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Card Apocalypse 1, Chapter 29

🕑 Added 2024-08-28 04:16:54 +0000 UTC
Card Apocalypse 1, Chapter 29

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Kronos

“Kishara hesitated, staring at the fire with wide eyes for a moment. “Well… How do I know you won’t just betray me?” “For what, exactly?” Noah asked, already exasperated with his new vampire ally. “I get what I want, right? Your help finding Hope and Grace? And your clan’s help?” Kishara went back to staring at the fire, tapping her long fingers on her leg.” Both Kishara instances should be Lisa.

Kronos

Tftc “She currently runs around in the Under Market, and agent for hire for anyone that can afford her prices.” And-> an

John stovall

I'll check. I apologize, I can't alter it until Tuesday, when I get back from dragoncon, but I appreciate it and will check when I get back. I was nervous about the heavy accent speech, so ill probably cjnage to just say "almost incomprehensible accent" or something similar

DaftWully

TFTC! I liked the chapter, couple of issues though. There were several points in the middle there where you replaced 'Lisa' with 'Kishara'. This is more of a nitpick, but the way you wrote Orc's accent broke immersion for me. I had to stop reading and spend time figuring out what he was trying to say, which then made it difficult for me to get 'back in'.


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