breakthebar
patreon
Late Month, No Format, Rambly Update
🕑 Added 2025-05-28 20:49:17 +0000 UTCHey folks,
Some of you out there have earned the right to say 'I Told You So' to me, because this month has been... oof.
If you're just interested in what's coming up with releases, I've labeled below with a heading where that starts.
For those of you who have been keeping up with the updates since March, I've had some personal stuff going on with my family involving mental health struggles and me being a large part of the emotional support system for them. As they've been going through a rollercoaster with it, I've been along for the ride. What I haven't spoken about as much is that I've also had a friend going through some pretty hard stuff as well, and while I kept up some more boundaries with him than with my family member, I'm pretty sure that I'm the only person who is equipped to have hard conversations with him, so again some of it landed on me.
My sister isn't great. She's not in danger as far as our conversations are tracking, and she has a good support network and is hooked in with specialists now, but she's on one of those big lows on the rollercoaster of life. My friend's situation is picking up - he's moving overseas to live with his brother. I'm sad to see him go, but also happy for him because a lot of his life issues will be much easier to deal with there as opposed to here. Of course, I'll be the one driving the 3.5 hours+ round trip to get him to the airport.
I had grand plans for April and then May, and life keeps kicking me in the shins to keep me from thinking I can start moving fast again. All of this has been bringing up some of my own personal struggles around stress, and the unhealthy disconnection I immediately tend towards when it comes to online communication. I turn off Discord and then feel guilty about it, I don't check emails and then feel guilty about it, I don't check here and feel guilty about it, and that guilt turns into more stress. It's not healthy, I've got tools to try and deal with it, but this month has been rough.
I've just posted QT:NW chapters - 35+36 Beta, and 38+39 Alpha. Those Alpha chapters were a weird, frustrating process for me to write. I had them planned out ahead of time and thought they should have been a breeze, but they were a struggle and a slog. I think I went back and edited/added to a big sex scene four separate times because I wasn't happy with it. There's a couple of big conversations that I'm still not sure about if they came out the way I wanted them to or not. I've basically spent the last 20 days or so only managing to get 1.5k words written per day, which is SO SLOW for me. A lot of that slowness comes from being emotionally drained, and then because I'm drained and stressed I'm easily caught up in the dangerous serotonin spiral of doom, waking up hours later having spent way too long on youtube or watching a show. And then feeling guilty about it, which leads to stress.
Are we seeing a pattern emerging?
I am, thankfully, not feeling myself get dragged into any sort of dangerous anxiety or depressive states. I'm just holding a whole lot of stress right now, and am trying to find better ways to release it. Some of that is going to be taking small progress steps in getting back to a proper work pace - getting those QTNW chapters posted was one. This update is another. So will be checking all my notifications and messages, and getting on top of a couple of administrative things.
I'll also get to work on AMA.
Upcoming Content
AMA: The Boyfriend chapters are next on the writing block. It's going to be a large set, and I'll probably be posting a Call for Suggestions in a post tomorrow because Robbie is going to be checking Cassidy's notes on the App soon. What stuff might he find? (Don't answer here, answer in the comments on that soon-to-be-made post)
Le Francais - 10k words
Red Flags Go Faster (Alpha) - 5k words
DM and the Dirty 20s - 5k words
Unexpected Affections - 15k words
OFG - 5k words
7 sponsor choices to be assigned from this month.
OK, that list is making me sweat a bit. Lots to do, and then cycle back around to FoF/QTNW again.
Overall, thank you to folks who have been reaching out or worried about my silence. The guilt/stress part of me cringes when I see it, blaming myself, but the other part of me is so God damn appreciative that I have a community of folks supporting me as I get to do what I love, and caring about my well-being.
I'm not OK, but I'm OK. You'll hear from me again shortly.
Cheers,
~Break.
Comments
Eric
Glomming on here… You’re being a good human, don’t tear yourself up over it! We appreciate you and very much appreciate your writing. I was a type a in my 20s and 30s, now almost to my 60s. I don’t think I can call myself that anymore. I still set goals, but if I don’t meet them, so what? There’s still a goal!! 😊🙌💯
DocEGJ
I read that last statement and all I could hear was Jellyroll singing, “I am Not Okay”, but it’s all gonna be alright!
