Malphegor
patreon
Naruto: IY Ch. 09
🕑 Added 2025-07-21 21:59:40 +0000 UTC"Madara-sama, if you tell me what pooping feels like, I'll tell you."
The swirl-faced White Zetsu was squatting on the ground, trying hard to experience the feeling of needing to poop.
Upon hearing Madara's questioning voice, he excitedly ran toward him.
"..."
Madara slightly opened his mouth and indifferently uttered one word: "Scram."
"It's been a year now," he said, lifting his head in the direction of the voice.
A year ago, he was living in the cave beneath Kannabi Bridge, using White Zetsu to search for his beloved Uchiha clansmen to implement the great Eye of the Moon Plan.
Until he found his "eyes."
The container for his eyes, Nagato, and a guy named Yahiko actually wanted to found a ninja village in the Land of Rain.
At just nine years old, they were already sparring with Hanzō the Salamander.
Madara was dumbfounded at that moment. Sure, ten Hanzōs wouldn't be a match for him at his peak.
But weren't those kids a bit too confident?
Luckily, it was the container that was reckless, not the "Madara" he chose to represent himself.
To keep his Rinnegan from being wasted by those two idiots, he had White Zetsu disguise himself as a refugee and guide the two fools to build their village here. He even moved in nearby to watch over them, sort of like letting go, but not really.
Over the past year, those two idiots actually did a decent job. From certain angles, he thought they were even stronger than Hashirama.
The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.
In his plan, the Rinnegan was supposed to witness the greatest evil of the world, helping his chosen successor capture the nine tailed beasts.
But he had only taken a few days of rest, and outside, what had happened?
He frowned slightly. Could it be that those two fools had made some enemies? Yahiko couldn't die, not yet. It was too early.
"Go up and check."
"Madara-sama, do you really not know what pooping feels like...?"
Madara clenched his fist, coldly glaring at the White Zetsu, who blinked blankly, wide-eyed at Madar, —making Black Zetsu hiding in Madara's shadow look even darker in the face.
What the hell were these two doing?
Can you not be like this?
How the hell am I supposed to save Mother like this?
Finally, under the threat of Madara's violence, White Zetsu went up. As a lonely remnant spirit of the previous era, he often watched the outside world through White Zetsu's vision.
Like a bored person passing time with the TV.
At this moment, his vision connected with the swirl-faced White Zetsu.
---
Everywhere Madara looked, dust flew in the air.
Workers in yellow hard hats, having just eaten, were adding bricks and tiles to the school construction.
"Our village is getting a school too! I will definitely become a great sensei!"
"You idiot! What if the school won't take you?"
"Don't listen to Takeshi's nonsense. He's the one who won't get into the school."
Some kids, perhaps unaware of the hardship inside school, excitedly pointed from outside.
Madara, seeing the scene, was touched and fell into memories. A rare gentleness appeared in his eyes.
When Konoha was first built, wasn't it just like this too?
At that time, he and Hashirama even took turns acting as construction foremen. Naturally, in the end, he won.
The houses he supervised were solid and sturdy. As for the ones Hashirama oversaw, so flimsy they might as well have been made of paper.
Sigh... getting old just means you get nostalgic, he thought, laughing at himself, his wrinkled face creasing even more, then his brow suddenly furrowed.
Where the hell did White Zetsu go?
---
"Madara-sama... did you come up here to pee too?" a woman said to herself in a hushed voice, cupping her hand near her mouth.
Genno had just finished relieving himself at the urinal and turned around, confused, only to see a strange woman with odd behavior burst into the makeshift men's toilet.
And she asked if he came to pee?
"..."
"You're in the wrong place. This is the men's room."
"Huh... the men's room, is this where you poop?" the woman asked, placing her index finger on her lips.
"Get back here!" Madara covered his face, cheeks bright red with embarrassment.
Utterly ashamed.
He knew it, he should never have used that idiot's cells to cultivate those white creatures.
White Zetsu escaped underground, leaving only the bewildered Genno rubbing his eyes, more confused than ever.
"Am I under a genjutsu or something?"
But he was just a cook, at most useful during the welcome banquet. Why would an enemy bother to hit him with genjutsu?
The day passed quickly.
Genno wasn't the only one confused in Yoake. According to about a third of the construction workers:
While they were on the toilet, they heard a strange "hehehe..." laughter.
Some said, just as they started to go, something reached out and interfered. They were so scared they couldn't finish their business.
"Waaah, he touched my butt!"
"You think that's bad? He had something nasty in his hand and smeared it down my leg!"
"That bastard stole the whole roll of toilet paper from my stall!"
Other villagers chimed in one after another, sharing their grievances.
According to Nagato's investigation, two male villagers were using the latrine while kunoichi Shirayuki was nearby.
She was so horrified by what she saw, she still couldn't stand up to this day.
"What? If officials don't stand up for the people, they might as well go home and plant potatoes! Don't worry, I will definitely find that culprit!"
Yahiko flew into a rage and ordered a full investigation. Of course, being familiar with the "plot," he knew exactly who was responsible. But without knowing where exactly Madara was hiding, how could he possibly catch White Zetsu, a master of the Mayfly Technique and slipperier than Orochimaru?
And besides, White Zetsu's boss was Madara.
The guy had powerful backing. He was just a village chief, how was he supposed to arrest that guy?
So in the end, he captured a few notorious mountain bandits from outside and framed them as scapegoats to suppress the incident.
After these bandits were dealt with, that creepy "hehehe..." laugh still echoed through the toilets from time to time.
It caused so much panic that some particularly timid villagers preferred to hold it in until they got a stomachache.
At this moment, members of the Uzumaki clan, known for their powerful sensory abilities, stepped forward to bring the culprit behind the "evil white hand" to justice.
"Fellow villagers, don't worry! I will definitely root out the dirty hand behind these dirty deeds!"
Shuzen pledged solemnly and swore to protect the peace of the village by forming a security team with the members of the Uzumaki clan.
Then one day, Madara happened to spot a familiar face in a crowd of red-haired people.
Furious, he tore off the "pipe" from the Gedo Statue behind him, he then grabbed the White Zetsu wearing an Uzumaki mask and gave him a brutal beating.
Well, from then on, the villagers finally lived peaceful days where they could go to the toilet freely.
---
"Yahiko, we're short on funds again! What should we do? Should we finish the project early?"
"Think of something!"
Days passed by...
Two shocking incidents suddenly shook the shinobi world!
One: a mysterious white hand emerging from toilets, though this rumor only spread within Yoake.
The other? One that made even noble children in the shinobi world stop crying instantly.
At a brightly lit estate in the Land of Fire, the head of the house stared at a warning letter in his hands:
"From the lion at dusk to the girl at dawn, the clock without a second hand reaches the 12th letter..."
Message: Phantom Thief Kid.
At the end of the letter was a small doodle of a figure in a top hat.
"What does this mean?" the nobleman asked his butler, who only shook his head, clueless too.
Suddenly, a gust of wind blew through the mansion, extinguishing all the candles. When the lights came back on, a servant came running in, face white:
"Something terrible has happened! The legendary Fire Gem we received as a gift, it's gone!"
"What? That huge emerald egg, gone?"
"Useless fools! What are you hired guards even good for?"
---
"That egg is pretty valuable."
Yahiko appeared in the Land of Wind. He had just exchanged that emerald egg for twenty million ryō.
"Nagato, next target."
As the head of Yoake's intelligence division, Nagato had already scoped out the next mark.
A princess from the Land of Wind who owned what was said to be the reddest ruby in the shinobi world, the Crimson Tear.
Unfortunately, Suna was so poor they were practically eating dirt, while this princess lived in a palace that was one of the most extravagant in the oasis.
"Ahhh! Phantom Thief Kid is coming to our home! Quick, increase security! I want to see him with my own eyes!"
Maybe it was admiration... After receiving Yahiko's warning letter, she actually held it to her chest and prayed with devotion.
"This woman!"
Yahiko escaped with Nagato without stealing anything.
That damn gem wasn't worth the trouble, this woman was a lunatic.
She hired Rasa and had three jonin and nine genin set up a trap that covered the entire estate. So much money, and this is how she uses it?
The next day, Yahiko and Nagato doubled back, and this time, they successfully stole the Crimson Tear.
Even thieves had a code.
They only hit each noble once.
Of course, if those nobles kept hoarding wealth shamelessly, then next time Yahiko and Nagato come back, it won't just be to "borrow" a treasure...
They had already visited all five Great Nations.
It hurt.
Yahiko ate cabbage and noodles every day, while those nobles dumped their uneaten chickens, ducks, and fish into the sewers with loud "clang clang clang" sounds.
Work hard! I must work hard!
He swore that he would make everyone in the shinobi world equal.
When he first founded Yoake, the villagers looked worn and sickly. There was no food, no schools. All the grain in the entire village added up to less than ten kilos, and there were barely a few people who could read basic characters. It was not their fault, Japanese was just damn difficult... why the need of so many characters anyway?
This tiny village didn't even have a proper name at that time.
So who could they ask for help?
Nagato had even said, "Do you think my eyes are worth anything? If they are, we can trade them."
That's how desperate things were in the early days of Yoake.
If Yahiko hadn't randomly found ten million ryō one day to buy food, the village wouldn't have survived.
Thanks to his efforts, in less than a year, the village had everything, food, schools, even a retirement home.
The Ninja Academy and retirement home had already been completed and were actively recruiting students and elderly residents.
These were his two proudest achievements, and both would officially open tomorrow, September 1st.
That night, he came alone to the prison.
Out of some twisted sense of humor, he had named the prison "Impel Down."
It was located in the back half of Yoake.
Every day, two genin took turns standing guard outside.
Inside, the prisoners were sealed tightly with layers upon layers of Uzumaki fūinjutsu, making it nearly impossible for anyone to break in or out.
Even someone like Hiruzen, renowned as the Professor, would be completely in the dark and would need a lot of time to decipher those seals.
"Yahiko-sama..."
Two genin respectfully saluted Yahiko, who in turn nodded and replied, "Thanks for your hard work."
With a creak, the hinges gave a soft groan as the door opened. The prisoners inside heard the sound and paused their knitting work. They rushed to the bars, eager to show goodwill to whoever was coming.
"Even though we're prisoners, we still deserve the rights of Yoake villagers! Salute!"
"That's right, we have the right to salute too!"
Without seeing clearly who it was, some even tried to get the visitor to pass on greetings to Yahiko. They thanked Yahiko for giving them a second chance to turn their lives around.
Fortunately, their crimes weren't too severe, so after a few more days of re-education through labor, they'd be released.
But Yahiko ignored them.
He had an itch, a craving, and needed someone to help him scratch it.
If it were any other time, he'd give those prisoners a lecture, reminding them to treasure their time in confinement and never return to a life of petty crime after being released. But this time, he had snuck out behind Konan's back.
She was always worried he'd get obsessed with the wrong things and kept a close eye on him.
Soon, he reached the deepest level of Impel Down, where the most dangerous criminals were supposed to be held.
At the moment, only one person was being kept there.
A former comrade of the Legendary Sannin, a missing-nin secretly wanted by Konoha, Hiruko.
He was the man with a single white ponytail, who had once been knocked unconscious by Gamabunta with a single slap.
Yahiko unlocked the cell, and the two had a deep conversation.
At first, it was intense, Hiruko was extremely stubborn and unyielding. But in the end, Yahiko overwhelmed him with sheer presence and conviction.
After several rounds of negotiation, Hiruko agreed to Yahiko's request in exchange for his freedom, although he couldn't guarantee success.
That was enough for him.
As one of the most famous researchers in the shinobi world besides Tobirama and Orochimaru, Yahiko had full confidence in him.
