Kevin Curry
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Devil's consultancy 59
🕑 Added 2026-01-12 15:43:15 +0000 UTCShort one this week, but I didn't want to break up the next scene and while normally I'd figure out a short one to jam between them, I'd rather release it mostly on time instead.
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Naturally, when a billionaire gets married, there really isn’t anywhere in the world barred from holding the wedding. Bruce heavily advocated for it to be held in Gotham’s Robinson Park like his parents, and that was the initial plan, but the invasion restarted the conversation due to said church getting destroyed. The optics of having Wonder Woman get married in the wake of a total rebuild spearheaded by the League… well, it could go either way. On one hand, it was the plan before the invasion. On the other hand, it showed an inappropriate bias, to have the League so dedicated to reconstructing the city in time for the wedding.
In the end, it was decided to be moved to Wayne manor’s massive lawn, as it was sufficiently distant from Gotham’s urban center that only the outlying grounds suffered any damage at all, and it was easily fixed even without magic, although Tanya used it anyway because it let her add a nice gazebo of living wood for private meetings in luxury, surrounded by the beautiful new garden and some experimental green magic defenses woven into the aforementioned garden’s structure.
Everything was planned meticulously, every facet of the ceremony, from the rehearsal to the reception. Backup plans were three plans deep, and contingencies were prepared for all predictable forms of interference, as well as some divinations to discern the nature of any parties actively working against the event.
Unfortunately, Tanya’s divinations were distressingly vague on the matter. There were several reasons this could be the case, but the most likely was interference from Diana’s side of the guest list making divining the future a lot more difficult regarding the event. The Court of Owls, if they were to act, kept any plans hidden from her (as they should, because she exerted what limited influence she had against interfering) and she simply wasn’t that good at divining the future, so their occultists are quite capable of shrouding their intentions from her precognition spells.
But they expected party crashers anyway, so it wasn’t a big deal. There were, however, other traditional events that needed to take place. Like the Bachelor party.
There was serious debate as to whether or not they’d attend either side of that event; and if so, which one. In the end, several members of the Justice League wanted to hold a bachelor party for Bruce, and while having the excuse of Diana being the bride to be helped, the need for a smokescreen helped make the decision.
Tenko was first out of the Bat-limo, which was literally just one of Bruce’s limousines that they had Harold swap out exterior parts with actual Batmobile armor panels until it resembled the Batmobile. He scanned the area, finding nothing amiss, and stepped forward. “Come on.” He commanded, his voice deepened with Batman’s growl. He had dressed for the occasion, of course. Simple jeans and a T-shirt with Batman’s logo on it, a common sight in Gotham.
“Yeah, yeah.” Bruce said airily. “It’s just a club, I don’t know why you’re so paranoid.”
“I don’t know why you insisted on going to this one.” Tenko growled back. The Iceberg Lounge was Oswald Cobblepot’s personal castle, a gimmick club that despite the fact that it was where The Penguin did most of his business meetings. In fact, the “rumors” of Oswald’s criminality tended to attract thrillseekers, and the fact that it was also one of the easiest places in Gotham to get party drugs like ecstasy, LSD, and Delphi (the latest fad, a magic-doped hallucinogen that sprinkles in visions of the past, present, and future in with the hallucinations), and it was a pretty popular club.
“Look, me and Oswald go way back.” Bruce explained, “It’ll be nice to have another one of my friends at my bachelor party. Even if I have to bribe him to do it.”
“I’ve heard of this place!” Arthur said with his usual bombastic enthusiasm as he left the limo. “Some of my subjects have moved to Gotham city,” Mostly a handful of academics and students that teach magic or study technology at Gotham University. “-and they’ve mentioned the Iceberg Lounge as an ‘Epic Scene’!”
“Didn’t you mention that Oswald offered to host an Atlantean consulate office?” Clark said as he left the limo. He was here as ‘Clark Kent, Bruce Wayne’s reporter friend’ and not ‘definitely not Superman’.
“It was a generous, if needless, offer.” Arthur said magnanimously.
“I laughed myself sick when I heard the story.” Constantine said, always up for drinks even if he does need to go to the other side of the planet to get them. Fortunately, his presence in Korea was not required 24/7 to keep the hellrift shut in the absence of a fully effective local team of demon hunters. “Mob boss making his headquarters have diplomatic immunity? Put me in stitches.”
“Wouldn’t have worked.” John Stewart said, “That’s the kind of nonsense you only see in comic books.”
“I dunno, it would have slowed things down at least.” Wally said. He was wearing his costume under normal clothes, unlike everyone else, because unlike everyone else, his face was still a complete unknown to the public. “Maybe could have gotten Batman and Aquaman to throw hands.”
“You read too many comic books.” Tenko said, struggling to sound unamused.
Bruce sauntered up to the bouncer. “Ten for the party floor? We’ve got more coming.”
“Thirty more seconds and you’d have been late, Mr. Wayne.” said bouncer said, waving them in. “Mr. Cobblepot already had your replacement party lined up.”
“Well, tell Ozzie that I’d love it if he stopped by for a drink.” Bruce said as he walked past.
The Iceberg Lounge’s structure was pretty simple: there was the giant ice display in the center, of course, and around it was the rest of the place: a dance floor, a bar, some dining tables, the soft sectioning of everything was part of the draw. There was also a series of balconies where there were private and semiprivate areas, which is where they were headed. One of them was the owner’s office, a door separating said office from the balcony but it was placed perfectly for Cobblepot to look over his fief as a distant ruler of all he surveys. He was there now, giving Tenko a strange look. Tenko met the crime boss’ eyes and gave him one of Batman’s signature smirks.
The party was a mixture of ‘Bruce’s friends’ and ‘Diana’s coworkers’, meaning Justice League members. From the latter, there was “Batman”, Arthur, Wally, John, John, and J’onn. From the former, there was Bruce himself, Clark, Lucius Fox, Jacob Kane, and one person who was here in spirit… or rather, via hologram.
“Set me up so I can see when Penguin pops out of his nest.” Harvey Dent, also known as Two-Face, said with his voice like a gravel pit. “I want to make sure I can flip him the bird.”
Tenko put the hologram projector on a stool, and an image of the half-ruined face hovered above it. The man had a champagne glass and a small bottle to himself, as joining in on the celebration was considered therapeutically beneficial by Arkham’s doctors. Naturally, Bruce provided the champagne, the glass, and the hologram projector, a bit of alien technology that was released to the public as a phone accessory last year. It was in a more limited form previously, but the phone networks needed to upgrade their data capacity before the hologram calls could be done wirelessly.
“Good to see you Harvey.” Bruce said sincerely. He was always happy to see the people he sends to Arkham Asylum show improvement.
“Bruce, I never thought I’d see you tie the knot with anyone, and I still got fifty bucks on the wedding getting canceled at the last minute, but damn it, it’s good to see you too.” Harvey said, the unmaimed part of his mouth pulling into a smile. “Even if it’s with The Bat.” He added, glaring at Tenko.
“Must you?” Jacob asked, sneering at the criminal. “We already have to look at your atrocious visage, save it for your next crime.”
“Also, why’s his face still screwed up?” Wally asked, “Don’t you have that fancy skin cream, Brucie?”
“It’s ‘cuz he’s bonkers.” Constantine said, “Magic like that only works if the target’s a participant, you need to buy in for it to work. More important than that, is that you have to want it to work. No half-measures.” He gestured with his glass of liquor towards the hologram. “As long as he’s still fifty-fifty on the stuff, it won’t work for long.”
Bruce’s smile dimmed. “It lasted a few days when we tried it, but the disappointment when it failed sent him spiraling.”
Harvey glowered. “This new medication has been working well.” He said, emptying his champagne flute. “Thank you for your concern.” He added, voice quavering.
“Okay, let’s all leave Harvey alone.” Bruce said, “Instead, break out the cards.” The actual activity that the party was oriented around was a poker tournament, because despite his desire to not fuel organized crime, Bruce genuinely liked playing poker. One time, he spied on his villains by disguising himself as Bane and playing for hours until they got into discussing their next plots. He then revealed himself, beat up the lot of them, and brought them into Arkham before dismantling the revealed plots and rescuing the hostages secured for them.
Everyone got ten thousand dollars worth of chips, and Bruce’s suitcase full of money would be doled out in accordance to everyone’s winnings at the end of the night. Unfortunately, Harvey was not allowed to gamble. Doctor’s orders.
Tenko found himself seated with Jacob Kane, Constantine, Wally, and John. “Does anyone need the rules explained?” Jacob began once everyone was seated, taking charge.
“Yeah, I’ve never done this before.” Wally lied. “I’ve seen it on TV, though?”
“You watch the telly?” Constantine asked, eyebrow quirked. “I thought it’d be too slow for you.”
“Bats got me a doohickey that lets me watch stuff at 100 times speed.” Wally said cheerily. “It’s awesome.” He flashed Tenko a thumbs up, despite knowing that he wasn’t actually Batman. This was because he didn’t get the media player from Bruce, but Tanya instead. They had stopped teasing him about how, for years, he spent most of December filling out the Watchtower’s Christmas tree despite Santa being real, but it also ruined his reputation as a hardass.
“Well, you can’t see everyone’s cards in real poker, mate.” Constantine teased, glancing at Jacob. Oh, is that the game? “Now, Poker’s got tons of different rules and variations, too, so let’s all get on the same page. What’re we playing, Bats?”
Tenko proceeded to explain the rules in Batman’s taciturn manner. At the other table, Bruce chatted up everyone in his usual flirty, too-kind manner as he explained the rules. Both Johns complained about the variant they were using, being used to different ones back in the Air Force/across the pond, Wally asked a few questions to further emphasize how new to the game he supposedly was, and the game proceeded.
Conversation was… pretty stereotypical, to be honest. John shared some anecdotes about his time in the military and some of his time on Oa, Wally talked about some of his favorite eateries around the world, a subject that Jacob apparently also had a great enthusiasm for, Tenko continued to give the impression that Batman lived as an ascetic monk, spending every waking moment on fighting crime or administering the Justice League (sharing some actual stories about his time as Rhine doing just that), while Constantine…
“Anyone ever play strip poker?” The brit asked out of the blue.
“Is that a real thing?” Wally asked.
“‘Course it is.” Constantine said, “I played it meself a few days ago! Had to brush up my poker face, and watching birds get all embarrassed really tests that.”
“Who’d you play with?” John asked, curious. “Those demon hunters you’re training?” He paused, expression hardening. “How old were they?”
“Not nearly old enough for that, Greenie. Only fourteen.” Constantine retorted, which calmed John down. “Nah, I had a game with the talent agency managers.” The specific assignment Constantine’s been on for the last few years was managing a talent agency for backup dancers and singers, people with the hopes of becoming pop idols themselves but without the resources to train on their own. Seeded among them were Atlantean mystics who were taught the methods of the local demon hunters to use the devotion of pop idol fans of whoever they were backing up and channel it into the massive anti-demon ward. It wasn’t as efficient as it would be if the mystic was the one the devotion was targeted to, but it helped prevent the barrier from deteriorating while the next generation of the demon hunters got trained up to take the world by storm in another few years. “Celine, Bobby, Lori, and myself.” Lori was actually a mermaid, but she jumped at the opportunity to join a Justice League operation because she was infatuated with Superman and as such learned the magic that would give her legs. Tenko wouldn’t think that she’d be up for something like strip poker without Clark involved, but maybe she’s changed. “Now, anyone else play it?”
“Once.” John said, although from his expression, he did not enjoy the experience. “There weren’t any girls there, half the table was just broke.”
“In college.” Tenko said, truthfully. “My friends liked dressing up in complicated outfits before playing.” The cosplay club had great parties… and when you were tall and imposing enough to wear cosplays of larger than life characters without looking silly, they literally begged you to join. Seeing as how one of those people was his roommate… Well, there were some very nice connections to be made, so he kept at it. It was how he got his first position after graduation. “It made things interesting.”
“You went to college?” Jacob asked, surprised.
“I don’t currently exist.” Tenko explained, “That doesn’t mean I’ve never existed.”
“Demons’ll do that sometimes.” Constantine said somberly, giving him an excuse. “Wipe all traces of you from the world, make your friends and family forget. Quite the price to pay…”
“It’s more complicated than that.” Tenko said, “I couldn’t find them if I tried.”
“-and sometimes they’ll take your memory of them too.” Constantine finished. “Tragic story, mate.”
“So you take it out on the world by beating up the mentally ill?” Jacob asked, which was something of a meme on the supervillain simp sections of the internet about how so many of Batman’s recurring foes were clinically insane. “As the youth say: Cool motive, still assault.”
“Most of my work in Gotham is against organized crime.” Tenko said. Glancing at the balcony across from them, he caught the Penguin glaring at him. He lifted up his alcohol free bloody mary in greeting, smirking at the mob boss. “The Penguin, Black Mask, the Court of Owls… Arkham’s inmates are a distraction from them, nothing more.” Personally, Tenko thought Bruce let himself get too tied up in the weeds of helping said inmates, but he was pretending to be Batman, so he could only do so much reframing.
“The Court of Owls is a fairy tale.” Jacob scoffed.
“So’s Alice in Wonderland.” Tenko shot back, “But I still need to dismantle the Mad Hatter’s mind control plots regularly.” The worst one was when he successfully kidnapped his CEO persona to be his ‘Alice’. Unfortunately, Bruce successfully managed to stop him from murdering the bastard. “Whether or not they’ve always been real, there’s a group using the name and an army of the undead trying to steal this city. The whole group’s a bunch of fools who need to learn how the world works.”
Jacob could not completely hide his scowl at Tenko’s deliberately inflammatory phrasing. Was it risky to turn the Voice of the Court’s own words about the vigilantes of Gotham right back in his face? Yes. Was it amusing? Most definitely.
“No shit?” Constantine asked, “Actual bloody necromancers?” He took a moment to think about it. “Well, yeah, this is Gotham, that shite’s downright easy here.”
“It is?” John asked, curious.
“Yeah, the hardest part of necromancy, as in animating the dead, is making sure they don’t eat your face right after you give ‘em teeth.” John paused, and chuckles went around the table at his bait and switch. “But the second hardest part is securing the soul you’re binding to the body, and that’s the part that’s easy. They linger here for longer, so you can just kill a bloke and stick his soul right back into his body, after fixing it up a bit so they’ll obey, survive whatever killed them, and whatever extra you want to slap on there.” He waved his hands vaguely. “Assuming you’ve got a proper spell for doing so, of course.”
That was the end of that conversation, but as the game progressed, other idle details came out. Tenko was rather surprised at how much of his old life he still remembered, now that he was in the right body for it. Yes, he always had an easier time remembering the war when he was in that life’s body, but even that faded over time. Names mostly escaped him, even some places, but several highlights remained.
Eventually, though, the build up of Wally ‘learning’ the game finally paid off: Jacob was bluffed into going all-in, and Wally made off with the pot by pretending that he forgot what a full house was and accidentally revealing that only had a three of a kind, which crushed Jacob’s flush.
All told, while Jacob got a lot of irrelevant details about ‘The Batman’ that weren’t even true, it was a fun time, and further incontrovertible proof that Bruce Wayne was not Batman, as they made no move to stop social media from telling everyone that several members of the Justice League went to Bruce Wayne’s bachelor party and had a poker tournament.
Granted, partially this was because she had tasked Billy on managing things in his place… When the cameras were distant enough that you couldn’t make out small details like what color John’s real eyes were, there wasn’t any harm in having “a superfan” point out everyone’s identities (in a way that reminded everyone that Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent had become friends, no Superman required) and small details like ‘what drinks did they order?’ became obsessively gossiped over for weeks.
All according to plan.
Comments
Kevin Curry
No. Tenko considered splitting off a Rhine shade, but Diana told him not to, and to enjoy the rare opportunity to have boy's time.
Serina Tsukaya
Oooh! Wait! Will Tanya Degrechauff be attending the Bachlorette party? And yeah, Having Tenko show up to further reinforce the idea that Bruce isn't batman, but just knows who they are and can invite them to the bachelor party is pretty rad.
