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(Enchanting Melodies) Chapter 73: The Fraudulent Professor
🕑 Added 2023-06-02 11:37:55 +0000 UTCChapter 73: The Fraudulent Professor
2 September 1992, Hogwarts
Yeah, Harry needed to somehow put on charms in the entrance of each common room, counting the number of people getting in and out, revealing if there’s someone going out from any house just before the entrance to the Chamber opens. It would help focus on the house of the possessed victim.
Still, he had to do it at night or very early in the morning. As for now, he walked towards the greenhouses. He was almost going to be late for Herbology class.
Well, Herbology wasn’t all that bad. Honestly, Harry wasn’t all that passionate about the field, even if he understood its utility. Herbology wasn’t just the study and breeding of plants for use in potions, even if that’s what it was used for nowadays. No, it was a study of nature. NEWT herbology students start to even learn a few druidic spells and a few rituals to promote plant growth. It was the only kind of ritual magic allowed in the castle, and in the country, really. Even Dumbledore couldn’t ban them, only restrict them, as it would cripple potion production which was necessary in any magical society.
Magical plants could also be extremely dangerous and commonly used as weapons. Yeah, a herbologist Auror was terrifying. There was this professor called Mirabel Garlick over a century back that had somehow created a plant that fed on magical fire. During an attack on the school during the last Goblin rebellion, this simply plant was able to kill a dragon, by growing from the beast’s flames and binding the creature, who ended up being strangled to death. Yeah, that woman was badass. It was also one of the main reasons Harry never dismissed the seemingly kind and upbeat Professor Sprout. She had a mastery in the subject, which means that she probably knew more than enough way to give anyone a long and torturous death.
Something that Lockhart seemed unaware of, since he kept pestering the woman about the ‘correct way to doctor a Whomping Willow’. Never mind that the tree was a creation of the Professor’s in the first place. Yeah, Harry was curious about the Professors a few times and used his nifty little spell to find any books authored by them, and yeah, professor Sprout had written one on the properties of the plant that she had created. Yeah, that woman was terrifying, and Lockhart was actively insulting her prowess with his suggestions.
Thankfully the woman ignored the man and did not turn him into fertilizer for her Venomous Tentacula, and just started the lesson, although slightly less upbeat than usual even after the ponce left. Still, it was obvious that this year was going to be more interesting than the last, especially when they started the year with Mandrakes of all things, well at least they were very young so the most they could get was headache or passing out. Yeah, this was a very dangerous plant that was actually used by certain hit-wizard teams specializing in Mandrakes.
Of course, they used younger ones because the risk to their allies and for collateral damage was high, but it was still relatively common to have a mandrake or two in a team. As for fully matured ones, they needed to be put in specialized rooms with hundreds of wards and enchantments negating any for of noise. Yeah, the buggers’ cries could somehow break a few wards on their own. It was why transporting adult mandrakes was such a problem and made illegal in most countries. Portkeys and Apparition could mess with the wards slightly, and a fraction of a second was all those plants needed to kill hundreds or even thousands of people. Even taking them while flying was risky because the enchantments wouldn’t be as stable without an active anchor, like a warded farm. It was why most farms bought the things young and raised them themselves, which was what Hogwarts often did, but they returned the plants to a specialized farm outside of the country just before they mature.
Honestly, Mandrake farming was mostly done for Aurors and Hit wizards. Even if it was useful in terms of antidote for transfiguration mishaps, it was too expensive to use instead of just finding another cure which would work just as well. Very few incidents actually necessitated Mandrake essence to be used in a potion, and considering how quickly it could be contaminated, it was done to order. The effects practically disappear in an hour, and you couldn’t really apparate or use any magic near it or its effects will be diluted. The best practice was to raise a young mandrake from scratch and wait for it to mature. These victims are often not in critical condition, meaning that they could wait a few months before being treated.
Still, repotting angry baby looking roots was sort of fun, all things considered. Everything went fine except for Crabbe who had put on his earmuffs incorrectly and was knocked out the moment he took out his seedling.
By the end of the lesson, Harry left with a smile on his face, even if his friends were unhappy with touching dirt. That was until he realized that his next lesson was with Lockhart.
Harry grumpily walked out of the room and Daphne caught up to him, “What’s got you all grumpy? You looked pretty happy in Herbology.”
“Well, we have Defense Against the Dark Arts next,” he explained.
“Ah, Lockhart. I still don’t understand what you have against him. You weren’t that fussed with Quirrell, and he was a pretty bad professor,” Daphne responded with a questioning tone.
“Quirrell was a competent wizard pretending not to be one. I could tell with the way he cast his spells, the way he spoke. He was a shit teacher, and he did try to kill me, but I could tell he knew what he was talking about. Plus, I was doing my best not to stay near him at any time. But Lockhart, I look at him and see a conman, who swindled his way into fame. I wouldn’t really care about it if it wasn’t the fact that he’s supposed to teach us using fiction books, somehow.”
“We’ll see if he’s worth it or not. If he’s useless we could just self-study. I know you already do a lot by yourself,” the blonde said.
“You’re probably right. Alright, let’s go catch up to Tracy and Blaise. They practically ran all the way there.”
The Slytherin girl nodded, and they walked to the classroom. They stopped for a second in the courtyard to see Longbottom getting into a fight with Malfoy because someone wanted his autograph or something. Harry didn’t particularly care and just went to the classroom, leaving Lockhart to deal with the mess. It was his duty as a professor after all.
Harry sat next to Daphne and took out the books that he was forced to buy. Honestly, he wouldn’t have touched them with a ten-foot pole. They were all seated until Lockhart came back with a red-faced Longbottom, who was glaring at the man’s back. Well, it seems that Lockhart was very good and hitting his nerves.
When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Parvati Patil’s copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking portrait on the front.
“Me,” he said, pointing at it and winking as well. “Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly’s Most Charming Smile Award but I don’t talk about that. I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!”
He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly. “I see you’ve all bought a complete set of my books — well done. I thought we’d start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about — just to check how well you’ve read them, how much you’ve taken in —”
When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of the class and said, “You have thirty minutes — start —now!”
Harry looked down at his paper and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart’s secret ambition?
And on it went to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart’s birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
Yeah, Harry wasn’t reassured by the slightest. He would have laughed if it wasn’t depressing. It seems that the stories were right, and that Harry would have to deal with a fraud as a Defense professor.
He simply wrote whatever came into his mind first without really thinking about it. He already lost interest in the class. Fifteen minutes later, Lockhart collected their results and took a quick look at it. Of course, the man ruffled through the tests quickly before vanishing them with a wave of his wand like they were useless. Harry could tell that the spell was somewhat inefficient using his arcane hearing. It wasn’t close to McGonagall or Flitwick’s control, but it looked slightly better than the one from the seventh-year students he saw training for their NEWTs. It was an OWL spell, after all, but the wordless casting was somewhat impressive.
The man stood up suddenly with an intense look in his eyes, “What you’ve just showed me right now, is that you could memorize facts. It’s nice and all, but what I don’t understand is why you all kept reading the books when you realized that there were no spells in there and none of you questioned me about it. What I also don’t understand is why none of you said anything about how romanticized everything was in there. Defense Against the Dark Arts is not pretty. When you’re fighting dark creatures and dark wizards, you make mistakes, you get hurt, you get a few people hurt, something that is oddly absent in my books. Because these books are made to entertain the masses, not to teach. At least, the version available to the public, that is.”
Harry stiffened as the man kept speaking. What the actual fuck was going on? This was completely opposite to the stories. The Potter scion turned around and saw people watching him either in heartbreak or slight admiration.
The man played with his hair a bit and continued, “Which is why, the books I gave you are slightly different. As you probably know, buying a book with a Hogwarts letter entitles you to a discount in Flourish and Blotts. I asked them to set aside books for you that were slightly different.”
The professor waved his wand and Harry could feel an enchantment being activated on the books, changing the content. He took a quick look and saw that each book was different. Not only did they contain the story, but there was a description of the spells used, how they were used, a comment on the tactics in each encounter, and most of all, it was real.
Again, this surprised the hell out of the young Slytherin. He hadn’t really looked over the books. They often had enchantments to stop them from being copies and such. And Harry didn’t really look that closely to Lockhart’s books. He didn’t even really read them, just skimmed them quickly for a couple of minutes. Still, he should have noted the difference.
“Now, you can start reading something a little more informative than the previous text. With that out of the way, let’s get started with our lesson. And what better way to start than with a slight practical lesson. It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm and not scream as it might provoke them.”
As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover. “Yes,” he said dramatically. “Freshly caught Cornish pixies.”
People started chuckling to which the man snorted, “You think this is funny then? You think that something looking as significant cannot hurt you? The magical world is full of hidden dangers. Now, let me show you how unprepared you are.”
With a flick of his want, the cage opened and pandemonium followed.
Comments
Giant Sloth
yay for Professor Sprouts. I'vet yet to encounter a good hufflepuff story or one that focused on herbology. I'll take this chappie as a small win.
Doubledoor
I'd really be down for having Voldemort teach DADA for all 7 Hogwarts years in some form or another.
Delltree100
you have my attention author.
Tronic42
My thoughts exactly. Would also explain why his vanishing spell was better than NEWT students but not really impressive. Tom Riddle was a 5th year if I am not mistaken.
Dull Pen
Oh, so Lockhart has the diary.
Fernzyyyy
Lool it'd be hilarious is Lockhart is also an SI
Chris
That's hilarious.
