Lou Roth
patreon
Uprooted and soon to be repotted.
🕑 Added 2024-09-14 19:09:08 +0000 UTC
Well. Here's an update on why I'm pausing for a while, even though the build is almost done.
I'm sorry if the formatting is weird, I am writing this on my phone and patreons layout is all kinds of wonky!
Hi everyone! Not the post I wanted to make (because I was getting super close to releasing the demo! The timing couldn't be worse, but also, I don't think I could physically push myself any longer without some kind of change...) but. life has lifed again and I had to make an emergency move and leave the relationship I was in. I'm with my dog, with people that care for me, but I don't have my stationary computer with me and didn't have time to backup my renpy build (let's just. Not talk about that… for a while. Me and the git repo are enemies. I have everything else, just not the specific build I had been working on for the past months. I have other ones, and all my writing. Not my art since I left my ipad, but not all is lost.) Either way; this was the final step in getting myself out of a situation that was. Um. bad. I'm trying to keep it light because I'm so god damn tired of crying, but right now I'm just trying to keep it together. 👍 Sorry for not being eloquent.
I'm finally pausing Patreon, which I've wanted to do for many months, but wasn't allowed. It sounds insane, I know, and it really was. I've spent so long justifying shit like that, and I'm waking up to it. I feel like my shoulders can finally unhook from my ears. Like I can breathe. My body is mine! My goals, my dreams, all mine again! I don't know how long it will be until I get a new apartment but I am working on it, as well as getting back into work for a while just to get my funds up as I couldn't take a lot with me. There is a lot of untangling to do after this long of a relationship, and a minefield of feelings to traverse on the road to understand what just happened. I'm normally someone who stays in unfavorable conditions rather than go for a change but I am really happy I am finally in a place to do this drastic change.
Trust me when I say that while this sounds awful, it was a long time coming, and I am so happy I was finally convinced to do it by friends that got a glimpse of how it really was. I have been blind and scared and insecure, and I can't wait to work on that. It's really embarrassing to talk about this because it feels like a flaw in my character, but just. If you've ever been in a similar situation, you know how insidious it can be. I feel like this whole ‘ouro era’ has been a catalyst of change for me. And now, just like the pathfinder, I am learning to look for hope again. For life.
I am sorry I don't have anything pretty or motivating to say, and I am so fucking sorry that once again, I have made a knot in the timeline. And I want to thank you, as always, for believing in me. You have no idea how much of an impact that has had on my well-being, and courage.
(I am not going anywhere. Ouro 1’s full build is like 65% done. I just have to get my life straight, and then I can put all the pieces together again. I am pausing Patreon month by month, and if I have any updates on how my journey is going, you will be the first to know (well. I do love to write in the tags on my personal Tumblr, but it usually ends up here too.)
Until we talk again. x
(Of course, if you have any questions or anything regarding your membership don't hesitate to contact me and I'll try to get to you as soon as possible!)
Comments
cinnerman
🤗🤗🤗💕💕💕
honeylou
So am I. It feels unreal, I've wanted to do it for so long but didn't have the guts to. Kept making excuses to stay. I am so excited and scared I just hope everything works out with an apartment and working again, I can't imagine leaving my dog alone all day so I have to sort that too and ah! There's just a lot. But fingers crossed it all comes together somewhat smoothly. 💖
cinnerman
I'm just glad you were able to get yourself out of that situation. It's a hard step to take and I'm really proud of you for doing it. 🤗 and you're welcome about the encouragement. You got this, okay? Also I want you to know that you have nothing to be ashamed of about the situation you were in before. You didn't do anything wrong. And its okay that it took you a while to get out of that situation. Abusers like to make the situations hard to leave. I'm just glad you're out of that situation and safe now.
honeylou
💖 things are already looking up for me, so I feel hopeful. Thank you so much for the encouragement and love 🥹🌸
cinnerman
Oh my god!!! I'm so sorry. God that's awful. I'm glad you're in a safe place now at least. Wishing you all the luck with your journey forward and I hope things go as smoothly as they can. Lots of love.
fooltofancy
proud of you, lou. <3
honeylou
Hearing this is alleviating so much of my anxiety around the pause & just the whole ordeal of telling you all about what is happening. It is such a touchy subject for me (and why I have been willfully ignorant about it for so long), but it really feels like a great weight has been lifted off of me and I am so SO ready to turn the page and begin a new chapter of my life. It feels almost symbolic that I get to release Ouro on my own terms, when I'm ready, instead of stressing to get it done in the midst of a situation that got worse by the day. Ough I don't even know if I make sense but !! Thank you so much for not giving up on me, even if it feels like I'm just a sniveling fool all the time. 💖
Wilvarin_nz
Oh no! I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I'm incredibly proud of you for making such a difficult, yet necessary, change! It takes so much courage to step away from a situation that's been weighing you down for so long and take this leap! And it is so good to hear that you're reclaiming your life and your dreams. Please don't worry about the timelines and demo - your well-being comes first! Take all the time you need to heal and get back on your feet. You’ve come so far, and it sounds like this is the beginning of a much brighter chapter for you. And please don’t feel embarrassed—what you’ve gone through isn’t a flaw in your character. It’s part of your journey, and you’re coming out of it even stronger. We’re all rooting for you, and whenever you’re ready to come back to your project, we’ll be here cheering you on. Take care of yourself—you’ve got this! 💖
honeylou
Indeed, they can't. Thank you sweetheart. 💖
ckl
Take care of yourself! Plants can't grow in darkness.
honeylou
I'm sobbing (in a good way). Thank you so much for saying that. I can't wait for it to happen. I feel like everything will change for the better, if Ian just get through this. And I think I can. Thank you 💖
Stephanie Beth
We love you, please take care of yourself and be well, first and foremost and always. 🩷 Speaking from experience, sometimes the healthy break that we find the most difficult to finally make is the one we needed the most. That lightness of being that's hiding behind the maelstrom of emotions? It's real and it's effing fabulous and soon enough when it makes its way to the forefront, you'll find your center again. You've got this. 🩷 I believe in you all the way.
honeylou
Thank you so much for being understanding. I feel like I'm that one that always has an excuse or a delay, which I kind of have been. But that is going to change, starting here. (Hopefully, haha. Fingers crossed that everything works out for me this time.) xx
CairnCakes
I'm proud of you for doing what you need to be safe. You take whatever time you need to do what has to be done, and you come back when you're ready. And not moment sooner 💜
