Libra11
patreon
You deserve an explanation
🕑 Added 2020-03-25 20:49:20 +0000 UTC Dear Patrons. (please forgive any spelling and grammar errors)
This update has been a long time coming. I would like to start this update with an apology. I have dropped the ball recently. It all started since mid-November of 2019. I was put on Latuda (a bipolar drug) I was plunged into a big depression spill due to the drug. It's a mood stabilizer, however, due to my rather “unique” body chemistry, most bipolar drugs lock me into depression.
Since November, my progress was stalled and I've noticed that my content has slowed down by quite a bit. I allowed my commissions debt to pile up, slowing me even further. By early January I was at the worse shape than I've had ever been. Horrible headspace, low self-esteem, lots of self-doubt, self-hatred, and hard to admit, even had suicidal thoughts at times. After somehow taking hold of my emotions. I was able to approach my issues in a scientific light.
By mid-February, I was able to pull myself out of my depression. After doing a lot of research, I found out that Latuda does cause depression in some cases. After watching TED talks and reading about depression, its causes and solutions, I was able to take action about it. Buying supplements, vitamin D, serotonin pills, bright lights, switching to Lamictal instead of Latuda. Taking a holistic approach to my depression, I was able to attenuate its hold of me.
By early March, I was able to take hold of myself and climb out of my depression. I still get the odd mood swing, being depressed for a few hours or a day. Small depressions spills like those are much easier to deal with, easier to ignore if I'm busy enough. At the same time, I was paying attention to the growing developments in China. Thanks to my connections (commissioners from Asia, friends that keep an eye on world events) I saw that the COVID-19 situation would devolve into what we have now.
Around the same time, I was in debt and low funds. The only choice that I had was to work hard, 12, 14 and even 18 hours a day pumping out commissions and as many Patreon images as I could at the time. I was able to gather enough funds to be able to prepare for the crisis. Thankfully, we were able to be ready for the self-quarantine that we're in now. I should apologize for not warning anyone around me. I could write a whole page about it. I will say this, it would have been hard to explain that “Hey, there's going to be a dangerous pandemic coming and you need to prepare for it.” I wouldn't exactly be taken seriously.
From the bottom of my heart, I'm truly sorry for the massive mismanagement of my art and my judgment during late 2019 and early 2020. It was an uphill battle that I feel that I won in the end. From where I'm at right now I won a major battle, but I haven't won the war. I will be more vigilant to my actions and limitations. Now I'm on a stable medicine and have techniques to manage my depression spills. I feel I can get through it. I will never again let it get this bad, I will apply what I learned to better manage my disorders.
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