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Kernstalion - chapter 80: An end for one

🕑 Added 2022-06-18 20:04:43 +0000 UTC

Comments

Carrarn

Thanks for pointing out the things about Casiron and 'way'. Went back and fixed both. About Libidi, I'd not noticed that I was overusing/overstating that. You're the first to point it out, but in hindsight I agree. I'll remove it here and I've added to my editing notes to go through that and diversify how I describe that.

Deinos

Two things. You're writing Casiron instead of Lark and second you use "cold", by the way once gold instead of cold, way Way too much. It rankled me a bit already before but yeah. Maybe either don’t mention it at all because we get, she's detached booyah, or use other adjectives like frigid, stony, lifeless etc. Another way would also be to just describe minute differences like her eyes betrayed a hint of emotion or some such. But most of all describe her state of face less, a lot less, it got old 3 chapters in after her introduction.


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