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Elysium? Chapter One

🕑 Added 2021-01-05 11:28:43 +0000 UTC

Comments

Bilfdoffle

Ok, I just read the first three chapters, and it's a bit of a rollercoaster. First the MC is in a car, possibly with her friend, and it crashes. Seems like her friend's drama is going to be important, but no details. The bigger issue is the awkwardness of her being too focused on the road for a quick glare, only to turn around to talk in the next paragraph, though presumably this is to put the ominous "she doesn't know" mantra in there. The next section deals with her reincarnation, and apparently her parents are dead? Probably (hopefully?) also relevant at some point, but we also find out that she was apparently playing a VR game before she died which now launches in a month. The whole transition reads a bit awkwardly and super fast paced, and leaves me rather confused. I'll admit, with the character creation in ch2 it's entirely possible that you're trying to cultivate a bit of confusion on purpose, but a simple line in the first scene where it 'happens to be the 7th anniversary of her parents death, and all she wanted to do was xx in elysium all day, but instead is helping her friend through her breakup' would likely help to make everything a bit less jarring. I'm still not entirely sure if a cabin is just a vr pod or more than that, but I suppose it probably doesn't matter. Overall, it's an interesting start, though super frustrating for me (I like to plan out builds with spreadsheets, so that little information would drive me insane).