Evans
patreon
I Will Know Kung FU
🕑 Added 2025-09-07 16:57:10 +0000 UTCThird Person P.O.V.
Jackie Chan sighs tiredly after finally arriving at Uncle’s shop.
He just had a hell of a night. It was an emergency, but he needed to tell his old friend Black that it would not repeat in the future. He is not a secret agent; he is an archaeologist.
“That was awesome! When are we gonna do something like this again?” Completely opposite to his mindset, his first cousin once removed, and technically niece, Jade, talks excitedly about the previous night's adventure.
“Never.” He turns to her strongly “The talismans are forces beyond us; this is the responsibility of capable people of Section 13.”
“But Jackieee~ We are capable!” Jade whines.
“No… We are in danger.” Jackie corrects in an educational tone “Now let’s forget everything that happened and continue with our lives.” He opened the door to the shop. The bell on the front rings while he announces, “Uncle, I’m back!”
But surprise hits Jackie when she sees a stranger in the store. First, the store is unpopular enough that it rarely has customers, and second, it doesn’t look like a customer because the strange youngster is organizing the shelves.
“No, no, no! That goes over there! Don’t change that!” He hears Uncle shouting at the young man while hitting him with a fan.
“You asked me to organize, but don’t want me to change anything?”
“You are organizing it wrong!”
“Then tell me what you want clearly.”
“Don’t put the products on the lowest shelf! Do you want me to strain my back grabbing it?” Uncle hits him again “Is that what you want? To kill me?”
“Don’t be dramatic…” Hector chuckles and receives another hit.
He can’t help but find it amusing, even if this is work abuse. Some days ago, he was living a life of opulence with his exotic princess wife, but now he is being swatted by a grumpy old asian guy.
‘Ups and downs, I guess….Hehe~’ He laughs in his mind
Jackie finally gets out of his shock a nd asks his uncle “Uncle, who is this?”
“Oh, Jackie, Jade. Finally back.” Uncle exclaims “This is my new intern. He is a good kid.” He smiles
“I am? Why are you hitting me then?”
“Less talking, more working!” Another hit
“...”
“Uncle, when did you get an employee?” Jackie asks, confused
“Intern. It means I don’t need to pay him.” Uncle corrects “
Instead of letting Uncle answer, Hector steps forward. Uncle can accept his vague backstory and reasons because he is… well, Uncle. But Jackie can get suspicious if things are not explained properly.
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Chan. I’m a college student doing some research in Ancient Chinese history, culture, and even fables.” I shake his hand “I hope I will not be imposing if I stay here for some months.”
Jackie, the ever-polite and humble guy, of course, would never say that he can’t stay. “Oh, a student…from where?”
“I’m getting a Master’s degree in History, trying to be a teacher…” Hector unravels his prepared web of lies.
It can’t be easily proven wrong with a call or any minor investigation, but he doesn’t care. He is curious to see how far he can take it.
………………………………………
It seems pretty far.
All night, he stayed awake waiting for S.H.I.E.L.D. wannabes to appear and try to capture him, but they never came.
He has no documents and is in no database; he thought a spy organization would be more paranoid. Maybe Black respects Jackie Chan enough not to put bugs in the shop, and they still don’t know of his existence.
Hector is taking it easy, just doing what Uncle asks. Despite the old grumpy guy being demanding, there is not a lot to do in this quiet Antique shop.
The free time allowed him to go through the books, the ones to sell and the ones from Uncle’s personal library.
He finally started to learn a little about the magic secretly, all under the guise of his research.
“As expected, nothing that I would use in a fight.” Hector comments while taking pictures of the pages to create a digital copy, and at the same time, scribbling some important notes in his textbook.
Magic in this universe is not like what one would see in a world of magic and swords inspired by Dungeons & Dragons. It’s like old medicine that really works.
With a conjunction of prayers, movements, and other mediums, you can reach the desired effect. Hector saw that Uncle mostly has “cures” for curses, possessions, and any other affliction.
Hence why he compared it with medicine.
“It must be because he is specialized in the light side of magic.” He comments, betting that Shendu must know some offensive magic.
But he is not disappointed. He never expected to learn how to throw a fireball here or anything like that. He is more than happy to simply increase his knowledge in magic theory.
“Well, this looks more like shamanism, or even better… Taoism…” He shrugs while writing down what is needed to protect your home from a Jiangshi. The undead creatures can’t enter a place where a paper talisman in the four cardinal directions is written with the name of Sun-based creatures like Jinwu, Zhulong, FengHuang, and more. “Yin and Yang energy, huh? It’s Chi-based spells, instead of mana.” He makes a drawing of the Taijitu, which seems very important in this ‘power system’.
“What are you doing?” Suddenly, a childish voice interrupts his thoughts.
He turns to the side to see Jade Chan staring at him with her big eyes filled with curiosity.
“Studying… Shouldn’t you be doing your homework, too?” Hector shoots back.
“I don’t have homework today.” She looks away, obviously lying. “Those are Uncle’s old books.” She climbs the table and looks at the organized mess Hector is going through.
He obviously put away his high-tech things and any other incriminating items fast, leaving only a blank notebook and a lot of scattered papers.
“Do you believe in magic?” She asks curiously, gauging Hector’s reaction in a way a young kid normally would not do. But Jade is not a normal kid; she is surprisingly smart and observant for her age.
“Who knows?” Hector gives a boring answer. “It doesn’t matter, it's just that it makes a lot of sense, and I was writing a chapter of my thesis on how modern medicine derived from unclear practices that would be considered magic in the past.”
“Hmmm.” She narrows her big eyes at him
“...” Hector just stays still under the scrutiny of the small child. “So, I heard you moved here recently… Are you adjusting?” He tries to distract her with some normal questions that you would ask a child
“Yeah, it has been fun…” She says, trying to play it off, hiding the truth about her adventures
“Fun, huh? How so?
“It’s a secret!” She replies with a big smug smile.
“I see… If one day you wanna share some of that fun with me, I will be here.”
“I can’t do that! You would be in danger…” She says loudly before lowering her tone to whisper conspiratorily
“And you would not?” Hector raises an eyebrow at her
“It’s because I’m strong!” She declares while standing up on the table, striking a sloppy kung fu stance “And Jackie is super strong too!” She continues proudly, trying a flying kick, but she slips on a paper and almost hits her head.
Luckily, Hector easily caught her in a calm way.
“I see, I see… But please don’t try any dangerous Kung Fu moves on the table.” He chuckles, “And I'm pretty strong too, you know? I have been in my fair share of fights.”
“You did?” The wide-eyed Jade, who has just gone through a dangerous experience, gives him another suspicious look. Looking at him up and down in that shameless and honestly judgmental way only a kid can do. “You don’t look like much.”
“Ouch.” He laughs.
In his young adult form and wearing loose clothes, Hector can pass as the skinny type. He has a sleeper build, after all.
“How can you say that? Look at those muscles.” To protect his honor against this 11-year-old girl, he rolls up his sleeve and flexes his arm to show his biceps.
“Ooh!” She pokes his arm with wide eyes
“Right?” He brags
“But Jackie is still stronger.” She ends up saying
“If you say so… I confess that I’m not any martial artist.” Hector shrugs, not willing to argue on that with a child who has her uncle as a hero. And he likes Jackie Chan too.
“Hmpf, that is why Jackie is strong.” Jade once again strikes a kung fu pose, now moving slower, like practicing Tai Chi .“Strength without purpose is meaningless.” She quotes from someone, trying to sound wise.
“I can agree with that.” Hector nods “That’s why I asked Uncle Boss to teach me a little after seeing him grab a falling vase with the tip of his foot.”
“Oh, so you too? I asked Jackie to teach me, but he has left me hanging!” Jade huffs and sits on the table before crossing her arms with a pout.
“Patience, little grasshopper. Your time will come.” He pokes her head
“Shut up.” She replies, annoyed “Wait till I learn Kung Fu, I’m gonna kick your ass! Hiyaah!” She jumped off the table and kicked the air
“I thought Kung Fu was for self-defense only… You know, mastering of your body and all that.”
“No, it’s to beat up bad guys.”
“So I’m a bad guy?”
“Hmmm~” Jade looks him up and down again. “That is yet to be seen…” She says, acting mysteriously, her arms moving around weirdly while she retreats by walking backward till she leaves.
“...funny kid. Still as annoying as I remember from the cartoon.” Hector chuckles.
………………………………….
Hector P.O.V.
It takes some more days for me to finally see Jackie Chan in action.
The people of Dark Hand came to the shop trying to recover the Rooster Talisman - that is not here anymore - so they came knocking out.
All three doofus: Finn, Ratso and Chow. There’s Tohru, too. All of them exactly like how I remembered… Finn with his full white suit, Ratso looking like Frankenstein’s monster, and Chow looking like a rat… Shouldn’t he be called Ratso then?
The front door was destroyed suddenly, and the dark Hand barges in… Dark hand, hehe~ So edgy and so inaccurate. None of them is even wearing a glove or anything.
Jackie Chan, who is on the other floor, came quickly to see what was happening.
“You guys!”
“Chan…” Tohru says with a dangerous edge in his voice” Hand over the talisman.”
“It’s not here!”
“...” Tohru looks at his hand, the talisman Locator shines “Lies!” And he attacks.
Oops~ My bad… So it can really detect me.
Despite being the one at fault, I just stay out of the way, observing the fight from a close distance. Anyone familiar with Jackie Chan movies knows his fight style, the unpredictability and resourcefulness… everything can turn into a weapon, some into a hilarious way.
I also noticed how he is still holding back. He could very well have grabbed that ceremonial dagger and killed them, but instead, he took a plate and hit them on the head. L-O-L… Oh yeah, I forgot to record!
I watch Jackie do a lot of acrobatics in this very packed shop, avoiding destroying anything, but at the same time using everything to his advantage. The three doofus have no chance against him.
Meanwhile, Tohru stays still in the middle of the shop, his fat face scrunching in concentration while he looks at the Talisman Locator in his hand. The device is a torch-like handle with four dragon heads pointing in all directions.
If I remember well, a dragon head will light up to direct the user to the nearest location. The problem appears to be the fact that all four heads are shining.
So the Talisman Locator can feel my talisman but can’t pinpoint their location in my Inventory. Well, I never discovered how my pocket dimension worked. Is it in an infinitesimally small space inside my body? Or is it all over me in the fourth dimension?
It seems to be something close to the last option…
This raises some worries… maybe someone well-versed in Space Manipulation can invade my inventory.
Well, it’s a good inventory for something acquired in a low-level world. One day, I will get a better one.
Tohru looks annoyed, looking around for where the talisman can be. I can almost see the gears turning on his head, maybe thinking the thing is under some sort of magic protection.
Then, he spots Jade hiding while watching Jackie Chan kick ass.
“Did you eat the talisman again, girl?” He reaches for her with his big hand.
“!!!” Jade shows a scared expression, but she has nowhere to run in this small, and packed with merchandise, shop.
Tohru grabs her by her orange jacket… Damn, his fist is almost as big as her torso.
“Jade!” Jackie shorts, worried, but he is being held back by the doofus trio.
Well, I think that is the moment that I interfere.
I sneak around Tohru, going around unnoticed thanks to the noisy fight.
“Hm?” Tohru only noticed me when I was on his side, crouching down with my fist ready for an uppercut, but I don’t punch his chin, no. It would be problematic with his huge belly and thick neck.
People would find it suspicious if I sent the man flying with a punch.
So I grabbed the wrist that he is holding Jasde and punched his elbow.
Thwack
I held back - I like Tohru even if he is evil now - so I didn’t break his bones, but dislocated his elbow.
“Aaargh!” He predictably released Jade, but to my surprise, he also let go of the Talisman Locator so that he could grab his forearm with a free hand.
I would not lose the chance… Yoink. With a telekinetic pull, I made the Talisman Locator discreetly fall in my direction, rolling on the ground and going around me before shooting into my hand that I put out of sight of everyone. Then I made it disappear in my inventory.
Thanks for the magical device, suckers. Seriously, those guys are kind of incompetent… cartoon villains, am I right?
I still had the time to grab Jade before she fell on the ground.
“Let’s run.” I say, I don’t want to reveal that I am more than I look.
It seems my timing is good, or maybe cursed… I was just complaining about the incompetence of those thugs, and now the shadows are moving strangely.
Uh-oh… I know what this is…
With an eerie silence, the Shadowkhan rise from the shadows. Those cool ninjas in black clothes and red eyes filled the shop.
Can I get some of them? There are the Masks, right? I don’t know if I will stay long enough for that “season” and the risks are big, but maybe I can try.
The Genie’s protection can maybe push away the corruption of the masks, but then there would come the problem if I could take the Shadowkhan with me on my travels.
Ugh, whatever… Mindless loyal minions would be good, but it's not a priority now, it’s not like I will settle and build a base. I also have my maid robot and schematics for other types of droids.
Heck, I can go to the Star Wars universe just for that. I may not be able to become Force sensitive as I am now, but the technology there would be worth a trip. And I can kinda simulate the Force with my telekinesis.
And I will not need the Force to use a lightsaber. I will be absolutely stealing some. General Grievous, at least, will be losing his spot as collector of lightsabers to me.
Pushing aside the thought of lightsabers - I am absolutely going for the darksaber or Anakin’s blue one - I focus on the now and start climbing the stairs to the upper floors.
But some Shadowkhan follow me… It’s strange, my senses that I acquired after training with the Hercules Method would help me pinpoint anyone so close to me. Their heat, breathing, steps, air movement, and even their heartbeat if they are very close…
But I can’t hear or feel shit from them.
Magic is such bullshit…
Hm? Wait… the air is slightly cooler… I see… a chilling presence, huh? Nothing is perfect, I can adapt.
I smile and dodge quickly to the side after feeling a gust of cold wind on my nape. The Shadowkhan that tried to dropkick me went straight to the wall, and I took the opportunity to give him a kick on my own. A brutish thing with a lot of strength,
BAM
The thing becomes shadows that sink to the ground.
“Wow…” Jade exclaims in my arms.
“I told you I’m strong.” I said before noticing more Shadowkhan surrounding us here on the second floor. “Can you guys leave? I just cleaned this place…”
They narrowed their eyes and took out shuriken from who knows where.
“Ah man, Uncle Boss will get pissed…” I mutter, I can’t stop those shuriken without revealing my telekinetic powers.
There will be a lot of holes in the furniture and walls when this is over.
I don’t have a lot of time to sigh for the future before a barrage of shurikens starts flying at me. Okay, Itachi vs Sasuke, chill…
Holding Jade, I jump in front of a big chest that Uncle keeps locked - probably with dangerous stuff - and that I rightfully guessed to be resistant enough to stop the barrage.
The tap tap of shuriken hitting the probably thousand-year-old wood reaches my ears.
“What are we gonna do?” Jade asks in panic
“YOU will stay here. I will go out there and kick their asses.” I say
“But they are ninjas!” She protests
“And I am an average male in his twenties… Nothing that they can throw at me will hurt anyway.” I joke before finally emerging when the tap tap sound stops.
Sorry, Uncle, I say in my mind as I grab a book that I already read and throw it at a shadowkhan. The thing hits the ninja straight on his forehead, and he falls backward.
The effectiveness surprises me, so I just grabbed a pile of books and threw them like frisbees. It hits two more in the chest, but the rest are avoided by jumping around.
Their acrobatics are great, jumping from the ground to the wall, to the ceiling, and then to the wall again…
But jumping around can confuse certain people, but not an experienced enemy. I’m not that experienced, but my reflexes are good enough that I can calmly read their trajectory and…
Bam
Punch in the gut and…
Bam
In another one…
One tries to jump on my shoulders and maybe break my neck, but by tensing my muscles I stop his attempt. Then it's just a matter of reaching back and…
Wham
Slamming him into the ground.
The last two tried to properly fight me, and ironically, they are the ones that have the best performance. No sneaky ninja shit, they simply throw hands in a very organized way.
Their timing is perfect, the katas used in uniso do not give me time to breathe. Using only my two arms to defend against four limbs is complicated, even if I outscale them.
I was put on the defensive for a good minute.
This imposed need needs to be broken, and I don’t think those shadow ninjas need to worry about stamina, so it is in my hands to do something…
While I’m walking backwards, my heel hits something… A normal guy would have tripped, but I see an opportunity. I step abc over it and, while still defending, I kick the piece of furniture - that now I see is a small box - in the head of one of the ninjas.
He stops. So I can focus on the one attacking, now two arms to grab the bastard, my fingers curling around his dark sleeve.
Oh, now your eyes widen, huh? Not so emotionless after all.
BAM
I use one motherfucker to hit the other motherfucker.
I don’t let my guard down, though. Ninjas are sneaky, right?
“Whoa.”
I turn around to see Jade watching with wide eyes
“I told you that I know how to fight.”
“Jackie is still stronger.” She crosses her arms.
“...” Kids and their heroes.
But I’m not gonna deny that I really need to improve my techniques and learn how to properly use my prowess.
Well, that is why I’m here, right?
……………………………………………..
As expected, reality is unforgiving.
Destruction is not something that will be shrugged off in the next episode. The status quo will not be maintained, things will not reset…
After the Dark Hand was defeated and taken away by agents of the Section 13, we still need to clean up the mess.
“WHAT HAPPENED WITH MY STORE????” Uncle, who just returned from a little shopping trip, shouts to the Nine Heavens.
I will just keep my silence; it’s kinda my fault, but I will not admit it. Jade then starts explaining, because Jackie was on the phone.
“Uncle! The guys from the Dark Hand, you know, the ones that attacked us that day, came and then asked for the talismans. Then Jackie needs to go Hayah on them, then the big fat guy tried to grab me, then Hector saved me, then the shadow ninjas appeared and started throwing shurikens everywhere, and then…”
Wow, she says all that in 3 seconds. Eminem is shaking on his Jordans now. So it’s true, it doesn’t matter what you do, there’s always an asian kid that is better than you.
After hearing the whole tale from Jade, Uncle hit Jacie with two fingers while blaming him for the mess.
“Hector, organize this mess!” he shouts to me.
“I’m already doing this…” I reply.
“Do it faster!” He shouts unreasonably. At least he is also helping, so it’s alright.
While we are cleaning things, I ask “So… It’s common for shadow ninjas to attack? Should I clean my schedule for the weekly Kung Fu fights?” My tone was light and sarcastic.
“Eeh~ It's becoming annoyingly frequent.” Jackie answers bashfully
“Hehe~~ I guess it’s more exciting than reading ancient texts.” I chuckle, then finally talk about one of my objectives here “Any chance I can learn one of those sick Kung Fu moves?”
“Haha! If you want, I can teach you a little. Jade also asked the same. You two can learn together.” He answered and agreed so casually that it is almost surreal.
“I don’t mind, that would be great.” I reply with a smile, not even faking my excitement. I will be learning Kung Fu with Jackie Chan!
I will finally be able to say: “I know Kung Fu.”
…………………………………………….
Beyond learning Kung Fu, I obviously want to learn Chi magic.
So while I was organizing the special books on the first floor with Uncle
“Shadow Ninjas are real, so are the things described in those books?” I ask while holding a book about some ancient demons and exorcism. “Like Magic and all…”
“Obviously, it’s real. Do you think I keep fiction in my home? I’m not unemployed like you.” Uncle answers
“I’m literally working for you…And can anyone do it, or do you need some special lineage?”
“What special lineage? Anyone with two legs can dance, some better than others.” He huffs
“So, what you mean is that I can learn it?” I turn to him
Tak
Two fingers hit my forehead.
“Magic is not something that you talk lightly! Or learn lightly! Or even uses lightly!” He gives me a sermon, “You young ones think everything is a hobby that you can take and leave without consequences. Not Magic!”
Tak
“Ouch… I was just thinking that it would be good to at least know what I can find out there. I mean, if evil magic exists, it only makes sense that I want to learn how to defend myself from it.” I explain “I’m gonna try to learn what I can alone, with those books, can’t you answer some questions when I need?” I speak with an honest expression
“Hmm~” Uncle thinks while massaging his chin. Then he turns around and starts leaving the room.
“...”
“Tomorrow will be your first lesson… Don’t expect much.” He says, almost leaving the room “And finish cleaning everything here!”
“...”
Huhuhu~ It’s all coming together.
Let’s enjoy their hospitality till I am outed at the third party that is also seeking the talismans.
……………………………….
Comments
Семён Шульман
Maybe I am missing something but Hector already Force user and posses some lightsabers. And perfected all combat styles including kung-fu, no?
Nazarickk
Thanks for the chapter
kassiano lisboa
Obrigado pelo capítulo!!!
