Malphegor
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NYP Ch. 93
🕑 Added 2025-12-25 01:52:50 +0000 UTCTwo days after the training ground incident, Honoka knocked on Ikkaku's door.
Things with Kenji had become a bit awkward. They'd had breakfast together, but the conversation had been stilted. He'd asked if she was feeling better. She'd said yes. He'd nodded and gone back to his tea.
Neither of them mentioned the abrupt exit from the training grounds.
"Come in," Ikkaku called.
She stepped inside to find the usual setup: tea already prepared, practice materials laid out on the low table. Everything exactly as it had been for their previous sessions.
"How are you feeling?" Ikkaku asked as she settled across from him.
"Fine."
"Ready to practice?"
"Yeah."
They started with basic chakra flow exercises. Honoka's hands glowed green as she channeled energy into the practice materials he had set out.
The flow stuttered after ten seconds.
"Try again," Ikkaku said.
She did. This time it lasted maybe eight seconds before collapsing.
"Once more."
Six seconds.
Honoka lowered her hands. "I don't know what's wrong."
"I do."
She looked up at him.
"You're distracted. Your mind isn't here. It hasn't been here for the past weeks, actually. You've been going through the motions, but something's eating at you."
"I'm just tired."
"Honoka, can I ask you something?"
The shift in his tone made her pause. "...Okay?"
"I need you to be honest with yourself, not with me."
She suddenly knew exactly what he was going to ask, and she wasn't ready for it.
"Are you in love with Kenji?"
"No." The word came out too fast. "We're not... It's not like that. He's like family."
Ikkaku didn't argue. He just picked up his tea and took a slow sip, watching her over the rim.
"Okay," he said after a moment. "Let me tell you what I've observed, and you can correct me if I'm wrong."
Honoka's hands clenched in her lap.
"You talk about him constantly," Ikkaku began. "Not in an annoying way. But in our conversations, Kenji comes up at least once every ten minutes. What he said, what he's working on, something he did that was thoughtful or funny or interesting."
"He's my roommate. It makes sense that I'd mention him."
"You know every detail of his daily routine. When he wakes up, what he eats for breakfast, how he takes his tea, which tools he prefers for different projects. You can predict his schedule better than he can."
"I live with him. Of course I notice patterns."
"You light up when he enters a room," Ikkaku continued, ignoring her protests. "Your whole demeanor changes. You smile more, you're more animated, you lean toward him without realizing it. And when he leaves, you watch him go with this expression like you're already missing him even though he just left."
Honoka opened her mouth, but no words came out.
"You find excuses to take care of him. Bringing him food when he works late, making sure he sleeps, worrying about his health. You say it's because you're grateful he gave you a place to stay, but Honoka... you do more for him than gratitude requires."
"He needs someone to look after him. He forgets to eat."
"And two days ago, you ran away from the training grounds the second he touched your wrist to correct your form."
That one hit home. Honoka looked away.
Ikkaku's voice softened. "I'm not judging you. I'm just telling you what I see. And what I see is someone who's been lying to herself because the truth is scary."
Honoka stared at her hands, trying to stop them from shaking.
"I don't..." She started, then stopped. Tried again. "I don't know when it changed."
The admission felt like jumping off a cliff.
"At first it was just... he saved me. He gave me somewhere to belong. I was grateful. And then we became friends, and it was comfortable. I liked being around him. But it was the same way I liked being around Kushina."
She took a shaky breath.
"And then one day I realized I was paying attention to things I shouldn't care about. Like how his voice sounds different when he's explaining something he's passionate about. Or the way he tilts his head when he's thinking through a problem. Or how he looks at me sometimes when he thinks I'm not paying attention."
"When did you realize?"
"I don't know. I've been trying not to think about it." She laughed, but it came out bitter. "That's been going great."
"Why are you fighting it?"
"Because he doesn't see me that way!" The words burst out before she could stop them. "Kenji looks at me and sees... I don't know. A responsibility? Someone he helped because it was the best thing to do. We're family, but not the kind of family where... where this would make sense."
"You don't know that."
"I do. You've seen how he is. He's focused on his work. Romance isn't part of his calculations. And even if it was..." She trailed off, the fear finally surfacing. "What if I ruin everything? We have something good. A home. Friendship. What if I tell him how I feel and he can't look at me the same way anymore?"
Ikkaku was quiet for a moment. Then he set down his tea and leaned forward slightly.
"Can I offer a different perspective?"
Honoka nodded, not trusting her voice.
"Kenji's been through a lot. You know that. The war, losing his limbs, having to rebuild himself from scratch. For years, he's been in survival mode. Training, fighting, planning for the next threat. He hasn't had the luxury of thinking about anything beyond staying alive and getting stronger."
"I know."
"But the war's over now. He's not in constant danger anymore. He's starting to live, not just survive. And maybe... Maybe he doesn't see the possibility of romance because he's never let himself think that way. Not because he doesn't care about you, but because it's not in his framework yet."
"So what am I supposed to do? Wait around hoping he figures it out someday?"
"No. I'm saying maybe he needs someone to show him there's more to life than work and training. Someone who already matters to him, who he trusts, who can help him see that living includes things like connection and affection and... yeah, love."
Honoka looked at him. "But what if I'm not enough to change that? What if he doesn't want that from me?"
"What if you are?" Ikkaku countered gently. "And you never try? Honoka, I've known him since we were kids. He's terrible at emotional intelligence. Brilliant with strategy and technique, completely lost when it comes to feelings. If you want something to change, you can't wait for him to notice. He won't. You have to do something."
"Like what?"
"Start small. Stop hiding how you feel. Not a confession, not yet. But stop pretending you only care about him platonically. Let him see that you're interested in him. In his work, his thoughts, his life. Not as a roommate or a friend, but as someone who wants to be close to him."
"He might not respond."
"He might not," Ikkaku agreed. "But at least you'll know. And honestly? I think you're underestimating how much he cares about you already. He's just bad at showing it."
Honoka sat with that for a long moment, turning it over in her mind.
Finally, she stood. "I need to think."
"Take your time. But Honoka?" Ikkaku smiled. "Stop torturing yourself. You're allowed to want this."
---
The village park was quiet in the afternoon.
Honoka walked slowly along the winding paths, past maintained gardens and small ponds where koi swam beneath the surface. A few civilians were out, but most people were at work or home.
She found a bench overlooking one of the ponds and sat down.
Ikkaku's words kept circling through her mind.
You can't wait for him to notice. He won't.
That was the truth she'd been avoiding. Kenji was brilliant in so many ways, but emotional awareness wasn't one of them. He could analyze a battle plan in seconds, build puppets that defied conventional mechanics.
But feelings? He was hopeless.
Which meant if she wanted anything to change, she had to be the one to act.
The thought terrified her.
What if she tried and it made everything worse? What if he pulled away? What if their comfortable dynamic shattered and she lost the one stable thing in her life?
But then... what was she doing now?
She was already losing it. Every day she spent pretending she didn't feel this way, the gap between them grew. She couldn't keep living in his apartment, seeing him every day, taking care of him, all while burying feelings that wouldn't stay buried.
It was eating her alive.
Stop torturing yourself. You're allowed to want this.
Was she?
She'd spent so long being grateful just to have a place to belong. Wanting more than that felt selfish.
But maybe wanting more wasn't wrong. Maybe it was just... human.
She thought about Kenji.
His obsessive focus on his work. The way he forgot to eat when he was problem-solving. His dry sense of humor that most people missed because he delivered jokes with a completely straight face. The rare moments when he smiled, and his whole expression softened.
The way he'd adjusted her wrist during training. The way he remembered how she took her tea. The way he'd once told her that having her in his apartment made coming home less empty.
He wasn't cold or indifferent.
He was just Kenji.
And she was in love with him.
So madly in love...
Sitting there on that bench, Honoka finally let herself admit it fully.
She was in love with Yamanaka Kenji.
Now she just had to figure out what to do about it.
---
When Honoka returned to the apartment, she found Kenji exactly where she expected him: in his workshop, hunched over his workbench.
She stood in the doorway for a moment, watching him work.
"You can come in," he said without looking up. "I know you're there."
Right. Chakra sensing. She'd forgotten about that.
Honoka stepped into the workshop. "Sorry. I didn't want to interrupt."
"You're not." He set down his tools and turned to face her fully. His eyes swept over her. "You okay? Your chakra's been unsettled since you got back."
"I'm fine."
He didn't look convinced, but he didn't push. Instead, he stood. "Want some tea?"
"Oh, you don't have to—"
"I was going to make some anyway," he said, already moving toward the small kettle he kept in the corner of his workshop for late-night work sessions. "Might as well make enough for two."
Honoka watched him measure out tea leaves. The statement was obvious deflection, she knew he'd sensed something was wrong and was giving her an opening without forcing it, but the gesture still made her chest warm.
A few minutes later, he handed her a cup. The temperature was perfect, cooler than most people preferred their tea.
"Thank you," she said quietly.
He settled back onto his stool with his own cup, taking a sip before gesturing to the spare seat. "You wanted to ask me something?"
Honoka sat down, wrapping her hands around the ceramic. She could leave. Go to her room, avoid the conversation she was about to start.
Or she could try.
"What are you working on?"
He glanced at the puppet parts spread across his bench, then back at her. "Joint reinforcement. I'm trying to reduce the wear rate on high-stress connections without adding too much weight."
"Can you explain it to me?"
Kenji's eyebrows rose slightly. "You want the technical details?"
"Yeah. If you don't mind."
"I don't mind. But it's going to be boring for you."
"Try me."
He studied her for a moment. Then he gestured to the stool beside his workbench.
"Okay. Pull up a seat."
Honoka sat down, close enough to see the puppet parts clearly but not so close that she was in his way.
Kenji picked up the puppet arm and began explaining.
"The problem is here, at the elbow joint. When the puppet moves, this connection point bears most of the rotational stress. Traditional designs use a simple pin-and-socket system, but that creates friction that degrades the materials over time."
He pointed to specific parts as he talked.
"I'm testing a ball-and-socket design instead, with chakra-conductive lubricant channels built into the housing. The theory is that if I can reduce friction through both mechanical and chakra-based means, the joint will last significantly longer under combat conditions."
"Does it work?"
"In low-stress tests, yes. But when I simulate combat movements..." He demonstrated, and the joint made a faint grinding sound. "That noise means there's still too much friction somewhere. I just need to figure out where."
"What if the channel placement is wrong?" Honoka asked, surprising herself. "Like, if the lubricant isn't reaching the point where the stress is highest?"
Kenji paused, looking at the joint with new eyes. Then he picked up a different tool and opened the housing.
"You might be right. The channels are symmetrical, but the stress distribution isn't. If I angle them toward the load-bearing side..." He trailed off, already absorbed in testing the theory.
Honoka watched him work, smiling a little.
After a few minutes of adjustments and testing, Kenji activated the joint again. This time, it moved smoothly without the grinding noise.
"Huh." He looked at Honoka with something close to wonder. "That worked."
"I didn't really know what I was suggesting. It just seemed like a logical guess."
"It was a good guess." He set the puppet arm down. "Thank you."
"Anytime."
They sat in silence for a moment. Kenji was looking at her with that expression again, the one she'd caught him wearing before. Like he was trying to figure something out but couldn't quite identify what.
"Why did you want to know about this? You've never asked for technical details before."
Honoka's heart was racing, but she kept her voice steady. "Because it's important to you. And I wanted to understand what you spend so much time thinking about."
"Oh." He seemed taken aback by that answer. "Most people find puppet mechanics tedious."
"I'm not most people."
"No," he agreed quietly. "You're not."
Silence again.
Then he cleared his throat and looked back at his workbench. "I should get back to this. I want to run a few more tests before I commit to the design change."
"Right. Of course." Honoka stood, but she didn't leave immediately. "Kenji?"
"Yeah?"
"If you ever want to explain your projects to me, I'm happy to listen. Even if I don't understand everything. I like hearing you talk about your work."
He looked at her again, and for just a second, she caught something soft in his expression.
"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Honoka."
She left the workshop and closed the door behind her. In the hallway, she leaned against the wall and let out a long breath.
That had been terrifying.
She'd taken a step. And Kenji hadn't pulled away. He'd engaged with her instead.
For the first time in weeks, she felt hope instead of fear.
