candysims4
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IMPORTANT POST
🕑 Added 2021-07-19 23:16:10 +0000 UTCI'm sorry for didn't have posted it already here, as the post bellow will explain my brain is working slowly and I'm forgetting some things I need to do easier.
This post was only on Tumblr (since 15th July) and I totally forgot some of you guys only follows me here.
Well, some days ago I have posted (And also pinned on my Tumblr) a post talking about I had a panic attack (that wasn't the only one).
Now that I am stable, medicated, and feeling a bit stronger mentally; I’m here to explain everything and also want to talk with you guys about something that was happening in Tumblr that also is making it hard to do cc and also interact with you guys.
ADVICE: May this text be a bit confusing; I’m taking a medication called “Clonazepam” (IDK if the name is equal in English), and because I'm at the beginning of the treatment my mind still adapting.
If I have difficulties to explain I’ll ask someone how talks English and Portuguese to talk with me and them “translate” what I meant to say.
I think who takes this kind of medication understands what I mean, looks like my brain is in low battery hahaha
First of all, I’m feeling very sorry for all the lack of cc, free release, etc.
I’m working on finish a hair already and hopefully today I’ll be able to free release everything that hasn't been released already or at least start to.
ABOUT SIMBLR:
I love to do custom content and also to have this Simblr.
Here is a safe place for me.
Principally because here I can be myself, well, it was my safe place until 2 and half years ago.
Every time I post a new item, I feel so afraid of someone comes and starts to send me anon messages talking about how my cc is trash or myself or even my family; that started to make it hard to enjoy my cc or feel comfortable to say what I want to say.
In these past years, one or more people were sending soo many hate messages that hurt me a lot. There was a month that daily I received hate feedback forms + anon asks, in a point I removed the anon option of Tumblr and I'm almost removing the feedback form in the site.
I tried to ignore it, but my depression won’t let me simply ignore it. Principally because I don’t do this cc only for me, I do it for all of you, and your opinion matters a lot for me.
I pass from a person who loves to share my life to a person afraid of saying something and being misunderstood.
Why I’m talking about it? Because I want to ask you hater, who do it, for stop.The psychologist said to me simple block any anon option for avoid it make me feel even worse, but I wanted to first talk with you guys.
I also need to tell something important to me that I tried to talk about for months and always feel afraid of the reaction of everyone here.
I finally found out last year my gender; for years (for being exact; 21 years) I thought I was cis-gender with some "masculine traits"; but no, I do feel like a man sometimes and sometimes don't, and sometimes both.
In part, I know that I have just denied to me the possibility of not feeling a woman (that's how I was born) because of my family being VERY homophobic... They made me believe I need to look like a woman (with dresses, high heels, makeup, long hair, and all the feminine stereotypes they agree in their minds) and principally heterosexual...
And this is only one of the reasons I don’t speak with a single one of them anymore. Because for me, if someone really loves me, they have to accept me for who I am.
So, I’ll take this opportunity, for the first-time public say I’M GENDER FLUID and PANSEXUAL.
I already have added my pronouns in Tumblr's bio but I don't know if someone noticed it.
Talking about my pronoun; today I’m feeling both male and female, but don't worry I don’t feel offended if you guys call me: he/him, she/her, or they/them. I totally understand that's hard to see online how I'm feeling at the moment.
Now that I understand better myself, I don't feel incomplete or confuse anymore.
I still taking the courage for saying it publicly in my real life, principally because of how the city I live in is very homophobic, at a point people have to hide as cis-gender and not showing affection to their partners in public to find a job and etc.
ABOUT THE PANIC ATTACK AND MY REAL-LIFE SITUATION:
My real life at the moment is a huge mountain of mess high now, I was having problems with a neighbor for months and months (from the beginning of the insupportable noise until the day I got out there were 9 months) until it reaches a point where the hate was mutual.
I tried to be patient a lot, I’m the most patient person in this world haha (I’m feeling like it, really).
But before listening to a lot of things that offended me and my family, too much noise (something like 120dB from 7am to 8/9 pm), etc.
I and my family got sick, incredible or not stress can kill; I started to feel extreme pain in all my muscles, headaches, nausea, chills, and fever... But on 3rd July (the day I have a very bad discussion with her and her family, resulting in her deciding that she needs to do even more noise) appear even more symptoms purple bruises all over the body (which appear on their own), fever, and sometimes anxiety and panic attacks.
Me and Bruno (father of my son) weren’t even eating or sleeping well... We lose a lot of weight and, I look like a zombie until now.
My son is fine; we always tried to convince him to eat well, and now that he is sleeping better, he is fine, just a bit agitated with the new place.
Now, why the anxiety and panic attack?!
Well, we felt afraid, scared, threatened; there was only a thin wood door between them and us, and they started to act aggressive and watch out our movements and listen to every single thing we talk at home, if I cried, they scream to me shut up (or worse) so started to felt worse as the days go by because of similarities with some traumas I have from my past (that also hurts a lot to talk about).
And because the neighbor in question simply wanted us to go out of the apartment immediately (she is a tenant but acts like she owns the building) or she won’t stop the noise, we got to the police, and they only said to me for wait they inquire her.
But as Brasil is, I doubt the process will go ahead. And if goes, will take months and months.
Not only the noise gets us sick but her offenses made me feel horrible; her words were: “you are animals, you should live in the forest, although not even in the forest because you are worse than animals”.
She screamed it for everyone to hear, and the rest of the neighbor simple fake they aren't listening nothing.
And she wasn’t the only one in that neighborhood who treat us this bad... Because of the stress, I am losing my hair... There are already visible bald spots... The children and adults were making jokes, laughing, etc.
At a point, I started to hide my shaved head, after this bullying I was feeling ok with it. But hearing so many offenses started to make me feel ugly, horrible and every time I look myself in the mirror I cry.
And it is only the point of the iceberg, in 4 years living in this same place we never have been at least respected or even greeted, just because we look “too gay”, “too weird” and even because we do not always dress up “as should be”. Or how I prefer to say, not being like them.
All this whole phycological torture ended up in me having to go to a hospital emergency on Friday and Saturday (9th and 10th) because of anxiety crises and panic attacks; I have the longest anxiety crises I ever had in my whole life, hours and hours in total panic and fear.
I am starting part of the medication already, the doctor recommended a sedative for avoiding my body gets more stressed (the Clonazepam I mention before), but my body still suffering the “older” stress + the stress of moving house, and still needing to go to another specialist to see what medication more I need to take or not.
Now that my family is safe, eating well, resting, I am a lot better; today I am in bed again, with pain, nausea, and muscle spasms. But nothing compared to the last few days.
I still having anxiety crises (I am not even being able to figure out what is triggering it) and my depression is making me feel terrible, but I’m trying to deal with it slowly; taking my time for rest and get better.
Right now, we are in another house, slowly moving. My life still a mess, but nothing like a week ago.
My internet was installed only today, so, I'm still looking for what I need to do for free release everything I need to free release. But I'll try to at least release some tomorrow when I woke up, I have done so much things today and my son finally slept.
I'm very sorry for it, you guys know I always follow the 3 weeks early access, following EA's guidelines, but this time unfortunately some of the items were more time in early access.
I'm working on posting as soon as possible, I have already a hair nearly done and my intention is to give it as a gift for all of you, with a special meaning for me, and I hope everyone likes it.
About the hair color swatches, I don't know when I will be able to come back, so I ask for you guys is patience.
Any news or update I'll reblog this post, and also it will be pinned for advice everyone.
Thank you all for the kind and supportive messages, all your support and love. Means a lot for me, really!
I promise I'll try my best to rush a bit and delivery some early access soon as possible.
Comments
Sorry for the delay to reply, I'm still in the process of moving house and only today I'm finishing unpacking my stuff. Now that I'm in another house I'm a lot better. It's looking like the nightmare is finally end, and I woke up. I'm dealing with the anxiety disorder and depression in my head trying to make me lay down and cry, but I'm trying my best for keeping my head up and don't give up. As the anon option is disabled, I doubt they will come back if there's no way to hide who they are. And I noticed that they only will come if they can hide. And if they come they will be blocked and ignored, and if I feel bad I'll read all the kind messages I received to remember that they are just a few and I don't need to listen to them. I'm very glad that you liked my cc; thank you so much for your support and your comment. XOXO
First of all sorry for the delay to reply, my last two days were so full that I barely touch my cellphone or notebook. My stuff is finally in the new house and I was organizing the mess that's my new house. I also take some time to play a bit with my son, he was missing play with me, and also he calms me down a lot. I'm very sorry to hear you pass thru all of it, I hope you are better now or at least on the path for it dear. I agree with you, and I'll follow your tip. I already have cut off the anon option on Tumblr, and I'm still thinking about what to do with the site's feedback form. I have discovered that one of my triggers for anxiety crisis is any kind of scream (that appears to be angry), angry people, etc. Even if not with me. Maybe it's a trauma because of what happened. I also agree with you about the medication, it can't do all, and aren't... I started again to have some anxiety crisis here and there (because of noise or even without apparent reason), but now they're very very small and I'm managing to control myself with meditation, a podcast that a dear friend sent me, and music. I'm also looking to coming back to do older hobbies that I used to love to do and always made me feel very calm. Such as paint (probably I'll paint in clothes because I love customized clothes and oil paint and canvas where I live are very expensive), sew clothes (I don't have a sewing machine, so I'm very sorry for my own hands in advance) and take nature photography (like the sky, plants or animals). But it will depend on having free time and the money to invest in it. It's planned for the distant future, and as usual, I'll take the cheaper option, as doctors and medication in Brazil are very expensive I need to have priorities. We have the SUS (public health) in Brazil, I'm already trying to make an appointment with a psychologist and psychiatrist from SUS, but they just told me to wait that they would call me to make an appointment, I'm on the urgency list, which makes it "faster" to happen. But to be honest, I doubt that I will be called, since 2018 I have been on the waiting list for surgery to remove two wisdom teeth that were in urgent need of removal, and until today I have never been called. The doctor who prescribed me Clonazepam gave the prescription for at least 2 months of treatment, so I will wait and see if I will be able to pay for a particular appointment plus medications, or the SUS will call me. My body is finally healing, some of the symptoms of high stress are disappearing. Thank you so much for your advice and your support dear, means a lot to me!
Cher151
Love & Prayers for you. I have heard the situation you are in is very difficult. You definitely do awesome work on your CC & hairs, so don't let those idiot hater people get you down. They are just jealous. All the best to you.
IdenticalOskar
Hey, I didn't read all of it, but I understand anxiety (and I took clonezepam years ago). I've dealt with severe anxiety disorder and chronic PSTD since I was a kid, and I have this advice for you: cut out any "noise" that gives you anxiety. You have daily stressors and worries, and those will be more overwhelming with an anxiety problem. Cut out all the extra. For example, if getting messages from anons on Tumblr freaks you out, ignore the messages (I don't know if you can disable the DMs or not on Tumblr, but if you can do that). Establish a place where people can contact you (like through here) and leave it at that. Control what you can control. Deal with the rest the best way you can. If you need to draw back from something that freaks you out now, do it. Don't feel guilty. This is self-care and I know it's hard, but you have to do whatever it takes to calm yourself. Once you're feeling up to it, you can take on a bit more. As for the drug, my anxiety is so chemical that I respond quickly to medication. I rarely had issues going on but going off was a nightmare for some of them. I take a combo now and it works for me. When things get to be overwhelming I use learned coping mechanisms (like breathing, meditation, etc.) Drugs won't do it all. Once you start feeling better start to learn things you can do to terminate a panic attack. It may also help to talk to someone (make sure you click with the person if you go that route). Don't let anyone belittle you for taking meds or feeling the way you do. It's valid to feel the way you feel. Good luck and I wish you well with your recovery.
Oh dear, I'm glad you likes my cc. 🥰 I also hope I grow more and more, and now I feel that I'm safe to share how I am, and it makes me a bit more comfortable in my own skin, because I know that I have the lucky of being surrounded by amazing people here in Patreon and in Tumblr, such as you. 🥰 Thank you so much for your support/comment. 💖
I'm happy to know you appreciate my cc and even myself. 🥰 Thank you for taking some time for read it, I was really in need to take it all of my chest. I didn't know yet from where came this courage, but I'm happy I had it. 😌 At the moment they simply disappear, but if they come they will have to show their names (I removed the anon option), and them will be blocked. 🙅🏻 Also thank you for your support/comment, and it's a pleasure for me to share my cc with everyone, makes me very happy. 💖 XOXO 💖
You're already making me feel a lot better with your comment dear, really thanks! 💖 The stress is slowly getting better and my body is healing, I'm starting to get very positive and with less pain. By now none hate anons appear, so I think at least by now they will stop. But you're right, I'll block the anon communications. 😌 And I promise that I'll try my best for remember that their "opinions" aren't worth to hear or care about. I'm very glad you likes my cc and even me, my depressive brain doesn't let me understand that people likes me, so I'm basically reading your comment and all the other when I'm in crisis for convince me that the self hate thoughts are wrong. And I don't even know how to react to a such amazing compliment, but one thing I know is I'm grateful for have an kind person such as you in my life. 💖 Thank you again, XOXO 💖
Hi honey! I'm very happy to know that you enjoys my cc. 💖 I'm very grateful for your support and your comment, really, means a lot for me knowing that I'm not alone. Unfortunately not the whole world/internet doesn't think like you, but for me knowing that I'm lucky enough for find an kind person makes me feel more positive and not so afraid. I promise that I'll try to put my well-being in consideration more often. ☺️ Thank you for care this much about me, I'm literally crying and smiling reading your comment. I'm sorry for knowing that you have PTSD, anxiety and depression. I hope you're well and have support in your life too, if you need someone to talk I'm here. It really looks like a very long road but I'm determined to go ahead and even if I do a step a day I'll try pass thru it. My principal motivation is my son, he gave me strength, every time I cry he hug me and says "tudo bem" ("it's ok" in English); he only have 3 years, but he's a amazing baby (for me he still a baby). XOXO 💖
Sarah D'Angelo
You create amazing cc, and Im so proud of you for figuring out who you are and owning it. I hope you continue to grow more confident and self assured in your own skin.
Thank you sweetheart, I also wish you all the best in your journey. 💖 Finding the right medication and counselor is really hard, but hopefully, both of us will find one soon. 🤞
Thank you so much honey! You already brighten my day with your comment. 💖 XOXO
Thank you dear! 💖💖
Natalie Smith
I absolutely adore you and your CC. Thank you very much for sharing your story with us, it takes a lot of courage to do that. To the anon haters fuck them! They are not with the air we all breathe do not listen to them your content is wonderfully amazing just like you. Keep on shining and thank you for all of the CC you make for us!
Kristie P.
You are one of the kindest and most genuine people in simblr. I wish I could give you the biggest hug and help you to feel better!! Stress will definitely destroy both your physical and mental health! I am so glad you were able to move to a better location. Please please please block all anon communications!! If people want to sent you hate they'll have to do it with their named account and then you can block them. You don't deserve it, being treated so cruelly! People who sent nasty messages and bully you don't deserve to be heard, their opinions don't matter and they are definitely not worth your time or worry! I love your content, but I want you to know that I would support you on patreon even if I didn't love your content because I love the person you are!! Please take care of yourself and let us know if you need anything!!!
Kristie P.
My dear sweet
Thomasin
i'm pansexual too! :)
Juliet Plays Sims
Hello dear! I have been a follower for a long time now and I absolutely adore your CC! It's all so beautiful and my Sims world would not be the lovely, amazing world it is without your CC in it! I just became a patron because I want to support you with my whole entire heart! While there is a screen that separates us I tend to imagine all of our hearts are connected--and I am so sorry you have faced hateful and mean spirited people both online and in person. No one deserves to be treated in this way and I am so thankful you have taken a huge step to protect yourself and your well-being both in your home life and yes, here online too! Please take gentle care of yourself and give yourself the time and space to heal, to grow, and to become who you truly are regardless of who that is and whether it changes each day, or even every hour! You're beautiful just the way you are, and I hope there's someone there in your life who will tell you that every time you need to hear it. I have PTSD with panic attacks along with an anxiety disorder and depression. It is a long road, and there are no easy fixes for anyone who struggles with these issues which are made even more complex when image disorders and gender/sexual identity is added into the situation (which is clearly made even more difficult by your location!), but I am so relieved you are getting the help you need. Be patient with yourself, and remember, taking care of YOU is the most important thing you can do--after all, you can't take care of everyone else, including your son, if you don't take care of you first. I am here and will continue to keep you in my heart, thoughts, and prayers! Keep your chin up sweetheart, no matter what, you have people who care deeply about you, even if it took today to say it in person! Squishes!!! <3
UnicoleS
Wishing you all the best with your journey of self healing, I know I'm still in the middle of finding the right counselor and medication balance. Take all the time you need for CC. We will be here!!! Always here if you need a friend. 💜💙💚
LovingSimmer
Wow. I wish I could wrap you up and hug you. I am just a stranger to you but if you ever need to talk or need support I always bring only positive light. I am proud of you for revealing your true self and having the courage to do so. You are now a role model. Big hugs my friend!!
Lauren
Wishing you all the best!! ❤️☀️
