lewdlab
patreon
I'm not dead
🕑 Added 2021-08-30 21:32:26 +0000 UTCHey everyone
Where do I even begin...
As you have noticed, there's been a lack of posts lately and that understandably birthed some confusion.
So in fact, as the title says, I'm not dead. If you are a member on the Lewdlab Discord Server you already know that. It's a good idea to hop in, you can see I'm online there and I usually answer questions there, if it's a legit question of course. Here's the invite link.
You probably want to know what's been going on lately and why the radio silence here.
It's a complex issue and I'll try to do my best to break it down.
First of all, I have to admit that I bit off more than I could chew with DoD:DE
I thought I'd get this done in no time and move on with MP. I was wrong.
Just to put in in perspective: Midnight Paradise so far has 178 animations, and a big chunk of that came this year with the 0.14 release. For Dreams of Desire: Definitive Edition I have made over 450 animations already, and more on the way, it's going to be above 500.
That's actually a gargantuan task in itself, but there's a ton more work going into it. It really shows the game wasn't made with a steam release in mind. Making sure there isn't anything in the game that can cause problems down the line with steam and changing those is another thing and of course creating the new content are all very big tasks. And the perfectionist in me doesn't let me half-ass it.
Now the scope of the work alone wouldn't be that big of an issue. And this isn't why I have been quiet lately. In my "prime days", 4 years ago I could have chewed through this maybe not super fast, but fast enough for it not to cause problems.
But we're not in 2017 anymore and here comes the second part of the problem.
The problem - which is a culmination of the past 4 years - is burnout. A lot of artists and content creators suffer from this and I didn't realize that's what has been going on with me at first.
Spending most of last year in quarantine only made it worse and add on top of all that all my health issues this year. I don't like to talk about that because I don't want to seem like a whiny little bitch. But it's been really taxing mentally and physically, especially the damn covid, and that's only one item on the list. I've seen people say I'm lying about my health or that who cares if I'm sick, they go to work when they are sick too. So I rarely share anything about what's actually happening to me, but let me tell you, it's been a rough year so far.
Now a bit about the psychological part of things:
Ever since my whole journey as an adult games dev started, I've had a constant level of stress. There's always the next deadline, there's always the competition to beat, there's always something going wrong. It is a high stress job, at least for me.
But the worst is the feeling that if I ever stop to take a break, I'll lose it all. The fans, the momentum, my creativity - my job. Like a voice in my head was constantly shaming me every time I was trying to do something that's not work. In the end I always felt guilty when I was away from the computer, but feeling drained and trapped when I wasn't.
And in the end, look where that lead me.
I stopped releasing anyway because this whole thing paralyzed me. This caused me to not post, partly because I was depressed, and partly because I couldn't offer you guys something new and flashy in a post, and I didn't want to post about not getting work done fast enough.
Now this doesn't mean I didn't work these past months. It's just that some days I did good progress, but on other days I considered my progress garbage. I set internal release dates though for the past few months that I always had to push back. The intent was there, but I wasn't in a good enough state to fulfill it.
What am I doing to restore everything to 100% ?
First of all, I took a week off. I packed up my stuff and left the country. I've been to museums, seen some churches, and just generally been outside a lot. That did wonders to me. I came back refreshed and refueled.
Second, I'm not taking any chances and I'm going back to therapy. I've told myself I'll go this past year, but I didn't make myself commit. Now I did, I'm starting tomorrow. It has helped in the past and I'm sure it will help again.
Third, I'm adapting a work schedule that's more fitting to the goal of reducing constant stress. The goal here is that you wouldn't notice this change if I wasn't telling you about it, meaning in the future I'd release new content consistently, but it'd be less stressful to me. This is something like not working on Sundays and distributing the workload smarter.
I'm also making other changes to my lifestyle to make sure this won't happen again.
I'm feeling a lot better now... You know what - I actually feel pretty good now. I'm having the itch again, to make new content. Ideas are coming to me again. It feels good to be back.
That being said, I owe you guys an apology. I've been keeping you in the dark, although not intentionally, and I'm sorry.
But to end this post on a positive note:
The release date of Dreams of Desire: Definitive Edition is the 20th of October.
I know that date isn't close, but at least I can assure you: whatever happens, DoD:DE is getting released on that date and it will be followed closely with an MP release.
And as always, thank you for your great support!
-Dr Sin
Comments
Pax
Thanks for the update! Please take care of yourself and find some 'Me' time - it's better for you and that, ultimately, makes it better for us. I have to believe a better rested and more creative you is good all around!
ThighsFan
Take all the time you need. We’ll be here and October really isn’t that far ❤️
Markus
Thanks for the Update Doc. Take the time you Need and Stay Safe Best wishes
Xxfcxx
Thanks for the update, Doc! Last couple years have been a journey for us all and we're all learning how to reprioritize and balance life. Don't feel stressed about it! We're always excited for new content but no one wants you to be put out. It looks like we all support the direction you're heading in. Take your time and enjoy it!
MrKnobb
Remember the game is yours, you only sharing it with the masses. Make it at your pace and how you want
Old Salt
Doc, I think you can see by these comments here, that we're all behind you, and we all want you to take care of YOU, so that when you're ready, you can spin the stories for us. Godspeed my friend!
Take your time with recovery. If something doesn't feel right don't force it. We all have changes in our lives. The most important thing is to focus on ourselves first.
I think you should have more free time for yourself….why not work three days in a week and 4 time for you? :) anyway your work is a gem so relax, stay healthy a keep up the good work but never in a price for your health….please think better for your self! I am Still patreon Even when you will not release anything you deserve it!
Take all the time you need Dr.
BullBA
Outstanding! That’s all very good news! I sincerely appreciate your efforts and transparency. This post means a lot to those of us that have been around awhile, and support your projects. Thanks Doc…
EvilHateMonkey
No apologies needed, thanks for the check-in. Look after yourself, the rest will flow out from that.
dozit_mahter
I may just be speaking for myself, but I think the majority of your patrons don't want you to work nonstop. We love the work you do, it is top quality. I hope your new approach helps ease the stress, but I also want to add that we don't want to add pressure to you. There may be some that expect more, but I think we all agree that quality is better than quantity. Take care of yourself first. (Also if you burnout, I don't get any more Joyce, so that would be the real loss. lol)
JuJu93
Why not take out half of the game, take a break, and start working again? It would have been better for everyone. I stop my subscription and come back when you have really resumed work
Jackz
Thanks for the update. I admit I am one of the disgruntled patrons, but I appreciate your sincerity and the firm / realistic release date. I understand burnout; take care of yourself and keep us updated, that's all I ask.
VoiceLikeCandy
I can totally sympathize with the feelings of guilt when you try to take some time for yourself. Just watching Netflix at night or spending a day on the weekend shopping and visiting friends or family gives me a panicky feeling like I’ve got to work twice as much to make up for lost time, or worrying that patrons are going to cancel if I take too long with my next audio release. Making your own content as your sole income comes with a lot of internal pressure that can be hard to cope with. I’m glad to see you have a plan to keep the stress from building up again!
Pranshu
Listen doc and listen well,...I m selfish...I don't want only dod:de and MP from you... I want so many more and better games from you in the near future.. And for that you have to be in good shape(mentally and physically) so take all the vacation you need... Do whatever you want to get in that perfect spot... Big fan doc
Dude, I don't care how much time you take. I prefer you to be healthy and feel okay with yourself more than playing any porn game. I know that most people think like me but I've been where you are and I know that is hard to ignore that very annoying vocal minority that write hate comments because they don't have fresh fap material fast enough. Your true fans, inside and outside of Patreon, love you anyway. Take care.
Marius Bothma
That covid virus is rough. A cousin (24) had it, and recovered. But he had to suddenly face his own fragility and mortality. And it will take years of therapy to help him cope with that. Anyway, good to hear from you and that you feel better. The one big secret to releasing great content is to look after the artist - yourself. A happy artist will be productive. I personally would rather wait a week or two longer and know you are doing well. Enjoy your new creativity.
Nice!
OJ
No wonder really, you pushed really hard through the 2020 year with pandemic and all, still making and providing us monthly releases. It's quite expected that you run out of gas at some point. Glad to hear that you have found a way to try to exorcise those demons. We're still here with you, and can't wait for October 20th and times after that too. Take care of yourself, Dr!
😍
MontyPython
Hey hope everything goes well for you. Good luck. 👍
Damein Davis
Self help*
Damein Davis
Glad to hear that you were able to come to a place that both pleases us and more importantly yourself, glad you’re taking the big leap that is self that’s a tough battle. Wishing you good luck and good health, see you the 20th!
