BlaiseCorvin
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Nora Blurb - draft 1
🕑 Added 2018-07-21 06:36:18 +0000 UTC What do you guys think about this? If you hadn't read the books yet, would this pique your interest?-------------
*Nora Hazard's story began over three years prior to the events of Delvers LLC: Welcome to Ludus.*
Despite what others may think, Nora knows she is no hero. In fact, she is not even able to stay in Soron where she has become something of a celebrity. Instead, she must travel south, continuing to follow the orders of her completely unhinged and infuriating mistress, Enheduanna.
Jessica, an American gamer, and Christopher, a Filipino man with a mysterious past will accompany Nora on her journey. Somehow, the former Jackals gang leader must keep her two charges from Earth alive while still completing Enheduanna’s insane mission.
Nobody likes an escort mission. Nobody.
Comments
Lowe K. Lyesmith
Honor Harrington is epic as fuck. Treecats ftw!
Blaise Corvin
It's hard science fiction
Blaise Corvin
Honor Harrington is a series by David Weber, and is one of my favorite military/space science fiction series of all time.
Robert Brandt
Who or what is Honor Harrington and what makes them or it so great?
Carl Gherardi
I had the same reaction as the fainting goat about the last line being the opener.
Cameron C
I think this is the best approach, honestly. So with that in mind, the blurb really works for that kind of story.
Blaise Corvin
So I guess I should provide some context. Nora's blurb is not meant to appeal as much to Gamelit or LitRPG readers. I was hoping the series would draw in some trad readers who like Honor Harrington. That is why the covers are more traditional fantasy than my other covers. On the flip side, I don't want it to be /repulsive/ to established GameLit readers, so I am going to go back to the lab and work on this thing some more.
Will's Fainting Goat
It really doesn't inspire me to read it, the last line as an opener would be much better and it really needs some suspense or sense of thrill in there. It's difficult to pinpoint but it feels more closed off and finished then leaving it open to give the reader something to draw them in.
Richard Davis
The last line is pretty good. The rest doesn't grab me. As a reader of GameLit and LitRPG, what would draw me in is more reference to the gamey elements -- maybe Nora's cool spear, the two new Orbs, and Energy Fox.
Chet Sandberg
Still needs polish, but thanks!
B Thomas
As a general rule I don't read things with mistress or mysterious past in the description. I'd substitute boss for mistress, or maybe kidnapper.
Kevin McKinney
Good stuffs
Blaise Corvin
This is good stuff
Daniel Everest
Looks fine to me man. Btw given the timeline of events and the fact Nora's group are staying and who shes met along her journey. Her meeting the Delvers at the officer academy is getting more and more likely
Chet Sandberg
So..."Nobody likes an escort quest. Nobody." By itself. It tells the reader so much about the novel. The rest should be an argument about why it's still interesting. As for Nora not being a hero, how about something like, "Servants are rarely heroes and Nora's crazy mistress Enheduanna never lets her forget her servitude. Unable to enjoy her unexpected victory in Soron and the minor celebrity that follows, Nora must travel south. As if that wasn't hard enough alone, Enhuadanna has saddled her with two nearly helpless new Ludus arrivals. *New paragraph* Can she keep her charges safe and still complete Enhuadanna's insane mission? *New paragraph* Nora is no hero, but whether she succeeds or fails, she'll do it her way and on her own terms."
Steven
Agree with Chet. Otherwise it looks good. I haven't started the Nora storyline yet (been on a sci-fi bender), but I think I might have to fix that oversight heh
Chet Sandberg
Your last line should be your first. By itself.
