Libra11
patreon
Late November Patreon PSA/Updates
🕑 Added 2017-11-29 16:42:03 +0000 UTCI guess that I should start by explaining the sudden slow down in updates. To my everlasting shame, I must open up about personal issues about me in order to explain. Many of you probably already know that I'm depressed, I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and possible ADHD. (still waiting to be verified about it.)
I go through spills of depression, in the past such spills lasted for weeks. Now, they just last a few days, max. However, this month they have been just effecting my mood and outlook. My depression has started to effect my work, productivity and creativity. I hate using this word, but my depression gets “trigger” by looking at my gallery on FA, twitter, and elsewhere.
It might sound silly, but when I see an image that I worked so... hard on and only get X amount of favorites and no comments, it kinda makes me feel like there's something wrong with the image. I also hate it when people say: “Oh, you're sad that you only had 99 favorites on your image and you couldn't get a 100 favorites?” The honest truth is that YES, it upsets me very much. What MOST people fail to understand is that I was raised in a household in which I was mentally abused for all of my childhood, teenage years and up to the day I moved out.
When your parents always tell you that you're not good enough, you're lazy, you're dumb, and do not deserve anything good... Yeah, that's why it bothers me a lot. They thought in their little fucked up way they were trying to help. However, when being given a birthday/Christmas gift and then suddenly told why you don't deserve it and why you shouldn't be happy about it, kinda has an effect on you. This conditioning/brainwashing by my parents has left me with feeling thinking that all I could feel and ever deserve was misery.
Such condition also makes you self destructive, specially when I have something that does make me happy. For example a couple of weeks ago, I almost canceled and deleted the Suiting aliens image pack because (I felt) Lurdanjo talked to me about how much of a bad idea it was. So, I thought, “You know what? Its just not fucking worth it. I don't want to deal with this. I'm done with this.” So, I took all the images out of dropbox and stored them on my hard-drive. I wanted to delete them out of sadness/anger, however I forced myself to not do that.
In reality, Lurdanjo was just upset at something else, he didn't understand what I said. His mood, combined with my frustration and then his reply to my plan... It just utterly destroyed me. (Please, do not be upset at Lurdanjo, he's not the bad guy and we already fixed this.) Stuff like this makes me want to just take down my FA gallery, Patreon, twitter and everything else, because I'm made to believe that I suck as an artist by my brainwashing. So, I seek and need affirmation and approval since I didn't get it from my parents. I know and understand that having your self esteem based on the approval of others is a bad idea. I'm currently trying to fix it in therapy.
With all of that said and explained, I'm very tired of this, I'm tired of my depression dictating my mood, wants and needs. Believe or not, I hate being and playing the victim. I don't want victim points. What I really want is to get over this, be happy and get on with my life. That's what I'm trying to do and have been doing for a while now. All I ask of you guys is your patience and support. I will not let this happen again. I will continue to update as soon as possible.
I want to apologize to you all for my inactivity and lack of effort. Its not right for you to suffer because of my personal issues. I want to gain your confidence in me and my ability to consistently deliver on my promises.
Now for the actual updates.
1: Under the Fur, episode one 1 has been recorded and its on the editing stage. It could be released either the first of second week of December.
2: I'm finishing up Pokemon Confessions, my goal is to finish the series this month (December). I'm not entirely sure if I can, but I will try my hardest to continue working.
3: I'm working on Bonding Outlaws, I want to consistently deliver new pages for it and I hope to start posting concept art as well as other promotional/supplementary material for it. I really want you guys to like the characters and get to know them better. I don't want to suffer from the eight word death for stories (I don't care for any of these characters.) I'm also thinking of changing the name of the comic too. I was thinking Bonding: Frontiers or something like that.
4: I want to reassure everyone that: Invasion of the Body (suit) snatchers image pack is NOT canceled and will be released in January. I added a bit more to make it worth its price and I even added stories written by a writer friend of mine. (I would mention who the writer is, but I don't want him associated with this PSA. I will explain all about the image pack on another future update) The image pack will include stories that go along and add more lore to the aliens. As well as little easter eggs.
4: This is more of a passion project than anything else, most likely won't take place till January or later. I want to make a voice/radio play of Issac Asimov's The Last Question. I want to rewrite it a bit to make it more furry oriented, use modern concepts and make it a bit more scientifically accurate. (There have been a lot of new discoveries that we didn't know at the time that the story was written.)
Comments
Dark NZ
*hugs* ~ I might not comment on things enough, I really should more, but I'd like you to know I love everything you do so much. It really is all awesome and the demons that tell you otherwise are wrong and I am forever grateful that you fight past them to create the wonderful content you do.
Libra-11
I really appreciate your message. You're right, it is a deep hole. I'm slowly climbing out of this. I have a plan to plug that hole, I just hope that it'll work. :3
Frosty Wisp
Depression is the worse and I know this from my own experience as well. It feels like your trapped in a deep dark hole which is nearly impossible to get out by yourself, but let this be know that you do have friends that can help and hopefully soon that deep dark hole will be nothing more then a small pothole to you. ^^
