Kevin Curry
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Summon Perfect Warlady 10
🕑 Added 2023-09-18 05:26:00 +0000 UTCI did not get a miracle of productivity, so once more y'all get another chapter of this instead of Psychoprotective. I'd apologize, but actually a solid chunk of my newer readers are here for this so I'm sure some of you are actually quite happy at this news.
Oh yeah, as a heads up, my laptop's keyboard is starting to crap out on me, so I'll need to figure out something on that end. All the letters still seem to work, though, so it's not too bad yet. Hopefully it won't lead to some kind of disaster down the line.
Edit: Damnit, accidentally posted it rather than scheduling. Ah well, no big deal.
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Caster juice was usually measured in fractions of caster levels, as a level two caster has twice the juice of a level one, a level three has half again as much as a level two, and so on.
This meant that, as a level six caster with an artifact doubling her juice supply, Tanya could load up a tower very fast indeed.
Further, while a linkup gave efficiency benefits above and beyond the pooling of their juice pools, and they had leveled from the experience of rebuilding and customizing so many cities, Sizemore and Maggie had only eight such levels between them.
So Tanya used what she thought was the most valuable spell in her wand to use up her juice for the turn; Friendship Unity Magic. It allowed her to channel juice into another caster, of which the Sizemore-Maggie system eagerly turned into more upgrades to the city. It was a bit of an interesting sensation, actually. Made her think of touching a live wire, but instead of grounding out through her, it instead drank in all she could send, her own potential being grounded through the Dirtament of the city.
"I see so much more of the mountain…" Sizemore said, with Maggie's voice accompanying his. "So many gems that we missed…" Tanya liked the sound of that.
"Remember, you need to transform the tunnel system." Tanya ordered.
"Yes, but instead of defense, perhaps… a different configuration." Maggie said, with Sizemore's voice dully echoing them.
Idly, Tanya wondered how long ago they stopped mining. One of the more minor secrets of Moneymancy was that gems popped over time when mines were left fallow… or more precisely the mines replenished at a fraction of the rate that it can be mined. It was one of the places spare Numbers went to when things depopped. If Sizemore was still a novice at the time… he may have just assumed that gems were pre-placed. There was probably just a very welcome extra hundred thousand or two waiting in the mountain. "We can shift it to a defensible arrangement after the mining is complete." They sent the battle bears and the marbits back to Jetstone, but they did keep the siege towers, so they had a modest quantity of digger stacks to do the heavy lifting.
The city trembled as the Dirtamancy optimized the tunnel system. "It is done." The pair said at the same strength of tone. Faintly, Tanya registered them issuing orders to the digger units to start mining.
Wait. "If you find something big, store it securely without telling the King about it. If he thinks we're rich, he'll start turning over our treasury to Jetstone." Tanya ordered, "Keep things plausibly modest, we'll discuss it further on my return."
One of the things about Duty is that it applies to your side, not your ruler. If the Ruler was making decisions that imperiled the side, it was the responsibility of the Chief Caster and Warlord to protect the side from those decisions. It wasn't so bad that a coup was in order, not that it was possible for Tanya to survive such a thing, but hiding assets so the King wouldn't throw them away? Tanya didn't even feel a twinge of hesitation.
Tanya spent the last of her juice refilling the supply of the linked casters and lifted off the ground, where Lady Victoria was ready to leave.
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Prince Trammenis did not look very much like his brother. King Ansom had classically handsome features; a strong jaw, a stern gaze, and neatly combed blond hair on top of a build that shouted 'fairy tale knight', the Prince Charming that will ride in, slay the dragon, and marry the Princess.
…which, now that Tanya thought about it, may explain why he had that uncanny knack at detecting princesses. Signamancy was still a very strange magical discipline, but like all magic, it had its own internal logic. It had to, else anyone who used it would become irrevocably insane.
Prince Trammenis, in contrast, was a fop. Delicate where Ansom was sturdy. His brown hair fell artfully in a controlled sloppiness, like he had just gotten out of bed. His chin was weak.
In other words, he was a bishounen. Tanya thought that he would fit in well on the cover of a yaoi manga.
"It's lovely to meet you again, Princess." Tramennis said when Tanya landed in front of him. The rendezvous point was a Unaroyal farm hex, taking the form of a grape vineyard. Trammenis sipped a glass of wine as he sat on the porch of the luxurious chateau.
Tanya accepted the glass that was offered by one of the Unaroyal infantry, pressed into menial service while the visiting warlords spoke. "Likewise, Prince." Tanya said, matching the informality he showed by remaining seated with her words. The wine was rather good, despite liking it in her first life she never really developed the kind of refined palette that others boast of so the best description she could offer was that it was a dry white. She just faked wine snobbery when necessary. “So are we to discuss my itinerary now or at the end of turn?”
“Ah, let’s put off that boring stuff.” Prince Trammennis said dismissively. “I’d much rather talk about how my brother’s been doing as King.”
He just wants gossip. That makes sense, one of the cultural aspects of the turn based warfare system that Tanya had noticed was that the vast majority of units were slackers. They could generally afford to slack off, they did their duties and then moved on to favored pastimes, which in this odd fantasy stasis meant mostly card games and elaborate social webs that only date-a-mancers could make sense of. Tanya tried to keep up with the gossip among her knights, at least, but it was dizzying. Victoria was better at it then her.
Well, given that Tanya didn’t strictly need to know their exact route, as long as they left on the mounts before the turn started, she could afford to chit-chat. “He’s doing…” Tanya paused as she tried to encapsulate King Ansom of Yojo Mojo. “...Adequately.”
Tramennis winced. “That bad, huh?”
Tanya spent a moment composing her response. “Ki… Ansom does not wish to be King.” Tanya eventually said. “It’s very obvious to anyone who sees him work.”
“Oh?” Trammennis said, interested. “What makes you say that?”
“You probably didn’t get to hear a first hand account of the negotiations.” Tanya said, to set the stage. “Ansom wanted to see me remain Queen. Sofa King and Hobbittm wanted me croaked. Transylvito sided with Ansom, and Unaroyal was the one who proposed the compromise. Stately forced Ansom into agreeing.” The other six sides didn’t really get a voice, as they were far smaller sides, even smaller than Yojo Mojo, or they were just not as involved in the relevant politics. “Ansom still sees himself as a loyal son of Jetstone, at best he considers himself my Regent. He let me name the side, most of the cities…”
“That’s my brother, all right.” Trammenis said, chuckling. “He was always willing to jump into the dwagon crap to rescue a princess. No doubt he sees his throne as no different.”
“If he were to abdicate too soon, no doubt the Sofa King would soon work towards fabricating a caucus belli.” Tanya said, grimly. “Something that he could attack us over without Jetstone coming to our aid.”
“Hm? Interesting theory.” Trammenis said, scratching his chin. On further review, there was the tiniest dusting of stubble, barely visible. “I try not to assume that people are incapable of things, but the Sofa King… He lacks the tact, I’d say.”
“So you think he’d just attack?” Tanya asked, deliberately going to the other extreme.
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Prince Trammenis said reflexively. “But historically, when large royal coalitions have bad blood, it is usually resolved through some controlled conflict.” He finished off his wine glass and held it out for a refill. “An honor duel, scheduled skirmish, or even a small war.”
“Small?” Tanya asked, raising her eyebrow.
“As in, one with a defined end point and stakes. Usually, you win by taking two cities, and earn a third as a prize.” Trammenis explained. “Or a caster, or an heir, an artifact…” He waved his hand vaguely. “Things of that nature. The taken cities are usually razed or sold back to the original side.”
“So you gamble a single unit, a single hex of units, or a sizable chunk of your side.” Tanya summarized. She frowned. “I suppose that’s preferable to a war of annihilation.”
“Jetstone and Unaroyal, at least, would stand beside you in the event that the Sofa King decides to take things too far.” Trammenis assured her. Which meant he was free to work against her as long as they kept it low key until the critical moment. Sensing that his assurance was not enough, he added: “If nothing else, we would be very cross with the Sofa King if he was to act against you when you were busy aiding our own conflicts. I will pen a missive to my Father to give the man a stern warning, and I’m sure Queen Bea will be willing to second it.” She supposed she’d have to trust the Sofa King to be rational, else what was visited on Gobwin Knob be visited on him in turn.
That reminded her… “What level of aid is Unaroyal providing for this war?” Tanya asked. “Beyond the diplomatic assurances.”
“Mostly that, keeping her armies ready to respond against any new entrants into the conflict.” Tramennis said breezily, finishing off his second glass of wine. “But they have also dispatched a modest military force to Ossomer’s command, led by the esteemed Lady Sylvia.”
“Hm. What’s she like?” Tanya asked, more to make conversation. She eyed the sky and knew they still had two hours until the end of turn, and as long as they left within ten minutes of the end of turn they’ll make it to the end of their move.
“Oh, absolutely dreadful company.” Trammenis said, smiling widely now that the topic shifted from politics to gossip again. “She was a stabber, you know. It was a huge scandal when she got promoted to Noble.” That was possible? “Prince Jeftichew is still disgraced over the whole thing, and it happened two hundred turns ago.”
“Wait, you could promote units to the nobility?” Tanya asked.
Trammenis looked a tad abashed. “Ah, the disgraced prince is a carnymancer.” He explained. Ah. “He doesn’t make many friends by defending his odious discipline so ardently. He promoted Lady Sylvia simply to prove that he could.” He paused for a beat. “Well, that’s what he claims, anyway. Instead, he simply proves why commoners ought not to be promoted above their station.”
Tanya frowned. “Is Lady Sylvia incompetent?” She asked.
Tramennis waved his hand in a ‘so-so’ manner. “She can fight well enough, to be certain.” He conceded. “It’s a rare promoted infantry that ever manages to level up after being promoted, and she managed it. But she’s a blunt instrument, she has no… finesse. Put her leading a stack of knights or heavies or both and she’ll use them well, but being a Warlord is more than just the Leadership special.”
Tanya thinks she is beginning to understand. “So she can lead a battle, but not a war.” Tanya summarized.
“Exactly.” Tramennis said, smiling again. “As long as she’s not in charge of making any kind of important decision, I have no issue with Lady Sylvia’s leadership.” He sighed dramatically. “The issue here is that Lady Sylvia’s been sent as the leader of the Unaroyal contingent. Ossomer still outranks her, but I worry about what she’ll do when she’s given latitude.”
“You seem to know her well.” Tanya observed.
“I spend more time among other sides than I do my own.” Tramennis said, pride leaking into his voice. “It’s my job to know the important people in all of the sides I’m with, and Lady Sylvia Lazarus is Unaroyal’s highest level warlord, short of their Chief Warlady, Princess Cruz.” In other words, he was an ambassador in the truest sense, an exceptionally polite spy. The reason for this meeting becomes clear: it was to build a dossier on her own personality.
…it was of no consequence. Diplomacy and espionage were words for information warfare, and if that was his Duty as a warlord, she won't begrudge him for it.
Tanya accepted a refill on her own glass of wine. "So, if I'll be assisting the war in Haggar, I suppose it would be prudent to know the dossiers of the notables on that side."
"Must we?" Trammenis asked. Tanya stared at him. "Very well. The first one you'll want to know about is Prince Sammy…"
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The next few turns were spent arming Jetstone's anti-air defenses. It was not an enjoyable experience. First, there was the argument on how to count her optimizing the juice that was already there. She won that one, Trammenis agreeing to count it in full. Given that they were trading novice dollamancy for her master shockamancy, it was the least they could do.
Well, she also threatened to leave the bulky, non-streamlined defense spells in place if they didn't. They were able to see reason after that.
The second odious part of the whole affair were the courtiers. Cities can benefit from being managed by a commander, improving all aspects of their production. However, this consumes that commander's attention, preventing them from leaving the city, casting certain kinds of spells, or in the case of warlords, preventing them from drilling the garrison. Farms and mines similarly benefit from attention.
There was another option, however. You could pop courtiers, non-combat units, which can collectively manage things in return for a portion of the savings.
Theoretically, it was cheaper to use courtiers. In practice, you generally wanted at least one warlord managing the defenses of each of your cities, so you aren't actually saving anything.
The real benefit to courtiers was the fact that they served the same purpose as the garrison twolls in Gobwin Knob: they served as assistants, secretaries, and porters for the commanders. Well, the twolls made for very poor secretaries, but their fabricate special provided a level of convenience that Tanya didn't really appreciate until she had to go without. And unlike courtiers, twolls could defend the city, although courtiers were theoretically commanders and could organize stacks if nothing else.
Yojo Mojo had courtiers. They were all salarymen and office ladies, coordinating the twolls and diggers efficiently and ensuring that Ansom had all of the information he needed to make decisions for the side.
Jetstone courtiers, on the other hand… reminded Tanya of the Palace of Versailles, the contemporary accounts of it. The courtiers did their assigned tasks, of course, but they spent most of their efforts on petty power struggles, trying to gain the nebulous favor of the royalty.
The worst part was their attempts to shame her in front of the court by getting her to read off a list of around twelve hundred names, every single Jetstone unit that she croaked in her attacks. That particular courtier got to learn that misrepresenting the King's commands was worth disbanding. Well, everyone else got to learn it.
The third odious part of the whole thing were the cloak and dagger aspects. Because being a caster was a secret. So they had to go through this whole song and dance of Prince Trammenis "showing off proper culture" to her, touring the art and sampling the various fine foods that filled Jetstone larders. There were rumors aplenty as to what the fop and her were "really" doing up in the tower when privacy was requested, but mortifyingly, none of them were accurate.
The experience wasn't completely terrible. Trammenis, appropriate to his role as ambassador, was pleasant company. He didn't even try to flirt with her or Victoria, despite being very willing to encourage the rumors otherwise. The latter was opsec, but the former was an unexpected and pleasant surprise. He was two-faced in his tour, saying all of the properly pompous and arrogant things in the presence of the courtiers, but being perfectly willing to mock and joke about those same topics in a more private setting. If he was tailoring his approach to her own preferences, he had her pegged.
In addition, the dollamancer that was to be traded, Lord Ace Hardware, was pretty personable as well. Further, he was of a size that Tanya thought was actually reasonable, although he still probably was on the short side by her old standards. He actually reminded her of that American from one of her childhood indulgences, Street Fighter. Although that was probably mostly the hair and muscles, as Ace was far more tan than Guile was.
“I can’t level just by copying Holly Shortcake’s designs!” Ace said as Tanya examined some of his side-projects. “Always with the battle bears and the LFNs, when I can’t make half as many of them. Dollamancy is more than just plush and fashion! It’s about action!” As she understood things, they also used Lloyd, their dittomancer, to multiply Ace’s output. So they got four caster-levels out of the man instead of just one every turn.
“I’m inclined to agree.” Tanya said, putting down what reminded her mostly of a jetpack. It was incomplete, of course. “Golems have upkeep, and while you can have an advantage by having a high level caster augmenting them with their bonus, you’re not in a position to do that. Nor have you been deployed to gain the necessary combat experience.” She paused, considering it. “On top of that, the temporary and limited nature of your contract with us would make golems a foolish choice.” She gestured to where Lady Victoria was standing at attention. “I was thinking, instead, of outfitting my knights.” Her artifacts covered most of what she could possibly need, with the orders from Charlie covering pretty much everything else. A pair of mile high club shoes and some “rainment” removed all but the most extreme high mountain move penalties, which was the only thing she needed that her armor, weapon, and crown didn’t provide.
Ace’s eyes sparkled like he was an anime character at the proposal. “Y-you mean it?” At Tanya’s nod, he rushed towards where Lady Victoria was standing, looking intently over her clothing with the eye on an expert, and quite enthusiastic, cosplayer. “I really like the look here. It screams action, battle, and flight all in one.” Her knights literally wore flight suits, as in, suits usually worn by pilots, so that tracked. “Did you have anything in mind? Because I’ve been sketching stuff for the last three turns just for fun.” He snapped his fingers and the courtier that was his personal assistant (Tanya understood that it was a punishment duty, reserved for those who have displeased the King) fetched the drafts, placing them in front of Tanya for her perusal.
The sketches all used Lady Victoria as the base, of course. It swapped out her spear for an axe-like shovel, with notes scrawled in the margin about her signamancy. The shovel did seem to fit her, and honestly, Tanya thought that there wasn’t nearly enough trench digging in this wargame for her liking. She had a vague idea of making use of a siege tower’s diggers to create fortifications to defend, with the assumption that it would restore at the start of turn. When she had brought it up with Sizemore, he had seemed contemplative on the potential effects, and couldn’t dismiss it out of hand as a bad idea, with the sole caveat that doing such a thing would reduce the number of infantry she could fit in each hex when it came to directing a column, and it would require a warlord to coordinate the troops to actually take advantage of it. They didn’t get the opportunity to test it out in controlled conditions, unfortunately.
In addition to the shovel, it included a different outfit, one that was more like Tanya’s own, but still quite different. The jacket resembled a WWI officer’s coat, and the skirt went slightly lower, a centimeter or two below the knee instead of above it. It certainly looked warmer than Tanya’s own magical girl outfit, including leggings rather than knee socks. “Interesting.” Tanya allowed. “But Lady Victoria is not my only knight, so I would require something more… standardized.”
“I getcha. Gotta have the full set.” Ace said, taking the papers back and looking them over himself.
Lady Victoria looked over the caster's shoulder. "It looks so good!" She exclaimed, excited at the concept of a new outfit.
Ace ignored her. “Okay, so the important thing you gotta know about accessories is that they don’t run the show.” Tanya blinked in confusion. “I mean, an infantry unit can only have so good of gear. A knight can have better gear, a warlord better still, and a Chief or King? They get the best.” He gestured to her outfit. “Limited run stuff like that? Crazy valuable. You’re pretty much maxed out with those artifacts. Yeah, I could maybe make you some magic underpants that have something nice…” He paused, before grinning at his own cleverness. “I mean, something else nice.” Tanya sighed at the bawdy joke. He continued: “But that Charlsecomm stuff is pretty much taking up all the wiggle room you got. You have the full collector’s edition.”
Tanya was beginning to think that his habit of using toy collector lingo meant something important about his signamancy. “So there’s a budget here.” Tanya said, more to keep the conversation moving.
“Yeah, exactly.” Ace said, nodding along. “First, the basics: Your knights are premium models, so they can handle plus three weapons and armor. That’ll be about five caster turns each for a set.” Ouch. “A little more, actually. Slightly less than five for two sets of plus two.” Hm, she’ll have to think about that. They have ways to improve his efficiency, anyway, and she likes the idea of exceptionally elite troops.
“Would it be possible to give them the barrier special?” Tanya asked. “My armor gives it to me, but I’m unsure how simple it would be.”
“Barrier?” Ace asked, thinking. “...Yeah, that one’s pretty common. Soaking one good hit is all its usually good for, but for flying knights?” He looked at Lady Victoria again. “...Yeah, that could work well. Three each?” He said, unsure. “That sounds right. Never made it before.” Once more, the limits of a novice dollamancer become clear.
“...Perhaps if I contracted a more experienced dollamancer for the design work?” Tanya offered, thinking of Prince Jack. It was deliberately provocative.
Ace scowled at the idea. “I can do this!” He insisted. “I am ACE HARDWARE!” He continued at the top of his lungs. The courtier, a rather foppish man, assigned to Ace lost his own composure as well, gasping at the caster’s anger. “Accessories are my thing! I can kit your knights out with shock-action spears!”
Oh? “What are those?” Tanya asked, concealing her smile. Now that was a motivated employee.
“Ah, well, you see, an accessory can’t turn a piker into an archer. It’s not their function, it’s not their Fate. Accessories pair with you, they don’t replace you.” He pulled out one of his papers, showing a sketch of Lady Victoria’s spear, which still resembled a bayonet at the end of a metal pole. But this… looked more like a musket. “But a weapon with some shockamancy action can get a few shots at range before closing in. Someone like a King would be able to just keep shooting, each shot as strong as a weapon-swing, maybe stronger. But a knight? Could still get one per battle, maybe one per level per battle.”
Tanya grinned. This was exactly what her knights needed: guns. Sure, it wasn’t quite a gun, but it was damned close. “I think that this would be the ideal accessory for my finest troops.” She said, letting her true opinion show on her face.
Ace pumped his fist in victory. “Go moJoe!”
Comments
Gremlin Jack
So... what are the odds Haggar decides to hire Charlie to deal with Tanya's units, just in time for Ace to finish up the shock-action spears? XD
Chris Larson
Yo Mojo! Thinkamancy is half the battle.
Gremlin Jack
I never stuck with Erfworld long enough to meet Ace Hardware, but I love him already :D
Summers Mori
This is what I subscribed for, so I definitely like more Perfect Warlady chapters.
