Kevin Curry
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Summon Perfect Warlady 2.16
🕑 Added 2024-12-03 04:45:36 +0000 UTCSorry this is late, I was in something of a creative malaise last week. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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One of her biggest worries about coming back home was to be seen as a madman, for no one to believe that she was who she used to be. The Arkenshoes’ presence on her feet helped a lot to calm her nerves, as it was a constant reminder that she did have the power to return to Erf… if she wanted to.
After having experienced the transition, she was reasonably confident that she could use date-a-mancy to control her destination, to a point. Enough that she could travel back and forth freely, if she so desired. At least, unless the shoes decided they didn’t like that and abandoned her. Given the amount of time that had passed between Judy Gale’s exit and the fact that she was an aged heroin addict, Tanya thought it possible that the shoes had followed the previous perfect warlady and only vanished back into the pop tables after the woman’s death.
But that concern was for later. The sixty-three year old woman had broken the embrace, set Tanya down at the table, and went to prepare that coffee. As Tanya waited, the sliding door deeper into the house opened up, and a man stooped with age shuffled into the room and sat down as well. “Hello, Grandfather.” Tanya said respectfully, bowing.
As the particular word she had used was not an unusual word used to address unrelated elderly men, her grandfather did not take offense, even if it was the same word she used to use. Grandfather was a man of stiff formality, as was his son, her father. He did not accept being addressed as Gramps.
…Well, she’s not going to deny that she also used to be a person of stiff formality, and while becoming royalty and a girl had… relaxed it somewhat, she still preferred to match the level of formality to how she was addressed, or, even better, one step more or less formal than they were, depending on social status. Which nowadays always went in the informal direction.
“Hm.” Grandfather snorted, clearly in a bad mood. “Who are you, brat? Have you been tested? Honestly, inviting strange girls during a pandemic…”
Tanya was a little surprised at his brusqueness, but she supposed it was technically possible that she had picked it up in the last two days. He wouldn’t know that, either. Wait a second… There was… one wand that might be applicable towards disease The sole croakamancy wand, sterilize. She mostly used it to get rid of bad smells, but the purpose of the spell was to slow the decay of claimed bodies, which was sometimes useful for moneymancy or when you had carnivorous beast units. It might be able to kill microorganisms like viruses… But she’ll figure that out later. “Ah, my name is now Degurechaff Tanya, Grandfather.”
If he noticed her odd phrasing, Grandfather didn’t react to it. “You know how to garden?” He asked, gesturing to the still-open door outside, where Mother’s beautiful garden was.
“I would love nothing more than to assist with your garden, Grandfather.” Tanya said politely, beaming. “It is quite beautiful.”
Grandfather looked away, bashful at the compliment. His heartstring was laced with minor guilt, the kind that came from inadvertently taking someone else’s credit.
Mother came back, with a tray that held a steaming cup of coffee and two cups of tea. “Here you are, Tenko.” She sat down and smiled at her father-in-law. “Did she tell you?” She asked.
Grandfather’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “If you mean why you just called her by the boy’s name… no. She said her name was Tanya.”
“I said my name was now Tanya.” She corrected, “But it used to be Tenko, before I died. Eight years ago.” She sipped at the coffee. “...It tastes just like I remember it.” She said, a tear falling down her face.
“You don’t look eight.” Grandfather said in an accusing tone.
“Magic.” Tanya said in explanation, creating a few foolamancy sparkles with a twiddle of her fingers. “Act older, grow older.” Technically a true thing in signamancy, although it didn’t usually apply in this specific manner. “If you say you’re a duck, and quack like a duck, and walk like a duck… you start becoming a duck.” Such an extreme change required intervention from an actual signamancer, but it did technically work, as demonstrated by Chief Shockamancer Donald of Thiskey. Janis explained it when she inquired about the possibility of turning into a man: Technically she could do it, but it would be a lot of work, she’d be miserable during the transition, it would be very expensive, and she was already happy with what she had, so why bother? This was an extremely cogent point and Tanya agreed that she really didn’t want to do it. Now, though? Maybe she should have…
“Katsuhito…” Mother said with an edge of danger. She always was terrifying when she got angered. “I believe her. This is my Tenko.” She turned back to Tanya, menace vanishing. “So, you have to tell me how you’ve been doing! That dress looks quite expensive. Should I be calling you Princess Tanya now?” She teased.
Tanya coughed nervously. “Ah, the correct honorific would actually be… Empress.” She had never thought that she’d ever need to even say ‘kotei’ as an honorific before, much less have it refer to herself. But if they were going to bring out ‘hime’, she might as well be honest. She drank more of the coffee. With a brief glance to the kitchen, she used Recon to peer through the wall and note that the coffee maker was a modern one that appeared to make single cups at a time. It didn’t look new, per se, but they didn’t have it the last time she was here. “You don’t need to call me that though.”
Mother was extremely pleased at the admission, but looked at Tanya suspiciously. “I hope you aren’t just running away from the job, Tenko.”
“I left them in a stable position, and appointed a Regent.” Tanya explained, waving her arms placatingly. “Furthermore, the method I used to travel dimensions should be two-way.” Her eyes flicked to the Arkenshoes, waiting on the porch. Still there. Honestly, it did explain why Fate didn’t stop her from going, somehow. She expected some kind of resistance, but… it knows her too well. All it needed to do to ensure her eventual return was to leave the option available.
“Good.” Mother said, still serious. “Your responsibilities are important, people are counting on you. All leaders should know this.”
“How big is your Empire?” Grandfather asked, curious.
“Big by local standards. Powerful, too.” Tanya answered vaguely, “But things are weird over there. Strange laws of physics.”
“Well, I hope gardening still works.” Mother joked as she stood up slowly. “I still need to tend to it.”
“It works differently, I’m afraid.” Tanya said as she stood up to help. “Okay, so the key point is that the whole world has more in common with a turn-based strategy game than a sensible reality. It’s very artificial. You can actually make gardens, but all you’re actually doing is making it easier to harvest a hex’s forage…”
Tanya could tell that Mother eventually stopped actually listening to what she was saying, merely nodding and making polite noises as Tanya rambled about her new world, no different from when she was a boy and talked about Civilization. But she was smiling as she did it, so Tanya kept talking all throughout the tending to the garden.
After the work was done, Mother stood up and, wiping the sweat from her brow, moved back into the house. “Ah, hang on.” Tanya said, taking out her cleaning wand. She waved it at both of them, removing the built up grime. “...While I’m at it.” She muttered, taking out one of her more esoteric dirtamancy wands, infusing additional nutrients and potential for growth in the garden’s soil. “NPK.” On Erf, this would increase the ration yield of a hex, but only up to a cap, depleting the juice put into it over time. It was generally not worth doing, as it was less efficient than both city improvements and getting a florist to grow you new plants. She didn’t actually know how barren this soil was, but the juice’s battery got emptied, so it did something. The wand had other functions, it was a generic ‘make hex improvement’ spell that was versatile enough that you needed to study dirtamancy a bit to use the bloody thing effectively. The advantages of having a master-class caster able and willing to put his full effort behind the creation of a wand. “That should increase your yields.” She said, putting both wands away. “Well, the yields of every garden in the area.”
“How big of an area?” Grandfather asked, much less hostile than he was before she had joined Mother in the gardening. “How much yield?”
Tanya shrugged. “I never really calculated exactly how big a hex is. It always seemed to change on me, honestly.” They always seemed so much smaller when there was fighting going on… “At least the neighborhood, maybe the whole ward?” Sizemore would be able to actually answer the question. “The wands let me use magic I don’t understand fully, so I don’t know. I just willed it to fertilize the soil and it did.” Wait. Actually… “Atterberg.” Tanya intoned as she cast Mathamancy. Would it work? …It did! “But I can use magic to calculate the effect, and it should improve your soybean yield by thirty percent, allow the rest of the garden to add an additional eight percent mass, and… every seven hundred meters will halve the potency.” She had never had a mathamancy spell eat up two whole caster levels of juice like that though. That was an expensive calculation. This was appropriate, as she had very little understanding of soil analysis. The magic had to do pretty much everything there.
“Hm. Not bad.” Grandfather said, looking at the garden. “What else do you have in there?” He asked, gesturing to her dress.
“Well, there’s this.” Tanya said, lifting up her skirt halfway and pulling out the katana. “It’s my backup sword. Have a look.”
With a speed that belied his age, Grandfather had gone into his room, come back with a kit, and started a professional inspection of the blade. “Hm, unusual maker’s mark, but it’s a fine blade, easily something that would come from the hands of one of the great swordsmiths.” He looked up at her. “It shines like new.”
“It’s less than ten years old.” Tanya informed him. She wasn’t really given a concrete timeframe for when Stanley toppled Faq, but less than three thousand turns sounds about right, and it was completed shortly before that. “It’s also been magically repaired and cleaned every morning for that entire duration.” Well, that wasn’t quite true, but close enough.
“Do you know who forged it?” He asked, curious.
Tanya shrugged. “Not really, I only came into possession of it about a year ago.” She thought for a moment. “I’m sure Janis would know.” To be more precise, she could cast Signamancy on the maker’s mark to find out. “If you want one of your own, I should warn you that it’s all made with magic. No actual smithing is involved. Or mining, for that matter.” Unless it were paid for with mined gems, she supposed.
Grandfather lost interest. “Bah, mass-produced junk then.”
“It’s still artisanal work.” Tanya corrected, “It’s just the methods aren’t the traditional ones, and I know you care about that. One of my subordinates had commissioned it for his lady love, who was a warrior of some renown.” Tanya coughed. “He just… never had the chance to deliver it.”
The man wasn’t very emotional, of course, but he did seem to no longer treat the sword with disdain. He sheathed it once more and returned it. “You said you’ve used it?”
“For a while.” Tanya confirmed. She didn’t quite remember exactly how many turns it was (One? Two? Probably not three.), but she did use it. She brought out her primary wand. “I eventually replaced it with this, though.” She pointed it to the side and activated the lightsaber. “Much more effective.” She added before turning it off.
Mother laughed at the lightsaber. “It even makes the sound!” She said, eyes twinkling with mirth. “How hard was it to get someone to make it do that?”
“Believe it or not, I didn’t commission this.” Tanya said, and already knew that they did not believe her. “The magic just does that. I even learned to make them with my fingers, watch.” She focused, holding out two fingers, and said the magic words for the spell: “Kantoo, Huyang, Smoot.” With the exact same sound effect, a blade of kinetic energy sprouted from her extended fingers. Two seconds later, she cut the juice. “So what have I missed?”
The next several hours were passed like that, with Tanya swapping stories about her battles in exchange for what amounted to petty gossip about people she had long forgotten about, if she had ever learned of them in the first place. But it was still a conversation with family, and that was something she had long missed, even before she died.
“I’m home!” Shouted another familiar voice. Tanya perked up.
“Oh dear, I didn’t get dinner started.” Mother said, disappointed in herself.
“I’ll help.” Tanya insisted, taking out her cooking wand. “Just take out the ingredients and I’ll do the rest.”
Father entered the room, noticeably more aged than before, but still standing tall, like she used to. The sixty four year old man’s hair had a few gray hairs before, but now was about halfway to fully turning white. “What’s going on?” He asked, gentler than Tanya remembered him. “Oh. Hello, young lady.”
“Nobuyuki, this young lady is Tenko’s reincarnation!” Mother said proudly, which, as it did for Grandfather, caused Father to look at Tanya in suspicion. She approved.
“It seems genuine.” Grandfather pronounced. “Now, how about that dinner you volunteered for?” He added, directing it at Tanya.
“Yes. Come on, Mother.” Tanya said, ushering the woman into the kitchen with her. While she was theoretically capable of hearing Father and Grandfather’s conversation, she tuned it out in favor of focusing on the events in the kitchen. Using Recon still required focus to use, after all.
The cooking wand was an interesting bit of changemancy. Similar to the dirtamancy wand she used on the garden, it wasn’t as limited as, say, her potato growing wand. It required that Tanya have some form of understanding of how the ingredients she targeted were going to be changed. For most casters, this was a significant obstacle. For someone who actually knew a thing or two about cooking, even if her practical knowledge was somewhat limited? It was simplicity itself.
Rice and water were placed in the rice cooker, and with a wave of her wand, it changed into fully cooked rice. Ingredients and bowls were placed on the counter, and with another wave, the miso soup was prepared, piping hot and already served. Finally, the fish and pickled vegetables were brought out, and with one last wave and an expenditure of juice, dinner was ready to be brought to the table. “And yet, this is still far more effort than dinner usually requires back on Erf.” Tanya mused. Unless she felt like something specific, and her popped rations didn’t satisfy.
Mother applauded the speed. “So convenient! I wonder how it tastes…”
They came and served the food, to the surprise of the men, as they had been only a minute or two away. “I humbly receive this meal.” Tanya said along with the others, a traditional declaration.
During the meal, Father watched her intently, as she deftly handled the food just as easily as she ever had. However, she also knew that she had incorporated many of the mannerisms taught to her by the Royal special into her ordinary actions, so if he was trying to find a hint of her old body language… it would not be seen here.
After the meal was concluded, and Mother took things back into the kitchen to wash, Father spoke: “So what are your intentions here?” He asked.
Tanya frowned, hurt. “I know I wasn’t exactly an ideal son when it came to communicating with you all, but it’s been eight years. I wanted to see you all, safe and healthy.” It was somewhat painful to admit that the cold, logical part of her brain noted that this was likely not going to accomplish the task of convincing him that she was who she said she was, but it was the truth. “I don’t want anything at all from you. In fact, here.” She withdrew one of her spare gems and used moneymancy to turn it into a bar of pure gold. “Here. I’ve already had it tested, it should be pure gold, five hundred grams, three million yen. Take it.” Unless the 50% purity on a 50% saturated gold bar was coincidence. She slipped the other half-kilogram bar back into her dress, as the gem was one hundred thousand shmuckers. “It’s only proper for me to help you financially in your old age.”
Father’s emotions roiled at the gold bar. Greed contested anger while stomping down guilt, Tanya glared at him, waiting for his response. “I… am sorry.” He eventually said, bowing in apology. “Take your money.” He said, pushing it back. “I still work, and make plenty of money.”
“I insist.” Tanya said, pushing the gold bar forward once more. “As a dutiful son…” She glazed downward. “You know what I mean.”
Mother hummed in amusement. “You know… if you had an indiscretion in your first few working years… you’d be at about the right age now to be our granddaughter.”
Grandfather stroked his beard. “Yes, that math does check out.”
Tanya quickly did the math. Okay, by the date she would be 41 now, her apparent age was her level plus seven, so 17… Yes, that does work out. With her distraction, Father picked up the gold ingot and tossed it into her cleavage, nailing the toss precisely and slipping the item back into her Inventory. Tanya raised an eyebrow. “You know it’s a magic dress, right?” She put her hand underneath her skirt and produced both of the gold ingots. “As long as my hand is inside the dress I can take whatever out of it.” She just wished that the pockets didn’t vanish when she had the Barrier activated. Wait, she didn’t have the barrier up right now. She could have been using the pockets.
As Tanya cursed her ingrained habit, Mother had moved on. “So, let’s say you recently lost your mother, and decided to track down your mysterious father, only to find that he died. After some effort, you find us, and we have our tearful reunion, and everything works out!”
“Except for the total lack of legal papers.” Tanya said dryly. Wait… she looked at Father, who was looking back at her with a baffled expression on his face. Did they just say that at the same time? She turned back to Mother and continued. “Plus, look at my/her clothes and hair.” Tanya looked back at her father, annoyed. Then she remembered the situation, and relaxed, gesturing for him to continue.
“Kiyone, people without legal papers don’t dress like that.” Father explained, “Not without substantial crimes being committed by important people.”
“I’m also pretty sure I wouldn’t pass a DNA test.” Tanya added, “While I can’t say for sure this body even has blood parents,” Just being made ex nihilo by Being X was not out of the question, “-if it did, my genetics would register to be Slavic. Northeastern European.” Well, assuming that such an analysis couldn’t pinpoint her origins as extradimensional by having markers that are completely alien to this dimension.
Mother huffed. “Well, do either of you have a good idea?” She asked.
“Hm. No, it’s quite impossible for a foreigner to get Japanese identity papers without some kind of foreign identity papers to use as a basis.” Father said mostly to himself, frowning.
…Boop. That’s right, Japan’s xenophobia means that they have no incentive to make their immigration paperwork convenient. “I suppose if I went to a foreign country that was easier to work with, got papers, and came back, that could work.” Tanya proposed, humming. “Or, I suppose, I could just continue to not legally exist.”
“How could you say that?” Father asked, aghast.
“I have a source of income that doesn’t require employment.” Tanya said, gesturing to the ingots. “I already have my education, so as long as I can stay here or with my friend, that covers most needs for identification.”
“How many of those do you have?” Mother asked.
“Sustainably, I could make one a week.” Tanya said. Each five hundred gram ingot held 50,000 shmuckers, and she could generate ten thousand per turn with juice to spare, just by growing potatoes and cashing them in. It was why she wasn’t concerned about being unable to pay her upkeep. “If I liquidated? Hundreds.” It might even break a thousand, but she wasn’t willing to go anywhere near that figure. “Gold is magically expensive to make, but it is something I can do. Honestly, there’s probably greater efficiency in making something else, but gold was something I knew would be valuable, so I focused on it.” There was also the factor that she was a bit gun shy, pun intended, on introducing some modern material that dirtamancers could conjure instead.
There was a silence as the three other people stared at the hold ingots. They were probably thinking they were imagining those two bars becoming a stack of hundreds, but Tanya actually used some subtle foolamancy to show it to them, in an ephemeral way. As a joke. “...You can stay until the day we die and beyond.” Father said firmly. “We’ll figure out the legalities later.”
“All doubt in my mind has vanished.” Grandpa said, nodding seriously.
“Welcome home!” Mother said, tears in her eyes.
Tanya laughed.
