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Past Life Hero, ch 44

🕑 Added 2023-09-12 16:40:34 +0000 UTC

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Tetsu-nii

WARNING: Really long laundry list of $#it follows … (Sorry, too many years working as a copy editor, I guess.) Suggestion: I think it might read more smoothly (IMO) if you changed "[…] Yeah, you might not get quite as good of training from it as a life-and-death situation," to: "[…] Yeah, *the training value* might not *be* quite as good *as* from * a life-and-death situation," … but it's dialogue, so "Meh." ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, "We might not be real friends..," you can just get rid of the comma and finish the ellipses since they (the ellipses) will take care of all your pucntuational (yeah, I know it's not a real word) needs there. ;) … And on the topic of ellipses, there were truncated ellipses a bit later on: "[…] giving himself reinforced, ghostly gauntlets..*" I'd just get rid of the extra period there, personally. :/ Typos: "[…] Professor Gravecall turned and without began walking away further ado ." Should probably have been (I'm guessing): "[…] Professor *Grave Call* turned and * began walking away *without* further ado." (Note that there's currently an extra space between "ado" and the period.)

Blaise Corvin

lol!

Milton Skipper

I've had a few friends that make this line bring back some memories. "Max, you haven't even been my friend for that long, but right now I'm trying to decide whether I should punch you in the face or give you a hug."


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