M.S. Davidson
patreon
11. I can do Crazy
🕑 Added 2025-08-04 00:12:28 +0000 UTC"You're getting careless, Felix." Diana's coin pouch hit him square in the chest before he could blink. "Found this in your mother's office."
"Shit." Felix fumbled the catch like his hands were made of butter. "Could've sworn I put it in my vest."
Diana's smile could have cut glass. "At least your little lobby disaster gave Ben time to wrangle his aura. Every catastrophe has a silver lining."
I shifted on the couch next to Cass, finally fully clothed and feeling less like a plane had run me over. "So, that aura thing—that was actual magic, right? Not just me having a very weird day?"
"Proper Runebinding." Diana's approval hit like a shot of whiskey. "All in your head. No bracer, no focus, no help. Just raw willpower and mana."
Coming from Diana, that felt like being knighted.
"Wait." I held up a hand. "You're telling me I just thought about a rune and—boom—magic happened? Like wishing really hard?"
Felix leaned forward, eyes lighting up. "Runes have flow patterns you need to follow. Like musical rhythm, but for reality manipulation. Keep the pattern running in your mind, and you channel the magic."
My brain tried to process this. Cosmic sheet music? Math that bent the universe? It hadn't felt like either—more like a symbol materializing in my thoughts, bringing a dizzying awareness of everything around me.
As far as superpowers went, magical anxiety felt like getting the short straw.
"Sometimes you catch a glimpse naturally," Felix continued, blue lightning suddenly dancing between his fingers like a tame storm. "Other times you study until your eyes bleed and use a bracer. Remember that light spell in the tavern? The space's rules shifted, so my stored patterns went stale. Not a problem when you can see the base rune fresh like you can."
"Fantastic." I gestured at his casual lightning display. He gets to be Palpatine, and I get to be Kermit.
Cass's voice cut through the air like a blade. "Not all magic has to be flashy bullshit, Ben. Felix is an Arcanist—show-off spells are literally their job description."
She stood, clenched her fists, and the world shifted.
One second she was by the couch. Next, she'd flickered to the table, snatched the wash-kit, and returned before my eyes could track the movement. She stumbled slightly on landing, but watching someone her size move like reality had skipped a frame was just as impressive as lightning.
"Gaia's tits, I love swiftness!" She grinned, catching her breath. "Still working out the kinks, but I'm getting there."
She dropped a silver box in my lap. Smooth. Heavy. About the size of a deck of cards.
"Right," I said, still processing what I'd witnessed. "All I can manage is feeling creeped out when people breathe near me. Which, by the way, Felix, holy shit you fidget a lot."
Diana shot Felix a ‘told you so’ look.
"Ben." Felix's voice carried reverence as he deliberately shoved his hands in his lap. "You spotted that panther before any of us. Danger-sense isn't standard equipment, and yours was something else. That cat lunged, and you were already moving. Even without the Lutrin's intervention, you'd have been clear."
“Plus you warned us well ahead of time, we were ready for a fight.” Cassie explained. “If you can sense monsters coming, I’d sell one of my brothers to hunt with you. Chas is Chas because of his aura.”
Diana chuckled, Stanley adding musical chirps. "Bravery is spirit-based magic. Potent stuff. You seem to have a particular talent for it."
“Hey, I'd rather shoot lightning than feel confidently anxious.” The memory of that overwhelming intensity made me shudder. “But I can see how it can be useful, I guess.”
"I read Lana's report." Diana's tone sharpened like a knife. "No, Cassandra, I will not fucking tell you how I got it." She waved Cass down with maternal authority that brooked no argument.
"Your time dilation lasted about a week. I'd guess you spent most of it essentially branding the cosmic representation of 'go fuck yourself' directly onto your soul while floating through endless abyss."
Stanley let out a sharp, disapproving chirp.
"Enough, Stanley! This is my favorite language, and I will not be denied its full use!"
Stanley pointedly moved to Cass's shoulder with obvious bird-dignity.
"You were binding Bravery in your sleep." Diana's eyes locked on mine. "I can't even Runebind unconsciously, and if you knew who I was, you'd be fucking impressed with yourself."
Felix and Cass stared at me like I'd just announced I could fly.
Before I could process their shell-shocked expressions, voices exploded from the left door.
A bald woman in the most aggressively military uniform I'd ever seen stormed in—massive shoulder-pads, enough gold trim to bankrupt a small nation, and braided everything. Behind her, a sharp-featured man in simple black robes completed the ensemble.
Professor Snape had entered the building.
"I've told you three times, Marco," the woman snarled, then switched to rapid-fire Mandarin. "Fuck your ancestors for eighteen generations!"
Was that Mandarin?
"I'm sorry, Mistress Elena," Marco replied with strained politeness. "I don't speak Eloquentia."
"Well then, I'm not sure how I can—" Elena froze mid-sentence, eyes landing on Diana. "Mother?"
Oh. Oh!
"Archon," Marco offered a small bow. "I wasn't aware you'd returned from the Central Lands."
"That's called the fucking point, Marco." Diana sipped her tea with serene smugness. "And it's Grand Mistress, darling. Archon is so pedestrian. Move your shit out of my office and get back to doing what you're actually good at."
Marco bowed deeper, his cape—his actual fucking cape—billowing dramatically as he swept out.
After Discount Snape's exit, Elena launched into a machine-gun burst of Mandarin that started with what had to be thirty consecutive curse words.
"You absolute lunatic, are you the reason I'm wearing this ridiculous outfit?"
"Am I not a dignitary?" Diana's grin was pure mischief.
"No! You didn't even tell me you were coming back!" Elena's voice cracked with more than frustration. "Why?"
"I believe you have a meeting with an Unbidden right about now."
"I don't care about the Unbidden! I haven't seen you in over a year!"
"Elena, darling, everyone here except Cassie speaks Eloquentia perfectly. What's the point of the linguistic tantrum?"
Elena whirled on me, her tasseled uniform responding with a flourish that made me bite back laughter.
"Uh, I managed a dim sum kitchen." I shrugged. "Turns out being half-Chinese helps with the whole 'understanding Chinese' thing."
"Dim sum?" Cass muttered, confusion thick as molasses. “Chinese?”
“Uh, I’m guessing that’s the second most common language in the Multiverse?” I asked, Diana’s face turning up into a smile.
Elena spun back to Diana, composure finally cracking. "This was all of your doing! You planned this whole thing, you miserable, scheming—"
Wait. Wait.
Was Diana the reason I was here? The dome, the golden runes, all of it?
Diana caught my concerned look before I could hide it.
"Okay, I might be responsible for your outfit," Diana said with studied casualness. "And maybe arranging for Ben to meet you. But that's it—Chas found him. I just delivered clothes and a wash-kit."
"Gary's been running Vanessa in circles with 'clothes and a wash-kit' for an hour!" Elena's voice was laced with frustration. "I should have known."
"If it took the girl an hour to figure out she was in a loop, she's less observant than you, darling." Diana chuckled. "Besides, someone had to keep this one from melting his soul." She gestured at me while I fumbled with the silver box as if it contained nuclear codes.
The damn thing wouldn't open. I tried twisting, rotating, pressing—
"For fuck's sake, Ben, it slides!"
Oh.
I slid the top back like an old flip phone. Inside sat a translucent pink oval that smelled like sweet almonds. The moment I touched it, static shot through my fingers like grabbing a live wire, accompanied by that familiar mana tug.
The sensation raced through me like lightning. Dirt under my fingernails evaporated into dust that floated away and vanished. Grime lifted off my skin and clothes before disappearing entirely.
Then it stopped. The pink oval had shrunk to half-size and lost its luster.
I felt like I'd stepped out of a luxury shower.
And I smelled like almonds.
"Damn, that's impressive."
"That's yours," Elena said. "Inside vest pocket. Blue coin recharges it—slot on the underside."
"Oh... uh, thank you." I tried matching her suddenly formal tone.
Elena looked surprised, her rigid bearing softening. "Actual manners? You're very welcome, Ben. I'm sorry we had to meet like this. With... spectators." She shot Diana a pointed look. "You must be starving."
We spent several minutes eating in relative quiet. The food was filling but bland—function over flavor. What struck me as weird was watching three people who were technically plants devouring cured meats.
Food was food, I guess.
"I've heard mention of blue and red coins," I said between bites. "Like currency?"
Elena raised an eyebrow. "You can simply manifest a blue coin. It provides enough charge for several uses."
"Ben says they don't have mana where he's from," Cass offered.
"Okay..." Elena leaned back, cushions crinkling. "So my mother disappears for ages, greases however many palms to bring an Unbidden up here, arranges a fake dignitary visit—which is why I'm wearing this ridiculous outfit—all in a few hours, just to meet some guy from a dead world?"
She fixed Diana with a stare that could cut diamond.
Felix sat slack-jawed. Cass seemed absorbed in demolishing a massive piece of cheese.
"Chas sent me a message," Diana said smoothly. "Ben's a Terran."
The room went dead silent.
"Oh." Elena's expression shifted like puzzle pieces clicking into place.
Cass nearly choked. Felix looked like he'd won the lottery.
"Terrans are from Earth?" Cass managed between coughs. "I thought you said you were human?"
"Human is the updated term." Diana's grin was pure smugness. "Chas recognized it—I just verified."
"So you know my home?" The question burst out before I could stop it.
"We know of your people more than your home," Elena replied, her tone shifting to something approaching reverence. "Unbidden show up periodically from all over the multiverse. We try to get them home. But Terra?" She shook her head slowly. "There have been a few of you during my tenure. We can't find it. It's like it doesn't exist—not like spirit realms or even an echo. Just... nothing."
My heart dropped like a stone.
"Most Terrans show up, take one look at how brutal life is on Ark, and try their luck elsewhere."
"So I'm stuck here, or I roll the dice?" The words slipped out, my voice tighter than I intended.
The pulsing form of the Bravery rune touched my mind briefly before I jerked away. Even that glimpse steadied my racing thoughts.
"Not completely—" Diana started.
"Your people are resilient. Adventurous." Elena cut her off, leaning forward with intensity. "The legends surrounding Terrans are extensive. Unbidden might not be rare, but Terrans? Exceptional. I'm told your people make loyal allies."
Silence stretched across the room like a held breath.
Elena took a bite of the apple. "Terrans show up from nowhere and usually run when they realize what life on Ark demands. Others get asked to leave because they... don't adapt well. But a few? A few Terrans have been legends in the archives."
"Yeah, that honestly sounds like us. Almost all terrible." At least I wasn't the only human to end up here. "Probably blew up our tower during the Dark Ages."
"You have options," Diana chimed in.
Elena sighed. "The main tower in the Central Lands likely has a way home, or at least a way to find other Terrans. But..." She trailed off, searching for diplomatic phrasing.
"It's a pretty fucking crazy plan," Diana said. "A Terran walking into the Empire's heart, asking Rune Lords to use their gateway? Not to mention the cost. They claim it's about 'karma,' but they're just greedy bastards. And that's assuming they'd even take your petition."
"Okay." That artificial confidence surged again. "I can do crazy."
"Gaia's bouncing buttocks, I hope not!" Diana cackled, then shot Stanley a suspicious look. "I'd like to make you an offer."
Elena raised an eyebrow. "Mother, I think—"
Diana held up a hand. "You could walk through a portal back downstairs and try your luck elsewhere. Could be safer, could be more dangerous, but you'd be gone for good." She leaned forward, gaze intent. "Or become my apprentice. Train at Sylvarus Academy—my academy—and join the Monster Hunters. Once you've learned to survive here and gained strength to defend yourself, we'll go to the Central Lands together."
A magic school.
Hell yes.
Felix and Cass gaped while I studied their reactions. Elena looked irritated but resigned.
"I get the feeling that's a good offer," I said, feeling confidence nudge me past politeness. "What's in it for you?"
Even Elena looked surprised, but Diana's smile turned predatory.
"I think I like you, Ben. The lack of politics and bullshit is refreshing." She gestured broadly. "Our world, as Chas would say, 'sucks'—though he exaggerates. More monsters than people, and the politics..." Both she and Elena groaned in unison. "There could be a building-sized monster burning down the city, and Archons would debate whether destroying it is cost-effective. I prefer people who act, and my grandson here clearly reports that you do."
"Nana, I just gave that report—how did you—" Felix started.
Diana silenced him with a raised eyebrow. "I've never taken an apprentice, so being my first should help our cause. But mostly?" Her grin turned wicked. "I get to lord it over the other Archons that I'm training a Terran."
"So I'm rare and fucking valuable?"
My mouth was clearly not consulting my brain.
Felix practically bounced out of his chair, beaming like Christmas morning. "Yes! There are stories about how incredible your people are—we can show you! Half the Hunters on Ark know them by heart. Stay with us, and when we're ready, we can all go find you a way home together!"
Humans were... awesome? Were we talking about the same species? The one that would probably weaponise magic and blow ourselves up?
But Felix's infectious enthusiasm dissolved the magical tension building in my chest.
"That sounds like an adventure."
The words hung in the air like a challenge to fate itself.
Diana's smile promised that adventure was exactly what I'd get—whether or not I was ready.
