Kevin Curry
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Summon Perfect Warlady 2
🕑 Added 2023-03-01 15:00:00 +0000 UTCYeah, it was a draw, but I got super-inspired to write this so I picked it to do. I might post a second chapter of this this month as part of the promotion... Depends on how things go, I suppose.
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At first, Tanya was relieved when they learned that Stanley only had need of the Foolamancer to veil his escape. That was before they noticed the consequences of ending a thinkamancy link in the middle of the day.
“She’s dead.” Tanya said to herself, dreams of knowing the enemy’s movements dying a quick death.
The Thinkamancer winced at something but nodded. “Yes. In order to ensure the survival of the Foolamancer, as per Lord Stanley’s objectives, I concentrated all of the link’s backlash on the Lookamancer.” She paused. “The Foolamancer did appear to have suffered some nevertheless, but he wasn’t incapacitated.”
Stanley had already left with the disoriented illusionist. He was mustering his most elite hobgobwin forces (orange, adult-sized soldiers), dressing them up like a metal band, loading them and the dwagons up with food, and readying himself to leave with them. Tanya assumed the thick makeup provided some kind of benefit, but they had more important things to worry about.
With Stanley’s departure, their dwagon supply had dwindled to thirty-four. Less than ideal.
“Call every commander to the situation room.” Tanya instructed the Thinkamancer. “We have a lot to go over before the turn’s over.”
“Of course.” She replied, doing nothing visible to follow Tanya’s order. Shortly afterwards, Stanley had put his stack to flight and both of the other commanders had arrived, leaving the room with twice as many commanders as it had before.
“It’s nice to see you back to your old self, Maggie.” Sizemore greeted the Thinkamancer. Oh, that was her name, huh? “It’s tragic, what happened to Misty.” And the Lookamancer has a name now, too bad she’s just a corpse.
Tanya gestured to the body. “Are casters useful uncroaked?” They asked Wanda as she entered the room.
“No.” The woman replied, practically swaggering as she strutted to the map table. “What is the plan?”
Tanya held up a hand. “I don’t know yet. We have dwagons, and undead warlords to lead them, and knights to ride them.” Even Sizemore was able to elaborate a little bit on how stacks worked.
In addition to Leadership as a bonus functioning as a force multiplier, there was a stack bonus disincentivizing one from piling on a hundred units on top of a high level warlord. It went up to +4, with eight units, and decayed with more units, fifteen being the magic +0 number. But there were several ways to expand that limit without invoking that decay. A stack could accept up to two commanders without decaying, one warlord, one caster. They had tested this with the uncroaked warlords, and Tanya could act as either, although their leadership bonus of 1 did not stack with Sir Manpower’s bonus of 3. Well, the special Chief Warlord bonus did, but that applied even if she wasn’t stacked with them. Knight/Mount pairs were another exception, allowing a stack of mounts to have a full stack of riders with no penalty. Warlords were knights… although oddly, Tanya was not a knight, as was proven during the experimentation. Usually that meant the Warlord had some other special that replaced Knight, like Flying or Seafarer. ‘Caster’ was probably the replacement there. It could still work, it just meant that a stack of Tanya, a caster, and eight dwagons could only stock six knights, while if it was Tanya and, say, Lady Phat-Singh, they could have nine dwagons and seven knights.
Given that Wanda, as a level eight master-class Croakamancer, gave a plus four bonus to uncroaked in her hex and eight to her stack? Which stacked with Leadership? And could confer an even greater advantage by using Rhyme-o-Mancy? She was coming along, at least with the plan Tanya had in mind.
“I just need to know if there’s any other possible resource we have that could contribute to this battle.” Tanya continued. “What about that prisoner?”
“I know Ansom’s entire battle plan.” Wanda said.
Really? “Good!” Tanya said, pleased. “Outline it, please. For everyone.”
“He will send in his tunnel units a turn early as a feint, then surround the city and attack it at all sides.” She summarized.
Tanya hummed. “And… what benefit does he get for allowing us to engage his tunnel units separately?” They asked.
Wanda shrugged. “To force us to expend our units, I assume.” She said. “Whatever losses we take will weaken our walls.” She added.
“...But we have you.” Tanya said. “We’ll just reanimate the losses and park those uncroaked on the walls.” What was Tanya missing?
“Ansom doesn’t know that.” Wanda elaborated. Ah, that… sort of made sense.
“Surely he’s seen uncroaked among our forces.” Tanya pointed out.
Wanda shrugged again. “Warlords do not typically understand magic.” She explained. “Mass Uncroak is a very limited spell, so it’s rarely used. Even if we croak more of them than the reverse, he could think that there would be too many bodies for proper reanimation. And he’s right.”
Sizemore chipped in his own wisdom. “Uncroaked have less hits than they did in life, and they decay, which lowers those hits further. They’d just need to dig in a few turns to siege us and all of those uncroaked would fall apart.”
“Five to seven turns.” Advised Wanda. “They lose points, too. Even advanced infantry and knights become no better than pikers when uncroaked en masse.”
“My plan could still work…” Tanya said out loud as they looked at the map. The column was too far away… “But it would tip our hand on your strength.” Would it be worth it? “Does the prisoner have anything else useful?” Tanya asked.
Wanda’ smug smile became even more smug. “Ansom is in love with her, and I control her mind.”
…She really should have led with that. “Okay, that opens up some possibilities.” Tanya allowed. “Now, how can we use this?”
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One of the things contributing to Gobwin Knob’s defenses was the terrain. The Minty Mountains were very difficult to lead mass numbers of troops through. But difficult was not impossible. There was one road leading straight to the city, and the Royal Crown Coalition was making full use of it.
The front three hexes of their column were much stronger, their forces strong enough that they would struggle to take even one of them. They had warlords with knight stacks, several stacks of elves, including the knight-class eager elves, and two stacks each of heavies to further make a frontal assault inadvisable. The column advanced at the pace allowed by their slowest units: the siege towers, which weren’t even units, but equipment that slowed the units that were actually moving them. The point was, the front of their column was twenty hexes away, and advanced seven hexes per turn, a slow but inexorable advance, and much faster than trying anything but that road in this terrain. Behind them were plenty of comparatively weak hexes, siege units with large quantities of expendable troops to protect them, with plenty of archers to support their fliers in the event of a dwagon raid… but no leadership. In the middle of their column, there was the hex with Ansom and the other coalition leaders. Not only was it surrounded by stronger hexes with weak but present leadership, the hex itself had tons of leadership and knights, heavy fliers, making it their strongest hex. Unassailable.
As members of an alliance, they could benefit from the Chief Warlord bonus of Ansom, a level ten warlord. This bonus was three, five within his hex. Seeing as how Tanya’s out of hex bonus was zero and in-hex bonus was only one, this was a massive disadvantage.
But how much of a disadvantage was it? No one could answer that. “Where is someone who can provide numbers when you need one?” Tanya groused. They had a plan on how to use Jillian, the prisoner, but it was important that Gobwin Knob do some damage to the coalition as a preface.
Sizemore, once more, was the voice of sage advice. “Well, we could hire a Mathamancer from the Magic Kingdom. Their rates are usually rather inexpensive.”
“The what?” Tanya asked.
Sizemore’s eyes widened. “Oh, you don’t… I’m sorry. The Magic Kingdom is a place connected to all capitals where barbarian casters offer their services.”
Immediately, Tanya recalled Stanley’s words on ‘hiring fifty casters’. “Do we have time to do that?” Tanya asked.
Maggie’s lips pursed. “Well, typically getting same-turn service from the Magic Kingdom is a bit tricky… You’d have to have a pre-existing relationship. But I’m given to understand that Sizemore is rather popular in the Magic Kingdom.”
Tanya smiled. Some good news! “What contacts do each of you have?” They asked eagerly.
Wanda hummed. “Croakamancy isn’t exactly popular.” She said, softening bad news. “I could ask Marie for assistance. She is a Predictamancer.”
“Hocus Pocus, Life magic, fate axis. Mathamancy is on the numbers axis.” Explained Sizemore. “They can see the future… but sometimes they have only bad news to give.” Ah, limited ability to change the future they see. Potentially useful. At least, they could verify if certain mechanical interactions work the way that Tanya thinks they would.
Maggie coughed. “I am not particularly influential among the Minds that Think Alike.” She explained. From context, this was probably some kind of Thinkamancer guild. “But they are generally a very… curious sort. The novelty of your status may persuade them to offer services, such as Lookamancy, or some assistance from their own contacts.” Tanya did not like the sound of being poked and prodded at like an experiment… but it was their life on the line here, left to die by Stanley, so they’ll just have to tough it out. “Properly paid, of course.” Of course. There was still a little less than one hundred and sixty thousand shmuckers in the treasury, according to Sizemore. They have plenty of money for such a thing.
Sizemore, the ‘popular’ caster, took a deep breath before following the order. “My best friends in the Magic Kingdom are the Hippiemancers.” He began. “They are a peaceful sort, and generally unwilling to help fight wars, even defensive ones, unless completely unprovoked.” The name of the class of magic said it all, didn’t it? “Janis would definitely be willing to take us in if we need to flee into the Magic Kingdom, help us get on our feet, but there’s not much magic they’d be willing to cast for us for any amount of shmuckers. Perhaps some scrolls.” DIsappointing. “I do have a few other friends, not as close, but I have a fair amount of Rands to pay for work.”
Wait. “What are Rands?” Tanya asked. Is that some secondary currency?
“It’s a barter currency.” Sizemore explained. “Special to the Magic Kingdom, it lets casters accept payment that can’t fit in their purse without needing to get a moneymancer involved.” Now that sounded like the kind of magic Tanya would want. Noting their interest, Sizemore added as an aside: “Clevermancy uses no elements, numbers axis.” Their curiosity sated for the moment, he continued. “If you accept payment for work, excess shmuckers beyond your purse limit convert into Rands, which cost and can be spent for 1 turn of upkeep.”
Tanya frowned. “But… casters don’t have the same upkeep values.”
SIzemore nodded, a smile on his face. “Low level casters occasionally sell their Rands to higher level ones for profit, yes.” Brilliant. How did it work?
Nevermind that. Tanya snapped their fingers. “Give me one, my upkeep is… significant.” Somewhere in the neighborhood of five Sizemores, in fact. “Just to see if it counts for me.”
Sizemore seemed a little hesitant, but nodded, which caused Tanya to instantly recognize that they had 1 Rand, despite nothing actually changing hands. How novel. “Very good. The previous turns you spent accruing these may end up saving the side, “ Fat chance. “...so I thank you for your service.” Sizemore seemed quite surprised to receive positive feedback, but Tanya already figured out that Stanley was not a particularly skilled manager. “Are there any other resources I do not know about?” Tanya asked.
Wanda looked like she had bit into a lemon, but said: “I have a small stash of scrolls.”
“Send a lackey to fetch them.” Tanya ordered. As they understood from Bogroll’s appointment, ‘Lackey’ was the official title of a personal assistant to a commander, and was generally considered a promotion. It was a little odious, but it wasn’t worth arguing about while team cohesion was such a critical asset. Restructuring the organization chart will have to wait for later. “Now, you two go to the Magic Kingdom and get in contact with whoever you can get to work before the end of turn. But first, let me explain the basics of my plan…”
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Fortunately, one of the allies of the Thinkamancer guild was a Mathamancer named Kurt Godel, although he prefers ‘Count Harbinger’, his title. He came along with one of the highest level, and most academically curious, casters in the guild, one Headmaster Isaac. ‘Headmaster’ being a title granted to someone who is a master of all three eyemancy disciplines.
Count Harbiner was a blonde man with circular glasses that was so inoffensive in appearance it made Tanya’s skin crawl, like watching a murder mystery about a serial killer. Headmaster Isaac was a fairly stereotypical professor with a tweed jacket. Both of them were significantly taller than the eight year old frame of Tanya, but they were still incredibly short by the standards of Tanya’s previous worlds. Was that just how people were in this world?
“Your odds are good.” Count Harbinger said after casting his probability analysis spell. “At least, to accomplish what you set out to do this turn.” He amended. “Overall, your odds are still dismal, even if you repeat this strategy for the three turns you can potentially do it for.” Unspoken was the additional ‘and you don’t have enough scrolls for that.’
“Conventional, but solid.” Headmaster Isaac said neutrally. “Given what you stand to gain, anyway.”
Tanya nodded at the meager criticism. “Sometimes, the obvious plan is the best one. I have a more complex battle plan ready for when they’re closer to the city.” With Sizemore fortifying the underground over the next few turns, the underground attack force will probably be repelled, particularly if Tanya gains some levels between now and then or learns some additional magic. Given that attacking the walls requires siege if you want to have a decent shot at it…
“The plan is set, then.” Tanya said, their heart slamming into their chest. Now it was time to risk it all. “Open the thinkagram.” They ordered Maggie. “Give me Ansom.”
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[Prince Ansom Lunesta of Jetstone, Level 10 Chief Warlord, Heir to Jetstone]
It was a troubling turn for the coalition. Well, for Ansom anyway. Their highest level flying commander, Jillian Zamussels, had been captured after going off on her own… again. She was good at escaping bonds, this was true, but every time it happens, there was that little niggling doubt that this time, Stanley would tire of her and order her croaked.
Ansom shouldn’t care about that… but he did. Jillian, despite her coarse nature, had a regal beauty to her that made his mind fabricate fanciful tales of being a princess in exile, having lost her kingdom to an evil Overlord, only to be rescued by a charming prince and restored to her throne, creating an alliance between two kingdoms that spans ten thousand turns. It was nonsense, but love was a matter that was beyond magic. He knew this to be true.
He looked once more at the message hat. If Jillian escaped, that would be where the message to recover her would come from. As a barbarian, she doesn’t need to be repatriated to become combat ready, merely escape. It was why holding barbarians prisoner for very long was… discouraged by Scripture. But Stanley was never smart enough to listen to the wisdom of the Titans.
A faint buzz resounded in Ansom’s head. Oh? A thinkagram? From who? Out of curiosity alone, he accepted the contact, and a curious girl’s image occupied his mind. Instantly, he recognized that she had recently had some minor signamancy magic cast to touch up her appearance, a common tactic in royal courts that foreign non-royals didn’t usually even think to do. Odd. Some courtiers and Tremennis considered not doing so a crime, but Ansom privately thought that it was dishonest. Her hair had been done up in an admittedly quite fashionable set of twin buns, quite suited for her golden hair. They brought attention to her beautiful earrings, ones that Ansom would not be surprised to find adorning a queen.
Her appearance was… strange. Like she was too small for what she should be. Her voice, a high-pitched chime that spoke with confidence, went straight to business. “Hello, Prince Ansom.” She began. “I am Tanya Degurechaff, Chief Warlord of Gobwin Knob. Your forces croaked my predecessor last turn, so I thought it prudent to start things off cordially.” Ansom found himself standing tall and straight at the sound of her words. This was a Warlady that was popped for the role, Ansom was sure. Did Stanley finally give up on promoting infantry?
Still, certain formalities have not yet been met. “Well met.” He began curtly. “Do you not have a title?”
Tanya seemed irritated at the digression, frowning intently. “That is classified information.” She said, “Overlord Stanley has forbidden me to speak of it.” Why? “Going away from topics that could lead to disbanding, the purpose of this communication is prisoner negotiations.” Ah, that makes sense. Stanley wouldn’t be so polite, but a popped Warlord knows the value of diplomacy. Was she a noble, perhaps? Gobwin Knob used to be a royal side… It would explain why Stanley the Worm would forbid her title to be spoken of… or possibly an old prisoner?
Still, Ansom should start talking. “You wish to ransom Jillian?” He asked.
“My options are limited.” Tanya explained. “Princess Zamussels represents a powerful asset to your alliance, and a potential liability for my side, assuming she lives.” Princess? Tanya seized on his expression as quickly as any courtier. “Oh? Did you not know?” She asked, a wry grin on her face. “You’d be surprised by the bits of useless trivia that interrogations can give…” So she knows the tunnel attack is a feint. No matter. It just means he needs to be prepared. “So, my position is clear: I can either croak her myself for the potential to level up, or-”
“No!” Ansom found himself shouting.
“-or you can offer me something of greater value.” Tanya finished. “I must say, a level nine princess? That’s mighty valuable.” She was right… “I might even level twice.” She added, betraying her low level.
Ansom felt a sinking sensation. She didn’t even need to bluff, here. It was the cruel mathamancy of war. “Don’t do this.” He asked, more as a test than anything else.
“Why not?” Tanya asked, offended. “The primary utility of taking prisoners for sides lacking turnamancers is to allow low level warlords, freshly popped royals, and nonviolent casters to gain levels, and that very well describes me!” Her eyes narrowed imperiously. Wait, she didn’t specify which… “Now, in consideration for your position, I am offering you the chance to place your own bid. The Titans have offered their own, that her life is worth so many experience points. Now, what is yours?”
The words were cruel, but practical. Straightforward in a way that was refreshing, when one was more used to the perfidy of Haggar or the cheery facade of Charlsecomm. She would have fit in well among Ansom’s brothers and sisters, both in appearance and deed. At least the ones Ansom liked. Even if Ansom was pretty sure the courtiers would be calling her ‘Tanya the Evil’ in whispered tones within a tenturn.
Still, what could Ansom offer that would both be enough of an advantage to permit Jillian’s release, but without crippling the effort to croak them? Assurances of ensuring that she survived would be a good start… “Did you have something in mind?” Ansom asked, to buy time.
Tanya smiled at the showing of diplomatic weakness. It was not a smile that was pleasant to see. “Well, there’s not much you can actually offer. Most things you can offer would be taken right back after you sack Gobwin Knob. My Duty demands that it be something that increases whatever slim odds my side possesses to survive.” Ansom set his jaw, acknowledging her point. “But I imagine anything I do to the Princess would be visited on me in turn, so perhaps a symbolic exchange would be appropriate.” Symbolic? “My Chief Caster tells me that you possess an unattuned example of the Arkentools, the Arkenpliers.” Ansom narrows his own eyes. What was she playing at? “I am prepared to Sign an agreement to preserve Jillian’s life at a steep penalty… On the condition that she ceases participation in this battlespace, leaves it as soon as possible, and in return, you hand over the Arkenpliers.”
Ansom gripped his fist. Tactically speaking, that was actually rather fair. The Arkenpliers were a superlative weapon, but beyond its special bonus against uncroaked units, that was all they were. They traded away the opportunity to gain some levels on their Chief Warlord in return for a weapon that they could actually use, potentially to gain that experience in regular combat. “I… would require assurances.” He said.
“Of course.” Tanya said. “This is a fair war. Stanley conquered, you’re conquering him right back. It’s all part of the game.” She ticked off points with her fingers. “Only two units on our side will be permitted to hold them: Myself or my Chief Caster, Wanda Firebaugh.” Ansom quirked an eyebrow. “In the event of the Arkenpliers being moved into the Magic Kingdom, both of us will turn to your side, Prince Ansom. In the event that Stanley or either of us croaks, or if any of the Princess’ forces attacks a Gobwin Knob unit, the agreement is void.” Ansom hummed as he realized that she left herself an option to betray Stanley, and an incentive for herself to be captured without directly demanding it. It was clever, but Ansom was already planning on capturing this particular Warlady.
Quite frankly, Ansom suspected that the opposing Warlady was heavily overestimating the power of the Arkenpliers. “...Do you think the Arkenpliers will allow you victory?” He asked.
Tanya’s smile became a bit more honest. She was enjoying this exchange. “Perhaps.” She said airily. “Wanda is the one who wants them. She’s convinced that their being in her hands rather than yours will be decisive.”
Wait. What does she know that Ansom doesn’t? “Those terms… are suspiciously generous.” He said, a note of accusation entering his voice. He wasn’t used to talking with the enemy this much… “Who is Wanda Firebaugh? What manner of caster is she?”
Tanya blinked. “Ah, she is our Chief Croakamancer.” She said guilelessly. Of course! Wanda must be aware of the Arkenplier’s special bonus verses uncroaked. Jillian knew about it. It was significant, but it was easily gone without. Tanya continued: “This thinkagram is running long, Prince. Does this agreement seem reasonable to you?” Contract terms immediately manifested in front of her, and from a brief review it was exactly as described, if with a bit more formal language. An incentive to capture the Warlady, a few logistical details, and detailed penalties, and overall just a straightforward agreement to trade the Arkenpliers for Jillian’s safety, until Ansom takes them back. Penalties on Ansom’s part were largely just ‘agreement void, the Arkenpliers gets brought into the Magic Kingdom, presumably sold to the highest bidder for cash to fuel their defense’, while penalties for Gobwin Knob were mostly just turning the offending units.
Was it worth it? Father would likely say no. Ossomer would say no. Tramennis… would equivocate instead of making a decision. But would those answers change, if they knew she was a princess? Whatever the answer, Ansom could only trust one thing: if he did not agree, Jillian would croak. Those eyes that were gazing into his own were ready to make hard decisions. The eyes of a ruler.
…He couldn’t allow that. “I accept.” He said, tapping the button on the contract. He could feel the potential of signamancy, like a weight on his back, but it wasn’t yet binding. The spell had yet to be cast.
“Fantastic.” Tanya said. “I’ll just get that notarized and then I can continue with the turn. I have some offensive operations to conduct.” What? “Oh? Nothing in our agreement specified a ceasefire, Prince Ansom. If you thought I would let your column approach our walls without at least some skirmishes, you have another thing coming. I have my Duty and we are still at war, after all.” That… was fair. As much as it burned Ansom to admit it. It would be better to fight those dwagons out in the field, anyway. He even said as much to the other commanders just yesterday. “Also, without croaking the prisoner, I’m going to need to make up that experience point deficit somehow. You’re a lot higher level than I am, you know?” Ansom couldn’t help but smile back at her mischievous expression as she said that. It was just so… cute.
“Bai bai!” Tanya said, breaking the thinkagram.
