BlaiseCorvin
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Nora 1, working blurb, second try
🕑 Added 2018-03-03 14:46:41 +0000 UTC **Please comment**Okay, I am including the original version here.
What do you all think? 1 or 2?
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Preface to either:
*Nora Hazard’s adventures begin in the country of Berber on the planet Ludus. The story starts over three years prior to the events of Delvers LLC: Welcome to Ludus.*
#1
In the Delvers LLC universe, on the planet Ludus, life is often cheap. Gangs of disillusioned young women roam the city streets of Bittertown in Berber, looking for trouble and usually finding it.
Nora’s childhood hadn’t given her many options in life. With nowhere else to go after she’d lost her family, she had joined an old friend in a street gang and found an unlikely home there.
However, after circumstances force her to leave her second family, even causing her to flee Bittertown, she may need to find new allies in unlikely places. Nora is about to discover the hard way that Dolos orbs, like any serious power, can complicate everything.
Survival isn’t easy on Ludus, especially for someone like Nora. It would help if bounty hunters would stop chasing her, too.
#2
Nora Hazard has not had an easy life. Only through resilience, spirit, and friendship has she managed to endure. Her unbending will has even led to a leadership position within the notorious Jackals gang of Bittertown.
Unfortunately, tragedy is about to befall Nora. Grudges from the distant past and movements of shadowy organizations may take away everything she is familiar with, all the she holds dear...possibly even her life.
Danger has never stopped her before, but survival may require escaping her old life, embarking on an insane, desperate journey. Since Nora has been born and raised on Ludus, an alien planet, she understands how dangerous her world can be.
Unfortunately for her enemies, Nora's no pushover.
Comments
Frank Pisauro
I like 2
Blaise Corvin
Hey all, since we haven't gotten tons of comments here, I'm going to make a poll in my fan group on FB with some of your edits
Blaise Corvin
I had no idea that existed, so no :)
B Thomas
Are you trying to remake the Switchblade Sisters? Switchblade Sisters (1975) - IMDb. Because that's what these blurbs sound like.
Connor M.
I'd go with blurb 1, but replace the bounty hunter sentence with something about how dangerous Nora with a dolos orb is to her enemies.
Blaise Corvin
You guys are not making this easy... AGAIN!
Blaise Corvin
I like that last change the most. Good stuff
Blaise Corvin
Later this year. I have Nora 1-3, SOO2, and a book with William Arand to write first. I'm full time now, though. Hoping for Oct or Nov
Kevin McKinney
I much prefer option 1
Robert Brandt
I like everything about 1 better that 2. The only thing I would edit is the very last line about the bounty hunters, it feels superfluous. Ending on the survival line seems more apropos.
Steven
I also prefer option 2, but agree with William David Nix's suggested edits as well.
William David Nix
Ok, I like #2 much better but I think it still needed a bit of editing. Here's my suggested version. Do with it what you will: Nora Hazard hasn’t had an easy life. Only through resilience, spirit, and friendship has she managed to endure. Her unbending will even led to a leadership position within the notorious Jackals gang of Bittertown. Unfortunately, tragedy is about to befall Nora. Grudges from the distant past and movements of shadowy organizations may take away everything she is familiar with and all the she holds dear...possibly even her life. Danger never stopped her before, but survival may require escaping her old life and embarking on an insane, desperate journey. As a native of Ludus, she understands how dangerous her world can be. Unfortunately for her enemies, Nora's no pushover herself.
brandon marlborough
When are we getting the next Delvers LLC novel
