Kevin Curry
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A young devil's consultancy 6
🕑 Added 2024-04-16 22:59:40 +0000 UTCYeah, was in a rush this morning, but the chapter was rather unpolished anyway, so I fixed it up a bit before posting it here. enjoy. Next is more swordsman's adventure.
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Bruce did a good job managing to avoid having too many time commitments as himself, cultivating a reputation for flightiness that was transitioned into a reputation as putting his children (Tanya) first and the company a distant second. If people thought that switching up his entire lifestyle so quickly was suspicious, this opinion was drowned out by the people who thought that the ditzy billionaire being a good father was adorable.
“Deck the balls with bowls of molly, falalalala, lala la lah!” Tanya sang, deliberately getting the words wrong. It was fun finding the dirtiest possible mistakes without being too obvious about it. “This, the reason to be jolly, falalalala, lala la lah!” Personally, she thought the red fur-lined dress clashed with her gray skin tone and hair that absorbed a bit more light than was normally possible for human hair. Really, without makeup to put some color in her skin the brightest color that didn’t clash was lavender.
But it was the holiday season, so red and green was the order of the day. Besides, it was pretty comfortable. “Yawn, meow our day and carol, falalalala, lala la lah!” Always good to mix in some absolute nonsense to throw things off. “Hole, the ancient mule-bride’s sterile, falala, lalala, la la lah!” Was it difficult to find a way to mangle ‘yuletide carol’? Yes. But it was worth it.
“Tanya, Princess, that’s enough.” Bruce said, patting her on the shoulder as he wheezed in an attempt to not burst out laughing. Unfortunately, Tanya could tell he was faking it. Damn, he knew she was going to do it in advance. Did Alfred rat her out, or was she just getting predictable?
“I wasn’t done!” Tanya whined. She was rather proud of her mangling of the fourth verse…
“You can finish it later.” Bruce said immediately. A little testily, even. Hm, perhaps she made a misstep.
While there was very little that Bruce couldn’t skive off of as long as he maintained a certain ratio of appearances, one of the things he was loath to miss was the Wayne Christmas charity gala. It was held on Christmas eve, and he had opened up her performance by explaining how he had done his own performance of Christmas carols on this very stage when he was a child. “I also know Silver Bells.” She volunteered, attempting to convey a silent ‘and I’ll sing it right this time’ in a sheepish expression that her head was turned to conceal from onlookers. “That one’s easier.”
Apparently, even Batman found Christmas sacred. Or perhaps just the Christmas party. He really should have said something if he wanted her to change tactics.
“...Okay.” He said, after checking the crowd’s mood.
This time, she sang the christmas carol accurately, inputting only some slight mispronunciation by dropping a syllable here and there. Deck the Halls had plenty of obscure English words and archaic phrasings that she had never heard before, ripe for misinterpretation, but Silver Bells was a far simpler song.
After the song’s conclusion, there was a polite applause. This applause was interrupted by a blast of energy hitting the ceilings, causing a sheet of ice to cover it. Snow drifted down onto the dance floor as everyone collectively gasped. The lighting in the room cut off, apparently by the lights being damaged but they were probably cut off.
“Attention.” Greeted the bland, nearly mechanical tones of Dr. Victor Fries, alias ‘Mr. Freeze’. “Calmly remove your jewelry and present your wallets and purses for collection.” A group of parka-wearing henchmen with head lights started filtering into the room. Otherwise, the room was illuminated by the blue energies contained within Mr. Freeze’s containment suit and hypothermal weapon. The henchmen each had a small handheld model, but they could only freeze small things, like people. The big gun was the real danger. “Any attempt to resist will not be provided with a stove-top hat and pipe, though you will surely want them.” The freeze ray’s power coils whined as they energized in a threat display.
Ah, her first personal encounter with one of the local supervillains instead of being separated by a computer connection or scrying spell. How novel.
Bruce quickly stepped to the side, picking up Tanya and slipping her into the arms of the socialite who had volunteered to play the piano for the caroling, a Miss Selina Kyle. She seemed to be a bit of a gold-digger to Tanya, although she could hardly cast stones about that herself. Simultaneously, he tucked both of them behind the piano. “There’s a trap door somewhere back there.” He whispered to the woman, “Take Tanya and hide.” Tanya wondered what his excuse would be for not joining them. Ah, right. Richard was still out there, wasn’t he?
Honestly, Bruce made it so difficult to support him sometimes. If she had been hidden away without a witness, she could have done all sorts of magical trickery, like summoning his Batman outfit, or concealing Richard.
“Do you know where the trap door is?” Selina asked immediately. Tanya shook her head. “Great. Stuck with the world’s heaviest baby” Now that title Tanya thought was probably inaccurate, but close enough that she won’t dispute it. She’ll Lex it later. “-and now I need to find the bolthole. Now, if I were to add a trap door here… I’d put it…” She reached around the stage with her artificial nails and paused when it presumably caught on something. “Here we are.” With surprising dexterity, she found the latch to the trap door and slipped both of them inside in a smooth motion with catlike grace. Inside was… exactly what she’d expect below a stage, mostly storage and some machinery. “Come on, kitten, let’s see where this leads. Staying here means your smell will build up.” That’s fair.
Oddly, as they walked towards the exit, Selina swiped a stray christmas ornament that had a missing string, depicting a lucky cat for some reason. She put it into her purse so easily that Tanya wasn’t entirely sure whether the woman even noticed she did it.
Eh, it was nothing. The fact that the woman apparently had the skills of an expert shoplifter was concerning, but a tacky tourist gewgaw from China was a cheap price to learn that information.
The gala was held in Wayne Manor’s Grand Ballroom, so the backstage area didn’t go far before they were in the normal hallways of the mansion. “Okay, where’s your bedroom, kitten?” Selina asked, “It’s probably past your bedtime anyway, I’ll clean you up, tuck you in, whatever. Bruce is going to owe me for this babysitting.” That was a substantial step up from the last time Tanya was handed off to a potential suitor when Bruce had to attend to something, as that woman said that she ‘didn’t do diapers’. If this was a test, Selina would have passed it. At the same time, she also wasn’t obviously schmoozing the daughter, which spoke well of her for not trying the manipulative route. Or it spoke well of her manipulation skills. One of those.
How plausible would it be that she even knows the answer to that question? Eh… having a decent sense of direction would likely fall into the ‘very bright for her age’ narrative. But let’s muddy those waters… “Never been here.” She said, “Which way’s where?”
“The front door is that way.” Selina said immediately with confidence, pointing towards the front entrance.
“Go there.” Tanya said immediately. She’ll change directions halfway through when she finally recognizes something. Navigating with cardinal directions is too much, but landmarks are much more plausible.
Hopefully Mr. Freeze was dealt with without any issues. It wasn’t her problem anymore.
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“Okay, so the obvious has been addressed, now what?” Selina asked, dreading the answer as she looked around the room.
Tanya’s room was a little understated in comparison to what most would think of as a “proper” nursery for a baby girl. It had the necessary furniture, a large window that overlooked the gardens, and a small army of stuffed animals filling the alcove. There was a toy chest filled with dolls, and another bin filled with constructive toys.
But the walls were rather plain, albeit painted in pastels, and overall it didn’t give much of a ‘personalized’ impression. Tanya had made some steps towards remedying that issue… but a bookshelf full of manga did not really accomplish that goal on its own.
Still, this was an excellent opportunity. Selina had definitely decided to go the extra mile in her assigned task of ‘get Tanya away’ to earn brownie points with Bruce, and that was an attitude that Tanya wholeheartedly approved of. It had been far too long since Tanya had been able to infuriate someone by acting the part, and she had quite a few ideas.
“Food first.” Tanya said, “I’m hungry.”
“You eat right before bed?” Selina asked, skeptical. Tanya shuffled to the side of the changing table and pointed down.
“Fridge.” Tanya said simply. “First food, then PJs.” She elaborated. Best to start with the actual evening routine. While having large meals means that she doesn’t need 18 meals a day, she still ‘needs’ a lot more than normal.
Selina took a moment to think about that. “Actually, that makes sense. Potential mess before the clothes change.” She opened the fridge. “Chocolate Milk?”
“Special doctor milk,” Tanya clarified, “-’cuz I’m big.” There were actually seven flavors. “I want yellow.” She added. Banana flavor.
After that was handled and Tanya was snug in her pajamas, it was time to start adding nonsense. “I need a buddy.” She said, pointing to the army of stuffed animals.
“Alright, which one do you want?” Selina asked.
Tanya pretended to look at her like she was crazy. “Ask them.” She said, pointing at the stuffed animals.
“What?”
“Ask for vowel-N-tears.” Tanya said, deliberately mangling the word.
Tanya’s cherubic smile grew when she saw it dawn on Selina that they had left the territory of sensible and arrived in the realm of absurd bedtime rituals. How would she react? A feeling of power washed over Tanya, the kind that she had always rejected before. Dance for me!
Selina sighed in a put-upon way, and walked to the window. “Okay, which of you are volunteering?”
“That’s not how you do it.” Tanya said chidingly. “They’s soldiers, treat them with respec.”
The transition was smooth, as if Selina was always going to do it instead of pivoting based on Tanya’s criticism. “Troops! The long night is upon us, and someone’s going to need night duty. We need a volunteer!” Selina said sharply. Impressive.
After a moment of silence, Selina picked up a black cat plushy. “Your night vision will be useful, cadet, as will your nighttime camouflage. Your sacrifice will be remembered.” She marched the cat over and placed it inside the crib. “Better?”
Tanya nodded. What else… “Check the closet.” She said, adding a touch of fear in her voice.
“For what?” Selina asked, sauntering over.
“The Riddler.”
Selina paused. “Why would the Riddler be in your closet?”
“Barbie said that he was in the closet.” Tanya explained. Barbara Gordon hated it when Tanya called her that. “Check.” She repeated insistently.
Selina snorted with laughter at Tanya’s joke. She checked the closet, as requested. “No Riddler. Do I need to check under the bed, too?” She asked sarcastically.
“For clowns.” Tanya said immediately.
Selina’s amused smile vanished. “I hate how plausible that is.” Yes, the Joker would absolutely wait underneath a child’s bed for giggles. Maybe that one was too much. She took a flashlight from the closet and checked the bed at a distance. “No clowns. Just a bear with a shovel.”
“That’s Visha.” Tanya said immediately. “She was on trench duty.” So that’s where Visha got off to. She went missing a few days ago, but Tanya figured the bear would turn up eventually, and she was right. “Gimmie.” She added, holding out her hands. Selina fetched the stuffed bear with the plastic shovel lashed to the hand and placed it in Tanya’s arms.
Okay, what else…
It was about fifteen minutes later when Alfred entered the room. “As the feast continued, the three cats curled up contentedly on their cushions and - as cats are wont to do - fell asleep. From all three came loud, contented purring. This was the reward the cats had received for their work. Though no cat would ever again speak, all cats would purr like the whirr and hum of a spinning wheel. From that day to this, cats have continued to purr whenever they feel content.” Selina said, finishing the fairy tale she had recited from memory.
“There you are, Miss Kyle.” Alfred said.
“G’night Alfred.” Tanya mumbled. She didn’t even need to pretend, she was tucked in all nice and cozy and already had one foot in dreamland after the minutes of hearing the story. She hadn’t heard it before, which was nice.
“Oh good, I can leave the kitten to you, then.” Selina said, standing up.
“I would rather think she’ll be fine on her own.” He paused. “Until her stomach wakes her back up in three hours.” There were many unpleasant side effects to her accelerated growth.
“Wait, there were three bottles in that minifridge. Was that just for tonight?” Selina asked. Alfred nodded. “They were a pint each!” She hissed.
“There’s more than one reason we’ve not been in a hurry to potty train her, Miss Kyle.” Alfred said, “We’re not going to rely on her magically not starving.” Which was said in a way as to make that sound absurd rather than the genuine alternative.
“Speaking of starving babies…” Selina said, changing the topic. “I really need to get back to my cats. I’m sure they miss me already.”
“I’ll call a cab.” Alfred said immediately.
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Selina had, of course, demanded compensation for the unpaid childcare she was asked to perform, as it was outside the remit of her agreement with Bruce to play piano. Of course, in true romantic comedy fashion, she had instead asked for a private dinner at ‘a nice restaurant’ with the man on New Year’s Eve. She saw her opportunity and pounced on it. Tanya could respect that.
“So what do you think about her?” Bruce asked Tanya afterwards, as they used a mage blade on a wing in devil form to slowly etch a spell circle onto a clay-covered stone slab that was placed in a long-unused room that had been last used for hobby sculpting by Bruce’s grandfather. The slab two meters by two meters large, four centimeters thick with another centimeter of clay.
“She’s nice enough, pretty and tough.” Tanya commented, floating above the spell circle. There was an overhead projector outlining the exact spell circle they needed, made beforehand on a transparency to make it easier to do the full-sized thing. They had even magically banished their shadow to ensure the best possible image. “If she is courting you merely for wealth, which is a goal concealed in stealth, she understands the duty, of motherhood and beauty.” Tanya frowned as their wing cut a little too far. With an exertion of will, the last cut was undone, and they tried again. Being in devil form meant that their power was always focused, which they needed the meditative focusing mantra to do in human form.
Bruce took a moment to think through her rhymes. “So she meets your approval?”
“You could certainly do worse, wealth can be such a curse.” Tanya replied, “Of the cats that paw the cream, she seems like she would fit the team.”
As it turned out, Miss Selina Kyle had, in her medical records that Bruce had illegally accessed, a diagnosis for kleptomania. She had quite a few instances in her past of being caught shoplifting despite being easily able to afford things.
Well, at least her fabricated past had those instances. ‘Selina Kyle’ didn’t exist prior to about five years ago, in an official capacity. It was a well-done fake, and the birth certificate, to a single mother who did not survive the process, was real, but the rest of her records, her path through the system, was scrubbed out, superficially replaced but nothing that could fool Batman.
Where does she get her money? On paper, she ran animal shelters, about 30% of the ones in Gotham, paying herself a small salary from each for the administrative work she does for them, but that adds up, and Batman suspected that there was some illegal income mixed in there. He hadn’t yet investigated the possibilities there. Bruce had even donated to the shelters during the date, which Tanya thought was a bit hokey. Apparently Bruce actually liked her.
“Well… Good to know.” Bruce said, walking to the window and moving the curtain aside to look outside.
“Are you going to tell me what Tanya’s making now?” Richard asked.
“This ritual is a test, the projector may not be best” Tanya said. Meaning, the point of the experiment was testing whether or not the projector method of ensuring a consistent spell circle was usable. “the purpose of the circle might as well be making purple.” What the spell circle actually does is irrelevant.
“But what does it do?” Richard repeated.
“‘Tis the season to summon a demon.” Tanya replied.
“You’re going to summon a demon?” Richard asked, shocked. “Cool…”
“Sort of.” Bruce said, “This circle was one she constructed to summon herself. We’ve tested it already.” It was something they had made to ensure that they could still sense the summoning while outside of devil form, but not be pulled in unless they were. It was also more of a… polite form of summoning, unable to compel the transport. It took a few iterations, but Tanya was satisfied with the results.
“So what are you going to do with it?” Richard asked.
“Well, if it works, we’re planning on making a few more and scattering them around in useful locations.” Bruce said, “She can take stuff with her if she’s ready for the summoning, including other people.” Tanya nodded in agreement.
“Oh, that’s cool.” Richard said, impressed.
That should be the last of it. Tanya floated away from the circle. “Now it is time to test, a simple catalyst is best.” Tanya said, creating a black crystal that glowed with an inner fire. They passed it to Richard. “Place it in the center, then the circle I shall enter. But first you must say my name, Rhine will be the one with fame.”
“Hm… Won’t I end up destroying it? It’s just clay…” Without waiting for a reply, he tossed the crystal towards the center of the summoning circle. “Rhine, I summon thee!” He said, posing dramatically.
Tanya felt the summoning latch immediately, the catalyst they created providing both the necessary power to create the connection and the targeting without needing anything else. Immediately, they flew to Bruce and wrapped their wings around him, the weak flames extinguishing entirely to reveal black feathers. With an effort of will, Tanya accepted the summoning, providing the rest of the power of the spell required, as the catalyst simply couldn’t summon more than a few stray hairs on its own.
As expected, the circle caused a burst of hellfire to envelop them, and after it was finished, they were standing on the inside of the circle instead of the outside. “A successful test. Are you at your best?” Tanya asked Bruce.
“I’m fine.” Bruce said, but he frowned as he looked at his feet. “The circle’s ruined though.”
“The clay’s unfired, a fix required.” Tanya agreed. Bruce walked off the circle. “My art disturbed, reverse, returned.” With a flex of power, Bruce’s footsteps vanished, leaving an unblemished summoning circle.
“Well, time to see if the custom kiln works without ruining it.” Bruce commented, looking at the massive machine that took up a quarter of the room.
Tanya nodded, telekinetically moving the slab of stone into the machine that resembled a pizza oven. Within seconds, a beeping noise indicated the process beginning.
“The time for devilry has ended. Return to youth, who needs attended.” Tanya chanted, transforming back into her mortal form in another burst of hellfire. “Ugh… hungry…” She whined. Being in devil form was a nice reprieve from mortal biological concerns, but it always caught back up with her afterwards.
“The kiln won’t be finished until tomorrow, so let’s eat and get a nap in before tonight.” Bruce said reasonably.
“Yes!” Richard said, excited. It was a Friday, and Bruce had finally conceded that Richard had met all of the requirements he had set to join him in his vigilante activities.
After all, Bruce did have a backup plan…
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The thug groaned as Robin stuck a landing right on the man’s chest, collapsing in a heap from the impact. Robin hopped off to the concrete and leapt forward with more force, swinging his staff to disarm the second thug with a gun before he could recover his wits.
The third and final one, on the other hand, lined up a shot… before having his right leg sink halfway into the ground as a silvery limb reached up and wrested control of his firearm. Rhine swept a wing, knocking over two other thugs as robin started to properly fight one that had a pipe as a weapon.
In short order, the ten or so thugs were all groaning in pain and Robin was executing a victory dance. “While it will be painful, health will come to the sinful.” Tanya intoned, letting the weak regenerative spell settle onto the thugs. Several of them grunted in pain as their skeletons were forcefully aligned and the first stages of mending were accelerated to just a few seconds.
“Did you have to heal them?” Robin asked, a little annoyed.
“To heal is to hurt, my best skills I’ll exert.” Rhine replied, inserting a bit of extra menace. “To hear them ache and moan, it is like a taste of home” This was theater, of course. It’s important to instill fear into the criminal underworld, and ‘torture-happy demon’ is the image that is proper, given Batman’s own reputation for leaving people broken in his wake. If it makes the criminals decide to turn over a new leaf by learning that Hell is real in this universe? All the better. “In seven days of misery, they’ll receive their delivery” Also doubles as a way to give them the information they need about their treatment. A week is a pretty good amount of time to heal those kinds of injuries.
“Whatever.” Robin said, taking out his grapple hook and using it to go back to where Batman was waiting.
“Good job.” Batman said, “Now I’ll take a look around for evidence. Watch closely.” He had, of course, already given Robin lessons and simulations about investigation and gathering clues, so there wasn’t much need to explain what he was doing, but Robin paid close attention anyway.
After a few minutes of rifling through the head thug’s office in the warehouse and poking through the boxes, Batman returned. “This place is drug storage for the Penguin.” He concluded, “Mostly opioids, diverted from legitimate purchases by a hospital. I suspect that he has a collaborator on the inside, but Jim won’t accept what I have on that. The GCPD are on their way, we’ll wait and ensure the place is undisturbed until they get here, then we’ll move on.”
Rhine scowled. While the sheer number of mentally ill people who have focused their manias on Batman enough to rise as opposition figures was disturbingly high, somehow there managed to be an even more offensive category: otherwise ordinary organized crime syndicates that drew on that mythos to drape themselves in power and prestige to conceal their otherwise completely mundane parasitic vileness.
While Bruce couldn’t possibly have anticipated the likes of the Joker, the Scarecrow, or Two-Face, people like the Penguin were an eminently predictable outcome: Batman demonstrated the effectiveness of fakery and a cultivated reputation of supernatural capability when it comes to increasing the effectiveness and safety of an illegal enterprise, so naturally the market leaders of a similar industry would emulate what worked in order to seek their own success.
Still, with the police descending on the crime scene, it was time for the next crime. To stop, that is. Although technically they would still be committing one.
Muggings were, by far, the most common crime available to stop. Drunk party-goers, night shift workers, and students of night classes were all prime victims to routine robbery, and there were quite a few places to stalk if you really wanted to find that kind of crime.
It did not escape Rhine’s notice that Batman had stuck to mostly these ‘safer’ beats tonight, even leaving Robin alone with them to patrol the area around Gotham University at one point while he investigated something else, diverting the 9 year old’s suspicion with a hokey ‘splitting up to cover more ground’ narrative.
To his credit, Robin eventually noticed as well. “Wait, how many muggings does Batman usually catch in one night?” He asked Rhine.
“Ten twice, to suffice” Rhine replied. They rarely did overwatch all night but he does take detailed notes on his activities for each night for his own records.
“And I’ve stopped?” He continued.
“Eleven times three, for your spree” Rhine said, “It’s been a busy night, for the colorful knight” Of course, Batman always had at least two ongoing investigations distracting him from focusing on crimes of opportunity. Tonight he had three.
“Is Batman giving me the easy stuff so he doesn’t have to do it?” Robin asked.
“You’re a neophyte, without much fight. If you’re surprised, you don’t have eyes. It helps the weak, do not critique.” Rhine explained in their best deadpan tone. Their voice was kind of whispery when they talked without leaving someone’s shadow. “On that note, a spike of fear, my wards quote.”
While they lacked the time to create anything truly long-term, slapping a bunch of quickly decaying magical traps that create a detectable pulse when someone gets terrified around the patrol area increased their efficiency.
Robin didn’t dismiss his duties, and quickly moved to investigate the disturbance. It wasn’t a mugging this time, but instead a drug addict having a really bad trip. “Aw jeez, what do we do with him?” Robin asked.
“There’s a clinic, staffed by a cynic.” Rhine pointed out, inaccurately. Dr. Thompkins wasn’t that bad. “Bit of a trip, but he needs a grip.” There are probably closer clinics, but Rhine didn’t know where they were.
“...Yeah, let’s take him.” Robin said, sighing.
“From the world we recede, to travel at speed.” Rhine intoned, Robin’s shadow spilling out and enveloping both Robin and the drug addict. A pool of darkness darted down the road, traveling far faster than an ambulance would.
Dr. Leslie Thompkins ran a clinic in Crime Alley, supported discreetly by Batman in return for her medical expertise. He hadn’t needed her direct assistance in a while, but she was the one who inspected the magical healing’s results to confirm the efficacy. It was probably this lull in meetings with the Dark Knight that caused her to jump in fright when the pool of darkness disgorged the screaming addict and the annoyed Robin.
Still, she gave the drug addict some medicine to calm him down after Robin explained things, and besides telling them to inform Batman that she wanted to talk to him, sent them back on their way.
When they returned to the University to wait for Batman to pick them up, however… A yellow-scaled arm ambushed them, reaching into Robin’s shadow and pulling Rhine’s head out by the neck. “Grk!”
“You must be a demon haughty, to trespass here; how naughty.” Said the burly demon whose clawed hand choked Rhine. “Me you failed to outran, for I’m the demon, Etrigan.”
Well, shit.
