Malphegor
patreon
MCIM Ch. 56
🕑 Added 2025-10-17 16:47:01 +0000 UTCNew Mexico.
Thor was demolishing food like a starving bear in a diner.
The God of Thunder had gone straight from battling Frost Giants in Jotunheim to being stripped of his divine power and yeeted to Earth by his father. He hadn't eaten since, and it showed. Plates were piling up faster than the waitress could clear them.
Dr. Erik Selvig, Jane Foster, and Darcy Lewis sat across from him, unable to look away from the spectacle.
"This drink is excellent!" Thor held up his coffee cup.
Jane, who'd been staring at him, snapped back to awareness. "Oh, you like it?"
"Very much! I'll have another!"
Thor raised the cup high and smashed it on the floor.
CRASH.
The sound of shattering ceramic drew every eye in the restaurant. In Asgard, it was tradition. On Earth, it was vandalism.
The diner owner looked ready to commit murder.
Jane scrambled to her feet, apologizing to everyone while frantically gathering the larger shards. "I'm so sorry! He's not from around here! Tourist! Foreign customs!"
"What?" Thor looked confused. "I simply enjoyed the beverage and wished for another."
"You can't just—"
The screech of tires cut off Jane's explanation. Several black SUVs slid to a stop outside the diner, and a group of men in dark suits emerged. The most distinctive among them was carrying a circular shield.
"Cap, you sure you don't want to reconsider? This is the perfect chance to fight a god while he's depowered. Fair and square. You'll never get another opportunity like this."
Even Steve couldn't suppress an internal groan at Mario's definition of "fair."
Pretty sure that's not what 'fair and square' means.
He shook his head. "I don't have any quarrel with Thor. I have no intention of fighting him. Power isn't meant for meaningless brawling."
Mario looked dejected. This was the ideal time to beat the crap out of Thor, once he got his powers back, punching him would be significantly more complicated and painful.
Truth be told, he hadn't planned on making this trip. Staying home with Skye and explaining Inhuman biology seemed infinitely more appealing than trudging through the New Mexico desert. But then he'd remembered the Destroyer would be showing up soon, and a bold idea had formed in his mind.
So here he was, volunteering for a road trip to the middle of nowhere.
Coulson led the way, pushing through the diner's door. Various patrons turned to stare. He walked straight to Selvig.
"Dr. Selvig. Long time no see."
Selvig was an astronomer who'd encountered Thor shortly after his exile and had helped the god acclimate to Earth.
Seeing Coulson, Selvig's expression immediately tensed. He knew enough about S.H.I.E.L.D. to recognize that their involvement meant serious danger.
"Agent Coulson." Selvig stood and shook his hand warily. "What brings you here?"
Coulson glanced at Thor, then smiled pleasantly at Selvig. "I'm here for him."
He turned to Thor and lowered his voice slightly. "Hello, Thor Odinson of Asgard. On behalf of S.H.I.E.L.D., welcome to Earth."
For days, nobody had believed a word he'd said about his origins. Now this stranger appeared knowing exactly who he was.
"You know of me?"
"I know enough. This isn't the best place for this conversation. Why don't we relocate somewhere more appropriate?"
Thor didn't hesitate. He stood immediately, ready to follow Coulson anywhere. The concept that Coulson might have ulterior motives never crossed his mind.
Because thinking wasn't exactly his strong suit right now.
Jane turned desperately to her mentor. "He's crucial to our research! We can't let him just walk away!"
"Jane, this is already beyond our control."
"But—"
Jane's protest was cut off by an amused voice from nearby. Mario had casually seated himself next to Darcy.
"Come on, don't make excuses. 'Love at first sight' sounds romantic, but let's be honest here, it's lust at first sight."
He turned to Darcy. "Miss Lewis, don't you think I'm right?"
Darcy studied Mario. As Jane's assistant, she'd noticed Jane's emotional state immediately. The only person who hadn't noticed was Jane herself.
"I think you make an excellent point."
"Darcy!" Jane's face flushed bright red. She stammered incoherently, unable to form a proper rebuttal.
Mario waved at Coulson. "Hey, can I borrow your pen? I'd like to get this lady's autograph."
Coulson glanced at Darcy. He'd memorized everyone's files before arriving, and her background was completely ordinary, nothing remarkable.
What he didn't know was that Darcy was played by Mario's favorite actress from his previous world. Most people might not recognize the name immediately, but mention Max from 2 Broke Girls, and countless people would remember.
The show's influence had permanently altered his perception. Every time he looked at Darcy, he half-expected her to start making inappropriate jokes and driving metaphorical buses at highway speeds.
"Could you sign this for me? And maybe add 'Kat Dennings' at the end."
For him, this was a small dream fulfilled. He handed over the pen as he spoke.
Thor wasn't paying attention to Mario's fanboy moment. His eyes had locked onto the last person to enter, Steve. The two men's gazes met. Even without his divine power, he remained incredibly strong. In the original timeline, trained S.H.I.E.L.D. agents had been helpless children before him.
Both men had nearly the same thought:
What magnificent glutes.
What impressive musculature.
"Thor Odinson." Thor extended his hand toward Steve. "I did not expect to find such a formidable warrior in Midgard."
Steve smiled warmly and clasped Thor's hand in a firm shake. "Steve Rogers. It's a pleasure to meet you."
Coulson's smile grew warmer watching the exchange. "Excellent. Now let's get out of here before Thor destroys any more dishware."
---
In the wilderness of New Mexico, Mario walked leisurely across the open land.
Darcy emerged from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s temporary shelter and headed toward him.
She watched as he chopped down a cactus, which instantly transformed into a small green fragment that zipped into his body and vanished. Her eyes widened, though she remained far calmer than Skye had been during similar revelations.
Maybe astronomers have stronger mental endurance. Or maybe she's just seen too much weird shit already.
After harvesting the last cactus in the area, Mario put away his axe and looked up at the clouds drifting across the darkening sky. "Looks like we're in for heavy rain tonight."
Darcy followed his gaze upward and nodded. "Yeah, definitely."
"Can I ask who 'Kat Dennings' is?"
She'd been curious about this man since they met. He acted like he already knew her, but she was certain this was their first encounter.
Mario smiled. "You look exactly like someone I used to know named Kat Dennings. If I ever get the chance, I'll introduce you two. Should be interesting when you meet."
If I can collect all six Infinity Stones, maybe I can open a portal home. Or find the Heart of the Universe. Or track down the Living Tribunal. Marvel's got more cosmic artifacts than a garage sale from God. There's got to be a way back.
And if I can't go home, I'll find a way to bring my family here. Being alone in this universe is too damn lonely.
"By the way, how's Thor handling things?"
Darcy chuckled. "That guy? After realizing he can't lift the hammer, he's been having a full emotional breakdown. Jane's comforting him now. Is he really the legendary God of Thunder? Because right now, he seems more like a drama queen using this as an excuse to get Jane's sympathy."
Thor always appeared straightforward and somewhat simple, but now Darcy had him wondering.
Wait. Thor's lived for over a thousand years. He can't actually be as dumb as he acts. I almost let the plot fool me. Of course Odin wouldn't choose a complete idiot as his heir.
This bastard's playing the sympathy card like a fiddle.
Thor's hammer had been brought out by him specifically for this purpose. Since Thor couldn't lift it anyway, it was perfect bait. Without making him experience true despair, Loki wouldn't come down to manipulate his brother. And if the Destroyer didn't show up tomorrow, Mario's plan to acquire Destroyer armor would be ruined.
"Let's head back. Sun's already down, and I'm starving."
Mario led Darcy back toward the temporary camp. When they arrived, they found Ivan crouched around Thor's hammer, examining it with various instruments and tools.
"How's it going?"
He walked up and clapped Ivan on the shoulder.
Ivan straightened up, spat out the toothpick he'd been chewing, and replied, "This hammer's constantly emitting some kind of strange energy field. That's probably why nobody can lift it. And the material it's forged from... I've never seen anything like it. Incredibly durable. This material would be perfect for making whip-blades. Like on those electric whips I've been designing."
Mario nodded enthusiastically. "I was thinking the same thing. But it's already been forged into a hammer... Wonder if it can even be reforged at this point."
Suddenly, arcs of electricity crackled across Mjolnir's surface, making both men jump backward.
Ivan asked in surprise, "This hammer can discharge electricity?"
He was always fascinated by anything involving electrical current. Mario stared at the hammer thoughtfully. That brief flash of lightning meant Mjolnir could understand basic speech, it was clearly expressing displeasure at their conversation.
"It's called Mjolnir. If it couldn't generate lightning, what kind of Thunder God weapon would it be? But don't worry. After tomorrow, we'll have access to plenty of exotic materials."
Thor's arrival didn't just mean another Avenger joining the team, it symbolized Earth officially entering the cosmic age. New materials and technologies would soon accelerate Earth's scientific advancement exponentially.
"MJOLNIR!"
Thor burst from the temporary housing, charging toward his hammer like a man possessed. He'd just sensed Mjolnir's power flare. In his enthusiasm, his pronunciation of the hammer's name sounded remarkably like desperate meowing.
Mario quickly pulled Darcy back two steps to avoid being trampled by the charging god.
And here I was thinking he might actually be clever. Nope. Complete goofball.
"Did he just... meow while running?" Darcy asked uncertainly as they watched Thor attempt once again to lift the hammer.
"Mjolnir. When you say it fast with enough enthusiasm, it sounds like 'meow-near.'" Mario explained, keeping his eyes fixed on Thor's movements.
The hammer remained absolutely motionless.
"NO!"
Thor collapsed to his knees before Mjolnir.
BOOM.
Dark clouds gathered overhead with supernatural speed. Rain began pouring down, mixing with Thor's tears.
Jane had followed Thor outside. Seeing his anguish, she rushed forward and hugged him. "It's okay. You can stay here. I'll be with you."
Thor, seemingly lost in grief, didn't resist at all. He let her hold him while the rain continued.
Mario noticed something interesting, the torrential downpour had suddenly lessened to a gentle sprinkle.
He squinted at Thor, mouth curving into a smile.
He is absolutely taking advantage of the situation.
"He's totally milking this for sympathy," Darcy muttered beside him.
Mario glanced at her and saw the expression on her face. "Since you noticed, why don't you say something?"
"Forget it. Look at her, she's completely into it. I'm not about to make my mentor hate me over this."
She shook her head.
"They're both willing participants. We're just spectators. Come on, let's get inside. I don't want to catch pneumonia watching these two."
She turned and headed toward the RV. Mario watched her go, shrugged, and called out to Ivan, who'd also been observing the melodrama. Together, they started back toward shelter.
Just before entering, he remembered the hammer. He pulled a staff from his inventory, and made a beckoning gesture toward Mjolnir with his other hand.
The previously immovable hammer shot through the air toward him, landing perfectly on a torch he'd quickly placed on the ground. The moment Mjolnir touched the torch, it converted into a loot drop and vanished into his inventory.
