A. F. Kay
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Divine Apostasy Book 8 - Chapter 3
🕑 Added 2023-02-20 17:02:45 +0000 UTCChapter 3
“Slow your wagon, Son,” Big D said. “I want to unload all that. Your letter mentioned your control, but I thought you exaggerated.”
Ruwen rubbed his temples and whispered. “No matter what I do, it goes wrong.”
Big D leaned forward and tapped her small hand on the table in front of Ruwen. “Let’s start with just facts, not emotion and guilt. What exactly do you mean by you did it?”
Ruwen turned and glanced around, seeing if anyone sat nearby. A wave of Energy passed through him, and he looked back at the table to find a small figurine of three baby appahs. One had its front hooves over its eyes, the next its ears, and the last its mouth. He placed a finger on it and looked at the description.
Name: Triplets of Wisdom
Quality: Rare
Weight: 0.75 lbs.
Effect: Creates a shield around the two closest people. Those outside the shield see silent and blurred shapes.
Description: A small carving of three baby appahs made from sandalwood. Silence is a Wisdom all its own.
“Go ahead,” Big D said. “Your secrets are safe here.”
Ruwen needed help. Making decisions with only good intentions had caused disaster, and Big D would need enough information so that she could help him. “When I reactivated the Third Temple, let’s just say I gained control over it.” He didn’t need to tell her about the Architect Role. How he did things wasn’t as important as what those actions caused.
“I feel like there is a long story you just skipped.”
“There is, and since I’m starting to doubt myself, if you want to know specifics, I’ll tell you.”
“I don’t need to know that but tell me why you made those changes.”
Ruwen sat back, raised his hands a little, quickly clasped them to keep from fidgeting, and instead tapped his foot.
Big D reached over and put her hand on Ruwen’s. “I’m not a Judge. And you know that I’m already invested in helping you, Uru help me.”
A small smile escaped Ruwen’s control, and he relaxed as Big D leaned back to listen.
“I guess it started as a reaction to the corruption in the Order Class. The priests took money in exchange for favors, including Class choices. It felt unfair to me, especially after what happened on my own Ascension Day.”
“Is being a Worker that bad?”
“Of course not. I can see that better now, but back then my anger hadn’t passed. And I’ll point out the obvious, Wisdom was never a strong Attribute for me.”
“You seemed to have addressed that,” Big D said approvingly.
“I’ve tried. Anyway, it felt right to me, but it also appealed to my logic. Everyone deserved to choose something that so affected their future.”
Big D pointed a finger. “I want to mention something here, in case we don’t circle back to this. Your first mistake was projecting yourself and your experience on everyone else. You should understand how abnormal you are.”
“Thanks, I guess?” Ruwen asked and smiled.
Big D waved her finger while she took another drink of ale. “Knowing you, I’m guessing you spent a lot of time thinking about your future. You studied and prepared for it. The fact is, most sixteen-year-olds on their Ascendancy Day have spent almost no time at all on their futures. The young, bless them, are creatures of the present.”
Thinking about the kids in school and the library, Ruwen knew the truth of Big D’s words.
Big D touched the Triplets of Wisdom as Brianna approached and Ruwen shivered as the Energy passed through him again.
“Mom says I’m off to bed,” Brianna said. “So you’ll need to fill your mugs at the bar from now on. I left three pitchers with your guys.”
“Thank you, Brianna,” Big D said. “You did an amazing job. I’ll make sure sour face here leaves a good tip.”
The young girl tried to hide a smile as she refilled Big D’s mug. Brianna finished and glanced disapprovingly at Ruwen’s full glass. He smiled at her, picked it up, and took a sip. “Best ale I’ve had in weeks.”
Brianna nodded, gave Ruwen another look and pointed at his Void Band. “Mom says Bands be as smart as Mages. That you’re all full of secrets and that you come to fetch kids who don’t listen to their moms. That you scoop them up with a black shovel and they’re never seen again.”
Ruwen put on a serious face and leaned toward her. “It’s all true.” He held up his left wrist. “I have a body in here right now.” He actually did, as he had yet to get rid of Izac’s Ink Lord.
Brianna gasped.
“Hopefully you listen to your mom and study hard, so I won’t have to come snatch you.”
Brianna nodded, her eyes wide. “I study all the time. I even have my own library.”
Ruwen leaned back. “Really? I’m a bit of a librarian myself.” He leaned toward her again. “Do you want to know one of my secrets.”
“Yes,” Brianna whispered.
Ruwen looked around as if making sure no one could hear. “I know someone who loves books maybe even more than us, and I bet she would enjoy seeing your library. Would you like to meet her?”
Brianna nodded and Ruwen closed his eyes.
Rami, this little girl Brianna has a library she’d like to show off.
Be there in thirty seconds.
Rami couldn’t hide her enthusiasm for books. Even ones on a young girl’s shelf.
Lir, do the kids you’re backing up advance skills?
Yes, Architect Starfield. Their Class choice is deferred until their sixteenth birthday, but all skills advance as normal.
Thanks.
Ruwen opened his eyes and focused back on Brianna. “Big D tells me you’re smart.”
“I am,” Brianna said, and then quickly added. “But I still work hard.”
“I can see that.” Ruwen tapped his chin. “I wonder.”
“Wonder what?” Brianna asked.
“Well, I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but,” Ruwen looked around again, “but our Void Bands are balanced. Just like the universe. It means just like I need to scoop up naughty children, I must also reward the good ones. I guess, I was just wondering if you are one of the rare, good ones.”
“I am,” Brianna whispered.
Ruwen looked at Big D. “What do you think? Should we test her?”
“Most certainly,” Big D said. “Even I’m curious about how this works.”
Ruwen let out a loud sigh and held out his left hand. “Put your left hand over the top of my wrist, and your right hand under. In a moment I’ll tell you the magic words. If what you’ve told me is true, something will drop out.”
Brianna put her pitcher down on the table and pressed herself against the table, her eyes wide. “Something? Like what?”
Ruwen shrugged. “Hard to know. I’ve seen pebbles come out. Sometimes coins or jewels. Magic items. Lava once, but that boy had lied to me.”
“Lava?” Brianna whispered.
“You want to give it a try?”
Brianna swallowed hard and placed her left hand on top of Ruwen’s wrist and the right hand under.
“Okay,” Ruwen said. “Move your top hand in a slow circle and repeat this magic spell three times.” He made up a short incantation and whispered it to Brianna.
With these words, I cast my spell,
Retrieving riches from this dark well.
I summon treasure from this Band,
Let it appear in my waiting hand.
Brianna spoke the words in a whisper, and Ruwen activated Glow, causing his hand and wrist to faintly shine. Her hands started to shake, but she repeated the spell a second time, and he increased Glow’s brightness. Her heart rate had skyrocketed, and he worried maybe he had overdone this a little. She repeated it one last time and Glow grew bright enough that she needed to squint.
The light suddenly disappeared, and Brianna gasped. Ruwen pulled his arm back and looked at the palm sized disk cupped in her trembling hands. A diving falcon, its claws empty, was etched in beautiful detail on the surface. He had gotten that as loot on the Black Pyramid’s fourth level after defeating those mean little octopus horses.
Ruwen widened his eyes. “You must be very special to receive such a treasure. That is a Falcon Glove of Training. When you press it between your palms and think of a skill the falcon’s talons will hold it tight. As long as the skill uses your hands, it will increase twice as fast for a while.” He grew serious. “The brand hurts, but just for a moment. It is to remind you that skills do not come for free.”
Brianna ran a finger across the disk. “I love it,” she whispered. She looked up and gave a little scream of delight. “What is that?”
Ruwen glanced at the table. A black wyrm the length of his thumb stood upright with wings spread. Seriously? You ruined my moment. How can I compete with you?
Don’t bother trying, Rami replied.
Ruwen turned back to Brianna. “This is the friend I told you about. Her name is Rami, and she is a bookwyrm. She would love to see your library.”
Brianna jumped up and down, unable to contain her excitement.
Big D smiled as Rami flew to Brianna’s shoulder. “Show your mom the treasure you summoned with your spell and make sure she’s okay with it.”
Brianna nodded and dashed away, leaving her pitcher of ale behind.
“I think she likes you,” Big D said with a grin, before it turned into a knowing smile. “And I think some people will do anything to avoid a hard conversation.”
“I know,” Ruwen replied as his cheeks warmed.
Big D activated the shield again. “You really do have a lot of secrets. I’ve never seen a wyrm that small.”
“Bookwyrms start small, and her choices kept her that way. She has a personality ten thousand times that size.”
“It is wise to surround yourself with those who can challenge you and your beliefs. Which ties into my second point about what you did. You assumed everyone was like you, and they aren’t. What made that worse is the suddenness of it.”
Ruwen remained quiet, very interested in learning from his mistakes.
“Do you remember?” Big D asked. “Why I was so excited about the camping trip?”
“You wanted to highlight Worker inequality.”
“I did. Forcing every Class to go on that trip gave me the opportunity to upset the current state a little. And the key word there is little.”
Ruwen nodded, letting Big D speak without interruption.
“People are creatures of habit. They like consistency. In fact, they will desperately fight to maintain it. Change is scary and unwelcome, and sudden change can be disastrous. That is why to reach my goals, I focused on a political solution. Political solutions always take time, but they provide the space for acceptance.”
Ruwen sipped his ale.
Big D took a drink as well, but with far more enthusiasm. “The combination of you assuming others would act like you, and the quickness of the change, proved catastrophic.”
“That makes sense,” Ruwen said. “Was I wrong to do it in the first place?”
Big D shrugged. “That’s a harder question to answer and depends on your motives. If you wanted to destroy our society, then it was a fantastic success.”
“Ouch.”
“That isn’t fair. There are outside actors making things worse on purpose, but the thing to remember, is, how best to put this,” Big D snapped her fingers “I got it. Something you’ll understand. Life is no different than the alchemy you love. It finds an equilibrium and strives to keep it. You upset that balance without understanding the underlying equations, which resulted in chaos.”
Ruwen frowned. “That’s just it. I don’t understand any of this. I have all this power and I should be able to make things better, but I don’t. I usually cause the opposite.”
Unbidden, memories of his dead classmates surfaced, and his throat clamped tight. The Aspect of War had killed them all.
“What just happened?” Big D asked.
Ruwen snapped out of his memories and focused back on Big D. He shook his head a little and took a drink of ale, this one longer. He gently set the mug down and stared at it.
“What is it, Ruwen?” Big D asked gently.
Ruwen looked up and met Big D’s gaze. “My confusion and lack of control around this current situation surfaced other memories. I just lived through a tragedy, caused by a previous bad decision of mine. I haven’t recovered from it yet, and after talking with you I can see how it’s affecting my judgement. You just explained why I shouldn’t make rash decision, and I already know the power I’ve acquired is not useful against this new challenge.” He took another drink of ale and Big D refilled his mug from Brianna’s forgotten pitcher.
The night Ruwen had met Gunder, the man had sent a small army at Ruwen. He rotated the mug in his hand, the new ale cooling the sides. “Because of what happened, I feel adrift and scared. Not scared of a person, or even of a god. Scared of making another mistake. It has changed me. The merciful, everything will turn out fine, part of me seems lost. Everything that looks like a threat, I just destroy.” His mouth went dry, and he took another sip of ale, the smell of oats and barely overpowering. “I didn’t even warn them. They attacked me, and I killed them. I’m ashamed of that.”
Big D took a drink and studied Ruwen.
After a few seconds, Ruwen shook his head, uncomfortable. “What?”
“I’ve met a lot of good people in my life. Some of them had this terrible affliction, and I’m wondering if you suffer from it.”
Ruwen gave a shy smile. “My Disease Resistance is pretty high.”
Big D laughed. “That’s the kicker. It’s self-inflicted. It goes right past all your defenses. Let me ask you something. Those men you put in the queue, did someone force them to attack? Men with lightning rods pushing them forward?”
“No.”
Big D nodded to herself. “And did someone send them? Or did you round them up yourself to kill?”
“They had a leader,” Ruwen said, thinking of Gunder on the north wall of New Eiru. Gunder and the glowing tree on his palm marking him as one of Ruwen’s Hands. A special person meant to help him. Why did it seem like all his Hands wanted to kill him?
“I thought as much,” Big D said. “You have shouldered this immense burden of guilt for not warning the people trying to kill you. I assume because you’ve become so powerful you feel as if hurting them without warning is acting like a bully.”
Ruwen’s head snapped up at the word bully. It was one of his closest held fears. One he hadn’t talked to anyone about. His experience growing up had made him despise bullies, and the thought he might turn into one himself, to abuse his power over those weaker than him, went to the core of his fears.
Big D nodded knowingly. “We don’t have enough time to get through all that tonight. Here is what I want you to think about. You, good natured as you are, want to give people free choice, and when that fails spectacularly, you take the blame. Flipping that around, when you take action against others, instead of acknowledging the free will they are using, what you encouraged them to do, you take the blame for the results of their actions as well. You literally cannot win. No matter what happens you blame yourself, and that behavior has created enough mental stress that you are now doubting everything you do and acting irrationally.”
Ruwen let Big D’s words sink into him, the truth resonating so strongly it made him shiver.
“What you don’t realize,” Big D continued, “is that you’ve been irrational this whole time. You are not responsible for the choices others make. You are not responsible for the orders others choose to follow. You might not be blameless, but you do not bare the whole burden.”
Big D finished the last of her ale. “You’re like a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the other. Your borrowed guilt drives this movement and gives it power. The decision about Class choice originates from the same mistake you made with yourself. You want to balance everything, but what everyone wants, what you need, is stability. And stability comes from slow and thoughtful movements.”
This immediately brought the Bamboo and Viper Steps to mind. He had been acting as a Viper when Bamboo was required.
“I came here to apologize, and see how I can help you,” Ruwen said. “Instead, once again, you’re helping me.”
“Helping one, helps us all. I think that is especially the case with you.”
“Is there something I can do to fix all this?”
Big D sighed again. “I think it’s too late. The time for a slow political solution has disappeared. I fear, despite the big speech I just gave you, only a catastrophe can rebalance us. It will either return our stability or destroy us.”
“There must be something I can try.”
Big D tilted her head. “I heard rumors that a fearsome creature attacked New Eiru with great success. Maybe you could talk to this warrior. If they could get Gunder to reverse his path and the north to stop gathering what appears to many as an invading army, perhaps a dialogue could begin.”
“I think I can make that happen.”
“I thought so,” Big D said. “Let me know the results. Now, let’s go pay your bill.”
Comments
DJ Johnson
I'm behind but finally finish book 7 and reading book 8. Seems like this is gonna be the big book of character development! Cannot wait!
Matthew Dodwell
Bear the whole burden, (not bare)
A. F. Kay
Happy I can share them!
A. F. Kay
Good stuff. I really like these chapters.
A. F. Kay
Yes, probably too long overdue, but better late than never.
Joe
AFK. Thank you so much for this gift. I truly appreciate it.
Jeremiah Halstead
To quote a streamer that I enjoy watching "learning has occurred"
Austin
Thank you for finally addressing that Ruwen takes on way too much of the guilt for others actions. I hope he takes it to heart.
