Kevin Curry
patreon
A young devil's consulting 5
🕑 Added 2024-04-01 14:00:13 +0000 UTCLois Lane was something of a celebrity herself, among her circles. She’s won two Pulitzer Prizes, and was seen as something of a firebrand who speaks truth to power. From her public image, she was the reporter who truly believed that truth set people free… which was not always true.
Given her previous work, she definitely was here to see if she could tease something out of Bruce for the Business, Finance, or Technology parts of the Daily Planet, with the things one would normally associate with a female reporter, the gossip, fashion, or human interest columns distantly behind them.
That didn’t mean that Lois wouldn’t poke in those directions, but it would be a feint, a backup plan on getting something newsworthy out of this interaction. “So, the first question is obvious, what’s a billionaire doing at an anime convention hundreds of miles from his normal haunts?” Lois asked, starting with a softball.
“Tanya wanted to go.” Bruce said simply. “She learned about anime conventions and wanted to go to one, and Gotham didn’t have any, so I Asked Alfred.” By that, he was supposed to be referencing Waynetech’s internet search engine, Ask Alfred. It wasn’t nearly as popular as Lexcorp’s Lexicon, as the usual phrase for people not essentially obligated to shill for Waynetech was ‘I Lex’ed it’, but in this case it was actually supposed to be ambiguous whether he used the search engine or actually asked his butler.
“I’m a detective.” Tanya added, completely inappropriately. She held up her magnifying glass to her eye and looked at Lois through it.
“Now, as a Metropolis girl, I don’t really follow the whole Gotham celebrity scene,” Lois lied rhetorically, “-so I think I’m going to need an introduction.”
“I’m Tanya!” She said, grinning widely. “My favorite things are mecha and candy.” She paused. “Candy and mecha.” She amended, “-and steak.” She added. “-also Daddy.” She added, thinking more on the topic. “...Not Dick.” She said firmly. “He’s dumb.”
“Dick is my adopted son.” Bruce clarified, “Tanya’s a little bit jealous that she doesn’t have me all to herself during family times. He didn’t want to go.”
“He’s dumb.” Tanya affirmed.
“So, for the readers who don’t already know everything there is to know,” Bruce continued, “-while we’re still entitled to privacy, the short version is that Tanya is my biological daughter, but she didn’t come into this world in a… traditional manner.” Bruce said. Tanya immediately pretended to lose interest now that long words were being thrown around, instead looking at random things through the magnifying glass. “As a side-effect, she looks a lot older than she actually is. Her first birthday is in three months.”
“I’m smart.” Tanya said immediately. She then continued to move her magnifying glass into her mouth. Bruce took it away, and replaced it with a pacifier.
“I’m not going to elaborate on the subject.” Bruce continued, “Mostly because I don’t really understand it. I just listen to the doctors.”
“I think that’ll do for the readers.” Lois said, waving off the concern. “Next question, there are rumors of a new subsidiary of Waynetech, one that’s buying up… books on the occult? Care to comment?”
Bruce didn’t visibly tense, but the pause was such that Tanya knew he was actually caught off guard. She didn’t know he had formed a subsidiary in his efforts to source additional magical research materials. “I’m 70% sure I’m not getting scammed.” He said after a moment. “The business plan was very convincing, and the investment really isn’t that much money.” The last she heard, the magic book budget was ten million. The nine legitimate tomes that have already been procured were able to be acquired for ten to twenty thousand each. “If it flops, it flops.” It wasn’t the best lie made up on the spot, but it seemed to satisfy Lois.
“So what kind of product will we be seeing come out of this venture?” She asked.
“Medical treatments.” Bruce said easily. “Calling it ‘alternative’ or ‘traditional’ medicine is probably legally accurate, but if the proposal pans out…I expect a high return on investment if it works.”
“What do you think are the odds that it will?” Lois asked, curious.
“Even if I’m not just getting scammed, there are several obstacles. Like the FDA.” Bruce said, acting the part of a serious businessman for a moment. “It’s a much riskier investment than I normally go for, but I have a good feeling. WayneTech R&D has hundreds of failed products that never go into full production, I’ve lost more money on worse ideas.”
“Can I quote you on that last line?” Lois asked rhetorically. Bruce couldn’t actually stop her.
“Go ahead.” Bruce said. Boooooooring…
One thing that Tanya didn’t like to admit was how much her unusual and youthful biology impacted her mind. Relevantly, boredom had a tendency to hit her hard and fast when she wasn’t focused on something stimulating, like a videogame or a book, something she could use to block out distractions. It didn’t happen every time she got two minutes alone with her thoughts, but it happened more often than she liked. The doctors had floated diagnoses, ADHD, autism spectrum, even bipolar, but were unwilling to commit to anything given how utterly strange her neural architecture was. It should stabilize once she’s full size… or at least locked at prepubescent if the planned drug therapy to prevent puberty worked as intended.
So when Lois moved on to asking about Bruce’s opinion on something Lexcorp… something something… Tanya found that she just could not focus on her act. Normally she’d take out her Gameboy or something in this situation, but she accidentally left it in the Batplane.
Hm… Bruce’s grip is pretty loose… was he trying to signal her to make a distraction? Well, she’s going to pretend that he is. She slipped away fairly easily the instant Bruce moved his arm away to gesture emphatically about something, and she wandered off, pocketing the pacifier that was not helping like it usually did when her mind buzzed with energy like this.
Now… what to do? She picked up a conveniently discarded pamphlet with a map of the convention. No wargaming… but yes to tabletop RPGs. It was in a room tucked away from the rest of the anime-focused convention, filled with socially awkward people. Perfect.
After a moment of orienting herself, she started walking in a not-quite-direct path to the best place to be if one didn’t want to be found. The key to being stealthy as a kid lost in a crowd when in a crowd was to walk near people, follow them, like you were ‘with them’, but switch to someone else when that person’s path diverged. That way, you only had to avoid the notice of the people you were following, as the other con-goers wouldn’t assume you were lost.
It wasn’t a perfect strategy, of course. “How cute!” Said someone looking straight at her wearing a sailor moon cosplay. Tanya immediately veered off, switching who she was following while simultaneously pretending to hide behind the original person. By the time the confusion cleared up, she was already down another lane of the artist's alley.
After about four minutes of walking, she found the RPG room. It looked to have four booths selling books and figures, and six tables, four of which had active games. Let’s see, which table looked like it would be the easiest to work with… Not that one, it was populated exclusively by overweight, middle-aged pasty nerds.
Wait, that one’s occupied entirely by girls. Well, that was an easy decision. She wandered up behind the blonde one, who looked to be only thirteen and intensely interested. “I come into the battle falling directly on top of the distracted monk like a meteor, contemptuously ignoring him. The only one in the battle that this newcomer cares about is Shining Paragon. She says: ‘I’ve finally found you, Brother!’ with her hands on her hips and her anima banner spelling out Nara-El’s numerous titles in an ancient tongue.” The blonde girl narrated.
“...Yeah I’ll give you three for that Kara.” The person with the privacy screen, clearly the gamemaster/storyteller/whatever this system calls them, said as she rolled some dice behind her screen. “Very vivid imagery.”
The blonde girl gathered up over a dozen ten-sided dice and tossed them into a box. After a moment to tabulate the result… “The Immaculate Monk has become one with the Earth. Given that this was the air aspect, that doesn’t end well for him.” She checked the initiative tracker. “The actual earth aspect has become one with the Air, because he runs from here like the wind. Are you going to chase him?”
Another player, a brown-haired girl with freckles, shook her head. “No, Shining Paragon is too distracted by his sister being alive.”
“I’m too distracted by the random little kid over there.” Said the last of the three players, a heavy set girl wearing black clothes and makeup, pointing at Tanya. “I’m still in disguise, right?” She asked.
“Yes, you’re not bleeding from the forehead, no singing skulls, nothing like that.” The storyteller said, before pointing at Kara. “Remember, Nara-El doesn’t know anything about what I just said.”
Kara waved off the warning and looked Tanya in the eye. “Hello little girl, I’m Kara. What’s your name?”
“Tanya.” Tanya said simply. “Can I play pretend too?” She asked.
“This game really isn’t…” The storyteller started to say.
Kara picked Tanya up and set her on the empty chair adjacent to her. Tanya stiffened as she felt the motion, far stronger and more casual than was human standard. Was this a metahuman? An alien? She might have actually bruised from that if she was a normal child. “Stella, give her something to play.”
“...She can play your dog.” Stella, the storyteller said. “But only if you inform Security that we found a lost kid.”
“I’m not lost.” Tanya insisted, “I’m a detective.” Yes, it was kid logic, what of it?
“Who did you come here with?” Kara asked, casually, as if just making conversation.
“Daddy.” Tanya said, picking up four of the ten-sided dice. “I’m a doggie, right?” Tanya asked. At a nod from the storyteller, she waved dramatically. “I jump into the scene right after Nah-Rel and-” Tanya barked like a dog. “Seeing the bad guys down, I start sniffing around for clues.” She picked up as many dice as would fit in her hands, which was about six, and tossed them into the same dice box Kara used.
“You know, she’s picking this up faster than you did, Kara.” The freckled girl said, a wry grin on her face.
“What is your dog’s perception and investigation?” Stella asked Kara. “She got two hits.”
“Uh… four and none. Plus two from smell?” Kara said, looking at the notes in her sheet. “Ah, four awareness too, if that counts.”
“I’ll allow awareness. Good job pointing that out, it was a test. Two dice stunt.” Stella said, “She needs to roll six more.” Tanya picked up the same dice she rolled and rolled them again.”...that’s a good roll. Five more hits. Exceptional success. You find…” Stella took a moment to think about it. “You find that the half-buried monk had some salted beef in his robes.”
“I eat it!” Tanya said immediately. “I love steak! My tail wags like a helicopter!” Oddly, this was not the first time she’s played a canine in an RPG. Although the other time was in a short campaign where everyone was an awakened animal… There was a small child participating then, too.
As Tanya monopolized the spotlight, Kara took out her cell phone and put it to her ear after pretending to start a call. What? “Hey, Clark.” She paused, listening intently at nothing. “Is your thing done yet?” She paused, and despite nothing coming from the phone, she nodded. “There’s a lost kid here, so if you can find the guy who’s looking for a lost little girl, she’s here.” Putting the phone away, she brought attention back to herself. “Okay, it’s my turn to do something, Tanya. Amy?” The freckled girl looked attentive. “You said Shining Paragon was just standing there dumbstruck?” Amy nodded. “Okay, so now I stomp up to him and grab him by the front of whatever he’s wearing and pull him down to eye level. ‘Never leave me behind again.’ Nara-El says, before looking over at his girlfriend. ‘Who’s this?’ I ask.” Kara said, getting into the game again.
The game progressed for a few minutes before Superman showed up. “You know, your father’s been looking all over for you,” he said.
Tanya smiled widely at him. Oh. Kara’s Clark is THIS Clark. She’s another Kryptonian, then? Mutual super-hearing would explain the fake phone call… It also explained why Clark was so insistent that the new Justice League explicitly only allowed adults to join, if he had a superpowered thirteen-year-old he wanted kept out of it. “I’m a doggie detective!” She said inanely. “Do you have any snacks?” Her perpetual hunger had grown a bit, and she should definitely eat something.
In seconds, she was deposited back into Bruce’s arms. “Thanks for getting me out of that interview.” He whispered, “Did you have fun?”
“Yes!” She said, before giving a coded message: “I met someone cool! Can you help me with my diary tonight? I’ll tell you all about her.”
Bruce immediately nodded, despite his brow furrowing as he tried to decrypt what she meant. She doesn’t have a diary. “Sure thing, Princess.”
Upon their return, Bruce was very interested in the news of a second Kryptonian. He didn’t spy on Superman thoroughly enough to have noticed the signs of Kara’s existence, but with a little digging, they deduced that she had arrived on the planet four months ago, and from context, she spends most of her time in Kansas with Superman’s Earth parents.
Still, it wasn’t something that was actionable, yet. It was very difficult to get useful information out of Smallville, but hopefully Kara was going to school at some point.
-----------------------
While it was easy, if one got to see Richard studying intently, struggling to comprehend the material while his younger-looking sister offered her assistance, that the boy was slow or even stupid, that was just appearances. Richard was startlingly intelligent, and the material he was struggling with was meant for children two years older than his eight years of age.
“Argh, is this ever going to be useful?” Richard said, running his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Algebra is important.” Tanya said insistently. “In order to understand math beyond basic arithmetic, you need to be able to mentally separate the processes from the actual numbers. The use of variables is how this concept is taught.”
“...I don’t get it.” Richard admitted.
“Allow me to provide an example.” Tanya said, picking up a cookie. “To make the simplest of cookies, three things are needed: Butter, sugar, and flour. Alfred, how much of each would you need to bake cookies?” She then started eating the cookie. Mm, chocolate chip.
Alfred seemed vaguely disgusted at the idea of cookies with just those, but turned the page on the newspaper he was reading and answered: “A little more than one cup, a little less than one cup, and a little more than two cups, making a little less than three dozen cookies.” He said, “But for your example, I suggest rounding them.”
“Right.” Tanya said, turning back to Richard. “So for every thirty-six cookies, you need one, one, and two cups of butter, sugar, and flour. B, S, and F. No matter how many cookies, C you want, you use one unit of butter, one unit of sugar, and two units of flour. B + S + 2F = 36C.”
“But that’s easy.” Richard said, confused. “You’re just adding letters to it when you don’t need to.” It was also a higher level of complexity than the worksheet in front of you, Richard.
“Because now we’re not talking about numbers, but instead ratios. If you want to make as many cookies as you can without shopping, you look at how much of each ingredient you have, figure out which one you have the least of, and from there you figure out how much you need of the others. Halving the flour before comparing, of course.” Tanya explained, with Richard nodding along. “If you have just one cup of flour, you can make yourself 18 cookies with half a cup each of the other ingredients. This is a business concept known as the ‘bottleneck’ of the process, because it doesn’t matter how much sugar you have, you need to increase your flour inventory if you want more cookies.”
“...I think I get it.” Richard said, uncertain.
Tanya gestured to the paper. As the boy started to fill out the sheet. “By abstracting the math from the discrete quantities that you’ve been working with before, you can think with the math in ways that would be slow and clumsy if you calculated the numbers in each step of the process. It lets you use more complicated math without melting your brain.” Tanya pointed to the next math problem to prod him to continue. “Math is a language; the numbers and letters are just a medium to communicate and understand ideas. You’ve mastered the numbers, letters, and the basic operations, words, now you need to learn the grammar used in the language of mathematics. Algebra is that grammar, you need it to communicate in full equations.”
“...Were you a teacher?” Richard asked after finishing his homework. “You’re good at this.”
“I was a drill sergeant.” Tanya admitted, “Although I also did some tutoring back in college for people who were too rich to go to cram school, it was part of my networking to get a good job after graduation. Worked splendidly, actually. I developed the language metaphor back then for a particularly stu-” Tanya paused, “-actually, in hindsight, I’m fairly certain that Hiroshi had dyscalculia.” Reading developmental psychology books tended to make someone rather well informed as to various learning disabilities. “He absorbed the material quite well after actual numbers were less involved, and he only ever needed help with math.” Tanya shugged. “Anyway, while I’m rather proud of my teaching ability, I’ve never gotten formal accreditation in education.”
“Well, thanks.” Richard said anyway. “I’m beginning to think that Bruce is trying to get me to give up on helping him with… you know.” That’s because he was. “Keeping up with the advanced classes is hard, but if it means I can be Robin, “ Which was the odd epithet the boy decided to use for his crime fighting persona. Tanya thought that using an old nickname of his was unwise, but he was stubborn. Few living people knew about it, anyway, as it was his parent’s pet name for him. At least it was more appropriate than ‘Princess’. “-I’ll do it.”
“On that note, Master Dick, it’s time for your martial arts practice.” Alfred said, closing the newspaper and standing up. “Miss Tanya, you should eat something more substantial, and then you can go play.” He checked her diaper, and picked her up to carry her to the dining room. Tanya snatched up one last cookie.
Tanya switched to her child persona’s voice, which wasn’t really higher pitched, but her tone was adjusted to make it seem like that, more playful, ditzy, and at times demanding. “I want chicken nuggets.” She said adamantly before eating the cookie. She wanted something more savory after these cookies, and some tangy barbeque sauce to dip them in sounded good.
“Right away.” Alfred said easily.
-----------------------
Bruce thought it wise to test out assuming the form of her second life, see what the effects were. After determining that changing shape did nothing to the ingrained habits that she’s spent the last several months assuming, it was decided to shelf the idea of using those forms in public under fake identities, only using them when the issues can be accounted for.
In this case, Bruce’s visit to Gotham University was done from the safety of the Batcave, using her older form for the more mature, albeit still quite high-pitched, voice alone. The facial resemblance between her second and third lives was far too great for people to dismiss coincidences like both forms wearing diapers, and it was too risky to assume that people wouldn’t notice. The voice, when she added the growl she used to sound tougher in the Imperial Military, was different enough that with only that to deal with, there was no reason for Professor Blood to connect those dots.
“Your offer is generous, Mister Wayne.” Professor Blood said. His face was aged, but in a subtle way. He looked about thirty-five, although his age with his current, fake, identity was 43. He was substantially older than that, from what they could tell by examining records. He was supposed to have a white streak in his hair, but he currently did not; they assumed he was dyeing it. “But I have no interest in exploring the… profitability of occult rituals.”
“Well, if you won’t accept the full position, could we work out a contract for consultant work?” Bruce asked, “Set an hourly rate for your expertise, my people do the bulk of the experimentation and research, but ask your opinion every so often to make sure we’re on the right track?”
Professor Blood hummed at the proposal. “...I suppose that doesn’t sound too objectionable. I have my own projects, of course, so I wouldn’t be at your beck and call.”
“This isn’t the first time I’ve contracted an expert in their field as a consultant, Doctor.” Bruce said genially. “Waynetech has contracts with many such minds. Dr. Hawking, Dr. Degrasse-Tyson, Dr. Stone…” Bruce paused. “Actually, I believe we still have a consultancy contract with Dr. Baird, your colleague. You can ask him how we do things. But my point is that we can be extremely flexible with your time. “
“...We’ll need to talk numbers, of course, my expertise is far rarer and more valuable than a mere animal biologist.” Professor Blood insisted. While on paper, Professor Blood’s doctorate was in history, with his thesis being on the history of occult practices and european demonology, they had determined that, in addition to being long-lived, was probably the most knowledgeable “mortal” demonologist in the world. “Before we go on to paper, I would like to speak to whoever is currently in charge of your research team.”
“I thought you might say that.” Bruce said, taking out the cell phone and laying it on the table, in view of the Bat Computer’s screen. “Say hello, Miss Degurechaff.”
“Hello.” Tanya said obligingly, making sure to thicken her Imperial accent. “Professor Blood, is it? I’m afraid there’s currently not much of a team. It’s pretty much just me and a few procurement specialists who are doing their best to source legitimate magical tomes and paraphernalia. If you were to accept, our first request would be your advice and recommendations on that front.”
Professor Blood grunted in disapproval. “It’s worse than I thought. Well, I was going to ask you what level of assistance you expected from me.”
Ah. It was a very reasonable request. “Well, in the absence of you taking the reins from the department entirely, I suppose I could explain our first major project. Would you be willing to sign a nondisclosure about our development goals and timetable?”
“Yes, yes. I’ve worked with both demons and lawyers before, keep your business confidential.” Professor Blood said dismissively, the camera in Bruce’s lapel showing him waving her concern away. Bruce took out the form from his briefcase and slid it over. After a moment of reading over the half-page document and finding it simple and direct, Blood nodded to himself and signed it. “Continue.”
“Our first project, our proof of concept, is an attempt to commercialize a fertility ritual of known effectiveness. Fertility treatments in the U.S. cost tens of thousands of dollars per session, and even the best techniques only have a fifty percent chance of success per session.” Tanya explained, “If it can be made practical, even if we lower the price to below current market value, we can earn significant profits. This is a multi-million dollar opportunity alone.”
“So you have a working ritual. Of course, that explains everything.” Professor Blood said firmly, “Where would I come in?”
“Me and whoever else we hire will write down theories on how to streamline the ritual; potential substitutions, engineering specialized ritual tools, things of that nature.” Tanya explained, “Once the brainstorming phase is complete, we would present you with both the original, known ritual, and request your input on those ideas, ask for any ideas of your own, and finally request that you examine our facilities and issue your opinion on their suitability for our goals.” Tanya waved her hands in a ‘that’s it’ motion, but realized that he couldn’t see her. “As Mr. Wayne said, we’re hiring you as a consultant. We will consult you, but the actual work will be done by WayneTech.”
“...Acceptable.” Professor Blood said, “Now, what are your credentials? No doctorate, I see.”
“Well, if there are any institutions that offer doctorates in magic, I’m afraid I don’t know of them.” Tanya admitted. It’s not like Professor Blood has one that’s on public records. “I have a bachelor’s degree in economics from Tokyo University, and a master’s degree in logistics from Bundeswehr Command and Staff College,” Which was the local equivalent to Berun’s War College. “Magically, I have no formal education, but I have inherited a rather substantial occult library from my mother that I have thoroughly studied, and have some amount of talent with magic. Unless we can reliably locate and train a magically inclined workforce, I would prefer to stick to methods that are scalable, meaning external power sources.”
“What’s your focus? Your magical affinity? Which ritual are you using? How do you know it’s effective?” Professor Blood said, his voice slipping into an interrogative tone.
“Rhyming couplets with a dash of Azarathian meditative techniques and soul bargains,” Which she’s never actually used properly yet, just tested, “entropic, the Dark Union of Beast and Man, and because my mother used it to get pregnant with myself.” Tanya said, answering each in order. “As my mother’s now-dissolved cabal discovered, you can use a human blood sample or whatever and it just works with no fuss.” Finding out that the ritual used to create her was originally meant to create animal-human hybrids as servant races was… par for course, honestly.
Professor Blood whispered the name of the ritual to himself. “...Yes, I remember that one, I have a copy. It’s Celtic. Animal sacrifice is generally one of the safer ways to fuel rituals, it’s not terrible. A few years ago I met someone who wanted to use it to make a child of the Batman. He was very specific on wanting a ritual that would work no matter what manner of creature the Batman was.” So that’s how they got their hands on it.
“That seems somewhat unethical.” Tanya said, frowning.
The young-looking old man shrugged nonchalantly. “He traded me something quite valuable. Something I was looking for, to pursue my personal projects.”
“Would you happen to have an alternative ritual that would perhaps fit our needs better? That is, to allow couples who are struggling to conceive a magical solution?” Tanya asked, curious. “Perhaps one that can be used more often than twice a month?” The ritual in question required you to synchronize a woman’s fertile period with the zenith of the full moon or the nadir of the new moon. This was a rather annoying limit, naturally.
“Perhaps.” Doctor Blood allowed; “But none I can think of off the top of my head. I’d need to spend hours going through my library to maybe find a better option. I deal in demonology primarily. While I can think of a few rituals that could be categorized among fertility ones, if you squinted, they’d be worse options for your goal.” He shrugged, “Your own affinity should allow you to emulate the nadir of a new moon, which would help.”
“Well, I’ve heard enough.” Bruce said, “Are you satisfied with the arrangement? Should we proceed to negotiate your price and iron out the terms?”
“...Yes, I believe I’m satisfied that this won’t be a waste of my time.” Professor Jason Blood said, grinning sharply. “Who knows? If you impress me, Degurechaff, I may take you as my apprentice. It’s a rare mortal mage that can handle Rhyme magic.”
“Wunderbar. I was hoping you’d say that.” Tanya said, matching his grin.
Comments
Dragonin
I can hardly wait for Blood and Tanya to meet in person, or in demon form. <3
