rinmaru
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A very very long update - 03/10/2022
🕑 Added 2022-10-03 17:27:04 +0000 UTCHey everyone!
This will be a long post, just warning you!
⭐If you want to just see Glam Pursuit updates, just skip to the part that starts with the logo of Glam Pursuit. But if you like yourself some developer woes, proceed...
I wanted to wait until I was officially able to talk about this thing before I made a post, but we've been told we needed to keep it a secret from public a bit longer.
So, I'm just gonna go ahead and tell you what's going on without giving names. Since you are not exactly public and I can't wait anymore! I'm horrible with secrets. 😙
Here we go...
A couple of months ago, right after I released the final chapter of OB and started Glam Pursuit, I was in bit of an icky place. 🙃
I usually hate talking about this stuff because I always feel like I'm here to entertain. But since this has a very good ending, I feel a little bit more comfortable sharing. And if you are in the creative field yourself, maybe it will be of some use to you as well.
So, before we get to the point, I want to clarify something. I absolutely loved working on OB. From start to the end, it was a blast and I learned plenty about Unity and story-telling through it.
But, it wasn't my dream game in any way.
Not that I think it's a bad game or story, but it just wasn't right for me.
Like I said, I loved working on it, but there was something missing and it created a lot of unnecessary tension.
I've received a lot of good responses to the game and characters, most felt obviously amazing, but some of which made me feel weirdly bad?
It's a little difficult to explain, so bear with me.
I was feeling as if I was receiving compliments for something that I thought was mediocre at best?
And the more people liked it, the more it made me feel like a pretender. Which in turn made me have this odd resentment towards my own story.
I always feel somehow bitter every time I finish a game, but this just made me feel... off?😬
And the way I was going about Glam Pursuit in response to these feelings was as if Glam Pursuit was the game that was going to save me from that "place of pretend victory".
I missed Cardinal Cross really badly during this time, and at some point I started to see it as the best thing I'll probably ever do.
That I would eventually fail Glam Pursuit too.
That Cardinal Cross was the only game I've ever truly believed in, and I failed my entire career.
You know spirals. It just goes on and on and on...
Long story short, I came to a point of calling myself a failure on a daily basis.
I was working on Glam Pursuit, but in between breaks, I'd completely break down and have crying and screaming fits to the point of losing my voice for days.
It was, probably, one of my worst down-downs in a long time.
But apparently, it was very necessary.
Because something was off, and the more I ignored it, the more I was going to have burn-outs and melt downs like this. It was bringing me back to a place I once tried my hardest to get out of. Which was out of the question.
I talked to people, I read books, I researched, I had therapy sessions but time was the only thing that helped.
Time and going off radar for a bit to gather my thoughts.
Which is why I was mostly absent and quiet this year.
Eventually, although not as fast as I'd like, I started to realize whatever worked in the past for me, whatever brought me to where I was, wasn't going to make it to my tomorrow.
There had to be a change, and change only starts when you accept what you have is not working anymore.
Which, for me, was the way I built my entire career. It was the way I saw my work and myself as a developer. It was how I was creating things, and how I thought I should create things.
Working and working without paying attention to anything else.
Sticking to what I knew, and taking only small risks.
Listening to my gut and little else.
Doing things the way I saw was best.
And most importantly, staying as quiet as possible about my creations once I finished them.
Because integrity and honour means not selling anybody anything... In commerce...
"Let your work sell itself" is probably the worst advice somebody could give you in today's world of creation.
And that shitty advice is the roots that I've built myself upon.
I find, and this is not a joke, nothing as horrifying as telling somebody to buy my game.
I've always seen it as a shame upon my ancestors to get on social media and pitch.
It's rooted in my being, and I called this stubborn idiocy my pride.
It led to me staying small. And worst of all, it led to me staying still.
But unfortunately (and fortunately), making my dream game requires me to do more than just developing it.
It requires me to get it to the people who will want to play it.
It requires me to speak up, and show people that what I'm doing is worth their time, when time is the most precious thing a person can have today.
But, noooo. I just believed that people somehow needed to find my games after a 200-hours long quest into the depths of their psyche. Through a mysterious figure appearing in their dreams, telling them to check page 82 of interactive storytelling on itch.io.
You can see how that is not exactly the most practical way of promoting your visual novel, at a time where there is a new amazing visual novel coming out every hour or so.
Anyway, 34 years and I can proudly say that I now know how not to promote a product. By not promoting it, essentially. Who knew?
And with that divine realization, came the idea of looking through things that could help me fill in the blanks of owning and managing a game company other than just developing games like a goblin on stimulants.
See how I can grow as a company, so that I can have enough room to improve and put those improvements into actual practical use.
Thankfully, after a few weeks of me dabbling deep into the world of game influencing and failing miserably, I myseriously came across a tweet that was exactly what I needed.
An accelerator programme in the UK that chooses only 10 newly-found game development companies out of hundreds, and help them grow through mentorships, workshops, training for pitching and dealing with publishers for free. (It sounds a bit too business-y, but it's a huge deal for companies like mine and fills in the blanks of a lot of things I lack.)
Of course being my "rational" self, I applied to the programme thinking I would absolutely be declined.
And to my greatest surprise, I was not.
I was naturally more than happy, although I don't think I've realized just how important this was until I got the invitation to GI Live: London, an indie, publishing and investment event along with EGX expo through my programme.
And not only that, but Glam Pursuit was chosen as one of the ten games to watch out for through the event.
And let me tell you, in a matter of days, I found myself on the same table with some of the biggest indie game publishers, pitching Glam Pursuit and having the biggest "I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it fine" moment of my life. 🥲
To be able to meet and speak with huge huge inspirations to me, and networking with other devs and being able to see and talk about their development process was an experience that showed me what needed to change wasn't my games.
It was the way I percieved what I was doing. It was the way I could never call myself a game developer. It was the way I saw improvement as a one way road, through grinding the same shit like a lunatic.
Through the eyes of publishers and even other devs, I could see my game Glam Pursuit as my pride, not a game that helped me grow but is no longer a goal I couldn't seem to surpass. I saw a glimpse of what I was really doing, and I fell in love with it all over again.
Now, I don't know what's going to happen in terms of publishing, because I'm a glass half-empty type of person, but for a first timer, I think I did pretty pretty good.
And to think it's just the beginning!
For the next couple of months to a year, I will have the opportunity to join events like this. Get together with investors, developers, and publishers, and do the one thing I thought I would die before I tried; speak up.
I'm terrified, but I know and believe in my game. I know what I'm capable of, and I know where to go from now on.
It's a starting point, again. It's ground zero. But I see the way.
I'm sorry for the long emotional post, but this year was one of the most important years of my life. I feel like I'm reborn after a long period of complete darkness.
If you are going through something similar in your life, I wish you all the best!
It's weird how the way we are raised and the way we learn values from our background can sometimes be the core of our misery.
How fear of rejection and a fear of the unknown can easily be disguised as integrity and honour.
Being human is a messy experience.
I'd love for the realizations to hit without the pain, but it is what it is.
Do better than me, and speak up about your creations.
Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome. Not leaps of faith.
I also understand now why I started making Glam Pursuit and why this story was wanting to be written.
Coincidence, fate, or just intuition. I'm glad I will be able to tell this story in a better way now, through experience.
Anyways, for the actual news of Glam Pursuit!⭐
I was initially going to get the Steam page ready this month, but I've decided to hold it until I release the fully voiced demo on December.
I finished almost every single heavy programming parts, so I'm happily proceeding with the story.
We are done with the first movie shooting of Quinn, and finishing their part-time job branches.
Which is an incredibly important part of the game, as you will grow a lot of your "emotional range" from interacting with people from different backgrounds.
It is entirely possible to work on 3 different part-time jobs at the same time, but get ready to have schedule clashes with your part-time jobs, which may eventually lead you to get fired.
Also some jobs are better for money and interaction, while others are better for your romantic/platonic relationship life.
As for the artwork, our commercial CGs are almost over, and we starting movie CGs very soon!
Our sprite artwork is moving forward perfectly as well.
I'm also going to start casting for the voice acting sometime next month or this month.
I'm required to participate in a demo event for my programme this December, so you will have the first demo before that time.
And by demo, I don't mean a short few minutes of game footage. It's pretty lengthy and you will be able to see why I'm going crazy over this game very soon.
If by chance we find ourselves a publisher, I'll let you know as it may change the timing a little bit!
I will keep you updated on all of the progress, but I may be a little bit slow due to all of the mentorship, development, and meetings.
For almost daily (or at the very least regular) smaller updates, don't forget to follow our twitter.
Mini's manga is also on the way!
I'm going back to work now, and hoping to add as many scenes as possible until the demo day.
Again, I'm sorry for the long emotional post. I find it incredibly unsettling to talk about things other than development, but sometimes it's necessary and maybe even helpful.💖
Hope to see you soon and love you!😙
-R
Comments
Rinmaru
That's the dream for sure! 🤩 I'm both working on the development and the marketing now! Everything is so new, but also so so exciting!
Rinmaru
🥲🙏 Thank you so much for sticking around! I really really hope Glam will be well worth the wait!!!
Sayris Isa
I'm so sad to hear that you've been having such a rough time. You're literally my favourite game dev, but I can definitely relate to the feelings of imposter syndrome. But I am so unbelievably happy that you're going to start charging for your games and marketing them. You put so much effort into them and they're so good that you deserve to paid for them. And especially the marketing! I'm so excited at the possibility that I might actually meet someone that I can gush about how much I love your games with XD. I'm glad you're in a better place now.
Melissa Immerman
its great news! been here a long time and im glad you've been able ot get through the hard parts and learn!
