuckin’ flaccid, but I can’t slap my big old angel dick in your way, either.”
“Um.” Alex blinked halfway out of the reverie of Lorelei’s affections. It helped that she paused, too. “Did I miss something important for the last ten months we’ve been together?”
“It’s a metaphorical dick, Alex! Proverbial! Proverbs Eleven Inches and Sixty-Nine, okay? I’m saying I’m in a bind here.”
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” said Alex. “Should we just drop this?”
“I—!” The quandary stopped her cold. Again. “I shouldn’t say.”
“And I shouldn’t tease,” Lorelei conceded.
“Then why did you?” asked Rachel.
“To lighten all this. I know the issue weighs upon you, Rachel. I wanted to show that we love you regardless. Also, I thought flirting and banter might give the office staff another moment to show up, but they have not.” Lorelei moved from Alex to stand close enough to kiss Rachel. “If you objected, we would heed. If you can only object through implication, we must let context and need decide. It is a transgression, and legally a crime. We accept this. We need not take anything, and we will harm no one.”
“It’s fucked up, y’know?” said Rachel. “Hiding the truth about us from Michelle and others is for their own good, but it’s still deception. We still bullshit and keep secrets and… white lies are still lies. It’s wrong. It sucks balls.”
“You’re not wrong,” said Alex. “It isn’t fun. I’m sorry. And maybe I’m pissed at Dave and I dunk on him a lot, but that’s not why we’d be doing this. We’re trying to help people. That’s usually why we do the sketchy shit.”
“Yeah. I know.” Rachel sighed. She looked away. Her lips followed her eyes, scrunching up to one side of her mouth. “You’ve gotta do what you’d do, not what I want. Pretend I’m not here.”
“Literally impossible,” said Alex.
“Pretend you’re pretending. Also, Lorelei, get your tail out of his pants. You’re driving us both insane.”
“All out of love.” Lorelei led the way across the street. “The alley in the back will have fewer eyes and cameras. Let me go ahead.”
“What about the lock?” asked Alex.
“It’s a combination. I may get lucky.” Her stride picked up a beat while Alex and Rachel fell behind as she suggested. Alex didn’t see a shift of light or a sudden disappearance, but her humbler posture and gait signaled her ability to go unseen in plain sight. It would even work on cameras when she put the extra effort into her magic… and extra power.
“Huh. I think the flirting was functional again,” said Alex.
“She doesn’t need much mojo for this,” said Rachel. “That was just gluttony and hedonism. Worst part is, it worked.” Rachel folded her arms and fumed. “Now I really do wanna go in there and bang on top of a desk.”
Lorelei disappeared around the corner. They held back under one of the mesquite trees along the sidewalk. “Nobody’s gonna see you if you want to go in with her,” said Alex.
“Lorelei’s being careful. You’re the mortal here. I’m only going in to guard you, and that’s what I’m gonna tell the boss to his face when he has a pissy-fit about this.”
“I really don’t want to get you in trouble, you know. Not with your conscience or your boss.”
“My conscience is only bitching. The local boss would find something to be pissy about.”
Lorelei reappeared to beckon them closer. The back alley was more of a small parking lot, with a handful of spaces for each business. Castle Management’s slots were empty, though its back door was now ajar—and a small bit of paper covered the overhead security camera, held in place by a hair tie.
Inside the office, more than enough daylight filtered through the drapes to serve Alex with or without the aid of Rachel’s halo. They found only a handful of desks and spare chairs for clients, with a couple back rooms and relatively sparse décor. Lorelei pulled the door closed behind them. “I disconnected power to the camera in here,” she said, nodding to another corner. “The one outside wasn’t so accessible. I believe I’ve accounted for them all.”
“I thought you didn’t want to fuck with anything and leave a trail?” said Rachel.
“Some risk is unavoidable. I haven’t found an integrated security system. They won’t notice problems with video unless they have reason. We’re better off being discovered eventually rather than immediately.”
“Cameras and good locks, but no security system?” Alex wondered. “Weird. How’d you beat the lock?”
“I tried the numbers of the street address, but it turns out these tenants weren’t so careless. They use the reverse of the street numbers.”
Alex stopped in his tracks. “You’re kidding.”
“She’s not.” Rachel’s eyes rolled. “Happens all the time, even with people who know better.”
“Mind your fingerprints.” Lorelei rounded the nearest desk, tapping the workstation keyboard with her nails to see if it would come to life. “The less we disturb, the better. Most records aren’t kept on paper anymore, anyway.”
Alex scanned the office, but his impression hadn’t changed in the last twenty seconds. He saw desks, chairs, and random office supplies. “This isn’t exactly in my skill set. Any of my skill sets. Tons of sneaking, not a lot of modern snooping.”
“What is training but the lessons from someone else’s trials and errors?” asked Lorelei. “Snooping is a skill anyone can build.”
He frowned and looked again. A large whiteboard calendar behind one desk held mostly text scrawled in a shorthand he couldn’t decipher. Another wall held the sort of spread of property pictures he saw in the realtor’s office when he and Lorelei started home-hunting. The back corner had the usual board with legally-mandated notices and licenses. It all seemed bland and boring, and they didn’t want to be caught here.
That prompted him to pull out his phone and activate the camera. “Guess we can do the reading once we’re gone, right?”
Lorelei didn’t look up, but he caught her smile.
“You getting anything woojie in here?” asked Rachel. “Any demon stink or magic?”
“Nothing but cleaning products. This employee at least wipes down his keyboard regularly.” Lorelei tapped a few more keys. “He also keeps a decent password. I’ll try the others.”
Alex continued his camera sweep while Lorelei focused on the workstations. His past lives had little input, but he had the vigilance to walk the inner perimeter of the office and check the adjoining rooms. Someone kept the restroom relatively clean. Take-out in the breakroom fridge attested to life as recently as last week. The space lacked a private office for a manager, but Alex found a storage room in the back. He covered his hand with the bottom of his shirt and tried the doorknob.
Cleaning products, jugs of water for the breakroom cooler, and copier paper meant little. Most of the paper boxes still had the yellow straps to keep them shut, implying they held what the labels said. Anything could be a clever disguise, but Alex had worked as a law firm file clerk for over a year. He was no stranger to this sort of closet. The firm had been mostly digital since long before he came along, yet they still had their boxes and boxes of documents… and forgotten party decorations, and outdated HR manuals, and someone’s booze stash.
This closet held far less. It made Alex wonder how long the office had been operating, or how active it could be if nobody ever stashed random nonsense in here just to get it out of the way. Then he turned and found a single file box on the shelf—the kind with the wood grain print on the outside and the loose cardboard top. Alex kept his hopes down and slipped the lid off.
Neatly-arranged bucket files hung from plastic hooks, each holding simpler manilla folders not unlike those back at the law firm. The box wasn’t even half full, and the files were thin. Instead of case numbers, the label tabs bore simple, handwritten names, last coming first: Costiniu, Dragomir; Edwards, Ben; and then “Holt, David” jumped right out at Alex. He pulled the file and opened it on the shelf.
The employment application had far more blank boxes than text. The W-4 was closer to standard. Whatever else was going on, Dave apparently didn’t need to get in trouble with the IRS. Alex spread out the other forms, finding a couple standard waivers and insurance papers, and an emergency contact form. It listed only one name. He winced—and then frowned, checking it with the other papers.
The same address appeared on the job application, and the W-4, and the rest. It wasn’t Dave’s apartment with Kaitlin. He knew this address. “What the fuck, Dave?” Alex murmured. He gave the forms a closer look and noted the date from four years ago.
He didn’t have time to ponder it. Alex pulled his phone again and took quick, careful pictures of Dave’s info, then the file box to make sure he at least got everyone else’s names. Another quick look revealed only one set of paperwork fully completed. Alex got a couple pics of Craig Timbrell’s forms and then packed it all up again.
Rachel still sat intangibly and almost transparent on top of one desk. Lorelei had moved to another, closing a drawer as Alex arrived. “Find anything?” she asked.
“Yeah. Employee records. Kinda sketchy. Also this place feels kinda empty.”
“Yes. Five desks, and three of them hold almost nothing. The desktop calendars don’t match; that one hasn’t been turned in months. I suspect only one person works here regularly.”
“We should probably go,” said Alex. He noted the slightest brightening of Rachel’s face at his suggestion, or maybe it was a sigh of relief.
“I agree.” Lorelei stepped back to examine the desk, ensuring she left it as she found it. “I found a few property contracts. It’s oddly eclectic, and I have other suspicions. If we can’t reach the employees, we can at least try the clients.”
She led the way to the back door. Rachel and Alex followed in silence, letting Lorelei and her supernatural stealth check first for onlookers. The back parking lot hadn’t gotten any busier in the few minutes since their entry. Lorelei ushered them out, but remained behind to take care of the cameras on her way out.
“You’re a little gloomy,” Rachel noted. “Not like you found real answers, just… gloomy.”
“Yeah,” he grunted. “I was hoping to avoid it, but I think we’ve gotta see—” Alex stopped at the buzz of his phone in his back pocket. He found Lucy’s name on the screen. They had exchanged texts earlier—upon his arrival at the office, in fact. “Hello?”
“Hey, Alex. Not on my break yet, but it’s dead at the moment and the boss let me sneak in a call. Any luck at the office?”
“Not really,” he said, though he winced at the dishonesty of it and for Rachel watching him. “Nobody’s here. Still.”
“That’s weird,” said Lucy. “Like, that’s really weird, isn’t it?”
“Weird to me. We’re gonna see if we can find a couple of their clients in case they have other phone numbers.” Again, not the full truth, but it was something.
“How’d things go with Grandma Jeanie?”
Alex let out a sigh. At least he could be fully honest about that.
Comments
Karl-Johan Norén
If Jeanie had any supernatural connections, I’d guess Deborah would have been aware, unless they were recent. But there is no indication of behaviour or attitude changes from her, the way Lucy and Alex speaks of her. So I’d say possible but unlikely. Elliott also has a thing for including plain regular assholes.
Jacob Hufstader
Obviously I’m biased insofar as that I want GI 5 as soon as possible, but it doesn’t necessarily seem that releasing the book in June would conflict too much with GTS? It sounds like GI 5 would be a kindle/paperback release, while GTS is an audible joint. I’m not sure they would cannibalize each other. Personally, I get my audiobooks via the credit system, and there isn’t too much overlap with my other purchases. Obviously you have better information about the market than I do, but I just wanted to put in my two cents.
jmundt33a
Jeannie. Is she supernatural and masking?? MAGA and Q, or just an incomprehensible asshole?
