Kevin Curry
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Psychoprotective 8
🕑 Added 2022-11-14 14:58:19 +0000 UTCNeeded a break, posting this instead.
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[Milla Vodello, Psychonauts Agent]
Milla was worried for Tanya.
This was not an unusual situation, mind you. Even without a blood connection, Milla considered Tanya her precious daughter and nothing could change that. It’s a mother’s prerogative to worry for their children, particularly when they’re so… troubled.
But unlike most of those other times, Milla’s worries were very specific as to what kind of trouble Tanya could find herself in. Going through one’s own mind was a routine task for a veteran psychonaut… but the first time one explores that frontier was always the riskiest.
Sure, getting stuck in a nightmare is only some temporary suffering, but no mother wishes that on their children.
Of course, that’s the usual danger. Someone like Tanya? There could be something more extreme lurking in her thoughts that could cause a greater problem. Minor mental problems can branch out to new, exciting diagnoses when psychic power comes into the picture, and while Sasha was correct in how simple it was to resolve such issues… he downplayed the intensity of them.
These worries were compounded, when one considered that Tanya had a distressing tendency to hide all of her problems. When she was a baby, she rarely cried. She called out whenever she needed something, learning words at a pace that was frightening before Milla knew that it was just because she was telepathic. But even when in the throes of night terrors, she didn’t usually cry.
Milla knew of them nevertheless, as she had always possessed a strong sense of empathy. It was only after raising Tanya that she realized that it was empathy in the ‘psychic powers’ sense, sensitive enough to Tanya’s pain that whenever she awoke from them, Milla did as well. She knew that Tanya was psychic for just as long; it was no coincidence that the few times Tanya did cry, it was shortly after Milla wondered why she wasn’t.
Baby Tanya was in a constant state of fear and stress, tormented by things that only she could see. The only thing that seemed to banish those specters boiled down to direct care and attention. Any time that she was left to her thoughts invited the return of whatever tormented her so. Even with that reprieve, Milla could never say definitively that Tanya was ever happy about… anything. There were times where Milla thought she could feel happiness from Tanya, usually when she was eating good food, but it was so faint in comparison to the shining joy the other children radiated that she wasn’t entirely sure whether or not she was imagining it. Eventually, Milla learned how to pick up surface thoughts, developing her psychic senses so she could better take care of her charges. She thought that if she knew what was causing Tanya such pain, she could better console her and let her sleep peacefully for once.
She was wrong. Tanya’s stress only increased when she figured out that Milla could listen to her thoughts. The precise worries Milla caught before Tanya twigged to that escape her foggy memory, but they were mostly about how she was sure that she would be taken away and locked up, with a side of intense anxiety about Milla potentially turning her over if she was anything but the perfect compliant child. She started her habit of repeating a mantra of her name and age whenever she suspected Milla was listening to her thoughts, ironically projecting those thoughts to those who were psychically sensitive and nearby.
Eventually, Tanya managed to figure out how to keep her thoughts inside, simultaneously learning how to use her burgeoning psychic powers to protect herself from physical injury as well. Ever since? Milla had only vague guesses as to what was going inside that girl’s head. Milla always felt very guilty about how much of that stress vanished after she ascertained the truth of that immunity to telepathy. Tanya said it was because she learned how to shut out the thoughts of others, but Milla knew by that point that Tanya only ever said what she thought Milla wanted to hear. It might have been true, but… It was distressing.
Once the… unfortunate accident occurred, Tanya had regressed a bit when it came to handling her night terrors. They never really went away, near as Milla could tell, but having something real and tangible to have nightmares about was not helpful to Tanya’s mental health.
Despite this worsening, however… it wasn’t really that different. Tanya devoured the psychic instruction that Sasha gave her when Milla was undergoing the Psychonauts agent training, as much as she devoured whatever books the group home had. She even branched out to learning languages, mastering them with a level of ease that Sasha mentioned indicated a fantastic talent towards telepathy and clairvoyance… which she refused to allow herself to use for fear it would be turned against her.
Whenever Milla tried to discuss her concerns with the more medically inclined psychonauts, they always tried to point to a guilt complex, centered around accidentally killing her pseudo-siblings. While she probably did harbor guilt about that, Milla knew that it was a bigger problem, because she was just… like that.
Dr. Boole’s idea seemed the most plausible, as he theorized that Tanya possessed the rarest of psychic disciplines in addition to her other talents, that of precognition. The nightmares she constantly suffered from could be dire portents to the future, and she was so used to suppressing and ignoring them that she didn’t even understand that it was what they were. She didn’t change much from before and after the trauma because she was already suffering from visions of her burning down the group home. Milla had tried to coax Tanya into opening up to her on the matter… but it never worked.
So when Milla knocked on the Psychoisolation chamber, she expected all sorts of things to have gone wrong. On the most extreme end, she feared that Tanya had become locked in some kind of fight-or-flight response, which could be incredibly dangerous. Even if that dire situation wasn’t realized, she could still end up consumed by her paranoia, refusing to leave the chamber so as to bunker down versus some invisible threat. Or, less violently but no less concerningly, Tanya could have become obsessively consumed by the pleasure of some kind of stress-relieving activity and decide to pursue it with single-minded devotion.
Normally, that just led to a dehydration risk, but given recent events? Milla made sure to bring a varied selection of supplies for that situation. Tanya was stressed by discussing the subject, but when it came to the dirty details, safe from prying eyes, she was as placid as she was as a baby, relaxed and docile. Not happy, but relaxed was as good as it gets, most days. Despite the oddity, becoming excessively dependent was one of the more likely scenarios, in Milla’s mind. It was certainly more likely than Milla’s wildest hope: That Tanya would end up realizing how silly some of her paranoid fears were and to open up, at least to Milla. Unrealistic and against what her Psychonauts training would lead her to expect, but not impossible. Milla had ended up on the wrong side of a few of those scenarios during her Psychonauts training, although protocol usually demanded continued Psychoislation until the derangement passes. That’s not really viable for the miniature chamber, so out she goes. Only if it was completely unavoidable would she remain in that tiny padded box.
The door opened shortly after Milla’s knock, Tanya emerged with a smile on her face. “Mom!” She exclaimed, swiftly getting out and giving Milla a hug. A quick sniff proved that the psychoisolation chamber really needed some air conditioning, but did not bring any other concerns to her attention.
“Tanya!” Milla said in return, immediately returning the affection. She locked away her concerns within her mind reflexively, spinning off an Archetype from her professionalism within her mind to process her worries while she kept a happy front for Tanya.
After all, while the probable reason for her sudden change of heart on addressing Milla as ‘Mom’ rather than the more polite ‘Miss Milla’ that she had requested the children of the group home use oh so long ago was probably due to some mental snarl Tanya had gotten caught up in, there was a distinct possibility that she just came to realize that it suited their relationship better.
“Did you finish exploring your mind?” Milla asked guilelessly.
“Mm-hmm!” Tanya replied, grinning with pride. “I’m just me!” She said happily. Oddly, there was a faint buzzing, like television static. Milla’s agent archetype quickly identified the source of this scrambled psychic broadcast as Tanya’s head.
“That’s great, Tanya.” Milla said sincerely. Her agent archetype telepathically probed Tanya’s mind, finding the barrier that was constantly there completely absent.
[i][s]who am i[/s]I am Tanya Dosva, Mom’s precious daughter.[s]that’s not right[/s][/i]
As the agent archetype digested that bit of information, Milla led Tanya back to the dining hall without a trace of suspicion bleeding into her emotions or thoughts. She split off a second archetype, personifying her curiosity to keep track of Tanya’s now-open thoughts, so they could catch any problems. With luck, this was just her being overcautious.
Tanya’s thoughts repeated the mantra she had picked out, which was concerning. She couldn’t quite make out the other, more rapid thoughts surrounding the primary one, but that was hardly unusual. The emotions around her thoughts were even emptier than usual, which was a tell-tale sign of the mantra method of telepathic defense. Tanya used that method to block telepathy before she learned to block it completely, although she had somehow managed to vastly improve her technique. The only difference now was that Milla was deliberately trying to see past it, so she’s sure Tanya will slip up eventually. When Tanya eagerly approached Ford to get her dinner, the primary thought shifted to something different.
[i][s]be quiet[/s]I am a hungry camper who needs plenty of meat.[s]wait, who am i?[/s][/i]
Milla’s agent archetype instantly theorized that the relevant stimulus was focusing on someone else, and to keep an awareness of whenever Tanya focused on someone else, and to see if she shifted behavior as a result.
[i][s]oh no it’s her[/s]I am Tanya, Lili’s cool big sis.[s]avoid the bloody valkyrie[/s][/i]
Tanya’s demeanor shifted after she sat down to eat with Lili, becoming less joyful or eager, and more calm and collected. She ate quickly but without dedicating much attention to the task, talking idly with the smaller girl. Lili eagerly took the opportunity to talk to Tanya, and after a moment earned herself a pat on the head from Tanya, preening at the affection.
[i][s]could be worse[/s]I am Tanya, the mysterious beauty[s]still, retreat[/s][/i]
Adam approached their table, once again attempting to impress Tanya by bragging about his accomplishments in the shooting gallery. He was genuinely skilled at the PSI blast, but Milla didn’t think Tanya would care much. Except that she turned to face him, acted impressed at the appropriate time, and even twirled a lock of hair in her hand as Adam recounted the tale.
The agent archetype considered this enough evidence to deduce that Tanya had somehow managed to force herself to become whatever the person she was focused on wanted her to be rather than be herself. Milla was only about seventy-five percent sure that such a move was an accident rather than her trying to do something she shouldn’t have. People-pleasing was certainly something Tanya did a lot…
Sasha’s telepathic voice interrupted her musings. “Is there something wrong?”
“Yes.” Milla sent back. “Tanya’s acting strangely, and by now I’m pretty sure it’s some kind of temporary insanity.”
“Ah.” Sasha sent back. “Well, that sounds like it will keep until she can be put to bed.”
“You’re probably right.” Milla replied. “But letting her flirt with Adam like that seems like a bad idea.” In a deeper, wordless layer of telepathic communication, her agent archetype filled Sasha in on their deduction.
“Oh dear.” Sasha sent back. “Yes, separating her from the campers may be advisable. In the worst case… Oh no.” Sasha’s sense of dread washed over Milla as they saw Mary approach Tanya, a stubborn expression on her face.
What could… Sasha sent his understanding of Mary’s delusions as they related to Tanya, from their brief conversation within his mind. Oh no.
[i]NO! STAY AWAY! [b]I am Tanya von Degurechaff, the Devil of the Rhine[/b] DAMN YOU![/i]
Tanya’s flirty expression melted into a completely different one. It was not a smile, but a showing of teeth. Her eyes started to glow golden and she started to float upwards, her hair untying itself and flowing freely. Before the situation could explode, possibly literally, Milla focused her psychic energies and tossed a bundle of telepathic nonsense at the group. Colloquially known as a ‘confusion grenade’, it tended to be something of a soft reset of someone’s mental faculties, clearing the mind of telepathic suggestions and shorting out a few seconds of memory. It wasn’t a nice thing to do, and Milla didn’t really think it would work on Tanya’s problem as a whole, but given the situation it seemed appropriate.
Adam was the first to blurt out something under the influence of telepathic scrambling. “Did I miss tea time? No wonder everything’s all wibbly.”
Lili spoke up next. “BURN ALL CLOTHES! FREEDOM!” She announced at the top of her lungs. Fortunately, it’s a rare psychic indeed that can manage any kind of manifestation while confused. Hopefully she won’t repeat her brief nudism phase from four months ago. Toddlers are cute, but this is not the time.
Mary was the next person to speak. “God? Where did you go? I found her!” Also concerning, but not something that can be handled now.
Tanya, on the other hand, reacted quite strangely. “What? Who am I?” Well, that part was pretty normal for a confusion grenade, but instead of standing around, she ran at full speed out the door, directly away from Mary. Milla left Sasha to handle the aftermath of the confusion grenade so she could pursue Tanya.
Fortunately, she didn’t get far. Tanya had tripped on a random stone, falling down about fifteen feet from the dining hall. The discordant chaos the grenade caused in Tanya’s mind leveled out by the time Milla telekinetically lifted Tanya back up, repeating a mantra once more.
[i][s]This is better[/s]I am Tanya Dosva, Mom’s precious daughter.[s]who am i[/s][/i]
Well, Milla knew the odds were low of a confusion grenade being enough to shake this mental unbalance. Still, best to keep Tanya focused on her, until a dream cycle restores her mental equilibrium. “I think it would be nice if you slept with me tonight, Tanya. Doesn’t that sound nice?” Milla’s archetypes allowed her to keep her thoughts positive and clear of suspicion or plotting, portraying only a sense of longing for simpler times as mother and daughter.
Tanya smiled widely as she leapt into Milla’s arms in a big hug, shifting her grip to make it clear that she had no intention of walking back to the cabin. At least she reduced her weight with levitation…
[i][s]who am i[/s] I am Tanya Dosva, Mommy’s precious baby.[s]what is happening[/s][/i]
Ah, she laid it on a bit too thick. Whoops.
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Fortunately, the hard reset of a dream cycle did, as expected, resolve the problem. Tanya’s mind had once again closed, metaphorical steel doors blocking off all telepathic access.
What a relief. She never thought she’d say that about Tanya’s shield before.
“What… happened last night, Miss Milla?” Tanya asked as Milla ran a washcloth up and down her arms.
“Hm, what do you remember, darling?” Milla said, lathering up even more soap and continuing to clean her daughter.
“...Not much.” She admitted. “I recall seeing the last portion of my mind, then… I woke up here.” She paused for a moment. “I had a dream about something terrible happening, but that couldn’t be true.” The conviction with which she said it gave Milla the impression that the followup to that was ‘because nothing is on fire’.
Hm. Expected, but still a little disappointing. “Well, you ran into a little problem in your mind.” Milla explained. “It made you a little loopy for a bit, but a good night’s sleep fixed you right up.”
“So… Nothing terrible happened?” Tanya asked with hope.
Milla debated telling Tanya the truth or not. Eh, she’s old enough for at least some honesty about grisly matters. “Something terrible almost happened.” Milla admitted. “But Sasha and I were prepared and were able to stop it.”
“That’s good.” Tanya said, a little distant. “Is there anything I should know?” She asked after a minute of silence.
“Well, you flirted with Adam a bit.” Milla said, which didn’t seem to cause a reaction one way or the other. Did she not like boys? Or was she just not at that age yet? Milla was certainly interested at her age. “But other than that, it wasn’t very obvious.” Milla grinned as she started to wash Tanya’s hair. “That’s not so bad, right? You’re always so very considerate, that part of you was just amplified for a little bit.”
Tanya hummed absently. “Ah, that’s one way to describe it.” She demurred. Milla suspected she knew more about what happened than she was letting on, but let it slide.
The two of them fell into a comfortable silence, before Milla decided to broach a delicate subject as she dried Tanya with a towel. “...Tanya, do you think I’m being overbearing?”
Tanya reflexively shook her head, denying it immediately. “No, of course not.”
Milla hummed. How to phrase this? “I’ve just been thinking. When I was your age, I wouldn’t have been taking…” Milla waved vaguely at Tanya. “This, nearly so calmly. The idea of being bathed by my mother alone would have been intolerable, much less the other stuff.” Really, the only reason she did it today was so they could have this conversation before Tanya blew up the lost time all out of proportion. If it wasn’t for the Mary interaction, it was the kind of issue that every psychonaut had a story told about them when they accidentally scrambled their brains for a few hours.
Tanya shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.” She said, waiting patiently as Milla brushed her hair. “Little is more childish than denying your preferences in the name of maturity.” That was…surprisingly insightful. Also an admission that she likes getting doted on. “I’ll master psychic construction soon enough, and we can put this chapter behind us. Until then, there’s no need to make things even more difficult. Caretaking makes you happy, and that’s reason enough to cooperate.”
Milla hummed in agreement. Tanya had always been rather light on complaints, even when she did resist something Milla had decided on, she only gave the most token objections, never pressing the issue. Milla had thought that it was because of her paranoia, wanting to make sure that Milla had no complaints about her conduct. But perhaps it was more of this kind of thing? Where she accepted whatever reason Milla had and didn’t see the point in arguing? When did one become the other?
“...Agent Cruller.” Tanya said out of the blue. Milla gave a short questioning sound. “Have the Psychonauts even attempted to apply psychic therapy to him?”
Milla chuckled at the naive question. Still a child, after all. “Of course we have, darling. Ford’s mind is… dangerous. Still in a conventional sense, so the most you risk is getting kicked out harshly, but it’s like a hurricane in there.” That did undersell things a little, but you didn’t become a psychonaut without a few nosebleeds along the way. Nothing a sick day off work couldn’t fix. “Worse, each of his personae are so separated from each other that each one has their own mental world.” Milla sighed as she recalled the disastrous attempts to calm the chaos that was Ford’s fractured mind shortly after she officially became a psychonaut, which was apparently the third attempt. “No psychonaut exists with the mental fortitude and psychic strength to survive there long enough to accomplish anything.” Otto claimed it was even worse in the immediate aftermath of the battle of Grulovia, the first attempt, so they still held out hope that he could be helped… eventually. Camp Whispering Rock was supposed to speed that along somehow, but Milla didn’t really understand the underlying rationale. Something about the psitanium?
Tanya frowned at the story, although what part of it caused that reaction was something Milla didn’t know. Was she frustrated at the impossibility? Did the defeatist attitude bother her? Did she catch the implication that she might be Ford’s only hope, with her extraordinary psychic strength? “...I think that I’d like to see it for myself.” She eventually said.
…Milla didn’t expect to hear that. “Shouldn’t you master astral projection first?” She asked. Sasha had mentioned the day before that the full effects of overinvesting in an astral projection were not entirely clear, but it would probably increase the power the projection had to bear. They assumed the effects of being forcibly ejected would also be intensified somehow, but they didn’t know that for sure.
Tanya nodded in agreement. “Probably. We’ll see.”
Milla wondered, not for the first time, just how far Tanya would go if she felt the need. Tanya had always been very cavalier about physical dangers, utterly assured that she was the most dangerous person in any room. It was rather disconcerting when seeing her unimpressed face whenever she had the opportunity to witness the drill instructors during psychonauts training do their work, but it was downright worrisome when she scares away lions and bears, psychics ones even, with an unhesitating and thoroughly dangerous demonstration of psychic might.
…Milla should ask Sasha more about Mary’s claims on Tanya.
