Lil Dee
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Wedding Day at the Denver Botanical Garden 🪴
🕑 Added 2024-09-16 14:00:05 +0000 UTC( written on 9,9,24)
Pictured is my old work camera the Sony A7Siii, the one I bought myself is the Sony A7Cii, but I wear them in tandem on this harness during wedding days, one with a 85mm Sony G Master lens and the other a 50mm Sigma Art lens—
Today was…infinitely better!
It ran more like a traditional wedding day so I was in my comfort zone, and our contact made me feel so reassured, like the kind of reassurance you deeply need when you suffer with insecurity, as if they had known this type of self doubt for themselves.
I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone quite like them before, and I’m beyond thrilled to know them more through our work together, while also working through my insecurities by pushing myself into more uncomfortable social situations that I would otherwise run from or let my business partner take the lead—
I was able to mute the inner critic that attempts to keep me safe by badgering & bullying me into silence and hiding. And instead, I was able to be present in the person I know myself to be— I allowed myself to be genuine and to connect, and it felt good, if not horrifically riddled with the sort of awkwardness that comes from appreciated effort and wholesomeness. I got teary eyed more times than I could count and it was embarrassing to say the least -_-
Even if nothing business related comes from this endeavor, at least I will have the experience to know that I am capable of being more than insecure.
The ebb and flow of existence is such a fickle and hypocritical thing. One day, I am shifting and growing through observation of the self without judgment, and the following day I am certain no one likes me, and in the present I feel more secure in trusting what people have to tell me—
I am sure it’ll take another dip eventually as life is anything but linear, but as of right now, I am appreciative of the day’s lessons
