macaldareye
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Friday Update
🕑 Added 2024-08-02 17:10:47 +0000 UTCSo, I don't have anything to say about actual channel/content updates, however I do have several personal updates
1. so tuesday afternoon I was staying at my parents place cause my usual doctor is one town over and they refuse to take me unless its convienent for them (which is why i tend to avoid seeing my doctor cause i hate spending the night at my parents place) but anyways, my mom wanted to go beach that afternoon so whatever we went beach, and somehow the moving abroad thing came out. I knew I wanted to try talking about it that day but I wasn't expecting it to come out so suddenly, and she was kinda clocking in on how I haven't been happy. I was kind of floating through that whole experience. My mom was calm about it at least. She doesn't understand my problems but she listened at least. But she's very weird about me traveling, she hates it. She also had some fucking weird contingencies (again) i won't get too much into the details here, if you want to know more you can chat with me on discord about it, it's just a lot to get into that would be awkward here. But yeah, that happened. And maybe she's ok with me moving? But its gonna take longer for me to accomplish this than I initially wanted. I'm still figuring this out. Also I need to talk to my dad about it still which is a much bigger mountain to climb for me.
2. Ok so then wednesday was the actual doctor appointment for my ear. He said that its eustachian tube dysfunction, so i guess i can say that that's what it is now. And I've been referred to and ENT, I just have to wait for a letter in the mail with more details.
3. That SAME MORNING my guts exploded and I was shaking and weak and nauseous all morning (and I just missed the DAMN DOCTOR TOO) so i spent most of my day resting. Let's also just say, to keep it kosher, that there was blood in less desirable places...
4. The blood situation continued the following morning (thursday) and the left side of my abdomen was cramping to hell, if I could describe it, it felt like broken glass inside me. It was kind of reminiscent to my stomach issues of august 2022-august 2023 (in which if you know I fixed it by cutting out gluten) but this time we had blooooooooooood involved so i panicked and asked my mom to take me to the ER. We got there, I got a shitload of bloodwork done, and waited EIGHT HOURS till i could finally see a doctor (thank you canadian health system) only to be told my bloodwork was FUCKING CLEAN. So idk whats happening. I have more tests to do and they are also checking for celiac so I will hopefully get an answer next week. I'd hate to think I exploded because of stress? Cause I have been extremely stressed this week over the moving abroad conversation. I have a tendency to also catastrophize before bed at night, it's been pretty bad lately. And I'm no stranger to my health literally deteriorating because of stress. But fuck if i'm literally bleeding inside because of stress idk how im gonna live. I don't know how to exist without stress.
So that was been my week. I'm feeling better today at least, but I am worn down so I'm just going to take it easy. I don't know what I'm all going to do next week, there's supposed to be another livestream, but it will depend on how I'm feeling I guess. Sorry that I couldn't have a more productive update. I will keep you all updated on whether I do the livestream this week or postpone it.
