HOF
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News and update.
🕑 Added 2021-07-21 08:14:10 +0000 UTCHello!
First of all i would like to say thank you to all of my patrons for sticking with me for so long.
To those who made the choice to delete their pledge, i cannot blame you.
Second of all what i am about to write down is more personal then i ever intended to be but i feel it's appropriate now.
I think everyone has noticed a sheer drop in content from me for the past couple of... years almost. Especially this year has had a sheer drop in content from me and i worry about this alot. I'ts been causing me alot of anxiety and stress. But somehow, i don't want to give it up for anything.
If i reason to myself i do often come to the conclusion that i might be better if i gave it up because that would just be better for my mental state.
But i don't want to give it up, and i do have a passion for art and for improving my work and i enjoy finishing a piece of art more then anything.
So... no. i won't.
To make it clear: I'm not going to stop drawing.
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A little over three and a half years ago i left my parents house and moved on my own to the middle of the country.
Now i believe that life in these modern times is all about balance.
You balance the things you need with the things you want.
Your job, your school, your hobbies, your family, social life, relationship, your body, your mind, cooking, cleaning, taking care of your house, and even just taking the time to downright do nothing, which is important sometimes.
Now when i still lived with my parents i didnt have much of a social life because i absolutely hated the town i lived it, and i didnt take much care of my body ( working out and such)
And i didnt have to cook or clean or look after the house etc.
So most of my eggs were placed in the Family, hobbies, my job and the doing nothing basket.
I still call art my hobby, mind. So i drew alot more when i still lived with my parents
Now that i've moved though i have alot more to do, like alot.
Initially after i moved it was great, i put alot more time into my social life, i started taking care of myself physically and lost alot of weight, and i gained alot of passion for my new job.
So i started spending less time on my art, and even less time playing games and the such. Which is fine, i don't feel bad about doing that at all.
I wanted to do alot of things with my new friends and i did, i picked up different hobbies, like playing MTG and DnD and on my 29th birthday, with a house full of friends and family, with a stable job and living in a wonderful city, i felt truly, truly happy.
Then i fell in love.
Then i had my heart broken.
The local MTG community started falling apart.
Then covid hit.
My social life started crumbling(as did everyones, obviously).
I had a holiday in Sweden, alone by myself.
When i got back it was incredibly busy at my job.
Then my father had an accident, my job started getting busier and busier and busier.
My boss left the company and he was never replaced, more work, less free times, alway thinking of my job and being stressed and anxious.
Social life died all but completely, i started sleeping way more, started gaining weight again, alway's working and thinking about my job... etc etc.
And i've been drowning it all down as much as possible by playing games way, way more since i started living here. Just to try and relax myself.
Basically i'm starting to live the same way i did when i lived with my parents. living backwards.
And all this time i've been trying so hard to just squeeze in time for my art and drawing.
And i failed at that. Absolutely...
Now art is fun but those who are artists know that it's also very hard, and very time consuming, and hey, stressful too.
So... i put that off. I've been putting off everything lately. My family my social life, my home and my body.
Just putting everything into my job and when i'm not doing that, relaxing.
For more then a year now.
I left my parents house because i felt sad, alone, aimless. Stuck in the dirt town with a shit job and not knowing what to do with my life. But at least i could draw.
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Last monday i went to work and i felt utterly, utterly depressed and i all but broke down in tears.
I spoke with my bosses and supervisers and they could all just tell i was devistated and couldnt be at work today. We talked about it and they made some arangements and now i have a couple weeks off planed, in august and september.
Then they sent me home. And i made a trip to my parents, my sister was going to be there too and i knew i could find comfort there, and i did.
I got the next day off too and had a wonderful time with my family.
Now it's wednesday and i called my job, asked them if i could have another day off and i could!
Right now i'm writing this... honestly hopeful.
I needed this time off and i needed to be reminded that i do have a good job, and i work for a solid company.
All this pressure from almost a year of endless work and stress and not having a direct boss above me has just caused me to forget all of that. I work in a large company with alot of people but i started feeling alone with nobody to bear this burden with me.
Covid has destroyed alot for alot of people and it has been absolute shit for everyone.
I just felt i could get through it all by myself and without drama and look where that got me.
I want to start drawing again, and reconnecting with friends, and traveling , and do so much more then just think about my job and leaving everything to the side.
*groan*
This has all been such an ordeal and the worst part is that it all feelt like it was all pointless.
I'm gonna be 31 next week.
Shit dude.
Now this is all very dramatic for " That guy who draws massive butts on twitter " but i do have alot of people who enjoy seeing me draw those massive butts.
And i love massive butts more then anything!
But this years drama has just prevented me from doing that.
I hope, hope, hope that i do not relapse but as it is, i'm feeling great and i'm excited for the future.
I hope we all can.
Comments
Wobbleblot
As someone who had a history of severe depression in his youth and had much self doubt and anxiety during the 2010s, I can tell ya its hard, but as long as you got people in your life that can support ya, friends that care about ya and fans that want to show you appreciation, I think its important to try and move past such things and let those people keep ya moving, glad to always see new things from ya and hope you will feel more happier in the long run
Passcode57
I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through all that lately. Glad to hear that you're doing better, and am looking forward to seeing what you come up with in the future. Always exciting to see new stuff from you.
