M Scott
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🕑 Added 2023-11-21 05:50:36 +0000 UTChere's their origin (tl;dr at the end):
i recently terminated a friendship that i had for around three years
it was my first long term online friendship, first strong art friendship, and a whole lot of things happened within that time. only recently i realized how many things id repressed over that time, which usually included getting snubbed for trades or commissions by this person. i tried to forgive and forget in the moment because i just wanted to make this person happy, but it was whittling me down every time it happened, around 8-10 times over two years i think. only recently, when i made a new group of solid friends who did not do those things to me, did i begin to realize how id been used by this person for my art and it troubled me pretty badly. art is such a core facet in my life, and to know that id been manipulated into doing things cut me pretty deep. i made the decision recently to terminate that friendship for that and a few other reasons, and its been tricky navigating the feelings i have about it after doing so.
this is where seson and roony come in. both of them were characters i was excited about and i got stiffed with both of them for trades with this person. i didnt want to draw roony afterwards at all because the experience made me believe she must have been a bad design, so she sat on the backburner for around a year. after leaving this relationship i questioned why that was the case, realized it was stupid, and pulled her back into focus. seson became a natural association for me because he, despite being one of my most sexual characters, is also the one i associate with my apathy the most, and apathy was the emotion i felt towards this person for the final months we were in contact.
roony was a vector for my emotional turmoil over realizing things werent as i perceived them, and seson, being unable to provide verbal comfort, was a teddy externally to comfort her. hes a sort of distraction or physical reassurance. seson was a vector for my apathy, and roony being a sexual fascination is a way of stirring that up and allowing myself to feel the things buried in that apathy. his outer shell displays no emotion but his body's reactions (usually involuntary) are raw expression no longer denied. their interactions are slightly awkward and lack a solid conclusion because i still cant quite figure out how exactly i feel about everything despite knowing how my general emotions sway.
tl;dr
these two are puppets for my emotions following a dead friendship that trauma bonded them
big bear is one half of my brain that doesnt want to feel anything and chainsmoker is the other half that knows that its crucial to feel things and their interactions are uniting these two sides. theyre in flux as i work out mental knots
very thankful for my friends π«Ά
and also thankful for you all in taking interest in them i was nervous they would flop lmao π«Άπ«Ά
hope they make more sense now
Comments
CASTER!
ilu roamingthrough
M Scott
π crazy whenever you clue into it isnt it lol, its a unique sort of feeling. three years felt like a lot, almost couldnt imagine five!
Rugg
I appreciate you sharing this and your characters with us. I can only hope that we can see more art soon of them not being in flux, and that it is a sign that you've been able to step back and move forward as you need to.
Monster Momma
Damn, I've had this happened recently too. (5 years of friendship- poof!) Hope your awesome characters help to soothe and nurse you back! I'm doing the same with my own OCs, taking them back to their origins before I met said ex-friend and dang does it feel good to let loose. <3
