M.S. Davidson
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16. Bathroom Break
🕑 Added 2025-08-04 01:37:57 +0000 UTCI groaned, sitting up in complete darkness, blinking hard to shake off the fog clouding my mind. My eyelids felt like they'd been glued shut, and my head throbbed with that familiar dull ache that came from sleeping too hard too fast. The kind of headache that made you wonder if you'd been hit by a truck.
Where was I? Oh right—that nightmare of a room in Doreen's place.
Shit. I need to pee.
Finally, a proper groggy awakening—one that didn't involve adrenaline—and my bladder was staging a rebellion. I'd only had maybe two cups of tea all day, but then again, I'd spent a week in some kind of time anomaly. How did that even work with basic human functions?
"I should've had Felix actually show me where the bathroom was," I mumbled into the darkness. "Dammit."
I squinted across the massive, overly plush bed and spotted a couple of dimly glowing lantern orbs nestled among the blankets. Reaching out, I grabbed them, immediately feeling that slight tugging sensation through my palm as the orbs flared with renewed brightness.
"Okay," I said, holding the orbs up like magical flashlights. "Let's go pee in another world."
I swung my legs over the side of the bed and took what I thought was a careful step, only to catch my foot on the edge of that ridiculous embroidered carpet. I stumbled forward, arms windmilling, catching myself on a nearby shelf. The shelf immediately tipped under my weight, sending a plate helmet tumbling down in a perfect arc. It hit the one spot on the floor not covered in rugs with a metallic clang that echoed through the room like a dinner bell.
I winced, freezing in place.
This room was a legitimate death trap for anyone trying to move in the dark. I nearly took out an entire suit of armor next, only saving myself by grabbing onto a coat rack that creaked ominously under my desperate grip.
"Great," I muttered, stumbling toward the door and somehow knocking over a chair in the process. Its wooden legs scraped against the floor with a sound like nails on a chalkboard. "Let's just wake up the entire building full of pissed-off Monster Hunters, Ben. Real smooth."
I paused in the doorway, taking in the obstacle course I'd just survived. This was going to happen every single time I needed to move around at night unless I did something about it. Maybe Doreen could help me rearrange things, or at least clear a path to the door.
The hallway stretched out in the faint light, with only a few lantern orbs providing soft pools of light. I tried to move quietly, but every creak of the floorboards seemed deafening in the building's stillness. Each footstep made me cringe, gripping the glowing orbs tighter.
Nobody stirred. The silence was actually eerie—the kind of deep quiet you only got in places without the constant hum of technology or city noise. No air conditioning, no distant traffic, no electrical buzz. Just... nothing.
After what felt like an eternity of tiptoeing, I made it through the empty common room and out into the street. The night air wrapped around me like a warm blanket, and the smooth stone felt surprisingly cool against my bare feet. I'd completely forgotten to put on a shirt, but the temperature was perfect.
The street was less dark than I'd expected. Lantern orbs about the size of grapefruits hung at regular intervals, mostly at eye level, casting everything in a soft, amber glow that reminded me of old-fashioned streetlights.
"Right, three doors down..." I set off in what I hoped was the right direction, toward where I remembered seeing the harbor earlier. About forty meters down the street, some promising symbols—what looked like universal bathroom pictographs—led me into an alleyway with a single lantern orb glowing at the far end.
"Oh good, a sketchy bathroom in a dark alley. What could possibly go wrong?"
It turned out to be... actually just a public bathroom. Plumbing and everything. Clean, simple, old-school design, but more or less exactly what I'd expected. The toilets were apparently also bidets, which I discovered the hard way when I triggered the spray mechanism while standing up.
"Well, that could have been a lot worse," I said as I stepped back into the alley, now slightly damp but significantly more comfortable.
On my way back toward the street, a weird clattering sound echoed off the stone walls. I froze, holding up the lantern orbs, and caught sight of movement in the light ahead.
Maybe a dog?
It was a crab. Holy shit, it was a massive crab.
Not monstrous exactly, but huge—like an Alaskan king crab that had been pumped full of steroids. This thing was easily the size of a large dog, and it moved with a predatory speed that crabs definitely weren't supposed to have. It scuttled forward with sharp, rapid clicks as its legs struck the stone, each step echoing through the narrow alley like castanets.
Those claws looked strong enough to snap bones like twigs.
Was that a Carapax? It had the deep red coloration and spiky shell of a King Crab, but under the lantern light, its carapace gleamed with an oily, iridescent sheen that shifted between deep purples and blacks. When it snapped those massive claws experimentally, the sound cracked through the air like gunshots, sharp and threatening.
I reached instinctively for Bravery, feeling that familiar tension coil tight in my chest as my aura flared to life. A magical warmth spread through my limbs, and I turned to run—
But instead found myself walking steadily toward the crab.
"I'm wearing nothing but linen pants and no shoes," I said aloud, as if reasoning with myself. "This is a terrible idea. Turn around, Ben. Run."
Fuck the crab. I have magic. How many crabs have I eaten in my life?
The thought hit me with surprising conviction. Yeah, I'd eaten plenty of crab. Dungeness, Blue, King—hell, I'd cracked open hundreds of them with nothing but a mallet and melted butter. And goddamn if that wasn't exactly what I needed to hear right now.
Was this the Bravery magic talking? It felt like my thought, but amplified somehow. More confident.
I stopped walking as the Carapax caught sight of me and charged up the street, its shell clattering against stone. The sound bounced off the narrow alley walls, growing louder with each rapid step.
Bravery shifted inside me, drawing tighter and more focused. The world narrowed until all that existed was the crustacean nightmare barreling toward me. Everything else—the cold stone under my feet, the warm night air, the distant sounds of the sleeping city—faded into background noise.
Snap.
I didn't have time to think. My body moved on pure instinct, diving to the side as the Carapax lunged with claws extended. Those massive pincers slammed together where my torso had been a split second before, the sound echoing off the stone walls like a rifle shot. The sudden movement threw me completely off balance, and I stumbled backward, crashing into a wooden street cart with a loud crash of splintering wood and scattering contents.
The Carapax skidded to a halt, confused by its miss. It turned toward me with predatory focus and let out a sound I'd never heard from any crab before—a high-pitched, aggressive hiss that made my skin crawl. Can crabs even do that?
Without hesitation, it leaped onto the overturned cart, positioning itself above me like some kind of armored spider. Its claws snapped menacingly in the air, and I could see the sharp points glinting in the lantern light.
I glanced frantically around the cart's scattered contents—fishing nets, some dry lumber, a coil of rope, and... perfect. A proper five-pound sledgehammer with a well-worn wooden handle that had clearly seen years of hard use.
That should be enough to handle one oversized crab with a solid hit.
I scrambled to my feet, adrenaline making my heart pound against my ribs. The Carapax ducked reactively as I moved, clearly tracking my every motion. Without thinking it through, I ran two quick steps forward, dropped low, and kicked out hard with both feet, catching the cart's edge perfectly.
The whole thing flipped over with a satisfying crash.
The Carapax, caught completely off guard, hissed in what sounded like genuine surprise as it flew backward through the air. It hit the stone street with a loud crack that made me wince, landing hard on its back with legs scrambling desperately in the air.
I quickly pocketed the lantern orbs and rounded the overturned cart, making a beeline for the hammer. The Carapax was still flailing, trying to right itself, but its heavy shell and the awkward angle made it nearly impossible. As I closed my fingers around the hammer's smooth handle, the creature finally flipped over and locked its beady black eyes directly on me.
Those eyes held intelligence that was distinctly unsettling.
"That's right," I said, hefting the hammer and feeling its satisfying weight. I couldn't help grinning as I nodded at the crab. "Now I have a hammer."
It lunged with surprising speed, but I was already moving. Bravery kept me ahead of the curve, stepping sideways as I brought the hammer down in a vicious arc. The blow landed slightly off-target, striking stone instead of shell.
The impact sent a sharp pop echoing off the alley walls, and sparks flew where the hammerhead met cobblestone. A spiderweb of cracks spread across the ground from the point of impact, testament to just how much force I'd put behind the swing.
The Carapax retaliated immediately, catching the overturned cart with one devastating claw. Wood exploded into splinters that peppered the air around us, some pieces stinging against my bare arms. The creature scuttled awkwardly, trying to pivot and face me head-on with those snapping claws.
It was already too late.
Crack.
The sledgehammer struck true this time, connecting with the center of the crab's carapace with a sound like breaking concrete. The impact drove the creature's legs out from under it, and I felt the satisfying give of shell cracking beneath the blow. Dark fluid leaked from the fracture lines.
Crack.
One more for good measure, because wounded animals were dangerous animals.
"Always double-tap," I muttered as the Carapax went completely limp, very dead. The fight had lasted maybe thirty seconds. "Guess I'm making crab cakes."
I reached down to grab one of its claws, planning to drag the thing back as proof, but paused mid-motion.
What was that smell?
Not the crab—something else entirely. There was a distinct scent hanging in the air, something sweet and cloying with an earthy undertone. I'd noticed it earlier, even in the bathroom, but dismissed it as just... city smells. Now, with Bravery still blazing through my system and my senses heightened, something felt distinctly wrong about it.
Was that poppy? The sickly sweet fragrance reminded me of flowers, but heavier. More artificial.
This wasn't just some random crab that had wandered into the city. This was a monster—a magical creature I knew absolutely nothing about. It had taken the Monster Hunters days to deal with them before, according to the stories I'd heard.
The streets snapped back into sharp focus around me as that realization hit. I looked toward Doreen's building, seeing nothing unusual, but further up the road...
"Oh, shit."
At least two dozen more Carapaxes came clacking up the street toward me in a coordinated wave, their shells gleaming under the lantern light. Behind them rolled a shimmering blue mist that seemed to move with purpose, clinging to the cobblestones like a fog with a mind of its own.
There was a fine line between bravery and stupidity, and I was definitely leaning towards doing something stupid.
I turned and ran, adrenaline flooding my system as I leaped over a street cart and sprinted straight back toward Doreen's. My bare feet slapped against the cold stone, and my voice echoed off the narrow buildings as I screamed at the top of my lungs: "Wake the fuck up! Carapax!"
I burst through Doreen's door like a man possessed, slamming it behind me hard enough to rattle the frame. The common room was still and silent, exactly as I'd left it. I started making as much noise as humanly possible—throwing plates against walls, overturning chairs, yelling until my voice cracked and went hoarse. Anything to wake someone, anyone up.
But no one stirred. Not a single footstep from upstairs, not even a grumble of complaint.
Panic started clawing at the edges of my mind as the Bravery magic ebbed away, leaving me feeling suddenly cold and exposed. Why wasn't anyone waking up? The racket I was making should have brought the entire building down on my head.
I ran toward the hallway leading to the bedrooms, frantically trying door after door. Locked. Every single door in the entire hallway was locked tight. I banged on them with both fists, screaming names I could remember—Felix, Doreen, anyone—as loudly as my raw throat would allow.
Nothing.
The silence pressed in around me like a physical weight. Was I in some kind of spirit realm? Was everyone gone? Had they ever been here at all? Was I hallucinating this entire experience?
My legs gave out, and I fell to my knees outside one door, despair setting in like cold water filling my lungs. The blue mist was probably seeping under the front door right now, and I was trapped in a building full of people who might not even exist.
A sharp voice burst through my panic like a cannonball.
"Acolyte, what the fuck are you doing?"
