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The New Normal - 3-4

🕑 Added 2023-05-05 12:11:07 +0000 UTC

Comments

Vtec

Huge thanks for this comment! Yeah, especially with things like politics, which I am super unfamiliar with, I have to go with what I think I know. So, when I first wrote the scene, I thought John was just being respectful and polite, and he had gotten what he wanted out of the deal. However, thanks to the very nice constructive comments from other readers, I've learnt that clearly my vision was incorrect in some ways and that I needed to make changes. I'm happy that the newer version is more palatable for people. Thanks again!

kelvin

I appreciate your willingness to modify your approach especially on something that you may not be super familiar with. Negotiations are tough and trying to make it equitable to all parties can be unintentionally favoring different parties. I was taught that it's similar to a venn diagram where you each have your own bottom line and where they meet in the middle is the possibility of making a deal. You can tack on things to increase your position or assign greater values to things the other party places middling concern on. At the end of the day John was going to support lance unless his position compromised on his goals of improvement for his family or Kanto. The addition of the exclusivity deal is a good one and I think you handled it well. There was some power plays but with the idea that lance is a dragon through and through it's better off playing to that pride while letting John keep his focus on improvement of the region. Could he wring more from this deal? Absolutely. Does he need to? Not at all. He gains a favorable ally with a solid name from a foreign region while staying withing his goals. His character does come across as a bit naive and young but at the same time I think it adds to his credibility that he stays true to who he is. Sure he could posture up on lance or throw Pryce to the wolves but by sticking with his morals and taking a longer approach it establishes himself as someone who doesn't seek conflict but is resolute in his goals. In essence great job! Always room for improvement but you've stayed true to the character you've developed and how he would react in universe with what we know.

The Tallest Tree

Solid imo

Vtec

More minor changes have been made. I changed John's first request of staying into an E4 into a non-negotiable demand. I added an additional request of having Lance's political backing for any of john's future proposals (within reason), which Lance agrees to. Also, I added another request saying that since it wasn't certain that Lance would be Champion, John needed more. So, John also asks for Lance to open Blackthorn City up to the Smith's family Moomoo milk, so they can start selling in Blackthorn. As a show of good faith, Lance makes a written order for Moomoo milk for Blackthorn, and gives that to John. And I changed Clair's previous 'what can you do for us' to a 'what can we expect your support to look like?' to make it more friendly and less confrontational. Hope they were good changes!


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