n2thefire
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Re.Serenity - a rewrite?
🕑 Added 2023-01-24 17:31:25 +0000 UTCBrace yourself... It's another long post. But you'll want to read this. This is important.
The 19th of August, 2020... That was the day I made my first post on Patreon. I had written the first part of Serenity 2 years before that in 2018. Today, we're pretty far removed from the story ideas that were in that first post (when I was describing Serenity in such a cheesy way). Everything changed. The character models, many story elements... Hell, it became something completely different from what I wrote in 2018.
Serenity is special to me. Hidden throughout that story are quotes and ideas that I have experienced personally. From the "mom with cancer and her death" arc, to the tiniest funny moments I've thrown in there. Bullying, embarrassment, feeling ashamed or scared, being judged, wanting to be loved, it's all in there in some form or another. But honestly, Serenity is a jumbled mess of emotions that wasn't well organized during development. I can admit that. I had a short conversation with someone in the Serenity thread on F95 about rewriting Serenity. I had told him I had no intention of doing that. But the more I wrote as I replied to him, the more I began to understand where he was coming from. I can see a rewrite working for the better. There are a lot of things I've wished I could change but got too deep in to do anything about.
Should I rewrite it? Let's talk about the changes that would be made. Let's start with the issue of "no incest". First of all, Camilla would not be the MC's sister. Mom (Karen) would not be a part of Serenity (brought back to life so to speak). None of that happened in my original version of the story. When Mom dies, she's gone and doesn't appear in the story again outside of flashbacks and her initial visit in spirit form to guide him in the beginning. Next, the first scene of the game with Trina. I was a dumbass for writing it the way I did. I was too anxious to put in something 'porn' and did it too soon and at such a wrong time. That whole scene, the way it played out, would be completely different. More the way it should go compared to real life. And speaking of Trina, she should never have gone to Serenity. I did it because people liked her. But she doesn't really belong in Serenity. In a rewrite, she would have more scenes during the 'pre-Serenity' arc. But nothing too lewd.
Part of the issue with Serenity is that there are way too many characters to deal with. You end up not seeing some of them for several updates. I hate that. There are so many that were added and never should have been. And many of the situations around them were resolved WAY too quickly. They should have been drawn out more. The following characters would remain in a rewritten version: Kat, Rin, Jasmine, Lena, Morgan, Trixy, and Camilla are 'main' girls. They are the original 7 'love interests' I intended (before I decided to make Camilla his sister). Lily was added later and was really an afterthought. So she would become an 8th main LI. I would keep her in the rewrite because I love that model (that's the reason I asked Cryoxxx if I could have her for my game). Samantha and Cassie would remain, but only as 'side' girls because they are intended to be part of Camilla's arc. Cinn (the nurse he pulls from one of his 'games') would remain (another side character) but not seen often. Shade and Fade are part of the base story and would remain. They aren't technically part of the harem because they are attached to each side of the magic that Serenity feeds off of.
I would still keep Melody and Celeste's appearances in the story. But they would be limited to very short 'visit' scenes. And I have a few more girls from other games that I want to have 'visit'. Again, those will be special scenes and they will have a lot less to do with Serenity itself. I love crossovers and will do them at various times. If you played the latest episode for Chapter 2 (episode 2), then you met Milanna. She will remain. She was in my original story. She has an important part to play. Although not a main love interest, she is definitely on the table as a love interest. But she won't be part of the harem. Another character that has a similar role would be Marissa (the android). She would remain. Finally, there is Triss. I know she's really cute and all, but she was never meant to be in Serenity either. Her parts would only be in flashbacks/memories from the bullying aspect. Speaking of that, I would also need to flesh out the bullying stuff better because it wasn't as evident what was happening the way I wrote it. Mia would not be part of the story at all. Another character I added on a whim. She's a pretty character but there needs to be more to this than just pretty girls.
Basically, what we would end up with is a Serenity that is much more focused on our main girls. A lot more time spent getting to know each one and more time spent before actually entering Serenity itself. The main girls won't be so quick to 'accept' other girls coming into their fold and will speak their minds about it. More time with Kat, Trina, and Triss at the beginning. More fleshed out drama situations that won't be resolved too quickly. Better graphics as we replace those earlier scenes. I would pretty much start fresh and use the same character cards. Development would be slightly quicker since I already have most of the base scenes created. But I wouldn't reuse old renders because I changed things up a lot. I'd want everything to match up. The graphics would be work, but the hard work is in the writing. And I've already written some test scenes to see if I will like how it flows. I do. But the question is... Would you all be onboard? If I stopped working on Serenity Chapter 2 right now. If I started working on Re.Serenity in between Last Human updates... Would you be onboard for that? Does any of this sound exciting? Doing this would grant a few of the wishes I've seen from reviewers and other commenters. The biggest being that Camilla would no longer be off limits - she would actually become part of the harem. I've regretted making her the sister for a long time now. This would be my chance to correct that. And put in the story ideas I've wished I could put in for a while now.
Please comment your thoughts below. I'll make this a poll also for those who don't have anything to comment but want to express an interest in this idea (or not). The options are:
- I stop working on Serenity Chapter 2 and immediately begin work on Re.Serenity (uh, that's just the working name I'm going with - I'm open to ideas).
- Forget the rewrite and just continue Serenity Chapter 2.
The outcome of this vote is NOT going to direct my decision. I simply want to get an idea of how many of you would like the idea. I may do this no matter how this vote goes because what I have in mind would make it so much better than before. Then again, if like 90% of people hate the idea of a rewrite, then I don't know. So, let's hear what you have to say.
Comments
N2TheFire
Thanks so much for the words and the support!
K0TT0N3Y3J03
Just finished serenity my first ever play through... I immediately joined as a patron because I absolutely loved the game, the story, the girls, all of it I'm about to start chapter 2. I can see alot of doubt in your work in this post and I just wanted to say it's perfect as it is! You've got my patronage as long as I can give it!!!
SHREDDER1876
G'day and thanks for replying :-) i did see your repost. this was a copied message of mine. i made a mistake and did my first copy of this message connected to Darrin Soo. i gathered you hadn't seen it so i thought i would resend it seeing Neko-Chan's reply was very much like mine. p.s. hope you have a good weekend
N2TheFire
I'm guessing you missed my latest post from this morning LOL Not doing the rewrite (at least not now). https://www.patreon.com/posts/77728082
SHREDDER1876
N2TheFire I beg you to Please leave the game the way it is. you will also find a lot of people afraid you will want to keep making rewrites like your friend Glacerose has with Sylphine, as soon as you start wanting to make rewrites you could find yourself keeping wanting to change things instead of advancing the games . P.S. I hope he get's well soon and can go back to the game, no rewrite, just continuing with the game story that he has already developed. N2TheFire nothing is perfect in this world, we love your game just the way it is, yes it's different, but that's a difference of styles that we love. We may not have any choice's on what the M.C. can do unlike other VN games, as in us choosing path's, but your stories on your games are far deeper then most other games and you have done a wonderful job in the making of them. If you want Camilla to have a love interest, have her join the crew in last human, even as someone turning up now and then. he was a only child, no sister. the point is we love your games the way they are, please don't get stuck in the rewrite loop.
N2TheFire
Thank you Neko-Chan, those are very sweet words. :)
Neko-Chan
What you have created is serenity. you shouldn't re-write it. it will cease to be the game I and others fell in love with. It will not be this beautiful game we have here and now. I get that you hate to wait for adding updates for characters that haven't seen any in some time, believe me that is fine. This game is very special, it does not need to be re-written, because if you do it will no longer be the game I am interested in. This was my first avn believe it or not, so for me it means a great deal. I have said this to other people in the past who wanted to re-write / re-do their game...it will cease to be the beautiful mess of a game you made, please don't you dare re-write this game. I love it just the way it is, and I am than happy to wait for updates to certain characters. I like karen and camilla and they should be in the game, without the game becomes souless in my opinion. when I thought she was going to disappear and we never saw her again, my little bit of insecurity made me really sad to the point of tears, when at the white candle moment? when she is handing it to the mc, and he instantly rewrites her back into existence. This game is perfect the way you have written in, and to change it, I promise you, it will never be the same never be serenity. It's obvious it took on a life of it's own, and you should go with that. You have a lot of fans of serenity, and changing it, rewriting is the complete wrong thing to do, we love the game as it currently is!! Just take your time with serenity, don't try to rush it, work on last human, take a little time out if you feel like it's getting too much, we will understand. There is no such thing as perfect. If your striving to better your art, then your already doing it in last human and i am sure you will keep doing it. serenity is a very special game for a lot of people, and it doesn't need make overs or re-writing, because what you have created is from your heart..never change that.
Robert Melton
I've come into this game kind of late and like it very much, but I think you should do whatever you feel would be best for the story arc. To me, the sexual part of the game is secondary, and if you feel a rewrite would improve the story, then I think you should do it
SHREDDER1876
Please leave the game the way it is. you will also find a lot of people afraid you will want to keep making rewrites like your friend Glacerose has with Syphine, as soon as you start wanting to make rewrites you could find yourself keeping wanting to change things instead of advancing the games . P.S. I hope he get's well soon and can go back to the game, no rewrite, just continuing with the game story that he has already developed. N2TheFire nothing is perfect in this world, we love your game just the way it is, yes it's different, but that's a difference of styles that we love. We may not have any choice's on what the M.C. can do unlike other VN games, as in us choosing path's, but your stories on your games are far deeper then most other games and you have done a wonderful job in the making of them. If you want Camilla to have a love interest, have her join the crew in last human, even as someone turning up now and then. he was a only child, no sister. the point is we love your games the way they are, please don't get stuck in the rewrite loop.
Darrin Soo
Well, the only thing i’ll do is follow you through this journey, if you’ll have me.
N2TheFire
no impact on LH at all, even with the current crossover (other than Mom's appearance in that game).
N2TheFire
That is why I would stop developing Ch2 if I started working on the rewrite.
N2TheFire
An alternate timeline won't work because it would still be considered incest by patreon... it is the same character in the same game. Besides, the whole point of the rewrite is not just to make Camilla a love interest (that was simply an example of one change I mentioned). There is a lot of backstory to her in my original version where she was never related to the MC.
N2TheFire
There is nothing sad about a creator wanting to improve his art. The "A" and "B" sides you bring up is basically saying some will be happy about it, others won't. But we are at that point right now. Every game out there has people that like it and people that don't. No matter what we as developers choose to do, we will never make everyone happy and I'm not trying to do that. I'm trying to get the art out there and present it the way I want it to be presented. As this was my first ever game to make, I think I have the right to go back and fix it or redo it. And comparing my little first-time VN to something like FFXIV is unfair. They had no excuse for screwing up that game in the beginning. I mean come on, FF??? They've been around WAY longer than I have.
Darrin Soo
Well thats just sad, i just joined in on the bandwagon and got thru the story where Camilla was 1st introduced. This sounds like a big problem (A) you got existing fanbase/reader/patrons(old guards) already (and probably many more to follow) they may be okay with it but some may feel that they want to distinguish themselves from the newcomers (B) other might want it to stay unchanged. This feels like the same thing with every other situation, for example Final Fantasy XIV
Thomas Michels
I like the large amount of girls in the story, and the fact that all conflicts were solved relatively quickly made sense to me in the setting. Camilla being romanceable is a huge plus though. Why make it a rewrite instead of an alternate timeline where events happen differently and characters aren't the exact same?
Maknzy
I will support either way you want to go. If you wanted to make getting to Serenity a prequal even, that could work. That said, even Chapter 2 would need a rewrite I think as well. Would it not? Either way you want to go, I am here for the sexy Nekos. Oh, and the story. :)
Tyson Hensel
I don't hate the idea of a rewrite and I like some of the intended changes, but I am already invested in the current version. Also will there be a unintended impact with Last Human because of the crossover?
Maple
I agree with both Jobu and Fredmir, doing the rewrite will take time and will be hard work, but in the end as the creator you have to ask yourself if you feel satisfied with your work. after all we are just readers and its your book, your story. I think both ideas have their merit, but I personally vote rewrite, I'll explain why: When I first played, I sped through most of part 1 in a single sitting, I thought the same that the problems were just resolved way too quickly and it made the story feel hollow. I still enjoyed my time but there was that voice in the back of my mind telling me that the next issue for the MC wont matter because it will be resolved nearly instantly. TL;DR Do what makes you happy as the Creator, if you know in your heart to Rewrite, do it. If you think you can leave it as is then do that.
I voted rewrite, but I wouldn't mind either way, I'll keep supporting. The part that sold me is > I've regretted making her the sister for a long time now. don't keep doing something you have regrets on, it'll keep bothering you. I love your renders and your story anyway, but I'm always more invested when there is more depth in the ladies, so having more interactions with a little bit less characters sounds better to me than keeping the ones you said were added "on a whim".
Kerthon
so without a rewrite all you could realistically do is focus more on the main girls in the future if I am understanding correctly? On top of that it sounds like you have resigned yourself to the bed you have made so to speak with serenity in its current form due the amount of LI in the game and how the story has been told until now and how little can be changed going forward. Sucks that your true vision for serenity might not be able to come to light, but hey at least last human I hope was started on the right foot and you wont have the same issue with.
Jobu's Bitch
Do what makes you happy and satisfied as the creator. I think most of us will be happy either way.
N2TheFire
It isn't possible to do any of that going forward because it won't accomplish what I need to. It would look bad removing characters and changing things up now. Rewriting would put things back in perspective without doing some weird shit like "it was all a dream and this is what really happened". I can't just "unmake" Camilla being MC's sister. Would have to start over to fix that. Anyway, there is a lot more to it than just what you see on the surface. You would understand better if you got to see the first update for the rewritten version of the game.
Kerthon
regardless of if the poll fails I think you should do most of what you said in the post that fits in with the current story going forward that way if you ever want to revisit doing a rewrite or just end up doing it as a side project/ have writing block you dont have more ground to retread later. looking forward to whatever comes next you never dissapoint.
